The Importance of Therapy For Men

Therapy for men is crucial, as mental health challenges can affect anyone, regardless of gender. However, fewer men seek therapy, highlighting the need to explore the reasons and benefits associated with it. Men can face mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, relationship problems, and trauma, similar to women, yet they are less likely to reach out for therapy.

Although men can experience the same issues as women, they often manifest differently. For example, depression in men may appear as anger due to the tendency to suppress emotions. This emotional suppression can lead to verbal outbursts, irritability, or even passive or physical aggression. Suppressing emotions can also contribute to various mental health problems, including anxiety and stress. Additionally, suppressed emotions can result in physical symptoms like headaches, digestive issues, and muscle tension. Explore the research on emotion theory by (Nickerson, 2023) Simply Psychology.

Therapy for Men – The Statistics

Men often mask symptoms of depression by taking an “I just need to get on with it” approach. This approach can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms like alcohol use, substance abuse, pornography addiction, or gambling. By the time these strategies become problematic, mental health may have significantly deteriorated.

Statistics reveal the need for increased attention to men’s mental health:

In 2021, Scotland recorded 556 deaths by suicide, according to the National Records of Scotland (NRS), which is 73% higher than the 206 deaths by suicide among women. The statistics are similar in England and Wales. More information can be found in this article written by the Samaritans.
Men with Alcohol Dependence are more likely to have a history of conduct disorder and antisocial personality disorder. At the same time, women with Alcohol Dependence are more likely to have comorbid mood or anxiety disorders (Dawson et al., 2010).
According to the government’s national well-being survey, men report lower levels of life satisfaction than women. Only 36% of referrals to NHS counselling are for men, and nearly three-quarters of adults who go missing are men. Additionally, 87% of rough sleepers are men. An article in the Mental Health Foundation provides more information about these stats.

These statistics emphasise the need to shift societal perceptions of men seeking therapy.

Therapy for Men: Understanding the Barriers

Societal Gender Norms: Society often expects men to be “strong, self-reliant, and powerful.” These societal norms can make seeking support challenging, leading men to mask or suppress symptoms.
Shame: Men who resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms may feel guilt or self-disgust, making it difficult to seek help. However, reaching out is a sign of strength and resilience. My blog is available here if you would like to read more about shame.
Stigma: The stigma around mental health issues remains a significant barrier. Normalising conversations about mental health can change this. Just as you would work on physical health, mental health is equally important.
Fear of Vulnerability: Opening up in therapy can be daunting. Yet, vulnerability is a strength that can deepen relationships and foster personal growth.

Case Study: David presented with anger issues and sleep problems

David, a 35-year-old client, came to counselling and coaching for issues with anger and poor sleep. During sessions, he revealed he drank alcohol every night to cope with workplace stress. This nightly drinking contributed to his sleep disturbances and aggravated his anger issues.

Through our work together, we focused on reducing his alcohol consumption, improving sleep hygiene, developing anger management techniques, as well as putting boundaries at work regarding the number of hours he worked. David gradually noticed better sleep and improved anger control, highlighting the interconnectedness of his issues and the importance of addressing them through therapy.

The Advantages of Therapy for Men

Therapy offers men a safe space to openly discuss their concerns and express themselves freely without fear of rejection. In therapy, men can learn healthy coping strategies such as emotional regulation, meditation, grounding exercises, journalling, assertive communication, and implementing boundaries.

A therapist allows men the space to manage past issues that may impact their lives today. Alternatively, some men prefer to focus on what is happening for them in the here and now rather than revisit past experiences.

What you would like to gain from therapy is something you can discuss during a discovery call. You want to ensure that a therapist works in a way that you will find most helpful.

Helpful Strategies to Manage Your Mental Health

Normalising Therapy for Men

By going to therapy, you convey to others, including your friends and family, that taking care of your mental health is a positive step.
Being open and honest about seeking help could inspire others to adopt your outlook and encourage the growth of a society where discussing emotions can be done more freely.

Strengthening Relationships

Effectively managing emotions can help build healthy and fulfilling relationships.
People tend to have closer relationships with their loved ones, members of their families, and close friends when they are aware of their own emotions and can empathise with others.

Improves Job Performance

The workplace is known to be a place that can be challenging when one is already struggling with one’s mental health. Therapy can help reduce work-related stress and anxiety, improve job performance, and enhance communication and teamwork skills.

When To Seek Therapy

If you have any of the following symptoms, it may be a good idea to consider therapy:

I’ve been more easily irritated than usual.
Experienced bursts of anger or aggression.
Felt sad or down.
Felt overwhelmed or under much pressure.
Unexpectedly gained or lost weight.
Started drinking or using drugs more frequently than before.
I have been relying on alcohol or drugs to cope with a challenging situation.
Lost interest in activities you used to enjoy.
I struggled to concentrate at work, school, or home.
I had more headaches or days of feeling generally unwell.
Sleeping too much or too little.
Felt tired even after a whole night’s sleep.

Finding a Therapist

The therapist’s gender is not crucial, but finding one with whom you feel safe and comfortable is essential. It’s critical to find a therapist who is empathetic and experienced in addressing male-related concerns.

Wrapping It All Up

Therapy for men represents a path toward improved mental health and overall well-being. By addressing barriers and promoting open dialogue, we aim to create a supportive space where men can prioritise their mental health.

I support you as a counsellor and coach specialising in men’s mental health. If you’re ready to take the first step, contact me to book a discovery call today. Reaching out for support is a sign of strength, and you deserve to prioritise your mental health.

Why Do I Get So Angry? Understanding Anger Management

Understanding anger management is key to navigating this emotion effectively. Anger is a universal emotion that we all experience. It’s a natural response to perceived threats or injustices, alerting us to situations that require attention and action. Remember, feeling anger is normal and part of the human experience. You are not alone in this; your feelings of anger are a natural part of being human.

Anger can help us set boundaries, advocate for ourselves, and manage difficult situations. Moreover, anger can motivate positive change, making us more resilient and encouraging us to stand up for our values. Anger can aid personal growth and social change when properly understood and directed.

In his article “The Value of Anger: 16 Reasons It’s Good to Get Angry” (GoodTherapy, 2017), Moshe Ratson discusses the benefits of experiencing anger. When anger feels difficult to control, it can become a challenge. But it’s a challenge you can overcome. Understanding and managing your anger is not just about regaining control; it’s about empowerment. It’s about recognising the signs of anger and having the tools to manage it effectively. It’s about taking charge of your emotions and your life. Mastering your anger is a significant step towards personal empowerment and control.

Understanding Anger: How to Manage Anger

Anger ranges from mild irritation to full-blown rage and can be a powerful motivator. However, uncontrolled anger can negatively impact our lives. Understanding that anger isn’t the problem is crucial—how we manage and express it is essential. With the correct strategies, anger can force positive change, increasing happiness and well-being.

When anger strikes, our body quickly activates the ‘fight or flight’ response, which occurs when individuals perceive a threat or danger. This innate survival mechanism triggers a rush of physiological changes to prepare the body to confront the threat or flee from it.

When faced with a stressful situation, such as encountering a wild animal or experiencing a crisis, the body’s sympathetic nervous system becomes activated.

The fight-or-flight response prepares us to confront or flee threats or danger. It triggers a burst of hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol, to rush through the body, causing bodily reactions such as an increased heart rate, sweating, and muscle tension.

These physiological changes prepare us to take quick action, which can be helpful in real-life emergencies like preventing an accident or stopping a crime. However, when the threat is only perceived rather than actual, these intense bodily reactions can leave us stuck in a fight-or-flight state, causing potential health issues.

Why Do I Get So Angry?

People express anger differently depending on cultural, social, and individual factors such as learned behaviour or past experiences. Neurodevelopmental conditions such as ADHD and autism, neurological disorders, addiction, and other mental or physical health issues can influence how individuals express anger. Despite this variability, people typically feel and express anger in some common ways.

Understanding your expression of anger is crucial for effective management. Managing anger involves neither suppressing it nor letting it escalate unchecked. Instead, it requires handling it assertively and constructively. Individuals release anger differently based on the situation, which naturally differs from person to person.

How People Express Anger Verbally and Non-Verbally.

Verbal Expressions

Shouting or Swearing: Changing tone of voice or language used
Sarcasm or Mockery: Using cutting or ironic remarks
Blaming or Accusations: Pointing fingers or attributing fault to others
Threats: Indicating intention to cause harm or trouble

Non-Verbal Expressions

Facial Expressions: Frowning, staring, or clenching the jaw
Body Language: Tense shoulders, clenched fists, or aggressive gestures

Behavioural Expressions

Physical Aggression: Hitting, pushing, or any form of violence
Throwing or Breaking Objects: Destroying or damaging possessions
Stomping: Being heavy-footed
Withdrawing: Refusing to communicate or engage

Emotional Reactions

Crying: Tears can release emotions.
Frustration: Showing signs of extreme annoyance or exasperation
Irritability: Becoming annoyed, irritated or uneasy by minor interactions or events

Learning and applying the proper techniques can be empowering, even when anger feels overwhelming—it’s about regaining control over your emotions and managing your anger effectively.

How can Uncontrolled Anger Impact Physical and Mental Health?

The Impact of Uncontrolled Anger

Uncontrolled anger can significantly impact various aspects of your life:

Physical Health: Increases the risk of high blood pressure, heart problems, and a weakened immune system
Mental Health: Contributes to depression, anxiety and low self-esteem
Relationships: Strains relationships with loved ones, leading to conflicts and misunderstandings
Work: Affects job performance and creates a hostile work environment.

While intense anger may seem overwhelming, employing appropriate techniques and strategies can empower you to manage anger effectively and regain mastery over your emotions.

Physical Exercise can help you to release anger, and it is good for your overall mental health.

Exploring Different Forms of Anger

Passive Anger: Suppressing rage and using subtle behaviours such as giving silent treatment or using sarcasm to express anger.
Chronic Anger: Consists of directing anger and resentment consistently towards people or situations.
Self-Inflicted Anger: Anger directed towards oneself often involves self-blame, guilt, or self-criticism.
Behavioural Anger: Aggressive and explosive behaviour, including yelling, physical harm, or destructive actions.
Constructive Anger: Is a positive expression that motivates constructive change, problem-solving, and standing up for one’s beliefs. When managed effectively, anger can be a powerful tool for personal growth and social change. It’s not about suppressing or avoiding anger but about using it to benefit yourself and those around you.

Typical Bodily Responses to Anger

Increased heart rate and blood pressure
Muscle tension and clenched fists
Irritability, restlessness, or a short temper
Racing thoughts or difficulty concentrating
Sweating and flushed face
Elevated levels of stress or anxiety
Difficulty sleeping or insomnia

What are some effective strategies for managing anger?

Determining the signs of anger is the first step towards managing it effectively. It’s a journey of self-awareness and control. Here are some self-help strategies to help you manage your anger and find relief.

Managing anger is an integral part of maintaining healthy relationships and overall well-being. Here are some strategies to help you improve your anger management skills:

Identify Triggers: Pay attention to situations or events that trigger your anger. Recognising these triggers can help you respond more effectively.
Take a Timeout: When anger rises, step away from the situation. Give yourself time to cool down before reacting. Counting to 10 or practising calming breathing exercises can be helpful.
Focus on Relaxation: Use relaxation techniques like deep breathing, grounding techniques or imagery to calm your body and mind. Relaxation exercises can prevent anger from escalating.
Change Your Thoughts: Cognitive restructuring involves altering negative thought patterns. Challenge your inner dialogue and try reframing thoughts with different outcomes. For instance, instead of thinking, “This is unfair,” consider, “I can handle this calmly”. Another example could be, instead of thinking, “I’m always the one who has to do everything,” consider, “I’m capable of handling my responsibilities.”
Problem-Solving: Address underlying issues causing frustration. Sometimes, anger arises from real problems that need solutions. Seek constructive ways to resolve them.
Improve Communication: Use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming others. Effective communication reduces misunderstandings and defuses anger.
Use Humour: Lightening the mood with humour can release tension. Find a funny perspective on the situation.
Create an Anger Management Plan: Prepare in advance by outlining steps to take when upset. Having a plan helps you respond more skillfully.

Remember, managing anger doesn’t mean never getting angry—it’s about handling it constructively. Practice these techniques, and you’ll develop better control over your emotions over time. If persistent anger is affecting your life, consider seeking professional help.

How can a Counsellor or Coach Help?

If self-help strategies aren’t enough, seeking professional help can be incredibly beneficial. Therapy often begins with an initial discovery call, where you can express your concerns and establish personal goals. As sessions progress, you’ll develop effective coping strategies that empower you and demonstrate your ability to manage anger.

Techniques such as person-centred therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), hypnosis, and coaching offer practical approaches to address and control anger. If you’re ready to make a positive change, I’m here to support you on your journey to better anger management

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