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How to STOP Overthinking: Tips, Techniques and Strategies

How to STOP Overthinking: Tips, Techniques and Strategies

As a counsellor and coach, I often hear clients asking me how to stop overthinking. Clients describe overthinking as a constant barrage of negative thoughts racing through their minds, the sound of continuous chatter, or playing out past and future scenarios, all with different endings. This blog will provide tips, techniques, and strategies to help you stop overthinking in its tracks, providing you with the calmness your body and mind need.

Constant intrusive thoughts can make people anxious and stressed, impacting how they feel during the day. They can also cause sleepless nights, which can take its toll on a person’s mental health. Overthinking can feel like a relentless cycle of destructive thought patterns and catastrophic predictions that refuse to switch off or quiet down. If you experience this level of overthinking, you know how exhausting it can be.

I often liken overthinking to going on an emotional roller-coaster; you repeatedly experience the emotions attached to events that your mind creates. You have been on this emotional journey but haven’t been anywhere apart from trapped in an endless cycle of anxious thoughts.

Let’s examine the triggers, mental and physical symptoms, and tips and strategies for conquering negative thinking patterns.

What Triggers Overthinking?

Understanding what triggers overthinking can be revealing. This insight can help you achieve a more calming and peaceful mind and lead you to personal growth.

Notice how overthinking tends to start for you. It is triggered by;

  • An event or situation that you find stressful
  • A sudden recollection of past events that has made you feel embarrassed or not good enough?  An assumption based on how you perceive the actions of others
  • The fear of confrontation or upsetting another person

For example, it could be a sideways glance from a friend, the tone of a work email, or an unanswered WhatsApp message. Thoughts can quickly escalate and result in running different conversations through your mind, with different endings; usually, these thoughts have worst-case scenario outcomes.

When you notice the triggers, the next time you end up overthinking, you can remind yourself that it is just a thought, not a fact. You can then decide what you would like to do with the idea. Is there some problem-solving to do? How does the thought make you feel? Can you describe the feeling and name it? Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a therapy that can help with reframing thoughts. The premise of CBT is that thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are all interlinked. The NHS offer self-help CBT, or a CBT therapist can provide support.

The Downside of Overthinking

Overthinking, catastrophising, and trapping yourself in negative thought patterns prevent you from living in the present moment. Getting into the vicious cycle of overthinking can impact your daily life. Research demonstrates overthinking can be responsible for issues which include:

  • Mental Health Conditions
  • Isolation
  • Sleep Issues
  • Procrastination
  • Low confidence and low self-esteem
  • Headaches, muscle tension and digestive problems

This physical and mental toll is a stark reminder of the need to address overthinking. However, the million-dollar question is, what is the best way to free yourself from overthinking?

Breaking Free from Overthinking

Breaking free from overthinking isn’t just about pushing away your thoughts. It’s about taking control, changing your relationship with these persistent thoughts, and finding alternative ways to manage them.

An excellent place to start is to recognise how overthinking affects you. Notice the mental and physical symptoms and reflect on how they impact other areas of your life, such as interacting with others, progressing in the workplace, or procrastinating. Then, flip this on its side: If you didn’t overthink, what would life look like then? This part is essential as it serves as the driver for you to beat overthinking.

Reflecting on your thoughts may seem counterproductive, as it involves more thinking! However, stay with me. Overthinking can sometimes be helpful, but you must find better ways to manage your overthinking habits, which we will discuss later in this blog.

Reviewing the past and planning the future can be helpful. However, it is essential to enjoy the here and now rather than getting caught up in a spiral of “what ifs”, “could haves “, and “should haves.”

Overthinking and The Red Car Theory?

The red car theory suggests you will see it everywhere once you focus on something. For example, if you think of a red car, suddenly, there will be many red cars on the road.   The truth is that there are no more red cars on the road than before, but it only seems that way because you are looking for red cars; this is at the forefront of your mind.   The presence of other cars becomes insignificant and almost unnoticeable as your attention is on red cars.

The red car theory results from attention and perception rather than an increase in the stimuli in question. If you find yourself in the trap of overthinking, try to remember this theory, as it can bring you some relief from your thoughts.

Case Study: How the Red Car Theory Fits with Overthinking

Emma’s colleague Tom comes into work one day and is unusually quiet. Emma notices Tom doesn’t smile when he sits down and doesn’t speak for most of the morning.

Emma started thinking about what she could have done or said to upset him. Was it the last email she sent? Did it sound curt rather than friendly? Emma revisited past situations in her mind, such as the time she forgot to hand over an important document and the time she missed a necessary appointment.

Emma concludes that she has made Tom angry, which must be related to her incompetence. She remembers other times when Tom was quiet and believes he doesn’t like working with her.

With these thoughts going through her mind, Emma struggles to focus on her work. She becomes aware of other colleagues around her interacting with each other, making her feel more alone and unpopular. These thoughts confirm to Emma that Tom doesn’t like her, that she is unpopular in the office, and that she HAS evidence of this.

Confirmation Bias

However, the reality of this situation is likely to be quite different. There could be several reasons why Tom was quiet; he may have had bad news before coming into the office, missed the earlier train he intended to catch, or had a difficult night’s sleep. Similarly, Emma’s colleagues often chat and interact with each other; this isn’t unusual as they sit next to each other and must interact within their roles.

This example demonstrates confirmation bias, which occurs when you seek information to support your thoughts and disregard any other information that does not fit the story you are telling yourself. Confirmation bias can impact decision-making and your perception of situations and events.

Practical Steps to Overcome Overthinking

Overcoming the relentless noise of overthinking involves a multifaceted approach. As a Pluralistic Counsellor, there is no one-size-fits-all approach; it’s more about trying different techniques until you discover what works best for you.

Below is a range of self-care techniques known to help with overthinking. Trying different techniques can take time, but investing time in yourself is the first positive step.

  • Breathing Exercises:

    Deep breathing exercises are a great way to stop overthinking. You can try many different breathing exercises, including the Square Breathing Technique, which will help slow down your heart rate, make you feel more relaxed, and give you mental clarity.

  • Keeping a Gratitude Journal:

    Every day, spend a few minutes writing down what you are grateful for, or if you do it in the evening, write about what you have been thankful for during the day. It can be something that would typically go unnoticed, such as the beauty of nature around you, the brief interaction you had on your morning commute, or ticking jobs off your ‘to-do’ list.

  • Body Scan Meditation:

    Get comfortable and focus your attention on different parts of your body. Begin with your toes and move upwards, noticing any areas of tension or discomfort. This exercise brings an awareness of the present moment and highlights how overthinking can impact physical health.

  • Mindfulness Meditation Practices:

    Pick up a small object and hold it in your hand.   Set a timer for five minutes and adequately focus on this object. How does it feel? Move your hand over the different textures, take in every detail, how it smells, and look at the colours. If thoughts come into your mind, just let them go and bring yourself back to looking at the object as soon as you notice them.

  • Physical Activity:

    When you exercise, your body releases many hormones that make you feel good, such as endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine. Exercise can be anything from a brisk walk to gentle exercise, team sports, or a gym workout. Choose whatever works best for you.

  • Allocate Time to Reflect:

    It can help to observe a thought mindfully rather than pushing it away. Accept the thought without judgment; write it down or do some problem-solving. A good tip is to allocate a time limit to reflect on thoughts during the day; often, when you reflect on them at a different time, they may feel insignificant, and you can let them go.

  • RTT Hypnosis Audios:

    As a qualified RTT therapist, I have created a stop-overthinking hypnosis audio explicitly designed to help you break free from the cycle of overthinking. My recordings use guided imagery and deep relaxation techniques to access your subconscious mind, allowing you to let go of persistent, negative thoughts and replace them with calm and constructive thoughts.

These techniques will help you stay in the present and offer you peace and tranquillity while your focus is only on what you are doing. The good news is that you will feel empowered by taking control of your mind, knowing you prioritise your mental health and overall well-being.

Close-up of running trainers, illustrating how exercise can alleviate overthinking.

When Overthinking Can Be Helpful

When we hear the word overthinking, it often comes with negative connotations. If you consider yourself overthinking, you might have heard responses like these from friends, family or colleagues.

  • It’s not that complicated. What’s your gut telling you?
  • You are spending far too much time thinking about this.
  • Are you still thinking about this? Why don’t you make a decision?
  • I can hear this situation is stressing you; you are overthinking it.

Overthinking can often come from worrying about making the wrong decision. However, there is usually no definite right or wrong decision. We need to decide based on the information we have available. This is where problem-solving can be a powerful tool, as it can help identify which actionable steps you can take to get the best outcome.

(GuhaRoy, 2024) has written an interesting article about how overthinking can be helpful. It can be the case that overthinking is useful when carrying out academic research, problem-solving or making important life decisions. Set aside time to mindfully spend time with the thoughts that repeatedly come up for you during the day. Allocate time to sit with these thoughts; some may not require any more thought. Or, you may have to do some problem-solving around specific thoughts; if this is the case, allocate time and take a more structured approach to what you feel you need to do with the thought.

Wrapping It All Up

You don’t have to live a life filled with constant worry if you are an overthinker. You can use many tips, strategies, and tools to overcome this. Additionally, exploring and getting to the root cause of this constant worrying can be helpful. For example, if you don’t trust your decisions or feel that you aren’t good enough, this could be linked to issues around self-esteem or low confidence. Working on your decision-making skills will increase your self-esteem and confidence as you can trust your own decisions, which will help prevent you from getting on the wheel of overthinking.

These strategies can work great on their own or with the support of a trusted friend, but if you would like some extra guidance and support, professional help may be beneficial. If you would like to discuss further how I can help you with overthinking, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

8 Tips to Stop Being a People-Pleaser

Being a people-pleaser is often linked with the ‘fawn’ response in psychology, which is a powerful tool for self-discovery. Pete Walker’s concept of the ‘fawn’ response describes a coping mechanism where people prioritise others’ needs to avoid conflict and protect their well-being. This understanding can empower you to break the pattern and reclaim your own needs.

When you engage in people-pleasing, you frequently meet others’ needs, opinions, or requirements at your own expense. This behaviour stems from a deep fear of rejection, abandonment, or conflict. You strive to maintain harmony and secure a sense of acceptance and security.

The ‘fawn’ response usually originates in trauma, where adapting to others’ needs becomes a survival strategy under challenging environments. Understanding these behaviours can illuminate how you navigate relationships and seek validation while managing internal and external pressures.

The Connection Between People-Pleasing and Vulnerability

People-pleasers often try to appease others to avoid feeling vulnerable or uncomfortable. Brené Brown emphasises that recognising and embracing vulnerability as a strength can empower you to engage more authentically in relationships, fostering deeper emotional connections and self-acceptance.

Why do People Become People-Pleasers?

People-pleasers often share certain traits and psychological tendencies:

  • High Agreeableness: If you are high in agreeableness, you’re naturally cooperative and compassionate, prioritising harmony in relationships by putting others’ needs first.
  • Low Self-Esteem: People with low self-esteem seek validation and approval from others to feel valued and worthy of love.
  • Fear of Rejection or Abandonment: The fear of rejection or abandonment drives you to seek approval and avoid actions that might upset others constantly.
  • Perfectionism: If you’re a perfectionist, you strive to meet high standards to avoid criticism and maintain a sense of self-worth.
  • Childhood Conditioning: Growing up in environments where pleasing caregivers was crucial for receiving love and attention can lead to a learned behaviour of prioritising others’ needs.
  • Empathy and Sensitivity: Highly empathetic individuals often prioritise others’ needs before their own, sometimes at the expense of their well-being.
  • Co-dependency: In a codependent relationship, you might derive your sense of identity and self-worth from caring for and pleasing others.
  • Societal Expectations: which often promote being passive and accommodating as signs of politeness and consideration, can reinforce these behaviours.
  • Evolutionary Factors: The tendency to please others might stem from early human communities where acceptance and approval were crucial for survival and resource sharing.
  • Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): Often associated with ADHD, RSD involves heightened sensitivity to perceived criticism or rejection, leading to overextending yourself to gain approval.

“Spread your wings and find freedom in being true to yourself.”

A free bird flying in a bright blue sky with white clouds, symbolizing freedom and breaking free from people-pleasing.

The Consequences of People-Pleasing

While people-pleasing can initially foster positive interactions, it often leads to adverse outcomes, such as suppressed emotions, reduced self-worth, feelings of shame, exploitative relationships, and stress and burnout. Recognising these consequences is crucial in understanding the need to break the people-pleasing pattern.

  • Suppressed Emotions: Prioritising others’ needs can lead to suppressing your emotions to avoid disappointing or upsetting others.
  • Reduced Self-Worth: Over time, you might struggle to maintain a clear sense of self, compromising your authenticity to conform to others’ expectations.
  • Feelings of Shame: Prioritising others can lead to behaviours that contradict your values, causing feelings of shame.
  • Exploitative Relationships: You might find yourself in relationships where others exploit your kindness, leading to resentment and a cycle of exploitation.
  • Stress and Burnout: Chronic prioritisation of others’ needs can contribute to anxiety and burnout, affecting your mental and physical health.

Are You A People-Pleaser?  Recognising the signs?

Recognising people-pleasing tendencies is a crucial step toward self-awareness and personal growth. Identifying people-pleasing tendencies is an essential step toward self-awareness. Look out for these patterns:

  • Overextending Yourself: Going to great lengths to meet others’ needs, even to your detriment.
  • Difficulty Saying No: You feel compelled to accept requests, even when they inconvenience you.
  • Seeking Approval: Craving validation and acceptance from others to feel valued.
  • Avoiding Conflict means going out of your way to maintain harmony, often at the cost of your preferences.

8 Top Tips to Stop Being a People-Pleaser:

Breaking free from people-pleasing can be challenging but empowering. Here are eight strategies to help you reduce or stop these behaviours:

1. Setting Boundaries:

Establishing clear boundaries around what you are willing and able to do for others is not just about saying no. It’s about creating a healthier relationship dynamic and protecting your well-being. Learning to say no when necessary, without feeling guilty, is a crucial part of this process. Putting boundaries in place empowers you to put your needs above those of others without guilt or hesitation.

2. Practice Assertiveness:

Develop assertiveness skills to express your needs, opinions, and preferences confidently and respectfully. Let people know your needs, preferences, and goals. Through open and honest conversation, you can work on existing resentment or conflicts and strengthen relationships with others. Learning to be assertive will help you in your personal and professional life. Practice saying no in low-stakes situations to build confidence and comfort with setting boundaries.

3. Building Self-Esteem:

Building self-esteem and self-worth independent of others’ approval is critical to promoting people-pleasing behaviours. Recognising priorities and strengths can empower you to prioritise your needs and well-being.

4. Prioritise Self-Compassion:

Develop the ability to prioritise yourself by placing your needs and well-being above the urge to please others. Incorporate self-care into your routine by scheduling enjoyable and relaxing activities. Regularly remind yourself of your worthiness of love and respect; positive affirmations can be constructive in reinforcing this mindset.

5. Self-Reflection:

Reflect on what motivates your drive to attempt to improve the lives of others around you. The first step in implementing change is recognising and managing the factors that prevent you from progressing. Recognise triggers such as situations, emotions, or people that trigger your people-pleasing tendencies. Awareness can help you respond differently.

6. Challenging Negative Thoughts:

Challenging thoughts and beliefs that fuel people-pleasing behaviour, such as fear of rejection or perfectionism, are essential. Doing so can change your mindset and reduce the urge to seek approval or avoid conflict constantly.

7. Seek Support:

Talk to trusted friends, family members, or a therapist who can provide encouragement, guidance, and feedback as you work on changing your behaviour.

8. Mindfulness and Emotional Awareness:

One benefit of regular mindfulness practice is a deeper understanding and awareness of one’s feelings. One should recognise that one’s feelings are genuine and deserve to be expressed. Journalling can increase self-awareness and provide time to reflect.

These strategies can help individuals reduce the urge to constantly seek approval or avoid conflict at their own expense, fostering healthier and more balanced relationships.

Practical Examples of Setting Boundaries and Being Assertive

Applying boundaries and assertiveness can vary across different contexts:

  • Personal Relationships: Communicate your need for personal space or discuss sensitive topics.
  • Work Environments: Assert your limits on workload or address inappropriate behaviour from colleagues.
  • Social Settings: Politely decline invitations or express your preferences without guilt.
  • Embracing Authenticity and Well-Being: Overcoming people-pleasing requires recognising that self-prioritising does not depend on external validation.  Prioritising one’s needs and nurturing authentic connections can increase self-esteem and prioritise you let go of people-pleasing and prioritise your needs.

You can get to know yourself better by understanding your needs, wants, and preferences.

Wrapping It All Up

Breaking free from people-pleasing requires courage and self-compassion. It’s about honouring your own needs and boundaries while nurturing genuine connections with others. Remember, seeking support and practising self-awareness are essential to this personal growth and empowerment journey.

Giving up trying to please others is not the same as being selfish; instead, it is putting one’s health and happiness first and learning to value one’s perspective. Doing so allows you and others to develop more meaningful connections with one another and yourself.

If you want to stop people-pleasing but feel you need some support, Clear Haven Therapy can help! Book a free Discovery Call.

Understanding and Managing Shame for Personal Growth

Shame, a complex and pervasive emotion, can profoundly impact our lives, leading to feelings of unworthiness. However, understanding shame is not just crucial; it’s empowering. It gives you the tools to address and manage these feelings effectively, putting you in the driver’s seat of your emotional health.

What Is Shame and Its Impact?

Shame is a universal human experience that instils a belief in inadequacy and unworthiness. When shame takes hold, individuals feel fundamentally flawed or not good enough. This intense emotion often stems from self-judgment and can be triggered by insecurities, unmet expectations, or the fear of being judged by others.

Shame VS. Guilt: Key Differences

Recognising the distinction between guilt and shame is essential for effectively handling emotional responses:

  • Shame: Focuses on the self, leading to a negative self-perception and low self-esteem. It involves the belief that “I am bad.”
  • Guilt: Centres on specific behaviours, leading to the belief that “I did something bad.”

Example: Consider a student who cheats on a test.

  • If they feel guilt, they might think, “I made a poor choice by cheating.”
  • If they feel shame, they might think, “I am a bad person for cheating.”

Similarly, if someone is late for a meeting, they might feel embarrassed about the situation but may develop shame if they believe they are inherently unreliable.

Shame vs. Embarrassment: Understanding the Difference

Shame and embarrassment, while related, are distinct emotions. Understanding this distinction can help you better navigate your own emotional experiences:

  • Shame: Involves a deep sense of personal inadequacy and feeling unworthy. It affects the core of who we believe we are.
  • Embarrassment Typically involves temporary discomfort about a specific situation or behaviour without impact that does not impact self-worth.

For instance, if you accidentally spill a drink at a party, you might feel embarrassed. However, if this incident makes you feel like you are inherently clumsy or unworthy, it could trigger feelings of shame. Similarly, being criticised at work, experiencing a breakup, or failing to meet societal beauty standards can also lead to feelings of shame.

The Evolutionary Roots of Shame

Research by Sznycer et al. (2016) suggests that shame evolved as a defence mechanism against devaluation by others. In ancient times, being valued by the community was crucial for survival. Devalued people faced less support and protection, making shame a powerful motivator for conforming to social norms.

Today, shame drives us to fit in and be liked by others. However, modern pressures, including constant social media comparisons and unrealistic cultural standards, can intensify these feelings. Understanding the evolutionary roots of shame and its contemporary influences helps us better navigate its impact on our lives.

When Is Shame Not Helpful?

Shame becomes problematic when it turns toxic. Toxic shame involves excessive self-criticism, self-disgust, or demeaning oneself in various ways. It manifests as a pervasive feeling of being fundamentally flawed, unlovable, or unworthy. Toxic shame often results from childhood abuse, trauma, or emotionally unavailable caregivers.

Managing Toxic Shame: Toxic shame can be challenging to manage on your own. If self-help techniques or confiding in a trusted friend or family member don’t alleviate the shame, seeking professional help through counselling or coaching may be necessary. Support groups can be beneficial, offering a sense of community and understanding.

How Shame Affects the Body and Mind

Shame triggers a complex physiological and psychological response:

  • Emotional Response: This leads to feelings of unworthiness and a desire to hide from others.
  • Stress Response: Activates the body’s “fight or flight” reaction, increasing heart rate, blood pressure, and muscle tension.

Physical Symptoms:

  • Increased heart rate and elevated blood pressure
  • Rapid breathing and muscle tension
  • Sweating and digestive changes
  • Impact on the Immune System: Prolonged shame can weaken the immune system, increasing vulnerability to illness.

Cognitive and Neurological Effects:

  • Shame affects cognitive processes like concentration and decision-making and activates brain regions related to negative emotions and social evaluation.

6 Effective Strategies for Managing Shame

Here are actionable strategies to manage and overcome shame:

  1. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Use cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) techniques to question and reframe negative self-talk. For instance, replace “I’m a complete failure” with “I am capable of growth and change.”
  2. Be Kind to Yourself: Treat yourself with compassion and engage in self-care activities such as journalling, relaxation, or spending time in nature.
  3. Learn and Grow: View mistakes as opportunities for personal development. Reflect on what you can do differently and use shame to align your behaviour with your values.
  4. Mindfulness, Grounding Exercises and Breathing: Practice mindfulness and deep breathing exercises to calm your central nervous system and manage negative thoughts. Using grounding techniques can help you find balance. Consider using mindfulness apps for guidance.
  5. Positive Self-Talk: Focus on positive affirmations and remind yourself of your achievements and strengths. Keeping a journal of positive affirmations can be a helpful tool.
  6. Talk About It: Open up to a trusted friend or seek support from online forums or groups. Sharing your feelings can reduce isolation and increase understanding.

Wrapping It All Up

Shame can be a challenging emotion, but by understanding its nature and impact, you can take steps to manage it effectively. Embrace positive thinking, build self-confidence, and practice mindfulness to overcome shame and walk proudly in your worth. Your journey towards self-love and strength starts today.

If you need professional help, such as counselling, coaching, or hypnotherapy, please book a free discovery call today.

Understanding Anger Management

Managing Your Anger: A Self-Help Guide

Understanding anger management is key to navigating this emotion effectively.

Anger is a universal emotion that we all experience. It’s a natural response to perceived threats or injustices, alerting us to situations that require attention and action. Remember, feeling anger is normal and part of the human experience. You are not alone in this; your feelings of anger are a natural part of being human.

Anger can help us set boundaries, advocate for ourselves, and manage difficult situations. Moreover, anger can motivate positive change, making us more resilient and encouraging us to stand up for our values. Anger can aid personal growth and social change when properly understood and directed. In his article “The Value of Anger: 16 Reasons It’s Good to Get Angry” (GoodTherapy, 2017), Moshe Ratson discusses the benefits of experiencing anger.

When anger feels difficult to control, it can become a challenge. But it’s a challenge you can overcome. Understanding and managing your anger is not just about regaining control; it’s about empowerment. It’s about recognising the signs of anger and having the tools to manage it effectively. It’s about taking charge of your emotions and your life. Mastering your anger is a significant step towards personal empowerment and control.

Understanding Anger: How to Manage Anger

Anger ranges from mild irritation to full-blown rage and can be a powerful motivator. However, uncontrolled anger can negatively impact our lives. Understanding that anger isn’t the problem is crucial—how we manage and express it is essential. With the correct strategies, anger can force positive change, increasing happiness and well-being.

When anger strikes, our body quickly activates the ‘fight or flight’ response, which occurs when individuals perceive a threat or danger. This innate survival mechanism triggers a rush of physiological changes to prepare the body to confront the threat or flee from it.

When faced with a stressful situation, such as encountering a wild animal or experiencing a crisis, the body’s sympathetic nervous system becomes activated.

The fight-or-flight response prepares us to confront or flee threats or danger. It triggers a burst of hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol, to rush through the body, causing bodily reactions such as an increased heart rate, sweating, and muscle tension.

These physiological changes prepare us to take quick action, which can be helpful in real-life emergencies like preventing an accident or stopping a crime. However, when the threat is only perceived rather than actual, these intense bodily reactions can leave us stuck in a fight-or-flight state, causing potential health issues.

Why Do I Get So Angry?

People express anger differently depending on cultural, social, and individual factors such as learned behaviour or past experiences. Neurodevelopmental conditions such as ADHD and autism, neurological disorders, addiction, and other mental or physical health issues can influence how individuals express anger. Despite this variability, people typically feel and express anger in some common ways. Understanding your expression of anger is crucial for effective management. Managing anger involves neither suppressing it nor letting it escalate unchecked. Instead, it requires handling it assertively and constructively.

Individuals release anger differently based on the situation, which naturally differs from person to person.

How People Express Anger Verbally and Non-Verbally.

Verbal Expressions

  • Shouting or Swearing: Changing tone of voice or language used
  • Sarcasm or Mockery: Using cutting or ironic remarks
  • Blaming or Accusations: Pointing fingers or attributing fault to others
  • Threats: Indicating intention to cause harm or trouble

Non-Verbal Expressions

  • Facial Expressions: Frowning, staring, or clenching the jaw
  • Body Language: Tense shoulders, clenched fists, or aggressive gestures

Behavioural Expressions

  • Physical Aggression: Hitting, pushing, or any form of violence
  • Throwing or Breaking Objects: Destroying or damaging possessions
  • Stomping: Being heavy-footed
  • Withdrawing: Refusing to communicate or engage

Emotional Reactions

  • Crying: Tears can release emotions.
  • Frustration: Showing signs of extreme annoyance or exasperation
  • Irritability: Becoming annoyed, irritated or uneasy by minor interactions or events

Understanding your expression of anger is crucial for effective management. Managing anger involves neither suppressing it nor letting it escalate unchecked. Instead, it requires handling it assertively and constructively.

Learning and applying the proper techniques can be empowering, even when anger feels overwhelming—it’s about regaining control over your emotions and managing your anger effectively.

How can Uncontrolled Anger Impact Physical and Mental Health?

The Impact of Uncontrolled Anger

Uncontrolled anger can significantly impact various aspects of your life:

  • Physical Health: Increases the risk of high blood pressure, heart problems, and a weakened immune system
  • Mental Health: Contributes to depression, anxiety and low self-esteem
  • Relationships: Strains relationships with loved ones, leading to conflicts and misunderstandings
  • Work: Affects job performance and creates a hostile work environment.

Understanding your expression of anger is crucial for effective management. Managing anger involves neither suppressing it nor letting it escalate unchecked. Instead, it requires handling it assertively and constructively.

While intense anger may seem overwhelming, employing appropriate techniques and strategies can empower you to manage anger effectively and regain mastery over your emotions.

Physical Exercise can help you to release anger, and it is good for your overall mental health.

Exploring Different Forms of Anger

  • Passive Anger: Suppressing rage and using subtle behaviours such as giving silent treatment or using sarcasm to express anger.
  • Chronic Anger: Consists of directing anger and resentment consistently towards people or situations.
  • Self-Inflicted Anger: Anger directed towards oneself often involves self-blame, guilt, or self-criticism.
  • Behavioural Anger: Aggressive and explosive behaviour, including yelling, physical harm, or destructive actions.
  • Constructive Anger: Is a positive expression that motivates constructive change, problem-solving, and standing up for one’s beliefs. When managed effectively, anger can be a powerful tool for personal growth and social change. It’s not about suppressing or avoiding anger but about using it to benefit yourself and those around you.

Typical Bodily Responses to Anger

  • Increased heart rate and blood pressure
  • Muscle tension and clenched fists
  • Irritability, restlessness, or a short temper
  • Racing thoughts or difficulty concentrating
  • Sweating and flushed face
  • Elevated levels of stress or anxiety
  • Difficulty sleeping or insomnia

What are some effective strategies for managing anger?

Determining the signs of anger is the first step towards managing it effectively. It’s a journey of self-awareness and control. Here are some self-help strategies to help you manage your anger and find relief.

Managing anger is an integral part of maintaining healthy relationships and overall well-being. Here are some strategies to help you improve your anger management skills:

  • Identify Triggers: Pay attention to situations or events that trigger your anger. Recognising these triggers can help you respond more effectively.
  • Take a Timeout: When anger rises, step away from the situation. Give yourself time to cool down before reacting. Counting to 10 or practising calming breathing exercises can be helpful.
  • Focus on Relaxation: Use relaxation techniques like deep breathing, grounding techniques or imagery to calm your body and mind. Relaxation exercises can prevent anger from escalating.
  • Change Your Thoughts: Cognitive restructuring involves altering negative thought patterns. Challenge your inner dialogue and try reframing thoughts with different outcomes. For instance, instead of thinking, “This is unfair,” consider, “I can handle this calmly”. Another example could be, instead of thinking, “I’m always the one who has to do everything,” consider, “I’m capable of handling my responsibilities.”
  • Problem-Solving: Address underlying issues causing frustration. Sometimes, anger arises from real problems that need solutions. Seek constructive ways to resolve them.
  • Improve Communication: Use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming others. Effective communication reduces misunderstandings and defuses anger.
  • Use Humour: Lightening the mood with humour can release tension. Find a funny perspective on the situation.
  • Create an Anger Management Plan: Prepare in advance by outlining steps to take when upset. Having a plan helps you respond more skillfully.

Remember, managing anger doesn’t mean never getting angry—it’s about handling it constructively. Practice these techniques, and you’ll develop better control over your emotions over time. If persistent anger is affecting your life, consider seeking professional help.

How can a Counsellor or Coach Help?

If self-help strategies aren’t enough, seeking professional help can be incredibly beneficial. Therapy often begins with an initial discovery call, where you can express your concerns and establish personal goals. As sessions progress, you’ll develop effective coping strategies that empower you and demonstrate your ability to manage anger.

Techniques such as person-centred therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), hypnosis, and coaching offer practical approaches to address and control anger. If you’re ready to make a positive change, I’m here to support you on your journey to better anger management

6 Facts About Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT)

6 Facts About Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT)

Discover 6 facts about Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) and its powerful impact on personal change. This innovative approach combines the best of modern therapy techniques to address deep-rooted issues and promote lasting transformation. RTT offers a unique blend of strategies designed to uncover and resolve the underlying causes of emotional challenges.
 

Gain valuable insights into the benefits and effectiveness of RTT as we explore how this method can support your journey towards personal growth and well-being. Learn how RTT can help you overcome obstacles, improve self-awareness, and achieve meaningful changes in your life.

What to Consider When Exploring Rapid Transformational Therapy

As a Counsellor and RTT Hypnotherapist, I recommend first clarifying what you want to achieve from therapy. Reflect on questions such as: Is uncovering the origins of your issue important to you? Do you prefer a therapy that offers quick results? Are you ready to commit fully to the process?

If you answered “Yes” to these questions, RTT might be an excellent fit for you. This innovative therapy harnesses the power of the mind to deliver remarkable results.

What Is RTT?

RTT is a non-invasive therapy that integrates elements from Psychotherapy, Hypnotherapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), and Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP). It focuses on rewiring the brain’s neural pathways to replace outdated beliefs and negative behaviours, leading to transformative changes.

1. RTT: An Award-Winning Therapy

Developed by Marisa Peer, a globally recognised therapist, RTT has been refined over 30 years to achieve exceptional results. Marisa has received numerous accolades, including Men’s Health Magazine recognition and multiple Stevie Gold awards.

2. RTT for Psychological and Physical Issues

RTT has demonstrated impressive effectiveness across a wide range of issues. Many individuals experience significant improvements in just 1 to 3 sessions, addressing concerns such as:

  • Depression
  • Stress
  • AnxietyPhysical Pain
  • IBS
  • Sleep Issues
  • Fertility Problems
  • Confidence
  • Weight Management
  • Procrastination
  • Phobias
  • Addictions

3. RTT: Bridging the Conscious and Subconscious Minds

RTT is not just a theoretical approach; it involves practical techniques to address deep-seated issues within the subconscious mind. It goes beyond positive reinforcement to tackle the roots of negative beliefs and behaviours. By leveraging the principles of neuroplasticity, RTT helps create new neural pathways, fostering positive and healthy beliefs.

4. The Science Behind RTT

At its core, RTT employs hypnosis to induce a state of calm that allows for effective communication between the conscious and unconscious minds. Combined with CBT and NLP, RTT addresses surface-level issues and deeper, underlying patterns. This approach acknowledges the mind-body connection, recognising that physical and emotional health are intricately linked.

5. RTT Uses Regression to Identify Root Causes

Unlike traditional therapies that focus primarily on the conscious mind, RTT delves into the unconscious to uncover and reframe the core beliefs driving your issues. By identifying and addressing these underlying beliefs, RTT can lead to profound and lasting change.

6. RTT’s Recognition and Endorsement

RTT is a respected therapy with numerous awards and endorsements. Licensed RTT therapists have successfully helped clients overcome various challenges, including trauma, sleep disorders, weight issues, procrastination, and social anxiety related to ADHD.

Notable organisations with accredited RTT include the General Hypnotherapy Register, The National and International Council of Psychotherapists and The Complementary and Natural Healthcare Council.

Wrapping It All Up

If you’re curious about how RTT can address your challenges, consider booking a free discovery call.  Exploring RTT might be the first step towards the breakthrough you’ve been seeking.

Bringing Order to ADHD Chaos Through Therapy

Living with ADHD can feel like navigating a ship through turbulent waters. The relentless distractions, impulsive thoughts, and organisational struggles often lead to a sense of chaos. Thankfully, therapy plays a crucial role in bringing order to this ADHD chaos. By addressing these challenges head-on, therapy helps individuals transition from turmoil to a state of clarity and control, transforming ADHD chaos into a more organised and manageable experience.

As a counsellor and ADHD coach, I’ve seen firsthand how effective ADHD treatment can transform the ADHD experience. If you’re interested, follow this link to explore my ADHD therapy services for adults.

7 Ways ADHD Therapy Can Transform Chaos into Clarity

1. Understanding ADHD and Embracing Self-Acceptance

One of the most transformative benefits of therapy for ADHD is gaining a deeper understanding of your condition. ADHD isn’t just a collection of traits; it reflects a unique way your brain processes information. Through therapy, you can explore how ADHD affects you personally, leading to greater self-acceptance.

This insight can bring a profound sense of relief, helping you see ADHD as part of who you are rather than a personal failure. By alleviating feelings of frustration and self-blame, therapy paves the way for a more compassionate self-view and improved mental well-being, bringing a sense of peace and reassurance.

2. Developing Effective ADHD Coaching Strategies

Therapists are adept at helping you develop practical strategies to manage ADHD symptoms. These strategies, tailored to your unique needs, can include:

  • Organisational Skills: Learn techniques better to organise your tasks, time, and personal space, reducing your feelings of overwhelm.
  • Attention Management: Use mindfulness and cognitive-behavioural techniques to improve focus and reduce impulsivity.
  • Stress Reduction: Discover stress management techniques, such as relaxation exercises and grounding techniques, and effective coping strategies to address ADHD symptoms.

By customising these strategies to your needs, therapy helps create a personalised roadmap for effectively navigating daily challenges.

3. Enhancing Emotional Regulation with ADHD

A trait of ADHD can be emotional dysregulation, which can be challenging to manage. Therapy provides tools for emotional regulation, helping you recognise and manage your emotions more effectively.

Techniques like cognitive restructuring can shift negative thought patterns, while mindfulness practices keep you grounded during emotional surges. Better emotional regulation leads to more stable relationships and enhances personal well-being.

Woman with a cloud above her head, representing the mental chaos of ADHD. Therapy and ADHD coaching can help manage these overwhelming thoughts.

4. Building Self-Esteem and Confidence

Living with ADHD can sometimes diminish your sense of self-worth, especially if your challenges are misunderstood or stigmatised. Therapy offers a supportive space to celebrate your strengths and achievements, no matter how small.

Therapy boosts self-esteem and confidence by focusing on positive reinforcement and setting achievable goals. It empowers you to tackle new challenges and embrace your abilities. If you are a student looking to boost your self-esteem, this blog may be helpful.

5. Improving Relationships Affected by ADHD

ADHD can impact your relationships with family, friends, and colleagues. Therapy provides strategies to improve communication, understanding, and empathy in these relationships.

By learning how ADHD affects your interactions and developing strategies for better communication, you can foster healthier and more supportive relationships. Strengthening these connections creates a more stable support system essential for managing ADHD effectively.

6. Setting and Achieving Goals with ADHD

Setting and achieving goals is crucial in managing ADHD. Therapy helps you set realistic and attainable goals, breaking them into manageable steps. With guidance from a counsellor or ADHD coach, you can create action plans, track your progress, and adjust as needed.

Whether your goals are related to personal development, career, or daily life, achieving them provides a sense of accomplishment and direction. If you want more information about counselling and ADHD coaching, please check my web pages.

7. Integrating Medication and Therapy for Comprehensive ADHD Treatment

While medication can be a crucial part of ADHD treatment, therapy enhances its effectiveness by addressing the cognitive and emotional aspects of ADHD.

Combining therapy with medication offers a comprehensive approach, tackling both the traits and underlying issues while promoting skill development.

Wrapping It All Up

Therapy provides a comprehensive toolkit for transforming ADHD’s chaos into a space of clarity and control. By fostering understanding, developing coping strategies, enhancing emotional regulation, building self-esteem, improving relationships, setting goals, and integrating with medication, therapy offers a well-rounded approach that helps individuals navigate their ADHD journey with greater confidence and resilience, making them feel secure and well-supported.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by ADHD, consider reaching out to a therapist who specialises in ADHD. Together, you can embark on a journey from chaos to clarity, discovering new ways to manage symptoms and embrace the unique strengths of ADHD.

Schedule Your Free Discovery Call

The free 20 minute discovery call provides an opportunity for us to connect, understand your unique situation, and determine the most effective approach to support your well-being.

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