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Explore articles and insights on navigating life transitions, ADHD, and personal growth

Building Self-Confidence: Break Negative Patterns with Small Shifts

Building Self-Confidence and Breaking Negative Patterns 

Have you ever felt stuck in the same old loops—thinking the same thoughts, reacting in the same ways, and wondering why it’s so hard to move forward? Those are negative patterns at work. That little voice in your head saying, “I’ll never be good enough,” or maybe you downplay the success you have had as “luck” instead of acknowledging your own hard work (hello imposter syndrome!).  Many therapies can help with Imposter Syndrome, especially if it’s a recurring pattern in your life. Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) is one approach that works at a deep subconscious level to break these patterns and build lasting confidence.

These patterns can sneak in slowly, shaping how you see yourself and what you believe is possible. Over time, they chip away at your confidence, keeping you stuck in a cycle of doubt. The thing is, these patterns don’t define you, and they’re not permanent. They can be broken. When you start shifting your mindset—even in small ways—you can build self-confidence that feels real, not forced.

A great way to begin changing these thought loops is through meditation. You can claim a free one below to help you get started!

GRACE: Your Guide to Breaking Patterns

When this happens I like to remind myself of GRACE: Gratitude, Reflection, Alignment, Connection, and Embracing small habits.

Following these steps, using the word GRACE as a reminder for each one, helps you replace those negative loops with something stronger, kinder, and more aligned with the person you’re becoming.

G – Gratitude Shifting Your Focus

Negative patterns tend to zero in on what’s missing or what’s wrong. Gratitude is the antidote. It’s not about pretending everything’s perfect; it’s about noticing the good, even in the messy moments.

One thing I do is keep a gratitude jar. Each day, I write one thing I’m thankful for on a post-it note and drop it in the jar. It could be something as small as a quiet morning with a cup of tea or something big like overcoming a challenge.

When I am feeling low, or have not been talking to myself the way I would a friend, I pull one out, and it’s like a little reminder of how far I’ve come.

If a jar doesn’t feel like your thing, just jotting it down in a notebook works too.

Reflection: Recognising the Patterns

Breaking free from old patterns starts with understanding them. Journaling is a great way to spot what’s holding you back. Take a few minutes to write about a situation that felt tough recently—what were you thinking or feeling at the time?

You might notice a recurring thought, like, “I always mess things up.” That’s the pattern. Once you’ve recognised it, try reframing it. Instead of, “I always mess things up,” you might write, “I’m learning from my experiences, even when things don’t go perfectly.”

Journaling isn’t about being perfect on the page; it’s about giving yourself a space to explore, process, and start to shift the way you think. If you want to explore self-reflection and how it supports personal growth, you might find Achieving Your Goals: The Role of Reflection helpful.

Woman gazing into a mirror on sandy ground, representing self-reflection, mindset shifts, and personal transformation.

Alignment: Stepping Into Your Future Self

Visualisation is one of the most powerful ways to interrupt negative thought patterns and create something new. Close your eyes and imagine yourself at your most confident. Where are you? What can you hear or smell? Maybe it’s the scent of fresh coffee in your dream workspace, or the sounds of nature on a peaceful walk.

Now focus on how it feels to be that person—calm, confident, or energised. Let yourself sit with those feelings. This isn’t about wishful thinking; it’s about connecting with the version of you that already exists deep down. Techniques like Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) can support this process by helping to clear any subconscious blocks that might be holding you back.

The more you practise visualising with sensory details, the more real it starts to feel, and you will find that you start to make choices that align with that version of you.

Connecting your body and mind with Movement

When negative patterns weigh you down, even small movements can help shift your mindset. A short walk, a stretch, or even a couple of minutes dancing around the kitchen can shake off that stuck feeling.

Movement creates momentum—it reminds you of what your body can do and helps you break out of that mental fog.

You don’t need a strict routine or fancy gear—just find what feels good in the moment.

Embracing Small Habits

Big changes start with small, consistent actions. It’s not about overhauling your entire life in one go—it’s about finding one thing you can do differently today.

Maybe you decide to start your morning with a deep breath and a clear intention, like, “Today, I’ll focus on what I can control.” Or you add a few minutes of journaling to your evening routine.

These tiny shifts might not seem like much at first, but over time, they create ripples that can transform how you see yourself.

If you’re ready to shift those old patterns, remember GRACE:

  • Gratitude to notice what’s good.
  • Reflection to understand and reframe negative thoughts.
  • Alignment with your future self through visualisation.
  • Connection with your body and mind through movement.
  • Embracing small habits to create momentum.

Self-confidence isn’t something you wake up with one day—it’s something you build, step by step.

Each time you challenge a negative thought or take a small action, you’re proving to yourself that change is possible. You’ve got this.

Try My Free Meditations for Confidence and Calm!

If you’re ready to break free from old patterns and build lasting confidence, my free meditations might be helpful. They’re designed to help you shift your mindset and reconnect with your inner strength. You can download them here.

Woman sitting cross-legged, wearing headphones, listening to a meditation session.

Overcoming Perfectionism – Letting Go and Living Fully

Overcoming Perfectionism – Letting Go and Living Fully

Growing Up with the Pressure to Be Perfect

Some people might wonder—why is overcoming perfectionism important? Isn’t it a good thing to strive for the best?

For those of us in Gen X—and even some older Millennials—we grew up in a world that told us being perfect was the ultimate goal. The perfect score, the flawless A-star report card, excelling at everything we tried—these were the measures of success.

The Exhausting Ideal of ‘Having It All’

And it wasn’t just about achievements. As women, we were told we could have it all—the career, the looks, the partner, the money, the holidays, the beautiful children, and the picture-perfect home.

Even writing it all down feels exhausting, let alone trying to juggle everything and live up to some imagined ideal—no doubt shaped by watching TV shows where someone managed to do it all and make it look effortless.

Why Overcoming Perfectionism Matters

And that’s exactly why we need to break free from the perfectionist cycle. We are exhausted!  Luckily, things are starting to change. Schools and workplaces have begun to realise that putting this kind of pressure on young people isn’t helpful, and they’ve adapted the way they teach, grade, and reward success.

But for those of us who grew up in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, that pressure runs deep. The belief that our worth is tied to our achievements is hard to shake, and we continue striving, pushing, and measuring ourselves against an impossible standard.

What Is Perfectionism, Really?

Perfectionism is often defined as the relentless pursuit of flawlessness, accompanied by excessively high standards and an overly critical self-evaluation. But here’s the truth—perfection, by its very definition, is practically impossible to achieve.

And yet, we chase it. We believe that if we can just do everything right, life will fall into place. But perfectionism doesn’t lead to happiness; it leads to stress, anxiety, and feeling like we’re never quite enough.

It can show up in so many ways—procrastinating because you’re afraid of doing something wrong, avoiding opportunities because you’re scared of failure, or constantly feeling like your efforts aren’t good enough, no matter how much you achieve.  So, how do we begin to break free from perfectionism and embrace a life that feels more balanced and fulfilling?

Dark-haired woman making a stop sign gesture, symbolising the importance of pausing and breaking free from perfectionism.

The PAUSE Method: 5 Steps to Letting Go of Perfectionism

When I talk about overcoming perfectionism, I don’t mean giving up on your goals—goals are crucial—nor should you lower your standards. What I do mean is that we need to create a more balanced and realistic approach to life—one that allows space for mistakes, growth, and self-compassion.

That’s where PAUSE comes in—a simple way to remind yourself to take a step back and approach life with more kindness and flexibility. Setting goals that are adaptable and achievable can help you make progress without feeling like every misstep is a failure. If you’re looking for a better way to set goals that support your success, check out my blog on Ditching Resolutions and Setting Goals for Lasting Success.

P – ‘Permit’ Yourself to Be Imperfect

Perfectionism thrives on the idea that mistakes equal failure. But mistakes are how we grow and learn. Give yourself permission to be imperfect, to try, and to not get everything right the first time.

When you find the inner critic (the voice in your head) start to berate you, instead of listening reframe your thoughts.

Swap phrases like “I should have done better” with “I did my best with what I knew at the time.” By letting go of the idea that everything has to be perfect, you open yourself up to new opportunities and experiences.

A – ‘Accept’ Progress Over Perfection

One of the biggest struggles with perfectionism is feeling like if it’s not perfect, it’s not worth doing. But progress is always better than perfection. Taking small, imperfect steps is far better than staying stuck in fear of not getting it “just right.”

Set small, achievable goals and celebrate your wins—no matter how small they seem. Remind yourself that done is better than perfect, and every step forward is a step in the right direction.

U – ‘Understand’ Your Triggers

Perfectionism is often driven by experiences and expectations—whether from childhood, work environments, or social media comparisons. Understand what those triggers are and reflect. Is it pressure from others? Fear of judgment? A desire for control?

Recognising these triggers can help you take a step back and challenge them, rather than letting them dictate your actions.

S – ‘Show’ Yourself Kindness

We can be so hard on ourselves—constantly pushing, criticising, and comparing. But treating yourself with kindness is one of the most powerful ways to break the perfectionism cycle.

Start by noticing how you talk to yourself. If your inner critic is harsh, ask yourself: “What would I think of a friend who said this to me? And would I say this to a friend?”

If the answer is no, it’s time to change the script. Practising self-compassion means allowing yourself to struggle, to take breaks, and to acknowledge that you’re doing your best

E – ‘Embrace’ Flexibility

Perfectionism is rigid and unforgiving, but life isn’t meant to be lived that way. Learning to embrace flexibility allows you to adapt when things don’t go according to plan—and still feel good about it.

Instead of focusing on strict goals or expectations, try being open to different outcomes. Flexibility gives you the freedom to enjoy the journey rather than feeling tied to a single destination.

How RTT Can Help Break the Cycle

For many of us, perfectionist tendencies run deep—they’re often tied to beliefs we’ve carried since childhood. Breaking free from perfectionism isn’t about lowering your standards but about developing a healthier, more balanced mindset. With the right support, you can shift from constant self-criticism to self-compassion and confidence.

If perfectionism is holding you back, I offer personalised one-to-one support to help you overcome limiting patterns and create lasting change. You can learn more about how I work here.

Moving Forward with PAUSE

Breaking free from perfectionism isn’t about giving up—it’s about living in a way that feels more aligned with who you are, not who you think you should be.

By giving yourself permission to be imperfect, accepting progress, understanding your triggers, showing kindness, and embracing flexibility, you can create a healthier, more fulfilling way of living.

Balancing Acts: ADHD and Menopause

Balancing Acts: ADHD and Menopause

For many women, the onset of perimenopause symptoms and menopause marks a significant life transition.  Menopause is a natural part of ageing, bringing many physical, cognitive and emotional changes.

But what happens when this transitional life stage coincides with ADHD?

For some women, menopause might be the first time they recognise that they have been living their life with ADHD. When these two conditions overlap, they can bring many new challenges, and their symptoms can be confusing and overwhelming and significantly impact a woman’s quality of life.  This blog explores the intersection of ADHD and perimenopause/menopause.  Let’s delve into how ADHD and menopause interact and what you can do to manage them both effectively.

graphic of a woman in a blue top sitting down contemplating the menopause

ADHD in Women

ADHD traits in women usually present with problems around executive functioning and emotional regulation. These traits can be highly challenging; unfortunately, until recent years, the traits may not have been recognised by medical professionals or mistaken for other conditions such as anxiety and depression.

Many women receive an ADHD diagnosis after years of struggling with daily life. A late diagnosis can often come at the time of menopause when hormonal fluctuations can trigger a range of cognitive, behavioural and physical changes that can have a life-altering impact.

Cognitive Shifts During Menopause

Menopause occurs due to hormonal fluctuations, typically between ages 45 and 55. Although, perimenopause can start much earlier. During this time, the body undergoes significant hormonal shifts, particularly in oestrogen levels. These hormonal changes can lead to cognitive symptoms, often referred to as menopausal brain or brain fog. During menopause, you might forget things more often, struggle to concentrate or feel mentally sluggish.  The impact of these hormonal changes can lead to other issues, such as sleep problems, emotional dysregulation, mood changes, fatigue, disorganisation, and executive functioning issues.

Does this sound familiar? These symptoms can mirror ADHD, making it difficult to distinguish between the two. For women with ADHD, the symptoms of menopause can feel like their ADHD traits are suddenly much worse, adding another layer of challenges to daily life.   As well as cognitive changes, women can notice physical changes such as weight gain, and they may experience sudden hot flashes; together, these cognitive and physical symptoms can have an impact on confidence and self-esteem.

Why Symptoms Can Intensify During Perimenopause and Menopause

Why do ADHD and menopause seem to overlap with such intensity? New research on the relationship between ADHD and perimenopause/menopause is still developing, but studies suggest that decreased oestrogen and progesterone levels can heighten the traits of ADHD. ADHD often involves deficiencies in dopamine, a neurotransmitter which is necessary for managing attention and emotional responses. During perimenopause, the decline in oestrogen can disrupt dopamine regulation, leading to symptoms such as forgetfulness, brain fog, and emotional dysregulation.

Dopamine is essential for attention, motivation, and reward processing, and oestrogen levels can influence its production and regulation. Research from 2021 indicates that a decline in oestrogen can intensify ADHD symptoms by affecting dopamine functioning.

The Challenges of Diagnosis and Misdiagnosis

One of the challenges women face during menopause is the potential for misdiagnosis. Cognitive symptoms associated with menopause, such as forgetfulness and brain fog, can overlap with those of ADHD, and both can be mistaken for depression, anxiety, or the natural effects of ageing. This overlap can sometimes lead to being undiagnosed or a misdiagnosis.

Misdiagnosis is more likely if healthcare providers are not aware of a patient’s history. If you suspect that menopause or ADHD might be influencing your symptoms, bring it up with your doctor. Keeping a detailed journal of your symptoms can be helpful as it will ensure you cover all the relevant issues so you can confidently advocate for yourself during your appointment.

Managing ADHD During Menopause

Although the overlap of ADHD and menopause can be challenging, there are strategies and lifestyle changes that can help manage both:

Medical Treatment: Speak with your GP or healthcare provider about your treatment options. ADHD medication can be effective during menopause; both stimulant and non-stimulant medications are suitable. Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) might also be considered to help stabilise oestrogen levels, potentially lessening both menopausal and ADHD symptoms.

Mindfulness and Stress Reduction: Techniques like mindfulness, meditation, and diaphragmatic breathing can help ease many of the symptoms of ADHD and menopause. Meditation helps regulate emotions, manage stress, and quieten a busy mind. Breathing exercises and relaxation techniques can also support better sleep and relieve physical symptoms such as hot flashes, headaches, and muscle tension. If you’re looking for guided support, my meditation and hypnosis recordings can be a helpful tool in managing these challenges.

Counselling and ADHD Coaching: Working with a professional who understands ADHD and menopause can make a real difference. I offer ADHD coaching and counselling to help you develop practical strategies tailored to your needs, whether that’s managing overwhelm, improving focus, or finding ways to navigate emotional shifts. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) techniques can also support you in reframing negative thought patterns and building confidence. If you’re struggling, talking things through in a supportive space can be a powerful step forward.

lady sitting in a chair contemplating the menopause and ADHD

Establish a Routine: Creating a structured daily routine can provide stability and help manage brain fog and disorganisation. Calendars, planners, and to-do lists can help you remember important appointments. Breaking tasks into smaller, more manageable parts can help with focus and prevent procrastination. Check my blog on goal-setting for some more strategies.

Lifestyle Adjustments:  Regular exercise can help regulate mood, increase cognitive functioning, and ease many traits of ADHD. Choose activities you enjoy. If you can get out in the fresh air, a brisk walk is ideal for boosting your overall well-being. Do some brainstorming to find activities you enjoy.  Eating the correct foods and taking supplements can help your overall well-being during menopause. A healthy diet for women experiencing menopause can positively impact many areas, including regulating hormones, bones and heart health, weight management and increased energy levels.

Sleep Hygiene:  Establish a bedtime routine, as a good night’s sleep will enhance cognitive function and emotional well-being. Night sweats often occur during menopause. Keep your bedroom cool by opening a window or using an air conditioning unit or a fan for a good night’s sleep. Similarly, it can be helpful to wear loose-fitting nightwear to stay calm and light, as well as breathable bedding and natural fibres like cotton. Consider specialist bedding such as moisture-wicking sheets or cooling pillows to help regulate body temperature.

Sharing Your Experiences: You’re Not Alone

It’s important to remember that you don’t have to go through this alone. However, if you feel alone or want to speak to others experiencing similar challenges, consider joining an online community or local support group. These groups can be a great form of emotional support, as you can ask questions and share experiences and information, which can positively impact how you feel.

Three smiley mature woman on the ground facing upwards supporting each other

Conclusion: Embrace the Journey

The intersection of ADHD and menopause can pose challenges, but it’s also an opportunity to learn more about yourself and to find new ways to manage and embrace life’s changes. By understanding how these two conditions interact, you can take proactive steps to improve your overall well-being. Don’t be afraid to seek help, share your story, and connect with others on the same journey.

References

Antoniou, E., Rigas, N., Orovou, E., Papatrechas, A., & Sarella, A. (2021). ADHD Symptoms in Females of Childhood, Adolescent, Reproductive and Menopause Period. Materia Socio-Medica, 33(2), 114–118. https://doi.org/10.5455/msm.2021.33.114-118

Understanding and Managing Shame for Personal Growth

Understanding and Managing Shame for Personal Growth

Shame is a complex emotion that can negatively impact your quality of life if not managed effectively. Recognising and understanding shame is the first step toward freeing yourself from the grip of this often painful emotion. When shame takes hold, individuals often feel inadequate or fundamentally flawed. These feelings of shame can stem from various life experiences, including negative beliefs or unrealistic social norms.

For some, chronic shame may be rooted in a deep sense of embarrassment, leading to low self-esteem and a negative self-perception. However, overcoming this powerful emotion through self-compassion and intentional personal growth is possible.

Shame Vs. Guild – The Key Differences

Recognising the distinction between guilt and shame is crucial for managing emotional responses effectively:

  • Feelings of shame focus on the self, often leading to low self-esteem and negative thoughts. It’s the belief that “I am bad.”
  • Feelings of guilt, however, focus on actions, leading to the thought, “I did something bad.”

For example, if a student cheats on a test, they may feel guilty by thinking, “I made a poor choice.” On the other hand, shame would cause them to believe, “I am a bad person.” Similarly, if someone is late for a meeting, they may feel embarrassed, but it could develop into shame if they start to believe they are inherently unreliable.

illustration of woman with fingers pointing towards her representing feeling shameful

Shame Vs. Embarrassment

While related, shame and embarrassment are distinct emotions. Embarrassment often involves temporary discomfort about a specific situation without long-term effects on one’s self-worth. For instance, spilling a drink at a party might cause embarrassment. However, if it leads to thoughts like “I am clumsy” or “I’m not good enough,” it may trigger feelings of shame.

Situations like being criticised at work, experiencing a breakup, or not meeting societal beauty standards can also lead to negative self-perception and shame. Understanding these differences can help you to navigate your emotional experiences and prevent self-destructive behaviours.

The Evolutionary Roots of Shame

According to research by Sznycer et al. (2016), shame evolved as a defence mechanism to protect individuals from social rejection. In ancient times, being valued by the community was crucial for survival. As a powerful emotion, shame encourages individuals to conform to social norms and maintain positive relationships.

Today, while the environment has changed, the emotional response remains. However, modern pressures—such as social media comparisons—can intensify feelings of inadequacy. This negative self-talk can make it more challenging to navigate negative thoughts and emotions healthily.

When Is Shame Not Helpful?

Shame becomes toxic when it leads to excessive self-criticism, causing toxic shame. This often involves self-destructive behaviours and can result from early life experiences such as trauma, abuse, or emotional neglect. Toxic shame leads to a belief that one is fundamentally flawed, unlovable, or incapable of being a better person.

Managing Toxic Shame

If your feelings of shame become overwhelming or difficult to manage, professional help may be necessary.  Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help challenge negative beliefs and reframe negative self-talk. If self-help techniques or confiding in a trusted friend don’t alleviate the feelings, reaching out to a therapist or joining a safe space like a support group may provide relief.

How Shame Affects the Body and Mind

Shame triggers a series of physiological and psychological responses:

  • Emotional well-being: Feelings of shame can lead to chronic stress, which affects your emotional and mental health. You might experience a feeling of inadequacy, a desire to hide, or even inner critical thoughts that negatively impact your sense of self-worth.
  • Physical symptoms: Shame can activate the body’s stress response, causing physical health issues such as an increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, muscle tension, sweating, and digestive problems.
  • Mental health issues: Prolonged shame weakens the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to illness while also affecting mental health, concentration, and decision-making.

Six Effective Ways To Manage Shame

Overcoming shame involves implementing practical, healthy strategies:

  1. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Utilise CBT techniques to challenge negative self-perception. For example, replace “I’m a complete failure” with “I am on a journey of personal growth.”
  2. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with care and engage in activities that enhance your emotional well-being, like journaling or spending time in nature.
  3. Learn and Grow: Consider mistakes to be an opportunity for growth. View shame as a tool to realign your behaviours with your values, thus becoming a better person.
  4. Mindfulness and Breathing Techniques: Practice mindfulness and use grounding exercises or breathing techniques to manage your emotional responses. These methods help calm the central nervous system and bring balance.
  5. Positive Self-Talk: Focus on affirmations that build your positive self-image. Journalling is an effective way to track your achievements and strengths.
  6. Talk About It: Opening up about feelings of shame with a trusted friend, a support group, or a professional can reduce isolation and help you gain perspective. If you’re looking for one-to-one support, my counselling and coaching services offer a safe space to explore and reframe these feelings.

man with arms outstretched representing freedom from feelings of shame

To Conclude

Shame is challenging, but it doesn’t have to control your life. By understanding its roots and practising effective ways to manage it, you can reclaim your sense of self-worth and cultivate a positive self-image. Embrace your personal development journey by building emotional well-being, practising self-compassion, and overcoming shame’s negative grip.

If you’re ready to address toxic shame and achieve personal growth, consider seeking professional support through therapy or coaching. Take the first step toward living with confidence and peace. Book a free discovery call today.

References:

Sznycer, D., Tooby, J., Cosmides, L., Porat, R., Shalvi, S., & Halperin, E. (2016). Shame closely tracks the threat of devaluation by others, even across cultures. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 113(10), 2625–2630. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1514699113

Top 5 Tips for Setting Goals and Achieving Them

Top 5 Tips for Setting Goals and Achieving Them

Research shows that setting clear, structured goals significantly increases the likelihood of achieving them. Bailey (2019) explores this in Goal Setting and Action Planning for Health Behavior Change, emphasising the importance of a step-by-step approach—especially when working towards health-related goals. According to Bailey, action planning provides a clear path to success, ensuring efforts are focused and effective.

But goal setting isn’t just about achievement; it’s about taking control of your life and making meaningful progress. It’s easy to get distracted by daily demands, but setting personal goals—not just academic or career-focused ones—can be just as valuable. Achieving a goal doesn’t just move you forward; it boosts confidence, enhances self-esteem, and supports mental well-being.

No matter your age, it’s never too late (or too early) to start goal setting. Research by the National Foundation for Educational Research highlights that goal-setting frameworks, such as SMART goals, improve motivation and academic performance (Lord, Atkinson, & Mitchell, 2008). If you’re in college or university, now is the perfect time to develop this powerful habit. If you’re interested in learning more about daily planning tips, check out my blog.

1. Setting the Foundation: Writing and Defining Your Goals

Writing down your long-term goals is the first step towards turning aspirations into reality. Reflect on what is truly important to you and where you envisage yourself in the future. It could be in one month or year—whatever works for you. Gaining a clear vision of your goal is an important part of the goal-setting process.

If you only have vague goals, a good strategy is to get creative, design a vision board, and find photos and quotes that grab your attention.  Visualising a specific goal can bring it to life and give you a clear vision of where you want to be in the future. Also, getting creative is fun and has many mental health benefits.

Remember, a goal doesn’t have to be something extreme, such as running a marathon or skydiving (although it can be if that’s what you want!). Your personal goals can be anything that’s important to you, whether health or professional, or you want to focus on personal development goals.

Setting one goal can positively impact other areas of your life.  For instance, a personal development goal could be to boost your confidence and self-esteem. Increasing your confidence and self-esteem can open doors to new experiences, and you will learn to trust your decisions more. Personal development goals can be the best way to set the foundations for practical goal setting.  As you set new goals, discover how the role of reflection can support your progress in my blog.

2. Milestone Setting: Tracking Achievements

Once you have your big goal, the next step is to break it down into smaller goals and then break these smaller goals down into more manageable tasks.  A big goal can feel overwhelming if you imagine yourself standing at the bottom of a vast mountain; the top can seem so far off, and reaching the top can feel unachievable. However, climbing that mountain can feel doable when you break it down into manageable tasks.

A good idea is to set aside time to note down everything you need to do to complete a task. Putting pen to paper can give you a clearer understanding of what you must do to achieve that task and increase your chances of success.  It can often be the smaller tasks that are the most important steps, so getting these onto paper can be highly beneficial.

Keeping a to-do list can be an excellent way to keep you on track; you can then update it daily, marking off your achievements.  Your achievements are your driver to move forward, so it’s so important to celebrate them. When completing tasks, it can be helpful to identify any barriers you may come across and then do some problem-solving to decide how to overcome them. Balancing this with self-care is essential, as working towards your goals can be hard work. Reminding yourself of ‘why’ you want to reach your goal is another factor that will help drive you towards the finishing line.

man jumping through gap in cliffs signifying reaching your goals

3. Make Goal-Setting Achievable

I advocate for thinking big and not letting anything stand in your way, but it is also essential to set realistic goals. It’s about getting the balance right, as there are some things you need to consider when setting goals. For example, suppose the big goal is to climb Kilimanjaro. In that case, there is a lot to consider, such as physical fitness, mental well-being, the possibility of altitude sickness, booking vaccines, and available finances.

The next step towards positive goal setting is devising an action plan. To do this, write down the different factors you need to consider. Then, note the actionable steps it will take to complete each factor. You could work on them individually, or you might work on some simultaneously.

Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone when setting goals is positive, as ambitious goals are great for personal growth. However, you also want to avoid getting overwhelmed. So, think big, but also consider your capabilities and the available resources before setting goals, tasks, and time scales.

4. Set Timeframes: Assign Deadlines to Create a Sense of Urgency

Time scales and deadlines are essential to goal setting as they keep you on track, make you accountable, and can prevent procrastination and perfectionism.  You can gauge your progress by setting target dates for each task, including the small goals. There can be room for movement with this; it can be challenging to know how long a particular task will take, as it can depend on your current situation, such as external factors.

However, having an estimated timescale can keep you motivated as you know that each minute you work on the task brings you closer to reaching the end goal. For greater goal-setting success, you must clearly understand what you must do to achieve the big goal. You can then break this down into daily tasks.

man with arms outstretched enjoying freedom representing reaching goals

5. Seek Accountability and Be Resourceful

Keeping yourself accountable is another crucial part of goal setting. It can be easy to get off track, as other exciting things might appear while you work on a task. If this happens, note down whatever distracted you and spend time on it when you have a planned timeout. Some great online accountability trackers can help with motivation and organisation and keep you accountable.

Sharing your goal with a family member or trusted friend can help keep you accountable. However, if you prefer not to share your goal-setting journey with others, try writing about it in your journal or checking if there are local groups or an online community of people with similar goals. Professional help is also available if you would like a counsellor or coach to help you on your goal-setting journey. You can check out my services page for more information.

Checking your progress regularly is a great way to ensure you’re on the right track. It’s important to remember to celebrate your achievements, even if you feel they’re small steps. After all, small steps can lead to big changes. Having a list of tasks can feel daunting, so take time to look back at what you have achieved with pride.

SMART Goals

SMART goals are a structured approach to goal setting often used by professional coaches. It is also a technique you can implement if you are self-coaching.  The SMART Goal acronym is Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound.  Let’s break down SMART Goals and what they mean.

  • Specific: Set the goal that you want to accomplish
  • Measurable: Plan how you are going to track your success
  • Achievable: Check your goal is realistic
  • Relevant: Ensure there are beneficial outcomes
  • Time-bound: Create a deadline and prioritise tasks

Following the SMART goal criteria will ensure you clearly understand your goals and confirm they are within reach.

note book with handwritten smart goals open on a table with glasses and sticky notes.

Empowering Yourself Through Self-Coaching

If you are self-coaching rather than working with a professional coach, a great tip is to follow the SMART goals model to keep on track. Reaching your goals can be a transformative journey that can foster growth and resilience.

When you achieve your goals, you prove to yourself that anything is possible when you fully invest in the process. Reaching your goals highlights the power we hold within ourselves.

What to Take into Consideration When Self-Coaching:

  • Understanding Motivation: Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation

What drives you to achieve your goals? Are you motivated by internal satisfaction (intrinsic motivation) or external rewards (extrinsic motivation)? Understanding what fuels your ambitions can help you tailor your approach and stay committed to long-term success.

  • Overcoming Obstacles: Handling Setbacks and Failures

Resilience is key to goal setting. Challenges, setbacks, or feelings of failure are part of the process. Having strategies in place to navigate obstacles can help you stay focused and continue moving forward, even when progress feels slow.

  • The Importance of Mindset: How a Growth Mindset Supports Goal Achievement

A growth mindset is essential for success. If you believe you can’t reach your goals, you’re far less likely to achieve them. Self-belief and self-esteem play a crucial role in progress—working on these areas can make goal-setting more effective and fulfilling.

  • The Role of Reflection: Reviewing and Revising Goals

Your goals may evolve over time, and that’s okay. Regularly reviewing and adjusting your goals ensures they remain relevant to your life and aspirations. Life changes, new interests, or shifting priorities can impact your objectives, so checking in with yourself can keep you on the right track.

  • The Power of Visualisation and Affirmations

A clear mental image of your goal can reinforce your motivation and help you stay committed. Visualisation makes your goal feel real, helping you take inspired action, while affirmations strengthen positive beliefs and self-confidence.

  • The Impact of Environment: Creating a Space for Success

Your surroundings influence your mindset and productivity. Having a dedicated space for planning or working toward your goals can improve focus. Similarly, surrounding yourself with supportive people or communities can provide encouragement and accountability.

  • Health and Wellbeing: The Foundation for Goal Achievement

There’s a strong connection between physical health, mental wellbeing, and goal success. Eating a nutritious diet, exercising regularly, and prioritising sleep can improve focus, energy levels, and resilience—making it easier to stay on track.

  • Leveraging Technology: Tools and Apps for Goal Tracking

Tracking progress keeps you motivated. Whether you prefer a journal or digital goal-tracking apps, these tools can boost accountability and help you celebrate milestones along the way.

  • Goal Setting for Different Life Stages

Goals naturally shift as you move through different life stages. What mattered in your student years may differ from your priorities as a parent or professional. Reassessing your goals ensures they align with your current circumstances and aspirations.

  • The Role of Emotional Intelligence in Goal Setting

Emotional awareness and self-regulation play a key role in goal achievement. Stress, motivation, and relationships can all impact your journey. Having tools to manage emotions effectively can help you stay resilient and focused.

Case Study: From Self-Coaching to Professional Guidance

Adam, a 35-year-old IT support specialist, contacted me for life coaching as he struggled to reach his goal through self-coaching. Adam’s goal was to find satisfaction and happiness in his daily life. Adam believed he might need to change his career to achieve this, but he was feeling some resistance and couldn’t decide if this was the correct step.

We explored Adam’s core values, long-term aspirations, and what motivated him. Adam found that creativity, adventure, and friendships were high on his list of values, but these values weren’t showing up much in his life. Subsequently, Adam recognised that his professional life was not causing him to feel dissatisfied, as he spoke positively about his role as an IT specialist. However, he recognised that work had become his sole purpose and identity.

When Adam recognised that his time outside of work was equally important as his time at work, his overall goal changed. With this updated goal in mind, Adam structured a plan and considered any potential barriers. Adam described himself as an introvert, which he felt held him back socially. We discussed Adam’s introverted traits and how he could embrace them by focusing on his strengths and introducing self-care into his life. We also worked on his limiting beliefs around being an introvert.

Counselling and Coaching Approach

We examined Adam’s needs and preferences through a counselling and coaching approach. Adam came up with ideas that aligned with his values: creativity, adventure, and friendships. Adam tried out many new ventures before finding a hobby he is now passionate about; this has increased his social circle, and he feels he has a sense of purpose inside and outside the workplace.

Adam’s situation demonstrates that the first step is to identify the goal entirely. Adam continued to successfully use his self-coaching skills to achieve his ultimate goal while engaged in coaching sessions. During a recent session with Adam, he expressed how these changes had added value to his life, and he now feels he has the happiness and sense of satisfaction that he was searching for when he began self-coaching. Adam felt self-coaching and professional coaching were the best route for him, and overall, he feels a great sense of accomplishment for the hard work he has put into getting to where he is today.

To Conclude

Applying the above tips empowers you to take charge of your goal-setting journey as your coach or mentor.   Self-coaching can be highly beneficial. However, it’s also okay to reach out to a trusted friend or for professional help if you feel you would like that extra bit of support.

References:

Bailey, T. (2019). Goal Setting and Action Planning for Health Behavior Change. Journal of Health Psychology, 24(3), 321-335.

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic Motivation and Self-Determination in Human Behavior. Springer Science & Business Media.

Lord, P., Atkinson, M., & Mitchell, H. (2008). The Role of Learning Goals in Motivation and Academic Success. National Foundation for Educational Research.

Schunk, D. H., & DiBenedetto, M. K. (2020). Motivation and social-emotional learning: Theory, research, and practice. Contemporary Educational Psychology, 60, 101830.

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