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How to STOP Overthinking: Tips, Techniques and Strategies

How to STOP Overthinking: Tips, Techniques and Strategies

As a counsellor and coach, I often hear clients asking me how to stop overthinking. Clients describe overthinking as a constant barrage of negative thoughts racing through their minds, the sound of continuous chatter, or playing out past and future scenarios, all with different endings. This blog will provide tips, techniques, and strategies to help you stop overthinking in its tracks, providing you with the calmness your body and mind need.

Constant intrusive thoughts can make people anxious and stressed, impacting how they feel during the day. They can also cause sleepless nights, which can take its toll on a person’s mental health. Overthinking can feel like a relentless cycle of destructive thought patterns and catastrophic predictions that refuse to switch off or quiet down. If you experience this level of overthinking, you know how exhausting it can be.

I often liken overthinking to going on an emotional roller-coaster; you repeatedly experience the emotions attached to events that your mind creates. You have been on this emotional journey but haven’t been anywhere apart from trapped in an endless cycle of anxious thoughts.

Let’s examine the triggers, mental and physical symptoms, and tips and strategies for conquering negative thinking patterns.

What Triggers Overthinking?

Understanding what triggers overthinking can be revealing. This insight can help you achieve a more calming and peaceful mind and lead you to personal growth.

Notice how overthinking tends to start for you. It is triggered by;

  • An event or situation that you find stressful
  • A sudden recollection of past events that has made you feel embarrassed or not good enough?  An assumption based on how you perceive the actions of others
  • The fear of confrontation or upsetting another person

For example, it could be a sideways glance from a friend, the tone of a work email, or an unanswered WhatsApp message. Thoughts can quickly escalate and result in running different conversations through your mind, with different endings; usually, these thoughts have worst-case scenario outcomes.

When you notice the triggers, the next time you end up overthinking, you can remind yourself that it is just a thought, not a fact. You can then decide what you would like to do with the idea. Is there some problem-solving to do? How does the thought make you feel? Can you describe the feeling and name it? Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a therapy that can help with reframing thoughts. The premise of CBT is that thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are all interlinked. The NHS offer self-help CBT, or a CBT therapist can provide support.

The Downside of Overthinking

Overthinking, catastrophising, and trapping yourself in negative thought patterns prevent you from living in the present moment. Getting into the vicious cycle of overthinking can impact your daily life. Research demonstrates overthinking can be responsible for issues which include:

  • Mental Health Conditions
  • Isolation
  • Sleep Issues
  • Procrastination
  • Low confidence and low self-esteem
  • Headaches, muscle tension and digestive problems

This physical and mental toll is a stark reminder of the need to address overthinking. However, the million-dollar question is, what is the best way to free yourself from overthinking?

Breaking Free from Overthinking

Breaking free from overthinking isn’t just about pushing away your thoughts. It’s about taking control, changing your relationship with these persistent thoughts, and finding alternative ways to manage them.

An excellent place to start is to recognise how overthinking affects you. Notice the mental and physical symptoms and reflect on how they impact other areas of your life, such as interacting with others, progressing in the workplace, or procrastinating. Then, flip this on its side: If you didn’t overthink, what would life look like then? This part is essential as it serves as the driver for you to beat overthinking.

Reflecting on your thoughts may seem counterproductive, as it involves more thinking! However, stay with me. Overthinking can sometimes be helpful, but you must find better ways to manage your overthinking habits, which we will discuss later in this blog.

Reviewing the past and planning the future can be helpful. However, it is essential to enjoy the here and now rather than getting caught up in a spiral of “what ifs”, “could haves “, and “should haves.”

Overthinking and The Red Car Theory?

The red car theory suggests you will see it everywhere once you focus on something. For example, if you think of a red car, suddenly, there will be many red cars on the road.   The truth is that there are no more red cars on the road than before, but it only seems that way because you are looking for red cars; this is at the forefront of your mind.   The presence of other cars becomes insignificant and almost unnoticeable as your attention is on red cars.

The red car theory results from attention and perception rather than an increase in the stimuli in question. If you find yourself in the trap of overthinking, try to remember this theory, as it can bring you some relief from your thoughts.

Case Study: How the Red Car Theory Fits with Overthinking

Emma’s colleague Tom comes into work one day and is unusually quiet. Emma notices Tom doesn’t smile when he sits down and doesn’t speak for most of the morning.

Emma started thinking about what she could have done or said to upset him. Was it the last email she sent? Did it sound curt rather than friendly? Emma revisited past situations in her mind, such as the time she forgot to hand over an important document and the time she missed a necessary appointment.

Emma concludes that she has made Tom angry, which must be related to her incompetence. She remembers other times when Tom was quiet and believes he doesn’t like working with her.

With these thoughts going through her mind, Emma struggles to focus on her work. She becomes aware of other colleagues around her interacting with each other, making her feel more alone and unpopular. These thoughts confirm to Emma that Tom doesn’t like her, that she is unpopular in the office, and that she HAS evidence of this.

Confirmation Bias

However, the reality of this situation is likely to be quite different. There could be several reasons why Tom was quiet; he may have had bad news before coming into the office, missed the earlier train he intended to catch, or had a difficult night’s sleep. Similarly, Emma’s colleagues often chat and interact with each other; this isn’t unusual as they sit next to each other and must interact within their roles.

This example demonstrates confirmation bias, which occurs when you seek information to support your thoughts and disregard any other information that does not fit the story you are telling yourself. Confirmation bias can impact decision-making and your perception of situations and events.

Practical Steps to Overcome Overthinking

Overcoming the relentless noise of overthinking involves a multifaceted approach. As a Pluralistic Counsellor, there is no one-size-fits-all approach; it’s more about trying different techniques until you discover what works best for you.

Below is a range of self-care techniques known to help with overthinking. Trying different techniques can take time, but investing time in yourself is the first positive step.

  • Breathing Exercises:

    Deep breathing exercises are a great way to stop overthinking. You can try many different breathing exercises, including the Square Breathing Technique, which will help slow down your heart rate, make you feel more relaxed, and give you mental clarity.

  • Keeping a Gratitude Journal:

    Every day, spend a few minutes writing down what you are grateful for, or if you do it in the evening, write about what you have been thankful for during the day. It can be something that would typically go unnoticed, such as the beauty of nature around you, the brief interaction you had on your morning commute, or ticking jobs off your ‘to-do’ list.

  • Body Scan Meditation:

    Get comfortable and focus your attention on different parts of your body. Begin with your toes and move upwards, noticing any areas of tension or discomfort. This exercise brings an awareness of the present moment and highlights how overthinking can impact physical health.

  • Mindfulness Meditation Practices:

    Pick up a small object and hold it in your hand.   Set a timer for five minutes and adequately focus on this object. How does it feel? Move your hand over the different textures, take in every detail, how it smells, and look at the colours. If thoughts come into your mind, just let them go and bring yourself back to looking at the object as soon as you notice them.

  • Physical Activity:

    When you exercise, your body releases many hormones that make you feel good, such as endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine. Exercise can be anything from a brisk walk to gentle exercise, team sports, or a gym workout. Choose whatever works best for you.

  • Allocate Time to Reflect:

    It can help to observe a thought mindfully rather than pushing it away. Accept the thought without judgment; write it down or do some problem-solving. A good tip is to allocate a time limit to reflect on thoughts during the day; often, when you reflect on them at a different time, they may feel insignificant, and you can let them go.

  • RTT Hypnosis Audios:

    As a qualified RTT therapist, I have created a stop-overthinking hypnosis audio explicitly designed to help you break free from the cycle of overthinking. My recordings use guided imagery and deep relaxation techniques to access your subconscious mind, allowing you to let go of persistent, negative thoughts and replace them with calm and constructive thoughts.

These techniques will help you stay in the present and offer you peace and tranquillity while your focus is only on what you are doing. The good news is that you will feel empowered by taking control of your mind, knowing you prioritise your mental health and overall well-being.

Close-up of running trainers, illustrating how exercise can alleviate overthinking.

When Overthinking Can Be Helpful

When we hear the word overthinking, it often comes with negative connotations. If you consider yourself overthinking, you might have heard responses like these from friends, family or colleagues.

  • It’s not that complicated. What’s your gut telling you?
  • You are spending far too much time thinking about this.
  • Are you still thinking about this? Why don’t you make a decision?
  • I can hear this situation is stressing you; you are overthinking it.

Overthinking can often come from worrying about making the wrong decision. However, there is usually no definite right or wrong decision. We need to decide based on the information we have available. This is where problem-solving can be a powerful tool, as it can help identify which actionable steps you can take to get the best outcome.

(GuhaRoy, 2024) has written an interesting article about how overthinking can be helpful. It can be the case that overthinking is useful when carrying out academic research, problem-solving or making important life decisions. Set aside time to mindfully spend time with the thoughts that repeatedly come up for you during the day. Allocate time to sit with these thoughts; some may not require any more thought. Or, you may have to do some problem-solving around specific thoughts; if this is the case, allocate time and take a more structured approach to what you feel you need to do with the thought.

To Conclude

You don’t have to live a life filled with constant worry if you are an overthinker. You can use many tips, strategies, and tools to overcome this. Additionally, exploring and getting to the root cause of this constant worrying can be helpful. For example, if you don’t trust your decisions or feel that you aren’t good enough, this could be linked to issues around self-esteem or low confidence. Working on your decision-making skills will increase your self-esteem and confidence as you can trust your own decisions, which will help prevent you from getting on the wheel of overthinking.

These strategies can work great on their own or with the support of a trusted friend, but if you would like some extra guidance and support, professional help may be beneficial. If you would like to discuss further how I can help you with overthinking, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

8 Self-Esteem Tips for University Students with ADHD

8 Self-Esteem Tips for University Students with ADHD

Self-esteem is a person’s overall sense of value and self-worth, profoundly influencing every aspect of life. For university students with ADHD, improving self-esteem is particularly important. High self-esteem can enhance your academic success and social interactions, optimising your university experience.

Understanding Self-Esteem  

High self-esteem impacts academic success, relationships, career choices, personal growth, and happiness. For students with ADHD, developing self-confidence strategies is essential to increasing self-esteem. 

If you have high self-esteem, you will recognise your strengths, be comfortable with your flaws, and have the resilience to manage setbacks or criticisms.

Low self-esteem may manifest as a negative view of yourself, uncertainty about your opinions and abilities, challenges in decision-making, and poor response to criticism.

Even if you haven’t been formally diagnosed with ADHD, you may recognise many of its traits in yourself. Not all adults choose to pursue an official ADHD diagnosis, as it’s a personal decision based on individual circumstances and preferences. As a Counsellor and ADHD Coach, I focus on tackling the challenges posed by these traits, aiming to enhance your quality of life and make daily living more manageable.

If you are a university student with ADHD, this blog will help you optimise your self-esteem, enabling you to succeed academically and socially throughout your university years. 

Smiling university student with ADHD feeling confident and happy while holding study books, representing self-esteem tips for students with ADHD

Case Study: Work on Self-Esteem with Megan

In a recent coaching session, I worked with Megan, a student who identified “adaptability” as one of her key strengths. Megan shared a story about planning a trip with a friend who cancelled at short notice. Despite feeling disappointed, Megan decided to continue the trip as a sole traveller, which was an amazingly empowering experience.

During coaching, we discussed how this situation highlighted her adaptability and showcased her strengths in decision-making, resilience, and independence—critical factors in increasing self-esteem and boosting confidence.

Recognising these strengths helped Megan, who was uncertain about her academic journey, gain clarity and increase her self-confidence. Consequently, she has made significant progress in her academic success.

This example illustrates how identifying and embracing your strengths can enhance self-esteem and equip you to overcome challenges effectively, contributing to tremendous academic success.

8 Academic Success Tips for Improve Self-Esteem

1. ADHD and Embracing Your Strengths

You can boost your self-esteem by embracing your unique strengths. You will have many strengths, but if you have low self-esteem, you may need to recognise them. Take a moment to appreciate and embrace your strengths, talents and capabilities.

It could be your creative thinking, ability to hyperfocus, lateral solid thinking skills, engaging communication, or natural spontaneity. Embracing these qualities can elevate your self-esteem and empower you to approach life confidently.

To identify your strengths, try jotting them down on paper or use downloadable worksheets. Reflect on moments where you’ve actively used these strengths; visualising specific events can help you recall them in detail.

As you do this, you may uncover additional strengths featured during those times. If you consider thoughtfulness a strength, revisit a memory where you demonstrated thoughtfulness. Reflect on what other strengths you displayed at that moment.

2. Set Goals as a Student with ADHD

Setting goals can give you, as a student with ADHD, a clear sense of direction, making it much easier to navigate your academic and personal journey effectively. Think of goals as your signposts. They aren’t rigid; they can adapt and change as new opportunities come your way. They serve as a solid starting point but leave room for exploring new and exciting pathways.

Avoid placing limitations on your abilities. Whether you want to achieve something academically or personally, please write it down or visualise yourself succeeding. Divide big goals into smaller, achievable tasks to sustain momentum and monitor progress.

Celebrate each task completed with self-praise and acknowledge the sense of empowerment it brings. Use these achievements as the motivation to continue towards your larger goals.

Consider obstacles as part of the process and approach them with self-compassion rather than viewing them as setbacks and failures. Reframe challenges as opportunities for personal growth, reinforcing your resilience and determination.

3. Finding Your Voice: Advocate for Yourself

ADHD can affect your communication skills, especially if you have articulation disorders that affect speech and language. You might find it challenging to organise your thoughts clearly or need help with pronunciation, making it difficult to express yourself effectively.

Sometimes, you might interrupt others or speak impulsively, leading to misunderstandings and frustrating communication.

These challenges can affect your confidence in communicating with others. However, understanding these difficulties and getting the proper support, such as speech therapy or counselling, can help you improve your self-esteem and communication skills.

Remember, your voice matters; your unique perspective and experiences value every conversation and situation. Advocating for yourself is a powerful way to increase self-esteem and boost confidence.

You assert your self-worth by standing up for your needs, preferences, and boundaries. Consistently doing this reinforces the belief that you are capable, deserving, and worthy of respect, ultimately improving your self-esteem.

  • Identify your Communication Barriers:  Recognising these barriers can help you develop strategies to overcome them and enhance your communication skills.
  • Identify your needs:  Understand what accommodations you require, such as a quieter workspace, extended deadlines, or assistive technology.  Knowing your needs well helps you to prepare ahead of time.
  • Schedule a Meeting:  Arrange a meeting with the relevant person (lecturer, course supervisor or student support team)
  • Communicate Clearly: Explain your ADHD and how the challenges can impact your academic success. Use “I” statements to express your needs. For example: “I work best in a quiet environment,” “I need extra time to process information”. Be specific; do your research so you know what help is available.
  • Offer Solutions and Compromise:  Be prepared to suggest solutions and be open to compromise.
  • Build Confidence:  Practice the conversation beforehand to build confidence. You can do this by using a journal, practising with a friend, or rehearsing the conversation using a voice recording app.

4. Building Resilience

Resilience refers to your capacity to work through difficulties, adapt to challenging situations, and become stronger through adversity.

As a student with ADHD, building resilience is especially important. It helps you manage challenges like attention difficulties, staying organised, and controlling impulses.

Resilience allows one to see challenges as opportunities for growth and stay motivated even when things get tough. It also helps one handle stress better, keeps one’s mindset positive, and improves problem-solving skills.

Resilience encourages taking care of yourself and prevents you from feeling isolated.

To enhance resilience, aim to maintain a positive outlook, seek solutions to challenges, learn from your experiences, and cultivate a network of supportive friends, family, and mentors. Strengthening these abilities will aid in your academic and personal success.

5.  Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation can significantly help students with ADHD build self-esteem. Managing emotions effectively allows you to respond to challenges calmly and thoughtfully, reducing impulsive reactions that might lead to regret or negative self-talk.

You can better control emotional responses and confidently navigate social interactions by developing skills like mindfulness, diaphragmatic breathing, grounding techniques, and cognitive reframing.

When you handle stressful situations well, you reinforce a positive self-image and demonstrate to yourself that you are capable and resilient.

This self-assurance enhances self-esteem, making facing new challenges and pursuing personal goals easier. Focusing on emotional regulation creates a stable foundation for improved self-worth and overall well-being.

6. Adopt A Healthy Lifestyle

Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is vital for enhancing self-esteem. Good nutrition, regular exercise, and mindfulness practices like meditation can significantly impact your mental and physical well-being.

Planning your days helps you maintain a regular routine. Check out my blog for daily planning tips to assist students.

7. Social Engagement

Social interactions are significant for boosting your self-esteem, especially if you have ADHD. Positive interactions validate you, give you feedback, and make you feel like you belong. They counteract any feelings of isolation or doubt you might have.

When you engage with supportive friends and family members, you receive encouragement that strengthens your confidence and self-worth.

By nurturing meaningful relationships and building a support network, you can experience higher self-esteem and overall well-being as a student with ADHD, boosting your overall well-being and academic success.

8. Meet your Role Models

Consider who you admire most, whether a family member, a peer, or someone in the public eye. Their accomplishments and personal journeys can be a great source of inspiration!

Happy university graduate with ADHD holding her certificate after academic success

Wrapping It All Up

As a Counsellor and ADHD Coach, I’m here to support you in boosting your self-esteem to improve your academic success and overall university experience. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need additional guidance.

ADHD Coaching Tips for Workplace Success

ADHD Coaching Tips for Workplace Success

As an ADHD coach and counsellor, I often encounter clients grappling with overwhelming workplace challenges. Many experience anxiety around going into the workplace and feelings of not being good enough, which is known as imposter syndrome. These are traits which can show up because of having diagnosed or undiagnosed ADHD.

Navigating ADHD in the workplace presents unique difficulties that require tailored strategies for success.

In this blog, we will explore techniques for overcoming the challenges adults with ADHD encounter in the workplace.

If you’re an employee navigating ADHD, this blog provides valuable tips to enhance your workplace experience. Finding fulfilment at work often triggers a positive ripple effect, improving other facets of your life, such as increased confidence, self-esteem, and motivation.

ADHD Struggles in the Workplace

Studies indicate that adults with ADHD are more likely to face job instability, frequent job changes, or periods of unemployment compared to their peers without ADHD.

Contributing factors include difficulties with time management, organisation, task completion, and maintaining focus. For instance, a person with ADHD might struggle to meet project deadlines due to poor time management or keep a clean and organised workspace.

Impulsivity, emotional dysregulation, and rejection sensitivity can further exacerbate these challenges. Despite their skills, many individuals with ADHD struggle to find workplaces that effectively accommodate their needs, leading to frustration and setbacks in their careers.

However, with the proper support, these challenges can become opportunities for growth and success.

ADHD in Adulthood: Key Insights and Strategies

Once perceived as primarily affecting children, ADHD is now widely recognised as a neurodevelopmental disorder that can persist into adulthood and may even manifest later in life.

For adults who have struggled with the traits of ADHD without understanding its cause, receiving a diagnosis can be an emotional but also a profoundly relieving experience. It validates their experiences, offering clarity and a framework for understanding why they may have faced challenges in various aspects of life, including education, work, and relationships.

Moreover, knowing they have ADHD opens doors to Counselling and ADHD Coaching, which can help them manage traits effectively and lead more fulfilling lives.  The recognition of ADHD in adulthood underscores the importance of ongoing awareness and support for individuals who may have been overlooked or misdiagnosed earlier in life.

ADHD in the Workplace: Key Traits to Identify

ADHD traits, often seen as quirks at home, can significantly impact professional environments. These include:

  • Boredom: Quickly losing interest in tasks or projects.
  • Distractions: Maintaining focus is difficult due to internal (daydreaming) or external (conversations) stimuli.
  • Forgetfulness: Struggling to remember tasks, responsibilities, or deadlines.
  • Hyperactivity: Inability to remain still.
  • Impulsiveness: Making quick decisions or comments without considering consequences.
  • Lack of relationship skills: Being overly blunt, interrupting often, or struggling with active listening.
  • Time management issues: Difficulty meeting deadlines or accurately estimating task completion times.
  • Procrastination: Delaying tasks unnecessarily.
  • Sensory Issues: Sensitivity to noise or light can significantly impact productivity and comfort, affecting tasks that require concentration and focus.

Overcommitting and People-Pleasing in the Workplace

If you have ADHD, you might notice yourself frequently overcommitting and trying to please others at work, sometimes taking on more tasks than you can handle. This tendency to people-please often arises from a desire to be helpful or a fear of letting people down, but it can result in burnout and reduced productivity over time.

Establishing clear boundaries and learning to prioritise tasks can be critical to effectively managing these tendencies and taking a more balanced and sustainable approach to work life.

Olivia’s Journey: ADHD Coaching in the Workplace

Olivia reached out to me after she was recently promoted. She faced new managerial responsibilities and interactions with senior leadership, which triggered overwhelming imposter syndrome and anxiety. Olivia also spoke of finding it particularly difficult to make decisions, which were a necessary part of her role.

We began by enhancing Olivia’s self-awareness of ADHD traits, reassuring her that her challenges were not personal failings but results of her unique cognitive processes. Despite excelling previously, she found the structured environment overwhelming, impacting her focus and productivity. ADHD Coaching sessions focused on implementing structure, time-management strategies, and organisational skills.

These strategies empowered Olivia to improve productivity, interpret feedback objectively, build confidence, increase self-esteem, and foster positive relationships. Olivia’s journey underscores the transformative impact of tailored ADHD management strategies, facilitating both personal and professional growth. Olivia’s story illustrates the potential for growth and success with practical strategies in place.

Successfully Managing ADHD in the Workplace

Managing ADHD effectively at work requires a combination of strategies and support. Communicating openly with employers about your condition to explore potential accommodations and support.

Companies can support their employees in various ways, including providing equipment such as assistive technology, noise-cancelling headphones, or a quiet workspace. Additionally, a government-funded program called Access to Work helps employees and employers by offering services such as specialist equipment, software, and ADHD coaching.  You can find some additional information on my Access to Work blog.

Practical Strategies for Managing ADHD in the Workplace

Focusing Tools:

  • Create checklists
  • Minimise distractions by turning off phones
  • Schedule specific times for returning calls
  • Use sticky notes for reminders
  • Allow extra time for task completion
  • Take regular breaks to recharge
  • Start your workday earlier to reduce distractions

Time-Management Tips:

  • Set alerts for deadlines using phones or computers
  • Use timers for tasks to maintain focus
  • Break larger tasks into smaller, manageable parts
  • Rotate tasks to sustain interest
  • Find an accountability partner for support

Communication Strategies:

  • Practice active listening
  • Seek repetitions if needed for understanding
  • Keep conversations concise and on-topic
  • Slow down speech to allow participation from others
  • Learn to read body language for improved communication

Centering Techniques:

  • Engage in breathing and relaxation techniques like yoga or meditation to manage impulsivity.
  • Identify triggers for impulsive behaviours and develop strategies for handling them effectively.

Please keep track of the most effective strategy so you can utilise it when needed.

Turning ADHD Traits into Workplace Strengths

ADHD traits also bring unique advantages to the workplace.  Individuals with ADHD often demonstrate creativity, generating innovative ideas and solutions by thinking outside traditional norms.

Their hyperfocus on engaging tasks allows for deep, quality work and breakthrough insights. Despite challenges, their ability to multitask effectively can be beneficial in fast-paced environments requiring quick thinking, adaptability to change, and problem-solving under pressure.

These traits contribute to a dynamic and productive work environment when supported and directed.

Wrapping It All Up

Many individuals with ADHD face significant challenges in the workplace, but with proper understanding, support, and strategies, they can thrive professionally. If you’re struggling with ADHD at work, remember that seeking support is crucial.

As a coach and counsellor specialising in ADHD, I offer a tailored approach to help you manage ADHD effectively and achieve a more productive and less stressful work life. You’re not alone in this journey; resources and professionals are ready to help you.

8 Tips to Stop Being a People-Pleaser

8 Tips to Stop Being A People-Pleaser

Do you often agree with others even when it doesn’t align with your feelings or personal values?  Do you want to share your opinion or say no, but somehow, it never happens? If this sounds familiar, there is a high chance you are a people-pleaser or have people-pleasing tendencies.  The difference is that if you are a people-pleaser, you will consistently please others regardless of the consequences to your well-being. In contrast, it will be more occasional and situational if you have people-pleasing tenancies. 

People-pleasing is linked to the ‘fawn’ response, a concept introduced by Pete Walker. The ‘fawn’ response describes people-pleasing as safety behaviour whereby people prioritise others’ needs to avoid conflict and safeguard their well-being.

People-pleasing often stems from a strong desire for acceptance and keeping harmony. Keeping others happy can create a sense of security, so pleasing others may initially seem effective. However, it comes with a downside. By prioritising the needs of others, you can lose sight of your authentic self. People-pleasers often act out of a deep fear of rejection, conflict, or abandonment, believing they won’t be left behind if they keep others happy.

Breaking free from people-pleasing can be incredibly empowering and comes with many benefits. Here are eight strategies to help you reduce or overcome the habit of people-pleasing so you can prioritise your happiness.

1. Setting Healthy Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries goes beyond simply saying no—it’s about building healthier relationships and prioritising your well-being. Being able to confidently and assertively say “no” is key to this process. By setting personal boundaries, you acknowledge that your needs are just as important as the needs of others.   While setting boundaries may take time, it is vital to personal growth and self-empowerment.

“Spread your wings and find freedom in being true to yourself.”

A free bird flying in a bright blue sky with white clouds, symbolizing freedom and breaking free from people-pleasing.

2. Assertive Communication

Develop assertiveness skills to express your opinions, needs, and preferences confidently and respectfully. Communicate your goals and desires to others. You can address any lingering resentment or conflicts through open and honest conversations, ultimately strengthening your relationships. Becoming more assertive will benefit both your personal and professional life. A great way to start communicating assertively is by practising saying no in low-pressure situations to build confidence and ease in setting clear boundaries.

3. Building Self-Esteem

Developing self-esteem and self-worth independent of others’ approval is crucial for overcoming people-pleasing. By recognising your priorities and strengths, you can empower yourself to focus on your needs and well-being. Embracing your unique values helps you make choices that align with your true self rather than counting on receiving external validation.  Remember to put importance on taking care of your own needs, as you are the best person to take control of your life.

4. Prioritise Self-Compassion

Develop the ability to prioritise yourself by placing your needs and well-being above the urge to focus on other people’s needs. Incorporate self-care into your routine by scheduling enjoyable and relaxing activities. Regularly remind yourself of your worthiness of love and respect; positive affirmations can be constructive when reinforcing this mindset. 

5. Self-Reflection

Reflect on what motivates your drive to attempt to improve the lives of others around you. The first step in implementing change is recognising and managing the factors that prevent you from progressing. Recognise triggers such as situations, emotions, or people that trigger your people-pleasing tendencies. Awareness can help you respond differently.  Journalling for a couple of minutes each day can be a great way to self-reflect.

6. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Challenging thoughts and beliefs that fuel people-pleasing behaviours, such as fear of rejection or perfectionism, are essential. Challenging your thoughts can change your mindset, reduce the urge to seek approval from others, and avoid conflict.

7. Seek Support

Talk to trusted friends or family members, or seek professional support who can encourage, guide, and provide feedback as you work on changing your behaviour. When you introduce boundaries and assertive communication into your life, others close to you may observe the changes.  

The best way to manage this is different for everyone. You may want to share with those closest to you that you are making positive changes, or you can work on this alone without the approval of others. Either way is okay, as the most important thing is that you are making changes and getting the support and input that is helpful for you. 

8. Mindfulness and Emotional Awareness

Regular mindfulness practice is a key to gaining a deeper understanding of your emotions. It empowers you to acknowledge and validate your feelings as genuine and worthy of expression, a crucial step towards emotional well-being.

Journalling increases self-awareness and provides a space to reflect on your thoughts and feelings. By implementing mindfulness and journalling, you can diminish the urge to avoid conflict or seek approval from others, resulting in healthier relationships.

zen stones with sunset calm late representing prioritising yourself rather than people-pleasing

The Connection Between People-Pleasing and Vulnerability

People-pleasers often try to appease others to avoid feeling vulnerable or uncomfortable. Brené Brown emphasises that recognising and embracing vulnerability as a strength can empower you to engage more authentically in relationships, creating deeper emotional connections and self-acceptance.

Why do People Become People-Pleasers?

People-pleasers often share certain traits and psychological tendencies, here are some common reasons individuals become people-pleasers;

  • High Agreeableness: If you are highly agreeable, you’re naturally cooperative and compassionate, prioritising harmony in relationships by prioritising others’ needs rather than taking care of your own needs. 
  • Low Self-Esteem: People with low self-esteem seek external validation to feel valued and worthy of love. 
  • Fear of Rejection or Abandonment: The fear of rejection or abandonment drives you to seek approval and avoid actions that might upset others.
  • Perfectionism: You strive to meet the high standards of others, or often it is the high standards you have set yourself. 
  • Childhood Conditioning: Growing up in environments where pleasing caregivers was crucial for receiving love and attention can lead to a learned behaviour of prioritising others’ needs.
  • Empathy and Sensitivity: Highly empathetic individuals often prioritise others’ needs before their own, frequently at the expense of their well-being.
  • Co-dependency: In a codependent relationship, you might derive your sense of identity and self-worth from caring for and pleasing others.
  • Societal Expectations, which often promote being passive and accommodating as signs of politeness and consideration, can reinforce these behaviours.
  • Evolutionary Factors: The tendency to please others might stem from early human communities where acceptance and approval were crucial for survival and resource sharing.
  • Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): Often associated with ADHD, RSD involves heightened sensitivity to perceived criticism or rejection, leading to overextending yourself to gain approval.

The Consequences of People-Pleasing

While people-pleasing can initially create positive interactions, it often leads to adverse outcomes, such as suppressed emotions, reduced self-worth, feelings of shame, toxic relationships, and stress and burnout. Recognising these consequences is crucial in understanding the need to break the people-pleasing pattern.  

Suppressed Emotions: Prioritising others’ needs can lead to suppressing your emotions to avoid disappointing or upsetting others. Suppressing your feelings can lead to anxiety, sadness and depression, as well as physical problems such as headaches or digestive issues.

Reduced Self-Worth: Over time, you can lose touch with who you are when you listen to other people’s opinions. Decision-making may be increasingly tricky in the long run as you don’t trust your decisions.  

Feelings of Guilt and Shame: Prioritising others can lead to behaviours that contradict your beliefs and values, causing feelings of shame

Toxic Relationships: You might find yourself in relationships where others exploit your kindness or passiveness. This can, in some cases, lead to being the victim of gaslighting or abuse. 

Stress and Burnout: Chronic prioritisation of others’ needs can contribute to anxiety and burnout, affecting your mental and physical health.  Often, people-pleasers mask, which can be exhausting.

Are You A People-Pleaser?  Recognising the Signs?

Recognising people-pleasing tendencies is a crucial step toward self-awareness and personal growth. Identifying people-pleasing tendencies is an essential step toward self-awareness. Look out for these patterns:

  • Overextending Yourself: Going to great lengths to meet others’ needs, even to your detriment.
  • Difficulty Saying No: You feel compelled to go above and beyond for others, even when they inconvenience you.
  • Seeking Approval: Craving validation and acceptance from others to feel valued.
  • Avoiding Conflict: Going out of your way to have a quiet life and keep others happy at the cost of your preferences.

Action Plan: Examples of Setting Boundaries and Being Assertive

Applying boundaries and assertiveness can vary across different contexts:

  • Personal Relationships: Communicate your need for personal space or discuss sensitive topics.
  • Work Environments: Assert your limits on workload or address inappropriate behaviour from colleagues.
  • Social Settings: Politely decline invitations or express your preferences without guilt.

 To Conclude

Breaking free from people-pleasing requires courage and self-compassion. It’s about recognising your needs and boundaries while nurturing genuine connections with others. Remember, seeking support and practising self-awareness are essential to this personal growth and empowerment journey. If you have been a people-pleaser for a long time, it can take time to change these habits, and it can mean that you are out of your comfort zone.

However, keep going, always reminding yourself that you are the most important person in your life. Giving up trying to please others is not the same as being selfish; instead, it means putting your health and happiness first. You may be surprised to discover that when you do put your needs first and communicate your preferences to others, you can develop more meaningful conditions. 

If you want to stop people-pleasing but need some support, please book a discovery call.

Understanding Anger Management

Understanding Anger Management

Understanding anger management is key to navigating this emotion effectively.  Anger is a universal emotion that we all experience. It’s a natural response to perceived threats or injustices, alerting us to situations that require attention and action. Remember, feeling anger is normal and part of the human experience. You are not alone in this; your feelings of anger are a natural part of being human.

Anger can help us set boundaries, advocate for ourselves, and manage difficult situations. Moreover, anger can motivate positive change, making us more resilient and encouraging us to stand up for our values. Anger can aid personal growth and social change when properly understood and directed. In his article “The Value of Anger: 16 Reasons It’s Good to Get Angry” (GoodTherapy, 2017), Moshe Ratson discusses the benefits of experiencing anger.

When anger feels difficult to control, it can become a challenge. But it’s a challenge you can overcome. Understanding and managing your anger is not just about regaining control; it’s about empowerment. It’s about recognising the signs of anger and having the tools to manage it effectively. It’s about taking charge of your emotions and your life. Mastering your anger is a significant step towards personal empowerment and control.

Understanding Anger: How to Manage Anger

Anger ranges from mild irritation to full-blown rage and can be a powerful motivator. However, uncontrolled anger can negatively impact our lives. Understanding that anger isn’t the problem is crucial—how we manage and express it is essential. With the correct strategies, anger can force positive change, increasing happiness and well-being.

When anger strikes, our body quickly activates the ‘fight or flight’ response, which occurs when individuals perceive a threat or danger. This innate survival mechanism triggers a rush of physiological changes to prepare the body to confront the threat or flee from it.

When faced with a stressful situation, such as encountering a wild animal or experiencing a crisis, the body’s sympathetic nervous system becomes activated.

The fight-or-flight response prepares us to confront or flee threats or danger. It triggers a burst of hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol, to rush through the body, causing bodily reactions such as an increased heart rate, sweating, and muscle tension.

These physiological changes prepare us to take quick action, which can be helpful in real-life emergencies like preventing an accident or stopping a crime. However, when the threat is only perceived rather than actual, these intense bodily reactions can leave us stuck in a fight-or-flight state, causing potential health issues.

Why Do I Get So Angry?

People express anger differently depending on cultural, social, and individual factors such as learned behaviour or past experiences. Neurodevelopmental conditions such as ADHD and autism, neurological disorders, addiction, and other mental or physical health issues can influence how individuals express anger. Despite this variability, people typically feel and express anger in some common ways. Understanding your expression of anger is crucial for effective management. Managing anger involves neither suppressing it nor letting it escalate unchecked. Instead, it requires handling it assertively and constructively.

Individuals release anger differently based on the situation, which naturally differs from person to person.

How People Express Anger Verbally and Non-Verbally.

Verbal Expressions

  • Shouting or Swearing: Changing tone of voice or language used
  • Sarcasm or Mockery: Using cutting or ironic remarks
  • Blaming or Accusations: Pointing fingers or attributing fault to others
  • Threats: Indicating intention to cause harm or trouble

Non-Verbal Expressions

  • Facial Expressions: Frowning, staring, or clenching the jaw
  • Body Language: Tense shoulders, clenched fists, or aggressive gestures

Behavioural Expressions

  • Physical Aggression: Hitting, pushing, or any form of violence
  • Throwing or Breaking Objects: Destroying or damaging possessions
  • Stomping: Being heavy-footed
  • Withdrawing: Refusing to communicate or engage

Emotional Reactions

  • Crying: Tears can release emotions.
  • Frustration: Showing signs of extreme annoyance or exasperation
  • Irritability: Becoming annoyed, irritated or uneasy by minor interactions or events

Understanding your expression of anger is crucial for effective management. Managing anger involves neither suppressing it nor letting it escalate unchecked. Instead, it requires handling it assertively and constructively.

Learning and applying the proper techniques can be empowering, even when anger feels overwhelming—it’s about regaining control over your emotions and managing your anger effectively.

How can Uncontrolled Anger Impact Physical and Mental Health?

The Impact of Uncontrolled Anger

Uncontrolled anger can significantly impact various aspects of your life:

  • Physical Health: Increases the risk of high blood pressure, heart problems, and a weakened immune system
  • Mental Health: Contributes to depression, anxiety and low self-esteem
  • Relationships: Strains relationships with loved ones, leading to conflicts and misunderstandings
  • Work: Affects job performance and creates a hostile work environment.

Understanding your expression of anger is crucial for effective management. Managing anger involves neither suppressing it nor letting it escalate unchecked. Instead, it requires handling it assertively and constructively.

While intense anger may seem overwhelming, employing appropriate techniques and strategies can empower you to manage anger effectively and regain mastery over your emotions.

Physical Exercise can help you to release anger, and it is good for your overall mental health.

Exploring Different Forms of Anger

  • Passive Anger: Suppressing rage and using subtle behaviours such as giving silent treatment or using sarcasm to express anger.
  • Chronic Anger: Consists of directing anger and resentment consistently towards people or situations.
  • Self-Inflicted Anger: Anger directed towards oneself often involves self-blame, guilt, or self-criticism.
  • Behavioural Anger: Aggressive and explosive behaviour, including yelling, physical harm, or destructive actions.
  • Constructive Anger: Is a positive expression that motivates constructive change, problem-solving, and standing up for one’s beliefs. When managed effectively, anger can be a powerful tool for personal growth and social change. It’s not about suppressing or avoiding anger but about using it to benefit yourself and those around you.

Typical Bodily Responses to Anger

  • Increased heart rate and blood pressure
  • Muscle tension and clenched fists
  • Irritability, restlessness, or a short temper
  • Racing thoughts or difficulty concentrating
  • Sweating and flushed face
  • Elevated levels of stress or anxiety
  • Difficulty sleeping or insomnia

What are some effective strategies for managing anger?

Determining the signs of anger is the first step towards managing it effectively. It’s a journey of self-awareness and control. Here are some self-help strategies to help you manage your anger and find relief.

Managing anger is an integral part of maintaining healthy relationships and overall well-being. Here are some strategies to help you improve your anger management skills:

  • Identify Triggers: Pay attention to situations or events that trigger your anger. Recognising these triggers can help you respond more effectively.
  • Take a Timeout: When anger rises, step away from the situation. Give yourself time to cool down before reacting. Counting to 10 or practising calming breathing exercises can be helpful.
  • Focus on Relaxation: Use relaxation techniques like deep breathing, grounding techniques or imagery to calm your body and mind. Relaxation exercises can prevent anger from escalating.
  • Change Your Thoughts: Cognitive restructuring involves altering negative thought patterns. Challenge your inner dialogue and try reframing thoughts with different outcomes. For instance, instead of thinking, “This is unfair,” consider, “I can handle this calmly”. Another example could be, instead of thinking, “I’m always the one who has to do everything,” consider, “I’m capable of handling my responsibilities.”
  • Problem-Solving: Address underlying issues causing frustration. Sometimes, anger arises from real problems that need solutions. Seek constructive ways to resolve them.
  • Improve Communication: Use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming others. Effective communication reduces misunderstandings and defuses anger.
  • Use Humour: Lightening the mood with humour can release tension. Find a funny perspective on the situation.
  • Create an Anger Management Plan: Prepare in advance by outlining steps to take when upset. Having a plan helps you respond more skillfully.

Remember, managing anger doesn’t mean never getting angry—it’s about handling it constructively. Practice these techniques, and you’ll develop better control over your emotions over time. If persistent anger is affecting your life, consider seeking professional help.

How can a Counsellor or Coach Help?

If self-help strategies aren’t enough, seeking professional help can be incredibly beneficial. Therapy often begins with an initial discovery call, where you can express your concerns and establish personal goals. As sessions progress, you’ll develop effective coping strategies that empower you and demonstrate your ability to manage anger.

Techniques such as person-centred therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), hypnosis, and coaching offer practical approaches to address and control anger. If you’re ready to make a positive change, I’m here to support you on your journey to better anger management

Top 10 Benefits of Daily Journalling

Top 10 Benefits of Daily Journalling

Imagine having a tool to help you clear your mind, eliminate stress and anxiety, and release your creativity in only a few minutes each day. Does this seem too good to be true? The good news is that this tool is available and only costs you time!

Daily journalling is a simple yet powerful activity that can improve your life more than you may realise. Research demonstrates journalling is a healthy way of increasing your emotional and mental health, communication skills, and personal growth. Learn more in this blog about the top 10 benefits of daily journalling and how it can help you.

1. Discover Peacefulness in A Busy World

Our daily life is usually bustling with demands, which can lead to issues such as overwhelm, sleep issues and mental and physical problems.  Keeping a journal not only has mental health benefits, but it also provides a sanctuary for your ideas, allowing you to lessen the chaos and restore mental clarity.

Writing down your thoughts, goals, and reflections can help you see things more clearly so you can focus on the essential things in life.‎ One of the many benefits of journalling is that it provides a space for positive self-talk, which can boost your confidence and increase your self-esteem.

2. Breathe Easier by Letting Go your Emotions 

Life can often throw us challenges, which can cause stress, anxiety, and emotional ups and downs. However, the simple act of journalling can help with many of these challenges. Writing in a journal offers a secure and judgment-free environment to express your thoughts and emotions and connect with your inner self.

3. Gain More Self-Awareness to Uncover Your True Self

Keeping a journal can provide a window into your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Journaling is a powerful tool for reflecting on past experiences; you may find trends that indicate more about your personality and what inspires you, aiding personal growth.

The first step towards achieving personal growth is creating a private space to be in the present moment. In addition to uncovering your true self, journalling improves your physical health, as demonstrated in a study by Karen A. Bailie and Kay Wilhelm.

cozy composition with mug, candles and a blanket representing grounding exercises

4. Enhance Your Emotional Well-Being with Each Page 

Engaging in a habit as easy as writing down a few phrases can significantly enhance your mental well-being, which is part of the magic of journaling. Various studies demonstrate that keeping a journal of your thoughts and emotions can lessen the symptoms of major depressive disorder, sadness, overwhelm, and anxiety. 

5. Release Your Creativity—There Are No Boundaries or Limits

You may believe that journalling is limited to writing. However, it’s also a space where your imagination can run wild by drawing, sketching, and brainstorming. Your creativity can flow onto the page when you write without limitations. Whether working on a project or exploring new ideas, journaling is an effective way to reach your full creative potential.  

6. Resolve Issues Expertly

Have you ever found yourself needing help to solve a problem? If the answer is yes, consider putting it in writing. Writing in a journal lets you view your difficulties and emotional triggers from different perspectives. It’s a form of communicating with yourself when strategising, evaluating, and breaking down the problem into smaller, more manageable tasks. The answer may show up on the paper in front of you before you realise it.‎

Young woman journalling in bed with a notebook and pen, creating a relaxing writing environment

7. Set and Smash Goals  

We have ambitions and goals, but achieving those dreams requires a strategy. That’s the purpose of journalling. Outlining your objectives and the measures necessary to reach them can create a road map for success. Maintaining a journal allows you to stay motivated and accountable by allowing you to monitor your progress. ‎

For more information on goal-setting, you can check out my blog.  As Ryan R. Bailey highlights in his article, ‘Goal Setting and Action Planning for Health Behaviour Change,’ journaling can be a powerful tool for achieving health-related goals.

8. Improve Your Communication Skills and Emotional Intelligence

Words have power; the more you use them, the more familiar they will become. Maintaining a journal can help you improve your vocabulary and communication skills by allowing you to express yourself more confidently and clearly. Writing in a journal may enhance your ability to advocate for yourself, whether in a meeting, sending an email, or during a difficult conversation. 

9. Improve Your Memory—One Blank Page at a Time

How often do you forget what happened during the day or what you have learned? We can all experience forgetfulness or brain fog from time to time, whether navigating the workplace, learning something new, or working through our daily to-do list.

Things can become more ingrained in your memory when you write them down. You’re keeping memories and improving your capacity to recall information when needed by routinely recording your experiences. Your journal becomes a gold mine of notes you may return to whenever you choose.‎

10. Heal and Grow More Thoroughly 

Although obstacles in life can leave their mark, writing provides a therapeutic avenue to focus on yourself. Writing in a journal pushes you to go that bit deeper by identifying any barriers preventing you from moving forward. Journalling can be challenging if you are working through intrusive negative thoughts that are causing you to have challenging emotions such as shame or anger.  

You can read more about managing shame in my blog.  If you are navigating your way around difficult situations. In that case, it is essential to remember you can reach out for support from trusted friends or family or professional help if you need extra help.  

If you feel journalling can help you, the following steps are an excellent way to get started:

  • Establish a Habit: Decide on a time that works best for you, whether before bedtime or first thing in the morning. 
  • Take Small Steps: It’s okay to miss a day; it doesn’t mean you should give up. Instead, pick up your pen again and get back to it whenever you are ready, even if you restart with a single line.
  • Be Honest: It’s your place to explore your inner world, so write from your heart, which can bring you many positive experiences.
  • Experiment with Different Formats: There are many types of journalling, such as bullet journalling, expressive writing, drawing images, and gratitude journalling.

Final Verdict: Your Journey Starts Today

Writing in a journal aids positive change, which can bring many benefits. You have a rare opportunity to develop a close relationship with yourself. Writing down your inner thoughts creates a safe space to explore your feelings, objectives, needs and preferences. Daily journalling is a simple yet powerful activity that can transform your life by improving communication skills and personal growth. Learn about the top 10 benefits of daily journalling and how it can help you reach your full potential.

Taking the first step towards journalling is could be the best thing you do today, for personal development, better health, and gaining a greater sense of self.  What are you waiting for, grab that paper and pen!

Top 5 Tips for Setting Goals and Achieving Them

Top 5 Tips for Setting Goals and Achieving Them

Much evidence supports that setting clear goals makes reaching them much more achievable. Bailey (2019) highlights in his article the importance of clear goals as he explores the necessity of action planning. In his article “Goal Setting and Action Planning for Health Behavior Change,” Bailey emphasises the importance of a structured approach to goal setting, specifically when achieving health-related outcomes. According to Bailey, action planning provides a clear path to success and ensures our efforts are focused and effective.

Setting goals is not just about achieving them; it’s about taking control of our lives and doing meaningful things for ourselves. It is easy to get distracted by life’s demands, and we must take time out. So, goal setting is not only for workplace or academic success; those personal goals are just as important. The sense of achievement we feel when reaching a goal has excellent mental health benefits, including boosting confidence and self-esteem. 

You are never too young or old to start the goal-setting process. Research by the National Foundation for Educational Research highlights that goal-setting frameworks, such as SMART goals, significantly enhance students’ motivation and academic performance (Lord, Atkinson, & Mitchell, 2008). Therefore, if you are attending college or university, it can be the perfect time to start goal-setting. 

1. Setting the Foundation: Writing and Defining Your Goals

Writing down your long-term goals is the first step towards turning aspirations into reality. Reflect on what is truly important to you and where you envisage yourself in the future. It could be in one month or year—whatever works for you. Gaining a clear vision of your goal is an important part of the goal-setting process.

If you only have vague goals, a good strategy is to get creative, design a vision board, and find photos and quotes that grab your attention.  Visualising a specific goal can bring it to life and give you a clear vision of where you want to be in the future. Also, getting creative is fun and has many mental health benefits.

Remember, a goal doesn’t have to be something extreme, such as running a marathon or skydiving (although it can be if that’s what you want!). Your personal goals can be anything that’s important to you, whether health or professional, or you want to focus on personal development goals. 

Setting one goal can positively impact other areas of your life.  For instance, a personal development goal could be to boost your confidence and self-esteem. Increasing your confidence and self-esteem can open doors to new experiences, and you will learn to trust your decisions more. Personal development goals can be the best way to set the foundations for practical goal setting. 

2. Milestone Setting: Tracking Achievements

Once you have your big goal, the next step is to break it down into smaller goals and then break these smaller goals down into more manageable tasks.  A big goal can feel overwhelming if you imagine yourself standing at the bottom of a vast mountain; the top can seem so far off, and reaching the top can feel unachievable. However, climbing that mountain can feel doable when you break it down into manageable tasks.

A good idea is to set aside time to note down everything you need to do to complete a task. Putting pen to paper can give you a clearer understanding of what you must do to achieve that task and increase your chances of success.  It can often be the smaller tasks that are the most important steps, so getting these onto paper can be highly beneficial. 

Keeping a to-do list can be an excellent way to keep you on track; you can then update it daily, marking off your achievements.  Your achievements are your driver to move forward, so it’s so important to celebrate them. When completing tasks, it can be helpful to identify any barriers you may come across and then do some problem-solving to decide how to overcome them. Balancing this with self-care is essential, as working towards your goals can be hard work. Reminding yourself of ‘why’ you want to reach your goal is another factor that will help drive you towards the finishing line.

man jumping through gap in cliffs  signifying reaching your goals

3. Make Goal-Setting Achievable

I advocate for thinking big and not letting anything stand in your way, but it is also essential to set realistic goals. It’s about getting the balance right, as there are some things you need to consider when setting goals. For example, suppose the big goal is to climb Kilimanjaro. In that case, there is a lot to consider, such as physical fitness, mental well-being, the possibility of altitude sickness, booking vaccines, and available finances.  

The next step towards positive goal setting is devising an action plan. To do this, write down the different factors you need to consider. Then, note the actionable steps it will take to complete each factor. You could work on them individually, or you might work on some simultaneously.

Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone when setting goals is positive, as ambitious goals are great for personal growth. However, you also want to avoid getting overwhelmed. So, think big, but also consider your capabilities and the available resources before setting goals, tasks, and time scales.

4. Set Timeframes: Assign Deadlines to Create a Sense of Urgency

Time scales and deadlines are essential to goal setting as they keep you on track, make you accountable, and can prevent procrastination and perfectionism.  You can gauge your progress by setting target dates for each task, including the small goals. There can be room for movement with this; it can be challenging to know how long a particular task will take, as it can depend on your current situation, such as external factors.

However, having an estimated timescale can keep you motivated as you know that each minute you work on the task brings you closer to reaching the end goal. For greater goal-setting success, you must clearly understand what you must do to achieve the big goal. You can then break this down into daily tasks.

man with arms outstretched enjoying freedom representing reaching goals

5. Seek Accountability and Be Resourceful

Keeping yourself accountable is another crucial part of goal setting. It can be easy to get off track, as other exciting things might appear while you work on a task. If this happens, note down whatever distracted you and spend time on it when you have a planned timeout. Some great online accountability trackers can help with motivation and organisation and keep you accountable.

Sharing your goal with a family member or trusted friend can help keep you accountable. However, it can be a great source of inspiration if you prefer not to share your goal-setting journey with others. Try writing about it in your journal or checking if there are local groups or an online community of people who have a similar goal.

Checking your progress regularly is a great way to ensure you’re on the right track. It’s important to remember to celebrate your achievements, even if you feel they’re small steps. After all, small steps can lead to big changes. Having a list of tasks can feel daunting, so take time to look back at what you have achieved with pride.  

SMART Goals

SMART goals are a structured approach to goal setting often used by professional coaches. It is also a technique you can implement if you are self-coaching.  The SMART Goal acronym is Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound.  Let’s break down SMART Goals and what they mean.

  • Specific: Set the goal that you want to accomplish
  • Measurable: Plan how you are going to track your success
  • Achievable: Check your goal is realistic
  • Relevant: Ensure there are beneficial outcomes
  • Time-bound: Create a deadline and prioritise tasks

Following the SMART goal criteria will ensure you clearly understand your goals and confirm they are within reach. 

note book with handwritten smart goals open on a table with glasses and sticky notes.

Empowering Yourself Through Self-Coaching

If you are self-coaching rather than working with a professional coach, a great tip is to follow the SMART goals model to keep on track. Reaching your goals can be a transformative journey that can foster growth and resilience.   

When you achieve your goals, you prove to yourself that anything is possible when you fully invest in the process. Reaching your goals highlights the power we hold within ourselves.

What to Take into Consideration When Self-Coaching:

Understanding Motivation: Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation: Consider what motivates you to achieve your goal. Is it fuelled by intrinsic satisfaction or extrinsic motivation? Subsequently, is it internal satisfaction or external rewards? Discovering the source of your motivations can help you tailor strategies to reach your goal.

Overcoming Obstacles: Handling Setbacks and Failures: Resilience is essential to goal setting, as reaching our goals can be challenging. There can be setbacks or times when you feel you have failed. Having a plan of strategies you can use in these cases can help you keep moving forward.

The Importance of Mindest: The Role of Growth Mindset in Goal Setting: It is vital to develop a growth mindset; if you feel you can never succeed in your goals, you have a much lesser chance of achieving them.  It would help if you learned to believe in yourself and your abilities.  Working on your self-esteem can help with this.

The Role of Reflection: Reviewing and Revising Goals: Goals can change, which is okay; it is recommended to review your goals periodically to ensure they are still relevant. Circumstances such as discovering new interests or significant life changes can impact the larger goals. Therefore, goals may need to be tweaked now and then. Remember to check in with yourself and track your process to ensure you are going in the correct direction.

The Power of Visualisation and Affirmations: A clear image of your goal can reinforce it and motivate you to progress. Visualising your goal can also bring it to life and make it feel real, pushing you forward on your goal-setting journey.

The Impact of Environment: Creating a Goal-Conducive Space: Your social environment is an integral part of goal setting. Finding a clear area to work in when planning or working through your goals can help you stay focused. Similarly, it can be helpful to surround yourself with others who support your dreams. If you don’t have friends or family who can help you reach out, see if there are local or online communities of people with a shared interest.

Health and Wellbeing: The Foundation for Goal Achievement: There is a real connection between physical health, mental well-being, and the ability to achieve goals. Taking care of yourself can vastly improve your chances of reaching your goal. Staying healthy involves a healthy diet, regular exercise, good nutrition, and enough sleep.

Leveraging Technology: Tools and Apps for Goal Tracking: A journal can be a great way to plan and track your progress.  However, many apps can help with this if you prefer to use digital technology.  Check-out goal tracking apps that can help you with accountability and motivation.

Goal Setting for Different Life Stages: Our goals may change as we go through life. For example, a goal you had when you were a student may differ from one you had when you were a parent. Sometimes, it is necessary to reassess your goal and decide how reaching it would fit your current life situation.

The Role of Emotional Intelligence in Goal Setting: Being aware of your emotions and how to manage them can play an essential role in goal setting. Stress, navigating relationships, and maintaining motivation can all show up when working towards a goal. The correct tools to manage these emotions healthily will help you move forward.

Case Study: From Self-Coaching to Professional Guidance

Adam, a 35-year-old IT support specialist, contacted me for life coaching as he struggled to reach his goal through self-coaching. Adam’s goal was to find satisfaction and happiness in his daily life. Adam believed he might need to change his career to achieve this, but he was feeling some resistance and couldn’t decide if this was the correct step. 

We explored Adam’s core values, long-term aspirations, and what motivated him. Adam found that creativity, adventure, and friendships were high on his list of values, but these values weren’t showing up much in his life. Subsequently, Adam recognised that his professional life was not causing him to feel dissatisfied, as he spoke positively about his role as an IT specialist. However, he recognised that work had become his sole purpose and identity. 

When Adam recognised that his time outside of work was equally important as his time at work, his overall goal changed. With this updated goal in mind, Adam structured a plan and considered any potential barriers. Adam described himself as an introvert, which he felt held him back socially. We discussed Adam’s introverted traits and how he could embrace them by focusing on his strengths and introducing self-care into his life. We also worked on his limiting beliefs around being an introvert.

Counselling and Coaching Approach

We examined Adam’s needs and preferences through a counselling and coaching approach. Adam came up with ideas that aligned with his values: creativity, adventure, and friendships. Adam tried out many new ventures before finding a hobby he is now passionate about; this has increased his social circle, and he feels he has a sense of purpose inside and outside the workplace. 

Adam’s situation demonstrates that the first step is to identify the goal entirely. Adam continued to successfully use his self-coaching skills to achieve his ultimate goal while engaged in coaching sessions. During a recent session with Adam, he expressed how these changes had added value to his life, and he now feels he has the happiness and sense of satisfaction that he was searching for when he began self-coaching. Adam felt self-coaching and professional coaching were the best route for him, and overall, he feels a great sense of accomplishment for the hard work he has put into getting to where he is today. 

To Conclude

Applying the above tips empowers you to take charge of your goal-setting journey as your coach or mentor.   Self-coaching can be highly beneficial. However, it’s also okay to reach out to a trusted friend or for professional help if you feel you would like that extra bit of support.

Grounding Techniques for Anxiety

Grounding Techniques for Anxiety

In today’s fast-paced world, we often urge ourselves to keep pushing forward during tough times. However, this can lead to stress and feelings of overwhelm, which may contribute to anxiety disorders. Grounding techniques offer a powerful method for managing these emotions by helping you reconnect with the present moment and your surroundings.

This blog examines effective ways to incorporate grounding exercises into your daily routine to alleviate stress and anxiety.

Understanding Grounding Techniques for Anxiety

Grounding techniques help you reconnect with your body, thoughts, and the environment around you, offering relief from panic attacks, anxious thoughts, and strong emotions.

Grounding techniques, inspired by practices like “earthing,” such as walking barefoot on natural surfaces, are designed to alleviate anxiety symptoms by soothing the nervous system. These exercises can significantly improve mental well-being and help you regain control over overwhelming feelings.

wpman walking bare foot on a muddy path in a forest representing grounding techniques

Top 7 Grounding Techniques to Try Today

1. 5-4-3-2-1 Technique

The 5-4-3-2-1 technique is a simple but effective way to bring you back to the present moment through sensory awareness. This technique is highly recommended if you are experiencing panic attacks or dealing with anxiety disorders.

Five Things You See: Name five things in your surroundings.

Four Things You Can Touch: Focus your attention on four objects you can physically touch.

Three Things You Hear: Identify three distinct sounds.

Two Things You Can Smell: Recognise two different scents.

One Thing You Like About Yourself: Reflect on one positive trait.

cozy composition with mug, candles and a blanket representing grounding exercises

2. Self-Sooth Box

Create a personalised box filled with comforting and calming items:

  • Affirmations or Quotes: Include positive affirmations or motivational quotes.
  • Photos or Mementoes: Add photos or items that remind you of positive memories.
  • Textured Items: Use soft or comforting textures like fur, leather, or stress-relief toys.
  • Aromatherapy Scents: Include essential oils or scented items that you find relaxing.
  • Snacks: Add something sweet to taste or your favourite snack.
  • Music: Include a playlist of feel-good music.
  • Activities: Add colouring books, puzzles, or mind games.

Customising your box with items that help you feel more at ease empowers you to create a self-soothe box that resonates with you, providing control over your anxiety management and a sense of empowerment.

3. Grab and Describe an Object

When you feel overwhelmed, grabbing and describing an object in detail can help anchor you to the present moment.  This technique redirects negative thoughts and promotes feelings of calm by engaging your mind with your immediate surroundings.

  • Focus on the shape, texture, and colour.
  • Consider the object’s purpose and any personal connection you have with it.

4. Play a Memory Game

Distract your mind from anxious thoughts by playing a memory game. Focusing on memories creates mental distance from negative feelings and helps your brain relax.  Recall things like:

  • Favourite Places: Think of cities or landmarks you’ve visited.
  • Categories: Challenge yourself to list items in specific categories like animals, colours, or foods.

5. Mantras and Positive Affirmations

Using mantras or positive affirmations can shift your mindset and combat anxious thoughts.

  • Create “I am” Statements: Develop affirmations like “I am calm” or “I am in control.” 
  • Repeat: Use these statements during stressful moments to reinforce a sense of peace and empowerment.

6. The Water Technique

Visualise yourself as a calm body of water to promote tranquillity and mental clarity.  This exercise helps you stay centred and balanced, making it easier to handle daily challenges with a calm mindset.

  • Breathing Focus: Use deep, deliberate breaths to mimic the flow and serenity of water.
  • Stress Dissipation: Imagine tension and stress dissolving into the water, creating ripples that gradually fade.
  • Emotional Anchoring: Embrace the sense of fluidity and stability that water represents, enhancing your ability to remain grounded.

7. Deep Breathing: Diaphragmatic Breathing

Breathing exercises are crucial for activating the body’s relaxation response. Deep breaths help reduce stress and anxiety by calming the nervous system and improving focus. Smith (2020) states that breathing is an effective method for reducing stress in his article. Try the following methods: 

  • Square Breathing: Inhale for four seconds, hold for four, exhale for four, and pause for four seconds.
  • 4-7-8 Breathing:  Inhale for four seconds, hold for seven seconds and exhale for eight seconds.

woman walking in the forest breathing in fresh air representing grounding exercises

Tips for Effective Breathing Exercises

  • Focus: Concentrate on the rhythm of your breath.
  • Posture: Keep a relaxed but upright posture.
  • Environment: Practice in a safe space.
  • Consistency: Make breathing exercises a regular part of your daily routine to help effectively manage anxiety symptoms.

Tips for Consistency

Incorporate these grounding techniques into your daily routine or use them during high-stress moments. Consider setting reminders or establishing a grounding ritual to make these practices a regular part of your life.

Addressing Challenges

If you find it hard to focus on grounding exercises like the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, start with fewer sensory items or practice in a quiet space. Adjust these exercises to suit your needs and create a safe space for practising.

To Conclude

Grounding techniques provide effective strategies for reconnecting with the present moment and achieving a sense of calm when managing stress and anxiety. Different approaches work for different people, so feel free to experiment with these methods to find what works best for you. Creating a diverse toolbox of grounding techniques can greatly enhance your ability to manage anxiety over time.

If you would like personalised guidance on managing anxiety and stress through counselling, grounding exercises and mindfulness practices, you can book a discovery call. 

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