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How to STOP Overthinking: Tips, Techniques and Strategies

How to STOP Overthinking: Tips, Techniques and Strategies

As a counsellor and coach, I often hear clients asking me how to stop overthinking. Clients describe overthinking as a constant barrage of negative thoughts racing through their minds, the sound of continuous chatter, or playing out past and future scenarios, all with different endings. This blog will provide tips, techniques, and strategies to help you stop overthinking in its tracks, providing you with the calmness your body and mind need.

Constant intrusive thoughts can make people anxious and stressed, impacting how they feel during the day. They can also cause sleepless nights, which can take its toll on a person’s mental health. Overthinking can feel like a relentless cycle of destructive thought patterns and catastrophic predictions that refuse to switch off or quiet down. If you experience this level of overthinking, you know how exhausting it can be.

I often liken overthinking to going on an emotional roller-coaster; you repeatedly experience the emotions attached to events that your mind creates. You have been on this emotional journey but haven’t been anywhere apart from trapped in an endless cycle of anxious thoughts.

Let’s examine the triggers, mental and physical symptoms, and tips and strategies for conquering negative thinking patterns.

What Triggers Overthinking?

Understanding what triggers overthinking can be revealing. This insight can help you achieve a more calming and peaceful mind and lead you to personal growth.

Notice how overthinking tends to start for you. It is triggered by;

  • An event or situation that you find stressful
  • A sudden recollection of past events that has made you feel embarrassed or not good enough?  An assumption based on how you perceive the actions of others
  • The fear of confrontation or upsetting another person

For example, it could be a sideways glance from a friend, the tone of a work email, or an unanswered WhatsApp message. Thoughts can quickly escalate and result in running different conversations through your mind, with different endings; usually, these thoughts have worst-case scenario outcomes.

When you notice the triggers, the next time you end up overthinking, you can remind yourself that it is just a thought, not a fact. You can then decide what you would like to do with the idea. Is there some problem-solving to do? How does the thought make you feel? Can you describe the feeling and name it? Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a therapy that can help with reframing thoughts. The premise of CBT is that thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are all interlinked. The NHS offer self-help CBT, or a CBT therapist can provide support.

The Downside of Overthinking

Overthinking, catastrophising, and trapping yourself in negative thought patterns prevent you from living in the present moment. Getting into the vicious cycle of overthinking can impact your daily life. Research demonstrates overthinking can be responsible for issues which include:

  • Mental Health Conditions
  • Isolation
  • Sleep Issues
  • Procrastination
  • Low confidence and low self-esteem
  • Headaches, muscle tension and digestive problems

This physical and mental toll is a stark reminder of the need to address overthinking. However, the million-dollar question is, what is the best way to free yourself from overthinking?

Breaking Free from Overthinking

Breaking free from overthinking isn’t just about pushing away your thoughts. It’s about taking control, changing your relationship with these persistent thoughts, and finding alternative ways to manage them.

An excellent place to start is to recognise how overthinking affects you. Notice the mental and physical symptoms and reflect on how they impact other areas of your life, such as interacting with others, progressing in the workplace, or procrastinating. Then, flip this on its side: If you didn’t overthink, what would life look like then? This part is essential as it serves as the driver for you to beat overthinking.

Reflecting on your thoughts may seem counterproductive, as it involves more thinking! However, stay with me. Overthinking can sometimes be helpful, but you must find better ways to manage your overthinking habits, which we will discuss later in this blog.

Reviewing the past and planning the future can be helpful. However, it is essential to enjoy the here and now rather than getting caught up in a spiral of “what ifs”, “could haves “, and “should haves.”

Overthinking and The Red Car Theory?

The red car theory suggests you will see it everywhere once you focus on something. For example, if you think of a red car, suddenly, there will be many red cars on the road.   The truth is that there are no more red cars on the road than before, but it only seems that way because you are looking for red cars; this is at the forefront of your mind.   The presence of other cars becomes insignificant and almost unnoticeable as your attention is on red cars.

The red car theory results from attention and perception rather than an increase in the stimuli in question. If you find yourself in the trap of overthinking, try to remember this theory, as it can bring you some relief from your thoughts.

Case Study: How the Red Car Theory Fits with Overthinking

Emma’s colleague Tom comes into work one day and is unusually quiet. Emma notices Tom doesn’t smile when he sits down and doesn’t speak for most of the morning.

Emma started thinking about what she could have done or said to upset him. Was it the last email she sent? Did it sound curt rather than friendly? Emma revisited past situations in her mind, such as the time she forgot to hand over an important document and the time she missed a necessary appointment.

Emma concludes that she has made Tom angry, which must be related to her incompetence. She remembers other times when Tom was quiet and believes he doesn’t like working with her.

With these thoughts going through her mind, Emma struggles to focus on her work. She becomes aware of other colleagues around her interacting with each other, making her feel more alone and unpopular. These thoughts confirm to Emma that Tom doesn’t like her, that she is unpopular in the office, and that she HAS evidence of this.

Confirmation Bias

However, the reality of this situation is likely to be quite different. There could be several reasons why Tom was quiet; he may have had bad news before coming into the office, missed the earlier train he intended to catch, or had a difficult night’s sleep. Similarly, Emma’s colleagues often chat and interact with each other; this isn’t unusual as they sit next to each other and must interact within their roles.

This example demonstrates confirmation bias, which occurs when you seek information to support your thoughts and disregard any other information that does not fit the story you are telling yourself. Confirmation bias can impact decision-making and your perception of situations and events.

Practical Steps to Overcome Overthinking

Overcoming the relentless noise of overthinking involves a multifaceted approach. As a Pluralistic Counsellor, there is no one-size-fits-all approach; it’s more about trying different techniques until you discover what works best for you.

Below is a range of self-care techniques known to help with overthinking. Trying different techniques can take time, but investing time in yourself is the first positive step.

  • Breathing Exercises:

    Deep breathing exercises are a great way to stop overthinking. You can try many different breathing exercises, including the Square Breathing Technique, which will help slow down your heart rate, make you feel more relaxed, and give you mental clarity.

  • Keeping a Gratitude Journal:

    Every day, spend a few minutes writing down what you are grateful for, or if you do it in the evening, write about what you have been thankful for during the day. It can be something that would typically go unnoticed, such as the beauty of nature around you, the brief interaction you had on your morning commute, or ticking jobs off your ‘to-do’ list.

  • Body Scan Meditation:

    Get comfortable and focus your attention on different parts of your body. Begin with your toes and move upwards, noticing any areas of tension or discomfort. This exercise brings an awareness of the present moment and highlights how overthinking can impact physical health.

  • Mindfulness Meditation Practices:

    Pick up a small object and hold it in your hand.   Set a timer for five minutes and adequately focus on this object. How does it feel? Move your hand over the different textures, take in every detail, how it smells, and look at the colours. If thoughts come into your mind, just let them go and bring yourself back to looking at the object as soon as you notice them.

  • Physical Activity:

    When you exercise, your body releases many hormones that make you feel good, such as endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine. Exercise can be anything from a brisk walk to gentle exercise, team sports, or a gym workout. Choose whatever works best for you.

  • Allocate Time to Reflect:

    It can help to observe a thought mindfully rather than pushing it away. Accept the thought without judgment; write it down or do some problem-solving. A good tip is to allocate a time limit to reflect on thoughts during the day; often, when you reflect on them at a different time, they may feel insignificant, and you can let them go.

  • RTT Hypnosis Audios:

    As a qualified RTT therapist, I have created a stop-overthinking hypnosis audio explicitly designed to help you break free from the cycle of overthinking. My recordings use guided imagery and deep relaxation techniques to access your subconscious mind, allowing you to let go of persistent, negative thoughts and replace them with calm and constructive thoughts.

These techniques will help you stay in the present and offer you peace and tranquillity while your focus is only on what you are doing. The good news is that you will feel empowered by taking control of your mind, knowing you prioritise your mental health and overall well-being.

Close-up of running trainers, illustrating how exercise can alleviate overthinking.

When Overthinking Can Be Helpful

When we hear the word overthinking, it often comes with negative connotations. If you consider yourself overthinking, you might have heard responses like these from friends, family or colleagues.

  • It’s not that complicated. What’s your gut telling you?
  • You are spending far too much time thinking about this.
  • Are you still thinking about this? Why don’t you make a decision?
  • I can hear this situation is stressing you; you are overthinking it.

Overthinking can often come from worrying about making the wrong decision. However, there is usually no definite right or wrong decision. We need to decide based on the information we have available. This is where problem-solving can be a powerful tool, as it can help identify which actionable steps you can take to get the best outcome.

(GuhaRoy, 2024) has written an interesting article about how overthinking can be helpful. It can be the case that overthinking is useful when carrying out academic research, problem-solving or making important life decisions. Set aside time to mindfully spend time with the thoughts that repeatedly come up for you during the day. Allocate time to sit with these thoughts; some may not require any more thought. Or, you may have to do some problem-solving around specific thoughts; if this is the case, allocate time and take a more structured approach to what you feel you need to do with the thought.

To Conclude

You don’t have to live a life filled with constant worry if you are an overthinker. You can use many tips, strategies, and tools to overcome this. Additionally, exploring and getting to the root cause of this constant worrying can be helpful. For example, if you don’t trust your decisions or feel that you aren’t good enough, this could be linked to issues around self-esteem or low confidence. Working on your decision-making skills will increase your self-esteem and confidence as you can trust your own decisions, which will help prevent you from getting on the wheel of overthinking.

These strategies can work great on their own or with the support of a trusted friend, but if you would like some extra guidance and support, professional help may be beneficial. If you would like to discuss further how I can help you with overthinking, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

8 Self-Esteem Tips for University Students with ADHD

8 Self-Esteem Tips for University Students with ADHD

Self-esteem is a person’s overall sense of value and self-worth, profoundly influencing every aspect of life. For university students with ADHD, improving self-esteem is particularly important. High self-esteem can enhance your academic success and social interactions, optimising your university experience.

Understanding Self-Esteem  

High self-esteem impacts academic success, relationships, career choices, personal growth, and happiness. For students with ADHD, developing self-confidence strategies is essential to increasing self-esteem. 

If you have high self-esteem, you will recognise your strengths, be comfortable with your flaws, and have the resilience to manage setbacks or criticisms.

Low self-esteem may manifest as a negative view of yourself, uncertainty about your opinions and abilities, challenges in decision-making, and poor response to criticism.

Even if you haven’t been formally diagnosed with ADHD, you may recognise many of its traits in yourself. Not all adults choose to pursue an official ADHD diagnosis, as it’s a personal decision based on individual circumstances and preferences. As a Counsellor and ADHD Coach, I focus on tackling the challenges posed by these traits, aiming to enhance your quality of life and make daily living more manageable.

If you are a university student with ADHD, this blog will help you optimise your self-esteem, enabling you to succeed academically and socially throughout your university years. 

Smiling university student with ADHD feeling confident and happy while holding study books, representing self-esteem tips for students with ADHD

Case Study: Work on Self-Esteem with Megan

In a recent coaching session, I worked with Megan, a student who identified “adaptability” as one of her key strengths. Megan shared a story about planning a trip with a friend who cancelled at short notice. Despite feeling disappointed, Megan decided to continue the trip as a sole traveller, which was an amazingly empowering experience.

During coaching, we discussed how this situation highlighted her adaptability and showcased her strengths in decision-making, resilience, and independence—critical factors in increasing self-esteem and boosting confidence.

Recognising these strengths helped Megan, who was uncertain about her academic journey, gain clarity and increase her self-confidence. Consequently, she has made significant progress in her academic success.

This example illustrates how identifying and embracing your strengths can enhance self-esteem and equip you to overcome challenges effectively, contributing to tremendous academic success.

8 Academic Success Tips for Improve Self-Esteem

1. ADHD and Embracing Your Strengths

You can boost your self-esteem by embracing your unique strengths. You will have many strengths, but if you have low self-esteem, you may need to recognise them. Take a moment to appreciate and embrace your strengths, talents and capabilities.

It could be your creative thinking, ability to hyperfocus, lateral solid thinking skills, engaging communication, or natural spontaneity. Embracing these qualities can elevate your self-esteem and empower you to approach life confidently.

To identify your strengths, try jotting them down on paper or use downloadable worksheets. Reflect on moments where you’ve actively used these strengths; visualising specific events can help you recall them in detail.

As you do this, you may uncover additional strengths featured during those times. If you consider thoughtfulness a strength, revisit a memory where you demonstrated thoughtfulness. Reflect on what other strengths you displayed at that moment.

2. Set Goals as a Student with ADHD

Setting goals can give you, as a student with ADHD, a clear sense of direction, making it much easier to navigate your academic and personal journey effectively. Think of goals as your signposts. They aren’t rigid; they can adapt and change as new opportunities come your way. They serve as a solid starting point but leave room for exploring new and exciting pathways.

Avoid placing limitations on your abilities. Whether you want to achieve something academically or personally, please write it down or visualise yourself succeeding. Divide big goals into smaller, achievable tasks to sustain momentum and monitor progress.

Celebrate each task completed with self-praise and acknowledge the sense of empowerment it brings. Use these achievements as the motivation to continue towards your larger goals.

Consider obstacles as part of the process and approach them with self-compassion rather than viewing them as setbacks and failures. Reframe challenges as opportunities for personal growth, reinforcing your resilience and determination.

3. Finding Your Voice: Advocate for Yourself

ADHD can affect your communication skills, especially if you have articulation disorders that affect speech and language. You might find it challenging to organise your thoughts clearly or need help with pronunciation, making it difficult to express yourself effectively.

Sometimes, you might interrupt others or speak impulsively, leading to misunderstandings and frustrating communication.

These challenges can affect your confidence in communicating with others. However, understanding these difficulties and getting the proper support, such as speech therapy or counselling, can help you improve your self-esteem and communication skills.

Remember, your voice matters; your unique perspective and experiences value every conversation and situation. Advocating for yourself is a powerful way to increase self-esteem and boost confidence.

You assert your self-worth by standing up for your needs, preferences, and boundaries. Consistently doing this reinforces the belief that you are capable, deserving, and worthy of respect, ultimately improving your self-esteem.

  • Identify your Communication Barriers:  Recognising these barriers can help you develop strategies to overcome them and enhance your communication skills.
  • Identify your needs:  Understand what accommodations you require, such as a quieter workspace, extended deadlines, or assistive technology.  Knowing your needs well helps you to prepare ahead of time.
  • Schedule a Meeting:  Arrange a meeting with the relevant person (lecturer, course supervisor or student support team)
  • Communicate Clearly: Explain your ADHD and how the challenges can impact your academic success. Use “I” statements to express your needs. For example: “I work best in a quiet environment,” “I need extra time to process information”. Be specific; do your research so you know what help is available.
  • Offer Solutions and Compromise:  Be prepared to suggest solutions and be open to compromise.
  • Build Confidence:  Practice the conversation beforehand to build confidence. You can do this by using a journal, practising with a friend, or rehearsing the conversation using a voice recording app.

4. Building Resilience

Resilience refers to your capacity to work through difficulties, adapt to challenging situations, and become stronger through adversity.

As a student with ADHD, building resilience is especially important. It helps you manage challenges like attention difficulties, staying organised, and controlling impulses.

Resilience allows one to see challenges as opportunities for growth and stay motivated even when things get tough. It also helps one handle stress better, keeps one’s mindset positive, and improves problem-solving skills.

Resilience encourages taking care of yourself and prevents you from feeling isolated.

To enhance resilience, aim to maintain a positive outlook, seek solutions to challenges, learn from your experiences, and cultivate a network of supportive friends, family, and mentors. Strengthening these abilities will aid in your academic and personal success.

5.  Emotional Regulation

Emotional regulation can significantly help students with ADHD build self-esteem. Managing emotions effectively allows you to respond to challenges calmly and thoughtfully, reducing impulsive reactions that might lead to regret or negative self-talk.

You can better control emotional responses and confidently navigate social interactions by developing skills like mindfulness, diaphragmatic breathing, grounding techniques, and cognitive reframing.

When you handle stressful situations well, you reinforce a positive self-image and demonstrate to yourself that you are capable and resilient.

This self-assurance enhances self-esteem, making facing new challenges and pursuing personal goals easier. Focusing on emotional regulation creates a stable foundation for improved self-worth and overall well-being.

6. Adopt A Healthy Lifestyle

Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is vital for enhancing self-esteem. Good nutrition, regular exercise, and mindfulness practices like meditation can significantly impact your mental and physical well-being.

Planning your days helps you maintain a regular routine. Check out my blog for daily planning tips to assist students.

7. Social Engagement

Social interactions are significant for boosting your self-esteem, especially if you have ADHD. Positive interactions validate you, give you feedback, and make you feel like you belong. They counteract any feelings of isolation or doubt you might have.

When you engage with supportive friends and family members, you receive encouragement that strengthens your confidence and self-worth.

By nurturing meaningful relationships and building a support network, you can experience higher self-esteem and overall well-being as a student with ADHD, boosting your overall well-being and academic success.

8. Meet your Role Models

Consider who you admire most, whether a family member, a peer, or someone in the public eye. Their accomplishments and personal journeys can be a great source of inspiration!

Happy university graduate with ADHD holding her certificate after academic success

Wrapping It All Up

As a Counsellor and ADHD Coach, I’m here to support you in boosting your self-esteem to improve your academic success and overall university experience. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need additional guidance.

ADHD Coaching Tips for Workplace Success

ADHD Coaching Tips for Workplace Success

As an ADHD coach and counsellor, I often encounter clients grappling with overwhelming workplace challenges. Many experience anxiety around going into the workplace and feelings of not being good enough, which is known as imposter syndrome. These are traits which can show up because of having diagnosed or undiagnosed ADHD.

Navigating ADHD in the workplace presents unique difficulties that require tailored strategies for success.

In this blog, we will explore techniques for overcoming the challenges adults with ADHD encounter in the workplace.

If you’re an employee navigating ADHD, this blog provides valuable tips to enhance your workplace experience. Finding fulfilment at work often triggers a positive ripple effect, improving other facets of your life, such as increased confidence, self-esteem, and motivation.

ADHD Struggles in the Workplace

Studies indicate that adults with ADHD are more likely to face job instability, frequent job changes, or periods of unemployment compared to their peers without ADHD.

Contributing factors include difficulties with time management, organisation, task completion, and maintaining focus. For instance, a person with ADHD might struggle to meet project deadlines due to poor time management or keep a clean and organised workspace.

Impulsivity, emotional dysregulation, and rejection sensitivity can further exacerbate these challenges. Despite their skills, many individuals with ADHD struggle to find workplaces that effectively accommodate their needs, leading to frustration and setbacks in their careers.

However, with the proper support, these challenges can become opportunities for growth and success.

ADHD in Adulthood: Key Insights and Strategies

Once perceived as primarily affecting children, ADHD is now widely recognised as a neurodevelopmental disorder that can persist into adulthood and may even manifest later in life.

For adults who have struggled with the traits of ADHD without understanding its cause, receiving a diagnosis can be an emotional but also a profoundly relieving experience. It validates their experiences, offering clarity and a framework for understanding why they may have faced challenges in various aspects of life, including education, work, and relationships.

Moreover, knowing they have ADHD opens doors to Counselling and ADHD Coaching, which can help them manage traits effectively and lead more fulfilling lives.  The recognition of ADHD in adulthood underscores the importance of ongoing awareness and support for individuals who may have been overlooked or misdiagnosed earlier in life.

ADHD in the Workplace: Key Traits to Identify

ADHD traits, often seen as quirks at home, can significantly impact professional environments. These include:

  • Boredom: Quickly losing interest in tasks or projects.
  • Distractions: Maintaining focus is difficult due to internal (daydreaming) or external (conversations) stimuli.
  • Forgetfulness: Struggling to remember tasks, responsibilities, or deadlines.
  • Hyperactivity: Inability to remain still.
  • Impulsiveness: Making quick decisions or comments without considering consequences.
  • Lack of relationship skills: Being overly blunt, interrupting often, or struggling with active listening.
  • Time management issues: Difficulty meeting deadlines or accurately estimating task completion times.
  • Procrastination: Delaying tasks unnecessarily.
  • Sensory Issues: Sensitivity to noise or light can significantly impact productivity and comfort, affecting tasks that require concentration and focus.

Overcommitting and People-Pleasing in the Workplace

If you have ADHD, you might notice yourself frequently overcommitting and trying to please others at work, sometimes taking on more tasks than you can handle. This tendency to people-please often arises from a desire to be helpful or a fear of letting people down, but it can result in burnout and reduced productivity over time.

Establishing clear boundaries and learning to prioritise tasks can be critical to effectively managing these tendencies and taking a more balanced and sustainable approach to work life.

Olivia’s Journey: ADHD Coaching in the Workplace

Take Olivia*, for instance (pseudonym). Recently promoted, Olivia faced new managerial responsibilities and interactions with senior leadership, which triggered overwhelming imposter syndrome and anxiety. Olivia also spoke of finding it particularly difficult to make decisions, which were a necessary part of her role.

We began by enhancing Olivia’s self-awareness of ADHD traits, reassuring her that her challenges were not personal failings but results of her unique cognitive processes. Despite excelling previously, she found the structured environment overwhelming, impacting her focus and productivity. ADHD Coaching sessions focused on implementing structure, time-management strategies, and organisational skills.

These strategies empowered Olivia to improve productivity, interpret feedback objectively, build confidence, increase self-esteem, and foster positive relationships. Olivia’s journey underscores the transformative impact of tailored ADHD management strategies, facilitating both personal and professional growth. Olivia’s story illustrates the potential for growth and success with practical strategies in place.

Successfully Managing ADHD in the Workplace

Managing ADHD effectively at work requires a combination of strategies and support. Communicating openly with employers about your condition to explore potential accommodations and support.

Companies can support their employees in various ways, including providing equipment such as assistive technology, noise-cancelling headphones, or a quiet workspace. Additionally, a government-funded program called Access to Work helps employees and employers by offering services such as specialist equipment, software, and ADHD coaching.  You can find some additional information on my Access to Work blog.

Practical Strategies for Managing ADHD in the Workplace

Focusing Tools:

  • Create checklists
  • Minimise distractions by turning off phones
  • Schedule specific times for returning calls
  • Use sticky notes for reminders
  • Allow extra time for task completion
  • Take regular breaks to recharge
  • Start your workday earlier to reduce distractions

Time-Management Tips:

  • Set alerts for deadlines using phones or computers
  • Use timers for tasks to maintain focus
  • Break larger tasks into smaller, manageable parts
  • Rotate tasks to sustain interest
  • Find an accountability partner for support

Communication Strategies:

  • Practice active listening
  • Seek repetitions if needed for understanding
  • Keep conversations concise and on-topic
  • Slow down speech to allow participation from others
  • Learn to read body language for improved communication

Centering Techniques:

  • Engage in breathing and relaxation techniques like yoga or meditation to manage impulsivity.
  • Identify triggers for impulsive behaviours and develop strategies for handling them effectively.

Please keep track of the most effective strategy so you can utilise it when needed.

Turning ADHD Traits into Workplace Strengths

ADHD traits also bring unique advantages to the workplace.  Individuals with ADHD often demonstrate creativity, generating innovative ideas and solutions by thinking outside traditional norms.

Their hyperfocus on engaging tasks allows for deep, quality work and breakthrough insights. Despite challenges, their ability to multitask effectively can be beneficial in fast-paced environments requiring quick thinking, adaptability to change, and problem-solving under pressure.

These traits contribute to a dynamic and productive work environment when supported and directed.

Wrapping It All Up

Many individuals with ADHD face significant challenges in the workplace, but with proper understanding, support, and strategies, they can thrive professionally. If you’re struggling with ADHD at work, remember that seeking support is crucial.

As a coach and counsellor specialising in ADHD, I offer a tailored approach to help you manage ADHD effectively and achieve a more productive and less stressful work life. You’re not alone in this journey; resources and professionals are ready to help you.

Students with ADHD – Daily Planning Tips

Students with ADHD – Daily Planning Tips

Navigating the transition from school to university life can be exciting. However, it can be challenging, especially for students who are neurodivergent. A significant new report undertaken at Bristol University has revealed that one in seven students have ADHD or Autism, which equates to around fourteen per cent of all students.

The report revealed there is a much higher chance of students with autism and ADHD presenting with other neurodevelopmental conditions, such as dyspraxia and dyslexia or mental health conditions, such as anxiety, depression and personality or eating disorders.

This blog will examine how creating an ADHD-friendly schedule can help students with ADHD navigate university life.

ADHD affects executive functions crucial for planning, organising, managing time, making decisions, and regulating emotions.

Whether you are undiagnosed or received a childhood or adulthood diagnosis of ADHD, this blog will offer tips on how to maximise your university experience.

Structuring an ADHD-Friendly Schedule for University Students

By taking the reins and meticulously planning an ADHD-friendly planner, you can harness your time management skills, effectively prioritise tasks, and balance your academic and personal life. This sense of control can empower you, making you feel confident and in charge, and lead to a more fulfilling university experience.

Creating an ADHD-friendly schedule includes developing an effective morning routine and using specific study strategies tailored to the ADHD mind. At first, this might appear difficult or unachievable. However, establishing a routine can provide advantages, such as lowering stress and anxiety, improving academic performance, and maximising your overall university experience.

What is ADHD Paralysis?

ADHD paralysis, also known as ‘task paralysis,’ is a common experience among people with ADHD. It’s like when you know you have to do something important, but you just can’t seem to start or finish it. This can be because you’re not sure where to begin, you’re worried about not doing it perfectly, or you feel overwhelmed by how much there is to do.

As a result, individuals may struggle to initiate or maintain focus on activities, leading to procrastination and heightened stress. Understanding and addressing ADHD paralysis involves breaking tasks into smaller steps, setting clear goals, and employing organisational tools to improve focus and productivity.

8 Daily Planning Tips for Students with ADHD

1. Time Management: Creating an ADHD-Friendly Schedule

Remember to select a planner that matches your unique needs and preferences. Whether it’s an online calendar, a whiteboard, a pinboard, or a blend of paper and pens, the choice is yours. This autonomy can be liberating and contribute to a more personalised and effective study routine.

If you need to use your planner as intended, view it as an opportunity for change. Rather than being hard on yourself, embrace the chance to get creative and enjoy the process! With various planner types available, it may take time to discover the one that suits you best. Consider factors like format (digital or physical), level of detail, and portability. The goal is to find a planner you enjoy using that helps you stay organised.

2. Schedule a Study Routine

Begin by scheduling ‘non-negotiables’ such as lectures, study sessions, and classwork. These are the anchor points of your schedule—tasks that cannot be changed or skipped. They provide structure and focus, laying a foundation for success.

Consider adding ‘negotiables,’ like exercise, relaxation time, or hobbies, around these anchors. This balanced approach ensures you prioritise academic commitments while maintaining a healthy lifestyle, giving you a sense of control.

Adjust your schedule as needed to optimise productivity and well-being.

3. Establish a Sleep Routine

Setting and maintaining a consistent sleep schedule is vital for your overall well-being, especially when dealing with ADHD and its associated conditions, known as comorbidities. Sleep disorders are common among individuals with ADHD and can significantly impact academic success.

One strategy to help you wake up on time is the ‘5-4-3-2-1 method.’ When your alarm goes off, challenge yourself to get out of bed before you finish counting to one. This can help you start your day promptly and avoid the temptation to press the snooze button.

Adjust your sleep habits gradually until you find what works best for you, recognising that this process may take time, especially if you stay up late. Crafting an ADHD-friendly schedule involves balancing academic commitments with social interactions. Nurturing friendships and engaging in social activities while prioritising academic responsibilities is essential.

When planning to attend events, consider your schedule for the following day and make informed decisions about alcohol consumption by eating beforehand, staying hydrated, and alternating between alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks.

Schedule social gatherings on lighter workload days to enjoy them fully without compromising your sleep or studies.

4. Organise your Morning Routine

Consider your morning routine before lectures—showering and heading straight out, enjoying a leisurely breakfast, meditating, exercising, or any other activity you prefer. Creating a realistic and sustainable schedule is critical.

Organising your belongings the night before can streamline your mornings. Pack everything you’ll need the next day and place it by the front door. Spend just five minutes before bed on this simple task.

Visualisation is a powerful technique for mentally preparing yourself. Take a moment to visualise your plans for the day ahead. Visualisation can prompt you to gather essentials like books, folders, and snacks.

Establishing this basic routine can significantly enhance your overall success as a student. Visualisation involves creating mental images of your goals and the necessary steps. It aids in maintaining focus, recalling essential details, and making informed decisions.

This revision maintains the flow while clarifying the steps and emphasising the importance of visualisation and organisation in student success.

5. Maximising Your Morning Routine

Use a timer to measure task durations accurately. For instance, note that it takes twenty minutes to shower and jot it down. Also, remember to account for commute time from home to class. Record these timings on paper and place them where they are easily visible. Maximising your morning routine is crucial for staying on schedule and arriving punctually.

An analogue or wall clock can help maintain focus. Using a mobile phone may lead to distractions—Minimise interruptions as much as possible in the morning.

Morning procrastination is common, especially for those with ADHD. If you anticipate checking social media or spending extra time on breakfast, allocate specific time slots and set alarms to manage your schedule effectively.

This version maintains the flow while ensuring clarity. It emphasises the importance of time management and minimises distractions in the morning routine.

6. Establish Regular Mealtimes for Energy Maintenance

Maintaining steady energy levels through regular meal and snack times is crucial for sustaining productivity and focus throughout the day. Planning each evening to organise meals and snacks for the following day promotes healthier eating and reduces impulsive decisions. Work towards achieving a balanced diet that incorporates carbohydrates, healthy fats and proteins,

This mix provides sustained energy and helps prevent sudden energy crashes. Keeping well-hydrated is equally essential; drinking adequate water throughout the day supports energy levels and prevents fatigue caused by dehydration.

To maintain stable energy levels, avoid sugary snacks that can lead to rapid changes in blood sugar levels. Instead, opt for snacks like nuts, yoghurt, or fruits, which offer a more consistent energy source. Engage in mindful eating by enjoying each bite, which supports better digestion and aids in regulating your appetite.

Including these dietary practices in your daily routine promotes better energy management, enhancing productivity and overall well-being.

7. Incorporating Downtime: Maximising Student Success

Remember, your well-being is just as important as your academic success. Schedule dedicated time for self-care and social activities in your university routine to maintain a healthy balance between work and relaxation.

Allocating time for self-care not only helps prevent ADHD paralysis but also demonstrates self-appreciation and fulfilment of personal needs. Participate in activities that bring you happiness and relaxation, such as reading, taking walks, or socialising with friends, as an essential aspect of your self-care regimen.

To manage ADHD paralysis effectively, employ strategies like breaking tasks into smaller steps, setting clear priorities, using reminders, and adhering to a daily planner.

If you find yourself slipping into ADHD paralysis, acknowledge it consciously and take a small step to break the cycle. Whether grabbing a healthy drink, listening to music, or changing your environment by taking a shower or stepping outside for fresh air, any action can help you regain focus. Importantly, be kind to yourself and avoid self-criticism; instead, move forward to the next task.

8. Mastering Meditation: Techniques for Enhanced Well-Being

Meditation significantly benefits students with ADHD by enhancing focus, reducing stress, and improving emotional regulation. Regular practice can calm the mind, making it easier to manage inattention and hyperactivity. Starting with just five minutes of meditation is a great way to begin. It may take a couple of months to grasp even a short meditation session fully. Try calming breathing exercises or grounding techniques if meditation doesn’t resonate.

Below is a sample of an ADHD-friendly morning routine, but remember that your personalised routine may differ significantly, and that’s perfectly fine. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution; you can tailor these strategies to your needs and circumstances. Feel confident that you can tailor them to suit you best.

This version maintains the flow while clarifying the benefits of meditation and emphasising personalisation strategies. It encourages flexibility and adaptation to individual preferences and needs, reinforcing the message that there is no universal approach to wellness that fits everyone.

Sample of an ADHD-friendly routine:

7:00 am: Wake up:

  • 7:15 am: Shower and get dressed
  • 7:45 am: Breakfast
  • 8:15 am: Commute to class

Noon Lunch:

  • 12:30 pm: Get some fresh air

Afternoon:

  • 1:00 pm: Classes or study
  • 3:00 pm: Snack break

Evening:

  • 6:00 pm: Dinner
  • 7:00 pm: Downtime (reading, hobbies, socialising with socialising.)
  • 9:00 pm: Relaxation or self-care (e.g. meditation)
  • 10:00 pm: Wind down for bed

Tips for Student Success

Flexibility: Adjust your routine to find what works best for you.

Consistency:  implementing these productivity tips will assist you in crafting a robust university routine, with time, will evolve into ingrained habits

Accountability: Share your schedule with friends, family, or housemates

Rewards: Celebrate small successes to keep yourself motivated.

Wrapping It All Up

Enhance your productivity, time management, and overall well-being with a structured routine tailored to your needs. The goal is to create a routine that fits with you while remaining flexible as you refine it.

If you need support in developing a consistent and healthy university routine, my coaching practice can help. As a counsellor and ADHD coach, I play a crucial role in student success by offering personalised guidance and accountability. Together, we’ll overcome challenges and achieve your goals.

I empower students with valuable insights and tailored strategies to navigate academic and personal hurdles. My guidance will help you unlock your full potential and thrive in your university journey.

Balancing Acts: ADHD and Menopause

Balancing Acts: ADHD and Menopause

For many women, the onset of perimenopause symptoms and menopause marks a significant life transition.  Menopause is a natural part of ageing, bringing many physical, cognitive and emotional changes. 

But what happens when this transitional life stage coincides with ADHD? 

For some women, menopause might be the first time they recognise that they have been living their life with ADHD. When these two conditions overlap, they can bring many new challenges, and their symptoms can be confusing and overwhelming and significantly impact a woman’s quality of life.  This blog explores the intersection of ADHD and perimenopause/menopause.  Let’s delve into how ADHD and menopause interact and what you can do to manage them both effectively.

graphic of a woman in a blue top sitting down contemplating the menopause

ADHD in Women

ADHD traits in women usually present with problems around executive functioning and emotional regulation. These traits can be highly challenging; unfortunately, until recent years, the traits may not have been recognised by medical professionals or mistaken for other conditions such as anxiety and depression.   

Many women receive an ADHD diagnosis after years of struggling with daily life. A late diagnosis can often come at the time of menopause when hormonal fluctuations can trigger a range of cognitive, behavioural and physical changes that can have a life-altering impact.

Cognitive Shifts During Menopause

Menopause occurs due to hormonal fluctuations, typically between ages 45 and 55. Although, perimenopause can start much earlier. During this time, the body undergoes significant hormonal shifts, particularly in oestrogen levels. These hormonal changes can lead to cognitive symptoms, often referred to as menopausal brain or brain fog. During menopause, you might forget things more often, struggle to concentrate or feel mentally sluggish.  The impact of these hormonal changes can lead to other issues, such as sleep problems, emotional dysregulation, mood changes, fatigue, disorganisation, and executive functioning issues.

Does this sound familiar? These symptoms can mirror ADHD, making it difficult to distinguish between the two. For women with ADHD, the symptoms of menopause can feel like their ADHD traits are suddenly much worse, adding another layer of challenges to daily life.   As well as cognitive changes, women can notice physical changes such as weight gain, and they may experience sudden hot flashes; together, these cognitive and physical symptoms can have an impact on confidence and self-esteem.

Why Symptoms Can Intensify During Perimenopause and Menopause

Why do ADHD and menopause seem to overlap with such intensity? New research on the relationship between ADHD and perimenopause/menopause is still developing, but studies suggest that decreased oestrogen and progesterone levels can heighten the traits of ADHD. ADHD often involves deficiencies in dopamine, a neurotransmitter which is necessary for managing attention and emotional responses. During perimenopause, the decline in oestrogen can disrupt dopamine regulation, leading to symptoms such as forgetfulness, brain fog, and emotional dysregulation.

Dopamine is essential for attention, motivation, and reward processing, and oestrogen levels can influence its production and regulation. Research from 2021 indicates that a decline in oestrogen can intensify ADHD symptoms by affecting dopamine functioning.

The Challenges of Diagnosis and Misdiagnosis

One of the challenges women face during menopause is the potential for misdiagnosis. Cognitive symptoms associated with menopause, such as forgetfulness and brain fog, can overlap with those of ADHD, and both can be mistaken for depression, anxiety, or the natural effects of ageing. This overlap can sometimes lead to being undiagnosed or a misdiagnosis.

Misdiagnosis is more likely if healthcare providers are not aware of a patient’s history. If you suspect that menopause or ADHD might be influencing your symptoms, bring it up with your doctor. Keeping a detailed journal of your symptoms can be helpful as it will ensure you cover all the relevant issues so you can confidently advocate for yourself during your appointment.

Managing ADHD During Menopause

Although the overlap of ADHD and menopause can be challenging, there are strategies and lifestyle changes that can help manage both: 

Medical Treatment:  Speak with your GP or Healthcare Provider about your treatment options. ADHD medication can be effective during menopause; both stimulant and non-stimulant medications are suitable. Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) might also be considered to help stabilise oestrogen levels, potentially lessening both menopausal

Mindfulness and Stress Reduction: Techniques like mindfulness, meditation, yoga, and diaphragmatic breathing exercises can help ease many of the symptoms of ADHD and menopause. Meditation helps regulate emotions, manage stress, and quieten a busy mind. Meditation and breathing exercises can also help with sleep issues and physical symptoms such as hot flashes, headaches, and muscle tension. 

Counselling and ADHD Coaching: Working with an ADHD coach or therapist can offer valuable tools for effectively managing your symptoms by providing practical strategies to make daily life much easier. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)  can help you navigate the challenges of both ADHD and menopause by guiding you in managing your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours more effectively. Additionally, discussing your difficulties with a counsellor can be a great way to release some of the feelings you may be holding on to. 

lady sitting in a chair contemplating the menopause and ADHD

Establish a Routine: Creating a structured daily routine can provide stability and help manage brain fog and disorganisation. Calendars, planners, and to-do lists can help you remember important appointments. Breaking tasks into smaller, more manageable parts can help with focus and prevent procrastination. Check my blog on goal-setting for some more strategies.

Lifestyle Adjustments:  Regular exercise can help regulate mood, increase cognitive functioning, and ease many traits of ADHD. Choose activities you enjoy. If you can get out in the fresh air, a brisk walk is ideal for boosting your overall well-being. Do some brainstorming to find activities you enjoy.  Eating the correct foods and taking supplements can help your overall well-being during menopause. A  healthy diet for women experiencing menopause can positively impact many areas, including regulating hormones, bones and heart health, weight management and increased energy levels.  

Sleep Hygiene:  Establish a bedtime routine, as a good night’s sleep will enhance cognitive function and emotional well-being. Night sweats often occur during menopause. Keep your bedroom cool by opening a window or using an air conditioning unit or a fan for a good night’s sleep. Similarly, it can be helpful to wear loose-fitting nightwear to stay calm and light, as well as breathable bedding and natural fibres like cotton. Consider specialist bedding such as moisture-wicking sheets or cooling pillows to help regulate body temperature.

Sharing Your Experiences: You’re Not Alone

It’s important to remember that you don’t have to go through this alone. However, if you feel alone or want to speak to others experiencing similar challenges, consider joining an online community or local support group. These groups can be a great form of emotional support, as you can ask questions and share experiences and information, which can positively impact how you feel.

Three smiley mature woman on the ground facing upwards supporting each other

Finding Support and Moving Forward

If you’re struggling to manage the symptoms of ADHD and menopause, reach out for help. Ask your healthcare provider, seek support from friends or family, and research both conditions. Knowledge is power, and understanding what’s happening in your body is the first step toward taking control.

Remember, menopause and ADHD may complicate your life, but with the right tools and support, you can manage both and continue to thrive.

Conclusion: Embrace the Journey

The intersection of ADHD and menopause can pose challenges, but it’s also an opportunity to learn more about yourself and to find new ways to manage and embrace life’s changes. By understanding how these two conditions interact, you can take proactive steps to improve your overall well-being. Don’t be afraid to seek help, share your story, and connect with others on the same journey.  

Managing ADHD Naturally: How RTT Hypnotherapy Helps

Managing attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) can involve navigating many unique challenges beyond the typical symptoms of inattention, impulsivity, and hyperactivity. Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) provides a powerful therapeutic approach for managing ADHD naturally by addressing the underlying subconscious beliefs and emotional triggers that contribute to attention and behavioural challenges.

One of the key features of RTT is that it combines hypnosis, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), psychodynamic therapy, and neuro-linguistic programming (NLP). This combination of therapies is a powerful tool that provides fast and permanent results for a wide range of issues, such as difficulty with executive functioning, physical issues, emotional regulation, and phobias. 

Renowned therapist Marisa Peer pioneered RTT.  Marisa used her years of experience as a therapist to create this unique approach that provides fast results as it gets to the root cause of the issue quickly, using hypnosis to communicate directly with the subconscious mind.  

RTT helps people reframe limiting beliefs, reduce stress, and enhance focus and self-regulation. These are not the only benefits of RTT; it can also improve concentration, reduce impulsivity, and promote a calmer mindset. This makes it a holistic approach that empowers individuals to manage ADHD traits without or alongside medication. Targeting the root causes of issues, RTT supports long-term behavioural change and emotional well-being. In this blog, I will discuss five common ADHD traits that RTT can help effectively.

Five Common ADHD Traits That Hypnotherapy Can Address

1. Break Free from Overthinking

Overthinking is a common trait of ADHD and one that can be difficult to manage. Often, people with ADHD have extremely busy minds and are overwhelmed by racing thoughts that disrupt concentration and decision-making.

Hypnotherapy, particularly RTT, helps calm these overactive thoughts. By guiding you into a deeply relaxed state, RTT enables you to address and reframe patterns of overthinking, fostering a more focused and confident mindset.

2. Boost Your Self-Esteem

When you are an adult with ADHD, whether diagnosed or undiagnosed, you have likely struggled since your younger years.  You could have memories of teachers or parents saying you could do better if you applied yourself more or didn’t listen in class.  Or, it could be that you have had time management issues and struggled to get to classes, the workplace or appointments on time.  This barrage of negative feedback can have an impact on your self-esteem.  You may feel inadequate or not good enough.  

RTT works to uncover and shift subconscious beliefs that undermine your self-worth. By transforming these deep-seated beliefs, RTT helps you cultivate a positive self-image and approach challenges with newfound confidence.

3. Enhance Your Sleep Quality

Sleep issues are a common struggle for those with ADHD, impacting your overall health and daily functioning. In particular, when you have ADHD, it can affect the inattentive aspect of ADHD, causing concentration issues and leading you to feel sluggish or make careless mistakes.  

RTT addresses these issues by promoting relaxation and establishing healthy sleep patterns.  Implementing the specialist techniques of RTT can help you overcome insomnia and achieve more restful, rejuvenating sleep. 

4. Boost Your Self-Confidence 

Hypnotherapy can boost your confidence by targeting the subconscious beliefs undermining your self-esteem. RTT helps reinforce positive affirmations and build a solid foundation of self-belief, enabling you to tackle challenges confidently.

Portrait of a woman with a rainbow coming out of her head, representing the positive impact of hypnotherapy on ADHD

5. Overcome Imposter Syndrome

Do you ever feel like a fraud despite your accomplishments? Imposter syndrome can hold you back from thoroughly enjoying your successes. RTT addresses the core beliefs fuelling this syndrome, helping you recognise and embrace your achievements.

By transforming your mindset, RTT supports you in acknowledging your true worth and feeling more genuine in your success.

The Research Behind Hypnotherapy

Research exploring the efficacy of hypnotherapy as a therapy for ADHD has been limited, but the existing findings are positive. Two small-scale studies led by Maarit Virta from the University of Helsinki demonstrated the effectiveness of hypnosis in helping with some of the typical traits associated with ADHD.

 Furthermore, a subsequent follow-up study indicated that hypnosis provided more significant outcomes than Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT).

To Conclude

Hypnotherapy, particularly RTT, offers a powerful way to manage ADHD naturally by transform the challenges associated with ADHD. Whether you’re struggling with the issues described in this blog or have other concerns you would like to address, RTT is a therapy that provides rapid results. Often, clients will see significant improvements in a single session. 

As an RTT therapist who specialises in working with people with ADHD, I am also a qualified ADHD Coach. To provide the best possible support, I combine effective strategies from ADHD coaching to help you set and reach your long-term goals.

If you are ready to tackle any limiting beliefs holding you back and make positive changes to your life, consider trying RTT. For more information on therapies to help manage ADHD traits, please visit my website’s ADHD Therapy for Adults page or book a discovery call. 

8 Tips to Stop Being a People-Pleaser

8 Tips to Stop Being A People-Pleaser

Do you often agree with others even when it doesn’t align with your feelings or personal values?  Do you want to share your opinion or say no, but somehow, it never happens? If this sounds familiar, there is a high chance you are a people-pleaser or have people-pleasing tendencies.  The difference is that if you are a people-pleaser, you will consistently please others regardless of the consequences to your well-being. In contrast, it will be more occasional and situational if you have people-pleasing tenancies. 

People-pleasing is linked to the ‘fawn’ response, a concept introduced by Pete Walker. The ‘fawn’ response describes people-pleasing as safety behaviour whereby people prioritise others’ needs to avoid conflict and safeguard their well-being.

People-pleasing often stems from a strong desire for acceptance and keeping harmony. Keeping others happy can create a sense of security, so pleasing others may initially seem effective. However, it comes with a downside. By prioritising the needs of others, you can lose sight of your authentic self. People-pleasers often act out of a deep fear of rejection, conflict, or abandonment, believing they won’t be left behind if they keep others happy.

Breaking free from people-pleasing can be incredibly empowering and comes with many benefits. Here are eight strategies to help you reduce or overcome the habit of people-pleasing so you can prioritise your happiness.

1. Setting Healthy Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries goes beyond simply saying no—it’s about building healthier relationships and prioritising your well-being. Being able to confidently and assertively say “no” is key to this process. By setting personal boundaries, you acknowledge that your needs are just as important as the needs of others.   While setting boundaries may take time, it is vital to personal growth and self-empowerment.

“Spread your wings and find freedom in being true to yourself.”

A free bird flying in a bright blue sky with white clouds, symbolizing freedom and breaking free from people-pleasing.

2. Assertive Communication

Develop assertiveness skills to express your opinions, needs, and preferences confidently and respectfully. Communicate your goals and desires to others. You can address any lingering resentment or conflicts through open and honest conversations, ultimately strengthening your relationships. Becoming more assertive will benefit both your personal and professional life. A great way to start communicating assertively is by practising saying no in low-pressure situations to build confidence and ease in setting clear boundaries.

3. Building Self-Esteem

Developing self-esteem and self-worth independent of others’ approval is crucial for overcoming people-pleasing. By recognising your priorities and strengths, you can empower yourself to focus on your needs and well-being. Embracing your unique values helps you make choices that align with your true self rather than counting on receiving external validation.  Remember to put importance on taking care of your own needs, as you are the best person to take control of your life.

4. Prioritise Self-Compassion

Develop the ability to prioritise yourself by placing your needs and well-being above the urge to focus on other people’s needs. Incorporate self-care into your routine by scheduling enjoyable and relaxing activities. Regularly remind yourself of your worthiness of love and respect; positive affirmations can be constructive when reinforcing this mindset. 

5. Self-Reflection

Reflect on what motivates your drive to attempt to improve the lives of others around you. The first step in implementing change is recognising and managing the factors that prevent you from progressing. Recognise triggers such as situations, emotions, or people that trigger your people-pleasing tendencies. Awareness can help you respond differently.  Journalling for a couple of minutes each day can be a great way to self-reflect.

6. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Challenging thoughts and beliefs that fuel people-pleasing behaviours, such as fear of rejection or perfectionism, are essential. Challenging your thoughts can change your mindset, reduce the urge to seek approval from others, and avoid conflict.

7. Seek Support

Talk to trusted friends or family members, or seek professional support who can encourage, guide, and provide feedback as you work on changing your behaviour. When you introduce boundaries and assertive communication into your life, others close to you may observe the changes.  

The best way to manage this is different for everyone. You may want to share with those closest to you that you are making positive changes, or you can work on this alone without the approval of others. Either way is okay, as the most important thing is that you are making changes and getting the support and input that is helpful for you. 

8. Mindfulness and Emotional Awareness

Regular mindfulness practice is a key to gaining a deeper understanding of your emotions. It empowers you to acknowledge and validate your feelings as genuine and worthy of expression, a crucial step towards emotional well-being.

Journalling increases self-awareness and provides a space to reflect on your thoughts and feelings. By implementing mindfulness and journalling, you can diminish the urge to avoid conflict or seek approval from others, resulting in healthier relationships.

zen stones with sunset calm late representing prioritising yourself rather than people-pleasing

The Connection Between People-Pleasing and Vulnerability

People-pleasers often try to appease others to avoid feeling vulnerable or uncomfortable. Brené Brown emphasises that recognising and embracing vulnerability as a strength can empower you to engage more authentically in relationships, creating deeper emotional connections and self-acceptance.

Why do People Become People-Pleasers?

People-pleasers often share certain traits and psychological tendencies, here are some common reasons individuals become people-pleasers;

  • High Agreeableness: If you are highly agreeable, you’re naturally cooperative and compassionate, prioritising harmony in relationships by prioritising others’ needs rather than taking care of your own needs. 
  • Low Self-Esteem: People with low self-esteem seek external validation to feel valued and worthy of love. 
  • Fear of Rejection or Abandonment: The fear of rejection or abandonment drives you to seek approval and avoid actions that might upset others.
  • Perfectionism: You strive to meet the high standards of others, or often it is the high standards you have set yourself. 
  • Childhood Conditioning: Growing up in environments where pleasing caregivers was crucial for receiving love and attention can lead to a learned behaviour of prioritising others’ needs.
  • Empathy and Sensitivity: Highly empathetic individuals often prioritise others’ needs before their own, frequently at the expense of their well-being.
  • Co-dependency: In a codependent relationship, you might derive your sense of identity and self-worth from caring for and pleasing others.
  • Societal Expectations, which often promote being passive and accommodating as signs of politeness and consideration, can reinforce these behaviours.
  • Evolutionary Factors: The tendency to please others might stem from early human communities where acceptance and approval were crucial for survival and resource sharing.
  • Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): Often associated with ADHD, RSD involves heightened sensitivity to perceived criticism or rejection, leading to overextending yourself to gain approval.

The Consequences of People-Pleasing

While people-pleasing can initially create positive interactions, it often leads to adverse outcomes, such as suppressed emotions, reduced self-worth, feelings of shame, toxic relationships, and stress and burnout. Recognising these consequences is crucial in understanding the need to break the people-pleasing pattern.  

Suppressed Emotions: Prioritising others’ needs can lead to suppressing your emotions to avoid disappointing or upsetting others. Suppressing your feelings can lead to anxiety, sadness and depression, as well as physical problems such as headaches or digestive issues.

Reduced Self-Worth: Over time, you can lose touch with who you are when you listen to other people’s opinions. Decision-making may be increasingly tricky in the long run as you don’t trust your decisions.  

Feelings of Guilt and Shame: Prioritising others can lead to behaviours that contradict your beliefs and values, causing feelings of shame. 

Toxic Relationships: You might find yourself in relationships where others exploit your kindness or passiveness. This can, in some cases, lead to being the victim of gaslighting or abuse. 

Stress and Burnout: Chronic prioritisation of others’ needs can contribute to anxiety and burnout, affecting your mental and physical health.  Often, people-pleasers mask, which can be exhausting.

Are You A People-Pleaser?  Recognising the Signs?

Recognising people-pleasing tendencies is a crucial step toward self-awareness and personal growth. Identifying people-pleasing tendencies is an essential step toward self-awareness. Look out for these patterns:

  • Overextending Yourself: Going to great lengths to meet others’ needs, even to your detriment.
  • Difficulty Saying No: You feel compelled to go above and beyond for others, even when they inconvenience you.
  • Seeking Approval: Craving validation and acceptance from others to feel valued.
  • Avoiding Conflict: Going out of your way to have a quiet life and keep others happy at the cost of your preferences.

Action Plan: Examples of Setting Boundaries and Being Assertive

Applying boundaries and assertiveness can vary across different contexts:

  • Personal Relationships: Communicate your need for personal space or discuss sensitive topics.
  • Work Environments: Assert your limits on workload or address inappropriate behaviour from colleagues.
  • Social Settings: Politely decline invitations or express your preferences without guilt.

 To Conclude

Breaking free from people-pleasing requires courage and self-compassion. It’s about recognising your needs and boundaries while nurturing genuine connections with others. Remember, seeking support and practising self-awareness are essential to this personal growth and empowerment journey. If you have been a people-pleaser for a long time, it can take time to change these habits, and it can mean that you are out of your comfort zone.

However, keep going, always reminding yourself that you are the most important person in your life. Giving up trying to please others is not the same as being selfish; instead, it means putting your health and happiness first. You may be surprised to discover that when you do put your needs first and communicate your preferences to others, you can develop more meaningful conditions. 

If you want to stop people-pleasing but need some support, please book a discovery call.

The Importance of Therapy for Men

The Importance of Therapy For Men

Therapy for men is crucial, as mental health challenges can affect anyone, regardless of gender. However, fewer men seek therapy, highlighting the need to explore the reasons and benefits associated with it. Men can face mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, relationship problems, and trauma, similar to women, yet they are less likely to reach out for therapy.

Although men can experience the same issues as women, they often manifest differently. For example, depression in men may appear as anger due to the tendency to suppress emotions. This emotional suppression can lead to verbal outbursts, irritability, or even passive or physical aggression. Suppressing emotions can also contribute to various mental health problems, including anxiety and stress. Additionally, suppressed emotions can result in physical symptoms like headaches, digestive issues, and muscle tension. Explore the research on emotion theory by (Nickerson, 2023) Simply Psychology.

Therapy for Men – The Statistics

Men often mask symptoms of depression by taking an “I just need to get on with it” approach. This approach can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms like alcohol use, substance abuse, pornography addiction, or gambling. By the time these strategies become problematic, mental health may have significantly deteriorated.

Statistics reveal the need for increased attention to men’s mental health:

  • In 2021, Scotland recorded 556 deaths by suicide, according to the National Records of Scotland (NRS), which is 73% higher than the 206 deaths by suicide among women. The statistics are similar in England and Wales. More information can be found in this article written by the Samaritans.
  • Men with Alcohol Dependence are more likely to have a history of conduct disorder and antisocial personality disorder. At the same time, women with Alcohol Dependence are more likely to have comorbid mood or anxiety disorders (Dawson et al., 2010).
  • According to the government’s national well-being survey, men report lower levels of life satisfaction than women. Only 36% of referrals to NHS counselling are for men, and nearly three-quarters of adults who go missing are men. Additionally, 87% of rough sleepers are men. An article in the Mental Health Foundation provides more information about these stats.

These statistics emphasise the need to shift societal perceptions of men seeking therapy.

Therapy for Men: Understanding the Barriers

  • Societal Gender Norms: Society often expects men to be “strong, self-reliant, and powerful.” These societal norms can make seeking support challenging, leading men to mask or suppress symptoms.
  • Shame: Men who resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms may feel guilt or self-disgust, making it difficult to seek help. However, reaching out is a sign of strength and resilience. My blog is available here if you would like to read more about shame.
  • Stigma: The stigma around mental health issues remains a significant barrier. Normalising conversations about mental health can change this. Just as you would work on physical health, mental health is equally important.
  • Fear of Vulnerability: Opening up in therapy can be daunting. Yet, vulnerability is a strength that can deepen relationships and foster personal growth.

Case Study: David presented with anger issues and sleep problems

David, a 35-year-old client, came to counselling and coaching for issues with anger and poor sleep. During sessions, he revealed he drank alcohol every night to cope with workplace stress. This nightly drinking contributed to his sleep disturbances and aggravated his anger issues.

Through our work together, we focused on reducing his alcohol consumption, improving sleep hygiene, developing anger management techniques, as well as putting boundaries at work regarding the number of hours he worked. David gradually noticed better sleep and improved anger control, highlighting the interconnectedness of his issues and the importance of addressing them through therapy.

The Advantages of Therapy for Men

Therapy offers men a safe space to openly discuss their concerns and express themselves freely without fear of rejection.  In therapy, men can learn healthy coping strategies such as emotional regulation, meditation, grounding exercises, journalling, assertive communication, and implementing boundaries.

A therapist allows men the space to manage past issues that may impact their lives today.  Alternatively, some men prefer to focus on what is happening for them in the here and now rather than revisit past experiences.

What you would like to gain from therapy is something you can discuss during a discovery call. You want to ensure that a therapist works in a way that you will find most helpful.

Helpful Strategies to Manage Your Mental Health

Normalising Therapy for Men

  • By going to therapy, you convey to others, including your friends and family, that taking care of your mental health is a positive step.
  • Being open and honest about seeking help could inspire others to adopt your outlook and encourage the growth of a society where discussing emotions can be done more freely.

Strengthening Relationships

  • Effectively managing emotions can help build healthy and fulfilling relationships.
  • People tend to have closer relationships with their loved ones, members of their families, and close friends when they are aware of their own emotions and can empathise with others.

Improves Job Performance

  • The workplace is known to be a place that can be challenging when one is already struggling with one’s mental health. Therapy can help reduce work-related stress and anxiety, improve job performance, and enhance communication and teamwork skills.

When To Seek Therapy

If you have any of the following symptoms, it may be a good idea to consider therapy:

  • I’ve been more easily irritated than usual.
  • Experienced bursts of anger or aggression.
  • Felt sad or down.
  • Felt overwhelmed or under much pressure.
  • Unexpectedly gained or lost weight.
  • Started drinking or using drugs more frequently than before.
  • I have been relying on alcohol or drugs to cope with a challenging situation.
  • Lost interest in activities you used to enjoy.
  • I struggled to concentrate at work, school, or home.
  • I had more headaches or days of feeling generally unwell.
  • Sleeping too much or too little.
  • Felt tired even after a whole night’s sleep.

Finding a Therapist

The therapist’s gender is not crucial, but finding one with whom you feel safe and comfortable is essential. It’s critical to find a therapist who is empathetic and experienced in addressing male-related concerns.

Wrapping It All Up

Therapy for men represents a path toward improved mental health and overall well-being. By addressing barriers and promoting open dialogue, we aim to create a supportive space where men can prioritise their mental health.

I support you as a counsellor and coach specialising in men’s mental health. If you’re ready to take the first step, contact me to book a discovery call today. Reaching out for support is a sign of strength, and you deserve to prioritise your mental health.

Understanding and Managing Shame for Personal Growth

Understanding and Managing Shame for Personal Growth

Shame is a complex emotion that can negatively impact your quality of life if not managed effectively. Recognising and understanding shame is the first step toward freeing yourself from the grip of this often painful emotion. When shame takes hold, individuals often feel inadequate or fundamentally flawed. These feelings of shame can stem from various life experiences, including negative beliefs or unrealistic social norms.

For some, chronic shame may be rooted in a deep sense of embarrassment, leading to low self-esteem and a negative self-perception. However, overcoming this powerful emotion through self-compassion and intentional personal growth is possible.

Shame vs. Guilt: Key Differences

Recognising the distinction between guilt and shame is crucial for managing emotional responses effectively:

  • Feelings of shame focus on the self, often leading to low self-esteem and negative thoughts. It’s the belief that “I am bad.”
  • Feelings of guilt, however, focus on actions, leading to the thought, “I did something bad.”

For example, if a student cheats on a test, they may feel guilty by thinking, “I made a poor choice.” On the other hand, shame would cause them to believe, “I am a bad person.” Similarly, if someone is late for a meeting, they may feel embarrassed, but it could develop into shame if they start to believe they are inherently unreliable.

illustration of woman with fingers pointing towards her representing feeling shameful

Shame vs. Embarrassment

While related, shame and embarrassment are distinct emotions. Embarrassment often involves temporary discomfort about a specific situation without long-term effects on one’s self-worth. For instance, spilling a drink at a party might cause embarrassment. However, if it leads to thoughts like “I am clumsy” or “I’m not good enough,” it may trigger feelings of shame.

Situations like being criticised at work, experiencing a breakup, or not meeting societal beauty standards can also lead to negative self-perception and shame. Understanding these differences can help you to navigate your emotional experiences and prevent self-destructive behaviours.

The Evolutionary Roots of Shame

According to research by Sznycer et al. (2016), shame evolved as a defence mechanism to protect individuals from social rejection. In ancient times, being valued by the community was crucial for survival. As a powerful emotion, shame encourages individuals to conform to social norms and maintain positive relationships.

Today, while the environment has changed, the emotional response remains. However, modern pressures—such as social media comparisons—can intensify feelings of inadequacy. This negative self-talk can make it more challenging to navigate negative thoughts and emotions healthily.

When Is Shame Not Helpful?

Shame becomes toxic when it leads to excessive self-criticism, causing toxic shame. This often involves self-destructive behaviours and can result from early life experiences such as trauma, abuse, or emotional neglect. Toxic shame leads to a belief that one is fundamentally flawed, unlovable, or incapable of being a better person.

Managing Toxic Shame

If your feelings of shame become overwhelming or difficult to manage, professional help may be necessary.  Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help challenge negative beliefs and reframe negative self-talk. If self-help techniques or confiding in a trusted friend don’t alleviate the feelings, reaching out to a therapist or joining a safe space like a support group may provide relief.

How Shame Affects the Body and Mind

Shame triggers a series of physiological and psychological responses:

  • Emotional well-being: Feelings of shame can lead to chronic stress, which affects your emotional and mental health. You might experience a feeling of inadequacy, a desire to hide, or even inner critical thoughts that negatively impact your sense of self-worth.
  • Physical symptoms: Shame can activate the body’s stress response, causing physical health issues such as an increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, muscle tension, sweating, and digestive problems.
  • Mental health issues: Prolonged shame weakens the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to illness while also affecting mental health, concentration, and decision-making.

Six Effective Ways to Manage Shame

Overcoming shame involves implementing practical, healthy strategies:

  1. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Utilise CBT techniques to challenge negative self-perception. For example, replace “I’m a complete failure” with “I am on a journey of personal growth.”
  2. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with care and engage in activities that enhance your emotional well-being, like journaling or spending time in nature.
  3. Learn and Grow: Consider mistakes to be an opportunity for growth. View shame as a tool to realign your behaviours with your values, thus becoming a better person.
  4. Mindfulness and Breathing Techniques: Practice mindfulness and use grounding exercises or breathing techniques to manage your emotional responses. These methods help calm the central nervous system and bring balance.
  5. Positive Self-Talk: Focus on affirmations that build your positive self-image. Journaling is an effective way to track your achievements and strengths.
  6. Talk About It: Opening up about your feelings of shame with a trusted friend or in an online support group can reduce isolation and help you gain perspective.

man with arms outstretched representing freedom from feelings of shame

To Conclude

Shame is challenging, but it doesn’t have to control your life. By understanding its roots and practising effective ways to manage it, you can reclaim your sense of self-worth and cultivate a positive self-image. Embrace your personal development journey by building emotional well-being, practising self-compassion, and overcoming shame’s negative grip.

If you’re ready to address toxic shame and achieve personal growth, consider seeking professional support through therapy or coaching. Take the first step toward living with confidence and peace. Book a free discovery call today.

Understanding Anger Management

Understanding Anger Management

Understanding anger management is key to navigating this emotion effectively.  Anger is a universal emotion that we all experience. It’s a natural response to perceived threats or injustices, alerting us to situations that require attention and action. Remember, feeling anger is normal and part of the human experience. You are not alone in this; your feelings of anger are a natural part of being human.

Anger can help us set boundaries, advocate for ourselves, and manage difficult situations. Moreover, anger can motivate positive change, making us more resilient and encouraging us to stand up for our values. Anger can aid personal growth and social change when properly understood and directed. In his article “The Value of Anger: 16 Reasons It’s Good to Get Angry” (GoodTherapy, 2017), Moshe Ratson discusses the benefits of experiencing anger.

When anger feels difficult to control, it can become a challenge. But it’s a challenge you can overcome. Understanding and managing your anger is not just about regaining control; it’s about empowerment. It’s about recognising the signs of anger and having the tools to manage it effectively. It’s about taking charge of your emotions and your life. Mastering your anger is a significant step towards personal empowerment and control.

Understanding Anger: How to Manage Anger

Anger ranges from mild irritation to full-blown rage and can be a powerful motivator. However, uncontrolled anger can negatively impact our lives. Understanding that anger isn’t the problem is crucial—how we manage and express it is essential. With the correct strategies, anger can force positive change, increasing happiness and well-being.

When anger strikes, our body quickly activates the ‘fight or flight’ response, which occurs when individuals perceive a threat or danger. This innate survival mechanism triggers a rush of physiological changes to prepare the body to confront the threat or flee from it.

When faced with a stressful situation, such as encountering a wild animal or experiencing a crisis, the body’s sympathetic nervous system becomes activated.

The fight-or-flight response prepares us to confront or flee threats or danger. It triggers a burst of hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol, to rush through the body, causing bodily reactions such as an increased heart rate, sweating, and muscle tension.

These physiological changes prepare us to take quick action, which can be helpful in real-life emergencies like preventing an accident or stopping a crime. However, when the threat is only perceived rather than actual, these intense bodily reactions can leave us stuck in a fight-or-flight state, causing potential health issues.

Why Do I Get So Angry?

People express anger differently depending on cultural, social, and individual factors such as learned behaviour or past experiences. Neurodevelopmental conditions such as ADHD and autism, neurological disorders, addiction, and other mental or physical health issues can influence how individuals express anger. Despite this variability, people typically feel and express anger in some common ways. Understanding your expression of anger is crucial for effective management. Managing anger involves neither suppressing it nor letting it escalate unchecked. Instead, it requires handling it assertively and constructively.

Individuals release anger differently based on the situation, which naturally differs from person to person.

How People Express Anger Verbally and Non-Verbally.

Verbal Expressions

  • Shouting or Swearing: Changing tone of voice or language used
  • Sarcasm or Mockery: Using cutting or ironic remarks
  • Blaming or Accusations: Pointing fingers or attributing fault to others
  • Threats: Indicating intention to cause harm or trouble

Non-Verbal Expressions

  • Facial Expressions: Frowning, staring, or clenching the jaw
  • Body Language: Tense shoulders, clenched fists, or aggressive gestures

Behavioural Expressions

  • Physical Aggression: Hitting, pushing, or any form of violence
  • Throwing or Breaking Objects: Destroying or damaging possessions
  • Stomping: Being heavy-footed
  • Withdrawing: Refusing to communicate or engage

Emotional Reactions

  • Crying: Tears can release emotions.
  • Frustration: Showing signs of extreme annoyance or exasperation
  • Irritability: Becoming annoyed, irritated or uneasy by minor interactions or events

Understanding your expression of anger is crucial for effective management. Managing anger involves neither suppressing it nor letting it escalate unchecked. Instead, it requires handling it assertively and constructively.

Learning and applying the proper techniques can be empowering, even when anger feels overwhelming—it’s about regaining control over your emotions and managing your anger effectively.

How can Uncontrolled Anger Impact Physical and Mental Health?

The Impact of Uncontrolled Anger

Uncontrolled anger can significantly impact various aspects of your life:

  • Physical Health: Increases the risk of high blood pressure, heart problems, and a weakened immune system
  • Mental Health: Contributes to depression, anxiety and low self-esteem
  • Relationships: Strains relationships with loved ones, leading to conflicts and misunderstandings
  • Work: Affects job performance and creates a hostile work environment.

Understanding your expression of anger is crucial for effective management. Managing anger involves neither suppressing it nor letting it escalate unchecked. Instead, it requires handling it assertively and constructively.

While intense anger may seem overwhelming, employing appropriate techniques and strategies can empower you to manage anger effectively and regain mastery over your emotions.

Physical Exercise can help you to release anger, and it is good for your overall mental health.

Exploring Different Forms of Anger

  • Passive Anger: Suppressing rage and using subtle behaviours such as giving silent treatment or using sarcasm to express anger.
  • Chronic Anger: Consists of directing anger and resentment consistently towards people or situations.
  • Self-Inflicted Anger: Anger directed towards oneself often involves self-blame, guilt, or self-criticism.
  • Behavioural Anger: Aggressive and explosive behaviour, including yelling, physical harm, or destructive actions.
  • Constructive Anger: Is a positive expression that motivates constructive change, problem-solving, and standing up for one’s beliefs. When managed effectively, anger can be a powerful tool for personal growth and social change. It’s not about suppressing or avoiding anger but about using it to benefit yourself and those around you.

Typical Bodily Responses to Anger

  • Increased heart rate and blood pressure
  • Muscle tension and clenched fists
  • Irritability, restlessness, or a short temper
  • Racing thoughts or difficulty concentrating
  • Sweating and flushed face
  • Elevated levels of stress or anxiety
  • Difficulty sleeping or insomnia

What are some effective strategies for managing anger?

Determining the signs of anger is the first step towards managing it effectively. It’s a journey of self-awareness and control. Here are some self-help strategies to help you manage your anger and find relief.

Managing anger is an integral part of maintaining healthy relationships and overall well-being. Here are some strategies to help you improve your anger management skills:

  • Identify Triggers: Pay attention to situations or events that trigger your anger. Recognising these triggers can help you respond more effectively.
  • Take a Timeout: When anger rises, step away from the situation. Give yourself time to cool down before reacting. Counting to 10 or practising calming breathing exercises can be helpful.
  • Focus on Relaxation: Use relaxation techniques like deep breathing, grounding techniques or imagery to calm your body and mind. Relaxation exercises can prevent anger from escalating.
  • Change Your Thoughts: Cognitive restructuring involves altering negative thought patterns. Challenge your inner dialogue and try reframing thoughts with different outcomes. For instance, instead of thinking, “This is unfair,” consider, “I can handle this calmly”. Another example could be, instead of thinking, “I’m always the one who has to do everything,” consider, “I’m capable of handling my responsibilities.”
  • Problem-Solving: Address underlying issues causing frustration. Sometimes, anger arises from real problems that need solutions. Seek constructive ways to resolve them.
  • Improve Communication: Use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming others. Effective communication reduces misunderstandings and defuses anger.
  • Use Humour: Lightening the mood with humour can release tension. Find a funny perspective on the situation.
  • Create an Anger Management Plan: Prepare in advance by outlining steps to take when upset. Having a plan helps you respond more skillfully.

Remember, managing anger doesn’t mean never getting angry—it’s about handling it constructively. Practice these techniques, and you’ll develop better control over your emotions over time. If persistent anger is affecting your life, consider seeking professional help.

How can a Counsellor or Coach Help?

If self-help strategies aren’t enough, seeking professional help can be incredibly beneficial. Therapy often begins with an initial discovery call, where you can express your concerns and establish personal goals. As sessions progress, you’ll develop effective coping strategies that empower you and demonstrate your ability to manage anger.

Techniques such as person-centred therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), hypnosis, and coaching offer practical approaches to address and control anger. If you’re ready to make a positive change, I’m here to support you on your journey to better anger management

Hypnotherapy for a Virtual Gastric Band

RTT Hypnotherapy for a Virtual Gastric Band

Have you tried countless diets, only to find yourself trapped in a pattern of crash dieting, where any weight loss you achieve is soon followed by weight gain? You may have seen positive results with some diets, but your old eating habits creep back over time. Most traditional diets focus on restricting certain foods, which can be challenging to maintain over the long term. However, weight problems extend far beyond your food choices; weight issues are deeply ingrained in subconscious beliefs and emotional ties to eating.

Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) and Virtual Gastric Band Hypnotherapy can transform your weight loss journey by addressing the emotional connection to eating. RTT Hypnotherapy offers a sustainable and effective solution to weight management by addressing the psychological factors that influence your food choices.

What is Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT)?

RTT is an innovative therapy designed by renowned therapist Marisa Peer. It combines the most powerful elements of Hypnosis, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and Psychodynamic Therapy. This combination of therapies allows for deep and lasting results by working directly with the subconscious mind, where our habits and beliefs are formed.

As a therapist, I’ve used RTT to help many clients struggling with weight management issues, and the root cause of these issues goes far beyond the types of foods being consumed. 

Underlying beliefs and emotional triggers lead to unhealthy eating patterns, which need to be addressed for lasting change. RTT allows us to dig deep into these subconscious patterns and reframe them to support healthier choices.

What is Virtual Gastric Band Hypnotherapy?

A Virtual Gastric Band is a non-surgical approach to weight management that mimics the effects of a physical gastric band but uses the power of hypnosis instead of invasive surgery. During an RTT session, hypnosis allows you to tap into your subconscious mind to uncover and address the underlying causes of your weight challenges.

Unlike traditional gastric band surgery, the Virtual Gastric Band involves no physical procedures, medical risks, or recovery time. Instead, this process uses the power of suggestion to convince your mind that you’ve undergone a gastric band operation, leading to a natural reduction in appetite. You feel satisfied eating smaller portions, making it easier to lose weight and maintain those results over time—all from the comfort of your own home.

relaxing beach stone podium representing relaxing with RTT hypnotherapy for shedding weight

Why Can We Struggle With Weight Management Issues?

Weight management is not just about overeating; it’s often tied to deep-seated emotional and psychological factors. Many of us develop unhealthy relationships with food as a response to trauma, stress or emotional needs. For example:

  • Emotional Eating: Some people turn to food for comfort when stressed, anxious, or unhappy. This emotional eating can be a coping mechanism developed in childhood or during challenging times.
  • Beliefs About Food: Deep-rooted beliefs, such as “I deserve to treat myself with food” or “I need to finish everything on my plate,” can lead to overeating and unhealthy food choices.
  • Past Trauma: In some cases, unresolved trauma can lead to disordered eating patterns as a form of control or comfort. These are psychological issues that diets alone cannot address.

RTT allows us to reframe these deep-seated beliefs, replacing them with healthier patterns that align with your long-term goals for weight management.  If you are determined to achieve successful weight loss and make positive changes in your life, this non-surgical technique could be the ideal therapy for you.

Why Choose RTT and a Virtual Gastric Band Over Traditional Dieting?

Traditional diets often lead to short-term success, followed by weight regain. This happens because diets only address surface-level behaviour—what you eat—without tackling the psychological reasons behind overeating or unhealthy food choices. RTT, combined with Virtual Gastric Band Hypnosis, focuses on transforming your relationship with food from the inside out. By addressing the emotional and psychological triggers, you can free yourself from yo-yo dieting and achieve lasting results.  

No Deprivation

Many diets work by telling you what you can’t eat, leading to feelings of deprivation that can worsen weight problems. Restricting foods can make sticking to a diet difficult and, eventually, lead to overendugling or giving up entirely, so it’s not a long-term solution. RTT works differently. It helps you enjoy your favourite foods in moderation without feeling deprived. This freedom allows you to experience healthy weight loss, giving you the power to make lasting changes.

Sustainable Change

One key to long-term weight management is learning to trust your body’s natural hunger signals. RTT helps reconnect you with these signals, allowing you to eat intuitively. You’ll learn to recognise when you are hungry and stop eating when satisfied, leading to eating smaller amounts for sustainable weight loss.

Set Your Personal Weight Loss Goals

In the first session of RTT, we’ll discuss your specific weight loss goals so the session can be tailored to suit your needs best. Your motivations may vary—some individuals are focused on losing weight due to medical conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, or digestive issues. Others may seek a healthier lifestyle to have more energy for activities like playing with their children or grandchildren or even taking up a new sport. For some, the goal is to improve their self-image, including wearing the clothes they genuinely want rather than feeling limited by their current size.

The Science Behind Hypnosis and Weight Loss

There’s solid evidence supporting the effectiveness of hypnosis when combined with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) for weight loss. A meta-analysis conducted by Kirsch, Montgomery, and Sapirstein (1993) found that integrating hypnosis with CBT significantly enhanced weight loss results, with improvements of up to 70% over using CBT alone. The study also showed that participants who used hypnosis with CBT were more likely to maintain their weight loss over time.

What Happens During an RTT Session?

You’ll enter a deeply relaxed state through hypnosis during an RTT session. In this state, your subconscious mind becomes more receptive to positive suggestions and imagery. If you are ready to start shedding weight using this non-surgical technique, this is what you can expect.

  • Hypnosis Session: You’ll visualise the installation of a virtual gastric band, simulating the physical effects of a real gastric band without the discomfort of surgery. This process helps you feel full and satisfied with smaller portions of food.
  • Personalised Audio Recording: After the session, you’ll receive a customised hypnosis audio recording to listen to for 21 days. This daily reinforcement is crucial for solidifying the changes made during your session and helping you create new, healthier habits.
  • Ongoing Support: Your therapist will guide you throughout your weight loss journey, ensuring you have the tools and strategies to maintain your progress.

Why RTT Works

RTT works by identifying and reframing the deep-rooted beliefs and emotions that drive unhealthy eating behaviours. By changing these patterns at the subconscious level, you can create lasting change in your relationship with food. Combined with Virtual Gastric Band Therapy, this approach makes weight loss achievable without the risks, recovery time, and discomfort of a physical gastric band.

Beautiful plus size woman supporting health and wellbing

Case Study: Michelle’s Journey to Confidence with Virtual Hypnosis Gastric Band Therapy (RTT)

Michelle, a 53-year-old teacher, initially came to me for counselling.  Michelle struggled when it came to weight management, confidence, and self-image—years of yo-yo dieting and weight fluctuations had taken their toll on her mental health.

Furthermore, Michelle explained that she would start a new diet enthusiastically and see some results, but she only saw short-term results as her old habits would return and her weight would pile back on. She spoke about worrying excessively about the health issues associated with weight problems. Michelle knew she had to make big lifestyle changes if she was ever going to be the fit, healthy person she dreamed of being. 

I could see that Michelle needed more than just a solution to her weight management issues; she needed to rebuild her confidence, regain control of her eating habits, and address the root cause of her struggle with her self-image.  I spoke to Michelle about the hypnotic gastric band, specifically through the practice of RTT, and she was keen to try it. 

Regression Therapy

During regression, Michelle returned to being in the school lunch hall when she was in primary school; she remembers school lunch often being the only hot meal she would eat as her parents struggled financially.  Michelle would eat dinner as quickly as possible, as the children who finished their plates could go up for a second helping.  Michelle spoke of eating exceptionally quickly and finishing her plate in case the food ran out.  This scene demonstrated that Michelle had formed the belief that food could run out, so she had to eat as much as possible when it was available.

The virtual gastric band hypnosis worked by creating a powerful suggestion that Michelle’s stomach was smaller than it was, helping her feel fuller faster and naturally reduce her portions without feeling deprived. However, we also addressed her mindset around food. We removed the belief that food was scarce and that it could run out. Addressing the beliefs around food is not a technique used in surgical gastric band therapy, but it is an essential part of gastric band hypnosis.

Michelle felt a mind-shift change directly after the session, as she was looking at weight loss through a completely different lens. We followed up a few days later, and Michelle had her weight loss goal in place and planned how she would reach it. She was motivated.

3 Months After The Session

Three months after her virtual gastric band hypnosis therapy, Michelle had not only shed weight but also a significant amount of emotional baggage. She was down several clothing sizes, but more importantly, she felt lighter in her mind and spirit. She reconnected with friends and even began to enjoy shopping for clothes again, something that used to fill her with dread.  I was extremely proud of the hard work Michelle put into the RTT process which contributed to her getting these amazing results.

Ready to Transform Your Relationship with Food?

To summarise, the hypnotic gastric band isn’t just about creating a physical sensation of fullness or imagining the physical size of the stomach shrinking; it’s about transforming how you think and interact with food.  Please book a discovery call if you are ready to make a positive change.

6 Facts About Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT)

6 Facts About Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT)

Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) is a powerful therapeutic method founded by Marisa Peer, a renowned therapist with a 30-year career as a trainer, speaker, and best-selling author. Drawing on her extensive experience, Marisa combined various therapeutic approaches to develop RTT. Marisa Peer became a highly sought-after therapist, working with CEOs, Olympic athletes, Oscar winners, and acclaimed musicians. Due to the incredible success of RTT, Marisa founded The Rapid Transformation School of Training to make RTT accessible to everyone, offering sessions that can be conducted online from anywhere in the world.

In 2021, I became a certified RTT practitioner, and it has been one of the most rewarding decisions of my career. The fast, lasting transformations I’ve witnessed have deepened my belief in the power of RTT.

If you’re looking for a therapy that delivers fast, effective results, explore the transformative power of RTT. This blog provides six key facts about this powerful approach.

1. RTT Merges Therapeutic Techniques for Lasting Change

By drawing from aspects of hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, and neuro-linguistic programming, RTT addresses the root causes of what has been holding you back, creating powerful, permanent change. This unique combination enables deep healing and delivers effective results for a variety of issues.

2. RTT Delivers Rapid Results

One of the standout benefits of Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) is how quickly it produces results. Many clients notice significant changes after a single session, and most experience permanent changes within one to three sessions.

Due to the adaptability of RTT, it can be used to address a wide range of issues, including:

  • Confidence
  • Weight Management
  • Procrastination
  • Phobias
  • Addictions
  • Self Esteem
  • Depression
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • IBS
  • Sleep Issues
  • Fertility Problems

3. RTT Uses Hypnosis to Get to the Root Cause of Your Problems

Many of the challenges we face today are rooted in past experiences, whether from major traumatic events or more subtle moments, such as embarrassment or humiliation at school, which may have felt just as impactful at the time. These moments often shape our beliefs and behaviours on a subconscious level.

Through hypnosis, RTT helps you uncover deeply ingrained beliefs and reframe them so they no longer hold you back. RTT incorporates the positive aspects of hypnosis and gets to the source of the issue, which is why RTT effectively produces long-term, transformative results.

swing hanging on a tree in the shade on the beach representing relaxing during hypnosis

4. Hypnosis in RTT: Rewiring the Subconscious Mind

RTT helps create lasting shifts, which I’ve witnessed time and time again. The subconscious mind is incredibly powerful, influencing much of our behaviour and thought patterns without us realising it. Scientific research on neuroplasticity shows that the brain can rewire itself by forming new neural pathways, allowing us to change unhelpful habits and negative beliefs.

During an RTT session, we have direct access to the subconscious mind through the power of hypnosis. Through regression, we identify limiting beliefs. These old, outdated beliefs are replaced with healthier, more empowering beliefs, showing how the brain can adapt and grow. It’s important to recognise that hypnosis is not about being asleep; it’s a ‘sleep’ of the nervous system. During the session, you will be deeply relaxed but remain in complete control.

5. RTT Utilises Regression to Uncover Root Causes

Regression is a powerful technique in RTT. During a session, your therapist will guide you to review past experiences to uncover where unhealthy beliefs originated. In RTT, we refer to these as ‘scenes’; they may involve events you clearly remember or feel like distant memories. However, during the session, you will recall them in more detail, including the emotions you felt at the time. Since the subconscious mind’s role is to protect us, it often shields us from painful feelings and steers us away from what holds us back. Identifying the root issue helps us understand how past experiences are relevant to current problems.

Although this protective mechanism has good intentions, it’s only sometimes helpful. RTT sessions are always safe, and a professional RTT therapist ensures you are reviewing these beliefs, not reliving them.  For some, the thought of hypnosis and regression may seem daunting if it’s something you’ve never experienced. However, RTT is an extremely safe therapy and has received many awards and endorsements.

  1. RTT: A Globally Recognised, Award-Winning Therapy

Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) has gained worldwide recognition as an award-winning therapeutic approach. With over 30 years of proven success, it has earned prestigious accolades, including the Stevie Gold Award, and has been featured in leading publications like Men’s Health Magazine.

The endorsement of respected bodies such as the General Hypnotherapy Register and the National and International Council of Psychotherapists has further solidified RTT’s credibility, making it a trusted choice for those seeking lasting results

My Journey as an RTT Therapist

In 2021, I discovered a podcast episode about RTT and was immediately intrigued by the rapid results clients were experiencing. After diving deeper into my research, I quickly realised that RTT was a therapy I wanted to incorporate into my practice. Despite already being a qualified counsellor and ADHD coach, I found the RTT training to be a thorough and rewarding process involving both extensive learning and practical experience.

Since becoming a certified RTT therapist in 2021, it has become my go-to recommendation for clients who have struggled with the same issues for years, even after trying methods such as CBT or traditional talk therapy. I’ve seen success with a wide range of issues, including social anxiety, weight management, feelings of inadequacy, and phobias such as a fear of flying and fear of being sick.

As a counsellor and ADHD coach, many of my clients begin with counselling or coaching, but as they learn about the transformative power of RTT, more and more clients are now requesting RTT, and it’s becoming increasingly popular in my practice.

A woman drinking healthy tea and taking in a river view represents reflection after an RTT session.

In Conclusion

RTT is an ideal choice for those who want to get to the root cause of what is holding them back. The adaptability of RTT means each session is unique and tailored to the individual’s needs, making it suitable for everyone. While RTT works quickly, it’s important to note that it requires commitment.

The first session will take at least two hours of your time. For positive reinforcement, it’s necessary to listen to a bespoke recording for twenty-one days after the session. If you’re ready to invest in your future, please schedule a discovery call.

Bringing Order to ADHD Chaos Through Therapy

Living with ADHD can feel like navigating a ship through turbulent waters. The relentless distractions, impulsive thoughts, and organisational struggles often lead to a sense of chaos. Thankfully, therapy plays a crucial role in bringing order to this ADHD chaos. By addressing these challenges head-on, therapy helps individuals transition from turmoil to a state of clarity and control, transforming ADHD chaos into a more organised and manageable experience.

As a counsellor and ADHD coach, I’ve seen firsthand how effective ADHD treatment can transform the ADHD experience. If you’re interested, follow this link to explore my ADHD therapy services for adults.

7 Ways ADHD Therapy Can Transform Chaos into Clarity

1. Understanding ADHD and Embracing Self-Acceptance

One of the most transformative benefits of therapy for ADHD is gaining a deeper understanding of your condition. ADHD isn’t just a collection of traits; it reflects a unique way your brain processes information. Through therapy, you can explore how ADHD affects you personally, leading to greater self-acceptance.

This insight can bring a profound sense of relief, helping you see ADHD as part of who you are rather than a personal failure. By alleviating feelings of frustration and self-blame, therapy paves the way for a more compassionate self-view and improved mental well-being, bringing a sense of peace and reassurance.

2. Developing Effective ADHD Coaching Strategies

Therapists are adept at helping you develop practical strategies to manage ADHD symptoms. These strategies, tailored to your unique needs, can include:

  • Organisational Skills: Learn techniques better to organise your tasks, time, and personal space, reducing your feelings of overwhelm.
  • Attention Management: Use mindfulness and cognitive-behavioural techniques to improve focus and reduce impulsivity.
  • Stress Reduction: Discover stress management techniques, such as relaxation exercises and grounding techniques, and effective coping strategies to address ADHD symptoms.

By customising these strategies to your needs, therapy helps create a personalised roadmap for effectively navigating daily challenges.

3. Enhancing Emotional Regulation with ADHD

A trait of ADHD can be emotional dysregulation, which can be challenging to manage. Therapy provides tools for emotional regulation, helping you recognise and manage your emotions more effectively.

Techniques like cognitive restructuring can shift negative thought patterns, while mindfulness practices keep you grounded during emotional surges. Better emotional regulation leads to more stable relationships and enhances personal well-being.

Woman with a cloud above her head, representing the mental chaos of ADHD. Therapy and ADHD coaching can help manage these overwhelming thoughts.

4. Building Self-Esteem and Confidence

Living with ADHD can sometimes diminish your sense of self-worth, especially if your challenges are misunderstood or stigmatised. Therapy offers a supportive space to celebrate your strengths and achievements, no matter how small.

Therapy boosts self-esteem and confidence by focusing on positive reinforcement and setting achievable goals. It empowers you to tackle new challenges and embrace your abilities. If you are a student looking to boost your self-esteem, this blog may be helpful.

5. Improving Relationships Affected by ADHD

ADHD can impact your relationships with family, friends, and colleagues. Therapy provides strategies to improve communication, understanding, and empathy in these relationships.

By learning how ADHD affects your interactions and developing strategies for better communication, you can foster healthier and more supportive relationships. Strengthening these connections creates a more stable support system essential for managing ADHD effectively.

6. Setting and Achieving Goals with ADHD

Setting and achieving goals is crucial in managing ADHD. Therapy helps you set realistic and attainable goals, breaking them into manageable steps. With guidance from a counsellor or ADHD coach, you can create action plans, track your progress, and adjust as needed.

Whether your goals are related to personal development, career, or daily life, achieving them provides a sense of accomplishment and direction. If you want more information about counselling and ADHD coaching, please check my web pages.

7. Integrating Medication and Therapy for Comprehensive ADHD Treatment

While medication can be a crucial part of ADHD treatment, therapy enhances its effectiveness by addressing the cognitive and emotional aspects of ADHD.

Combining therapy with medication offers a comprehensive approach, tackling both the traits and underlying issues while promoting skill development.

Wrapping It All Up

Therapy provides a comprehensive toolkit for transforming ADHD’s chaos into a space of clarity and control. By fostering understanding, developing coping strategies, enhancing emotional regulation, building self-esteem, improving relationships, setting goals, and integrating with medication, therapy offers a well-rounded approach that helps individuals navigate their ADHD journey with greater confidence and resilience, making them feel secure and well-supported.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by ADHD, consider reaching out to a therapist who specialises in ADHD. Together, you can embark on a journey from chaos to clarity, discovering new ways to manage symptoms and embrace the unique strengths of ADHD.

Top 10 Benefits of Daily Journalling

Top 10 Benefits of Daily Journalling

Imagine having a tool to help you clear your mind, eliminate stress and anxiety, and release your creativity in only a few minutes each day. Does this seem too good to be true? The good news is that this tool is available and only costs you time!

Daily journalling is a simple yet powerful activity that can improve your life more than you may realise. Research demonstrates journalling is a healthy way of increasing your emotional and mental health, communication skills, and personal growth. Learn more in this blog about the top 10 benefits of daily journalling and how it can help you.

1. Discover Peacefulness in A Busy World

Our daily life is usually bustling with demands, which can lead to issues such as overwhelm, sleep issues and mental and physical problems.  Keeping a journal not only has mental health benefits, but it also provides a sanctuary for your ideas, allowing you to lessen the chaos and restore mental clarity.

Writing down your thoughts, goals, and reflections can help you see things more clearly so you can focus on the essential things in life.‎ One of the many benefits of journalling is that it provides a space for positive self-talk, which can boost your confidence and increase your self-esteem.

2. Breathe Easier by Letting Go your Emotions 

Life can often throw us challenges, which can cause stress, anxiety, and emotional ups and downs. However, the simple act of journalling can help with many of these challenges. Writing in a journal offers a secure and judgment-free environment to express your thoughts and emotions and connect with your inner self.

3. Gain More Self-Awareness to Uncover Your True Self

Keeping a journal can provide a window into your thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. Journaling is a powerful tool for reflecting on past experiences; you may find trends that indicate more about your personality and what inspires you, aiding personal growth.

The first step towards achieving personal growth is creating a private space to be in the present moment. In addition to uncovering your true self, journalling improves your physical health, as demonstrated in a study by Karen A. Bailie and Kay Wilhelm.

cozy composition with mug, candles and a blanket representing grounding exercises

4. Enhance Your Emotional Well-Being with Each Page 

Engaging in a habit as easy as writing down a few phrases can significantly enhance your mental well-being, which is part of the magic of journaling. Various studies demonstrate that keeping a journal of your thoughts and emotions can lessen the symptoms of major depressive disorder, sadness, overwhelm, and anxiety. 

5. Release Your Creativity—There Are No Boundaries or Limits

You may believe that journalling is limited to writing. However, it’s also a space where your imagination can run wild by drawing, sketching, and brainstorming. Your creativity can flow onto the page when you write without limitations. Whether working on a project or exploring new ideas, journaling is an effective way to reach your full creative potential.  

6. Resolve Issues Expertly

Have you ever found yourself needing help to solve a problem? If the answer is yes, consider putting it in writing. Writing in a journal lets you view your difficulties and emotional triggers from different perspectives. It’s a form of communicating with yourself when strategising, evaluating, and breaking down the problem into smaller, more manageable tasks. The answer may show up on the paper in front of you before you realise it.‎

Young woman journalling in bed with a notebook and pen, creating a relaxing writing environment

7. Set and Smash Goals  

We have ambitions and goals, but achieving those dreams requires a strategy. That’s the purpose of journalling. Outlining your objectives and the measures necessary to reach them can create a road map for success. Maintaining a journal allows you to stay motivated and accountable by allowing you to monitor your progress. ‎

For more information on goal-setting, you can check out my blog.  As Ryan R. Bailey highlights in his article, ‘Goal Setting and Action Planning for Health Behaviour Change,’ journaling can be a powerful tool for achieving health-related goals.

8. Improve Your Communication Skills and Emotional Intelligence

Words have power; the more you use them, the more familiar they will become. Maintaining a journal can help you improve your vocabulary and communication skills by allowing you to express yourself more confidently and clearly. Writing in a journal may enhance your ability to advocate for yourself, whether in a meeting, sending an email, or during a difficult conversation. 

9. Improve Your Memory—One Blank Page at a Time

How often do you forget what happened during the day or what you have learned? We can all experience forgetfulness or brain fog from time to time, whether navigating the workplace, learning something new, or working through our daily to-do list.

Things can become more ingrained in your memory when you write them down. You’re keeping memories and improving your capacity to recall information when needed by routinely recording your experiences. Your journal becomes a gold mine of notes you may return to whenever you choose.‎

10. Heal and Grow More Thoroughly 

Although obstacles in life can leave their mark, writing provides a therapeutic avenue to focus on yourself. Writing in a journal pushes you to go that bit deeper by identifying any barriers preventing you from moving forward. Journalling can be challenging if you are working through intrusive negative thoughts that are causing you to have challenging emotions such as shame or anger.  

You can read more about managing shame in my blog.  If you are navigating your way around difficult situations. In that case, it is essential to remember you can reach out for support from trusted friends or family or professional help if you need extra help.  

If you feel journalling can help you, the following steps are an excellent way to get started:

  • Establish a Habit: Decide on a time that works best for you, whether before bedtime or first thing in the morning. 
  • Take Small Steps: It’s okay to miss a day; it doesn’t mean you should give up. Instead, pick up your pen again and get back to it whenever you are ready, even if you restart with a single line.
  • Be Honest: It’s your place to explore your inner world, so write from your heart, which can bring you many positive experiences.
  • Experiment with Different Formats: There are many types of journalling, such as bullet journalling, expressive writing, drawing images, and gratitude journalling.

Final Verdict: Your Journey Starts Today

Writing in a journal aids positive change, which can bring many benefits. You have a rare opportunity to develop a close relationship with yourself. Writing down your inner thoughts creates a safe space to explore your feelings, objectives, needs and preferences. Daily journalling is a simple yet powerful activity that can transform your life by improving communication skills and personal growth. Learn about the top 10 benefits of daily journalling and how it can help you reach your full potential.

Taking the first step towards journalling is could be the best thing you do today, for personal development, better health, and gaining a greater sense of self.  What are you waiting for, grab that paper and pen!

Top 5 Tips for Setting Goals and Achieving Them

Top 5 Tips for Setting Goals and Achieving Them

Much evidence supports that setting clear goals makes reaching them much more achievable. Bailey (2019) highlights in his article the importance of clear goals as he explores the necessity of action planning. In his article “Goal Setting and Action Planning for Health Behavior Change,” Bailey emphasises the importance of a structured approach to goal setting, specifically when achieving health-related outcomes. According to Bailey, action planning provides a clear path to success and ensures our efforts are focused and effective.

Setting goals is not just about achieving them; it’s about taking control of our lives and doing meaningful things for ourselves. It is easy to get distracted by life’s demands, and we must take time out. So, goal setting is not only for workplace or academic success; those personal goals are just as important. The sense of achievement we feel when reaching a goal has excellent mental health benefits, including boosting confidence and self-esteem. 

You are never too young or old to start the goal-setting process. Research by the National Foundation for Educational Research highlights that goal-setting frameworks, such as SMART goals, significantly enhance students’ motivation and academic performance (Lord, Atkinson, & Mitchell, 2008). Therefore, if you are attending college or university, it can be the perfect time to start goal-setting. 

1. Setting the Foundation: Writing and Defining Your Goals

Writing down your long-term goals is the first step towards turning aspirations into reality. Reflect on what is truly important to you and where you envisage yourself in the future. It could be in one month or year—whatever works for you. Gaining a clear vision of your goal is an important part of the goal-setting process.

If you only have vague goals, a good strategy is to get creative, design a vision board, and find photos and quotes that grab your attention.  Visualising a specific goal can bring it to life and give you a clear vision of where you want to be in the future. Also, getting creative is fun and has many mental health benefits.

Remember, a goal doesn’t have to be something extreme, such as running a marathon or skydiving (although it can be if that’s what you want!). Your personal goals can be anything that’s important to you, whether health or professional, or you want to focus on personal development goals. 

Setting one goal can positively impact other areas of your life.  For instance, a personal development goal could be to boost your confidence and self-esteem. Increasing your confidence and self-esteem can open doors to new experiences, and you will learn to trust your decisions more. Personal development goals can be the best way to set the foundations for practical goal setting. 

2. Milestone Setting: Tracking Achievements

Once you have your big goal, the next step is to break it down into smaller goals and then break these smaller goals down into more manageable tasks.  A big goal can feel overwhelming if you imagine yourself standing at the bottom of a vast mountain; the top can seem so far off, and reaching the top can feel unachievable. However, climbing that mountain can feel doable when you break it down into manageable tasks.

A good idea is to set aside time to note down everything you need to do to complete a task. Putting pen to paper can give you a clearer understanding of what you must do to achieve that task and increase your chances of success.  It can often be the smaller tasks that are the most important steps, so getting these onto paper can be highly beneficial. 

Keeping a to-do list can be an excellent way to keep you on track; you can then update it daily, marking off your achievements.  Your achievements are your driver to move forward, so it’s so important to celebrate them. When completing tasks, it can be helpful to identify any barriers you may come across and then do some problem-solving to decide how to overcome them. Balancing this with self-care is essential, as working towards your goals can be hard work. Reminding yourself of ‘why’ you want to reach your goal is another factor that will help drive you towards the finishing line.

man jumping through gap in cliffs signifying reaching your goals

3. Make Goal-Setting Achievable

I advocate for thinking big and not letting anything stand in your way, but it is also essential to set realistic goals. It’s about getting the balance right, as there are some things you need to consider when setting goals. For example, suppose the big goal is to climb Kilimanjaro. In that case, there is a lot to consider, such as physical fitness, mental well-being, the possibility of altitude sickness, booking vaccines, and available finances.  

The next step towards positive goal setting is devising an action plan. To do this, write down the different factors you need to consider. Then, note the actionable steps it will take to complete each factor. You could work on them individually, or you might work on some simultaneously.

Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone when setting goals is positive, as ambitious goals are great for personal growth. However, you also want to avoid getting overwhelmed. So, think big, but also consider your capabilities and the available resources before setting goals, tasks, and time scales.

4. Set Timeframes: Assign Deadlines to Create a Sense of Urgency

Time scales and deadlines are essential to goal setting as they keep you on track, make you accountable, and can prevent procrastination and perfectionism.  You can gauge your progress by setting target dates for each task, including the small goals. There can be room for movement with this; it can be challenging to know how long a particular task will take, as it can depend on your current situation, such as external factors.

However, having an estimated timescale can keep you motivated as you know that each minute you work on the task brings you closer to reaching the end goal. For greater goal-setting success, you must clearly understand what you must do to achieve the big goal. You can then break this down into daily tasks.

man with arms outstretched enjoying freedom representing reaching goals

5. Seek Accountability and Be Resourceful

Keeping yourself accountable is another crucial part of goal setting. It can be easy to get off track, as other exciting things might appear while you work on a task. If this happens, note down whatever distracted you and spend time on it when you have a planned timeout. Some great online accountability trackers can help with motivation and organisation and keep you accountable.

Sharing your goal with a family member or trusted friend can help keep you accountable. However, it can be a great source of inspiration if you prefer not to share your goal-setting journey with others. Try writing about it in your journal or checking if there are local groups or an online community of people who have a similar goal.

Checking your progress regularly is a great way to ensure you’re on the right track. It’s important to remember to celebrate your achievements, even if you feel they’re small steps. After all, small steps can lead to big changes. Having a list of tasks can feel daunting, so take time to look back at what you have achieved with pride.  

SMART Goals

SMART goals are a structured approach to goal setting often used by professional coaches. It is also a technique you can implement if you are self-coaching.  The SMART Goal acronym is Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound.  Let’s break down SMART Goals and what they mean.

  • Specific: Set the goal that you want to accomplish
  • Measurable: Plan how you are going to track your success
  • Achievable: Check your goal is realistic
  • Relevant: Ensure there are beneficial outcomes
  • Time-bound: Create a deadline and prioritise tasks

Following the SMART goal criteria will ensure you clearly understand your goals and confirm they are within reach. 

note book with handwritten smart goals open on a table with glasses and sticky notes.

Empowering Yourself Through Self-Coaching

If you are self-coaching rather than working with a professional coach, a great tip is to follow the SMART goals model to keep on track. Reaching your goals can be a transformative journey that can foster growth and resilience.   

When you achieve your goals, you prove to yourself that anything is possible when you fully invest in the process. Reaching your goals highlights the power we hold within ourselves.

What to Take into Consideration When Self-Coaching:

Understanding Motivation: Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation: Consider what motivates you to achieve your goal. Is it fuelled by intrinsic satisfaction or extrinsic motivation? Subsequently, is it internal satisfaction or external rewards? Discovering the source of your motivations can help you tailor strategies to reach your goal.

Overcoming Obstacles: Handling Setbacks and Failures: Resilience is essential to goal setting, as reaching our goals can be challenging. There can be setbacks or times when you feel you have failed. Having a plan of strategies you can use in these cases can help you keep moving forward.

The Importance of Mindest: The Role of Growth Mindset in Goal Setting: It is vital to develop a growth mindset; if you feel you can never succeed in your goals, you have a much lesser chance of achieving them.  It would help if you learned to believe in yourself and your abilities.  Working on your self-esteem can help with this.

The Role of Reflection: Reviewing and Revising Goals: Goals can change, which is okay; it is recommended to review your goals periodically to ensure they are still relevant. Circumstances such as discovering new interests or significant life changes can impact the larger goals. Therefore, goals may need to be tweaked now and then. Remember to check in with yourself and track your process to ensure you are going in the correct direction.

The Power of Visualisation and Affirmations: A clear image of your goal can reinforce it and motivate you to progress. Visualising your goal can also bring it to life and make it feel real, pushing you forward on your goal-setting journey.

The Impact of Environment: Creating a Goal-Conducive Space: Your social environment is an integral part of goal setting. Finding a clear area to work in when planning or working through your goals can help you stay focused. Similarly, it can be helpful to surround yourself with others who support your dreams. If you don’t have friends or family who can help you reach out, see if there are local or online communities of people with a shared interest.

Health and Wellbeing: The Foundation for Goal Achievement: There is a real connection between physical health, mental well-being, and the ability to achieve goals. Taking care of yourself can vastly improve your chances of reaching your goal. Staying healthy involves a healthy diet, regular exercise, good nutrition, and enough sleep.

Leveraging Technology: Tools and Apps for Goal Tracking: A journal can be a great way to plan and track your progress.  However, many apps can help with this if you prefer to use digital technology.  Check-out goal tracking apps that can help you with accountability and motivation.

Goal Setting for Different Life Stages: Our goals may change as we go through life. For example, a goal you had when you were a student may differ from one you had when you were a parent. Sometimes, it is necessary to reassess your goal and decide how reaching it would fit your current life situation.

The Role of Emotional Intelligence in Goal Setting: Being aware of your emotions and how to manage them can play an essential role in goal setting. Stress, navigating relationships, and maintaining motivation can all show up when working towards a goal. The correct tools to manage these emotions healthily will help you move forward.

Case Study: From Self-Coaching to Professional Guidance

Adam, a 35-year-old IT support specialist, contacted me for life coaching as he struggled to reach his goal through self-coaching. Adam’s goal was to find satisfaction and happiness in his daily life. Adam believed he might need to change his career to achieve this, but he was feeling some resistance and couldn’t decide if this was the correct step. 

We explored Adam’s core values, long-term aspirations, and what motivated him. Adam found that creativity, adventure, and friendships were high on his list of values, but these values weren’t showing up much in his life. Subsequently, Adam recognised that his professional life was not causing him to feel dissatisfied, as he spoke positively about his role as an IT specialist. However, he recognised that work had become his sole purpose and identity. 

When Adam recognised that his time outside of work was equally important as his time at work, his overall goal changed. With this updated goal in mind, Adam structured a plan and considered any potential barriers. Adam described himself as an introvert, which he felt held him back socially. We discussed Adam’s introverted traits and how he could embrace them by focusing on his strengths and introducing self-care into his life. We also worked on his limiting beliefs around being an introvert.

Counselling and Coaching Approach

We examined Adam’s needs and preferences through a counselling and coaching approach. Adam came up with ideas that aligned with his values: creativity, adventure, and friendships. Adam tried out many new ventures before finding a hobby he is now passionate about; this has increased his social circle, and he feels he has a sense of purpose inside and outside the workplace. 

Adam’s situation demonstrates that the first step is to identify the goal entirely. Adam continued to successfully use his self-coaching skills to achieve his ultimate goal while engaged in coaching sessions. During a recent session with Adam, he expressed how these changes had added value to his life, and he now feels he has the happiness and sense of satisfaction that he was searching for when he began self-coaching. Adam felt self-coaching and professional coaching were the best route for him, and overall, he feels a great sense of accomplishment for the hard work he has put into getting to where he is today. 

To Conclude

Applying the above tips empowers you to take charge of your goal-setting journey as your coach or mentor.   Self-coaching can be highly beneficial. However, it’s also okay to reach out to a trusted friend or for professional help if you feel you would like that extra bit of support.

Grounding Techniques for Anxiety

Grounding Techniques for Anxiety

In today’s fast-paced world, we often urge ourselves to keep pushing forward during tough times. However, this can lead to stress and feelings of overwhelm, which may contribute to anxiety disorders. Grounding techniques offer a powerful method for managing these emotions by helping you reconnect with the present moment and your surroundings.

This blog examines effective ways to incorporate grounding exercises into your daily routine to alleviate stress and anxiety.

Understanding Grounding Techniques for Anxiety

Grounding techniques help you reconnect with your body, thoughts, and the environment around you, offering relief from panic attacks, anxious thoughts, and strong emotions.

Grounding techniques, inspired by practices like “earthing,” such as walking barefoot on natural surfaces, are designed to alleviate anxiety symptoms by soothing the nervous system. These exercises can significantly improve mental well-being and help you regain control over overwhelming feelings.

wpman walking bare foot on a muddy path in a forest representing grounding techniques

Top 7 Grounding Techniques to Try Today

1. 5-4-3-2-1 technique

The 5-4-3-2-1 technique is a simple but effective way to bring you back to the present moment through sensory awareness. This technique is highly recommended if you are experiencing panic attacks or dealing with anxiety disorders.

Five Things You See: Name five things in your surroundings.

Four Things You Can Touch: Focus your attention on four objects you can physically touch.

Three Things You Hear: Identify three distinct sounds.

Two Things You Can Smell: Recognise two different scents.

One Thing You Like About Yourself: Reflect on one positive trait.

cozy composition with mug, candles and a blanket representing grounding exercises

2. Self-Sooth Box

Create a personalised box filled with comforting and calming items:

  • Affirmations or Quotes: Include positive affirmations or motivational quotes.
  • Photos or Mementoes: Add photos or items that remind you of positive memories.
  • Textured Items: Use soft or comforting textures like fur, leather, or stress-relief toys.
  • Aromatherapy Scents: Include essential oils or scented items that you find relaxing.
  • Snacks: Add something sweet to taste or your favourite snack.
  • Music: Include a playlist of feel-good music.
  • Activities: Add colouring books, puzzles, or mind games.

Customising your box with items that help you feel more at ease empowers you to create a self-soothe box that resonates with you, providing control over your anxiety management and a sense of empowerment.

3. Grab and Describe an Object

When you feel overwhelmed, grabbing and describing an object in detail can help anchor you to the present moment.  This technique redirects negative thoughts and promotes feelings of calm by engaging your mind with your immediate surroundings.

  • Focus on the shape, texture, and colour.
  • Consider the object’s purpose and any personal connection you have with it.

4. Play a Memory Game

Distract your mind from anxious thoughts by playing a memory game. Focusing on memories creates mental distance from negative feelings and helps your brain relax.  Recall things like:

  • Favourite Places: Think of cities or landmarks you’ve visited.
  • Categories: Challenge yourself to list items in specific categories like animals, colours, or foods.

5. Mantras and Positive Affirmations

Using mantras or positive affirmations can shift your mindset and combat anxious thoughts.

  • Create “I am” Statements: Develop affirmations like “I am calm” or “I am in control.” 
  • Repeat: Use these statements during stressful moments to reinforce a sense of peace and empowerment.

6. The Water Technique

Visualise yourself as a calm body of water to promote tranquillity and mental clarity.  This exercise helps you stay centred and balanced, making it easier to handle daily challenges with a calm mindset.

  • Breathing Focus: Use deep, deliberate breaths to mimic the flow and serenity of water.
  • Stress Dissipation: Imagine tension and stress dissolving into the water, creating ripples that gradually fade.
  • Emotional Anchoring: Embrace the sense of fluidity and stability that water represents, enhancing your ability to remain grounded.

7. Deep Breathing: Diaphragmatic Breathing

Breathing exercises are crucial for activating the body’s relaxation response. Deep breaths help reduce stress and anxiety by calming the nervous system and improving focus. Smith (2020) states that breathing is an effective method for reducing stress in his article. Try the following methods: 

  • Square Breathing: Inhale for four seconds, hold for four, exhale for four, and pause for four seconds.
  • 4-7-8 Breathing:  Inhale for four seconds, hold for seven seconds and exhale for eight seconds.

woman walking in the forest breathing in fresh air representing grounding exercises

Tips for Effective Breathing Exercises

  • Focus: Concentrate on the rhythm of your breath.
  • Posture: Keep a relaxed but upright posture.
  • Environment: Practice in a safe space.
  • Consistency: Make breathing exercises a regular part of your daily routine to help effectively manage anxiety symptoms.

Tips for Consistency

Incorporate these grounding techniques into your daily routine or use them during high-stress moments. Consider setting reminders or establishing a grounding ritual to make these practices a regular part of your life.

Addressing Challenges

If you find it hard to focus on grounding exercises like the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, start with fewer sensory items or practice in a quiet space. Adjust these exercises to suit your needs and create a safe space for practising.

To Conclude

Grounding techniques provide effective strategies for reconnecting with the present moment and achieving a sense of calm when managing stress and anxiety. Different approaches work for different people, so feel free to experiment with these methods to find what works best for you. Creating a diverse toolbox of grounding techniques can greatly enhance your ability to manage anxiety over time.

If you would like personalised guidance on managing anxiety and stress through counselling, grounding exercises and mindfulness practices, you can book a discovery call. 

Schedule Your Free Discovery Call

The free 20 minute discovery call provides an opportunity for us to connect, understand your unique situation, and determine the most effective approach to support your well-being.

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