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How to STOP Overthinking: Tips, Techniques and Strategies

How to STOP Overthinking: Tips, Techniques and Strategies

As a counsellor and coach, I often hear clients asking me how to stop overthinking. Clients describe overthinking as a constant barrage of negative thoughts racing through their minds, the sound of continuous chatter, or playing out past and future scenarios, all with different endings. This blog will provide tips, techniques, and strategies to help you stop overthinking in its tracks, providing you with the calmness your body and mind need.

Constant intrusive thoughts can make people anxious and stressed, impacting how they feel during the day. They can also cause sleepless nights, which can take its toll on a person’s mental health. Overthinking can feel like a relentless cycle of destructive thought patterns and catastrophic predictions that refuse to switch off or quiet down. If you experience this level of overthinking, you know how exhausting it can be.

I often liken overthinking to going on an emotional roller-coaster; you repeatedly experience the emotions attached to events that your mind creates. You have been on this emotional journey but haven’t been anywhere apart from trapped in an endless cycle of anxious thoughts.

Let’s examine the triggers, mental and physical symptoms, and tips and strategies for conquering negative thinking patterns.

What Triggers Overthinking?

Understanding what triggers overthinking can be revealing. This insight can help you achieve a more calming and peaceful mind and lead you to personal growth.

Notice how overthinking tends to start for you. It is triggered by;

  • An event or situation that you find stressful
  • A sudden recollection of past events that has made you feel embarrassed or not good enough?  An assumption based on how you perceive the actions of others
  • The fear of confrontation or upsetting another person

For example, it could be a sideways glance from a friend, the tone of a work email, or an unanswered WhatsApp message. Thoughts can quickly escalate and result in running different conversations through your mind, with different endings; usually, these thoughts have worst-case scenario outcomes.

When you notice the triggers, the next time you end up overthinking, you can remind yourself that it is just a thought, not a fact. You can then decide what you would like to do with the idea. Is there some problem-solving to do? How does the thought make you feel? Can you describe the feeling and name it? Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a therapy that can help with reframing thoughts. The premise of CBT is that thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are all interlinked. The NHS offer self-help CBT, or a CBT therapist can provide support.

The Downside of Overthinking

Overthinking, catastrophising, and trapping yourself in negative thought patterns prevent you from living in the present moment. Getting into the vicious cycle of overthinking can impact your daily life. Research demonstrates overthinking can be responsible for issues which include:

  • Mental Health Conditions
  • Isolation
  • Sleep Issues
  • Procrastination
  • Low confidence and low self-esteem
  • Headaches, muscle tension and digestive problems

This physical and mental toll is a stark reminder of the need to address overthinking. However, the million-dollar question is, what is the best way to free yourself from overthinking?

Breaking Free from Overthinking

Breaking free from overthinking isn’t just about pushing away your thoughts. It’s about taking control, changing your relationship with these persistent thoughts, and finding alternative ways to manage them.

An excellent place to start is to recognise how overthinking affects you. Notice the mental and physical symptoms and reflect on how they impact other areas of your life, such as interacting with others, progressing in the workplace, or procrastinating. Then, flip this on its side: If you didn’t overthink, what would life look like then? This part is essential as it serves as the driver for you to beat overthinking.

Reflecting on your thoughts may seem counterproductive, as it involves more thinking! However, stay with me. Overthinking can sometimes be helpful, but you must find better ways to manage your overthinking habits, which we will discuss later in this blog.

Reviewing the past and planning the future can be helpful. However, it is essential to enjoy the here and now rather than getting caught up in a spiral of “what ifs”, “could haves “, and “should haves.”

Overthinking and The Red Car Theory?

The red car theory suggests you will see it everywhere once you focus on something. For example, if you think of a red car, suddenly, there will be many red cars on the road.   The truth is that there are no more red cars on the road than before, but it only seems that way because you are looking for red cars; this is at the forefront of your mind.   The presence of other cars becomes insignificant and almost unnoticeable as your attention is on red cars.

The red car theory results from attention and perception rather than an increase in the stimuli in question. If you find yourself in the trap of overthinking, try to remember this theory, as it can bring you some relief from your thoughts.

Case Study: How the Red Car Theory Fits with Overthinking

Emma’s colleague Tom comes into work one day and is unusually quiet. Emma notices Tom doesn’t smile when he sits down and doesn’t speak for most of the morning.

Emma started thinking about what she could have done or said to upset him. Was it the last email she sent? Did it sound curt rather than friendly? Emma revisited past situations in her mind, such as the time she forgot to hand over an important document and the time she missed a necessary appointment.

Emma concludes that she has made Tom angry, which must be related to her incompetence. She remembers other times when Tom was quiet and believes he doesn’t like working with her.

With these thoughts going through her mind, Emma struggles to focus on her work. She becomes aware of other colleagues around her interacting with each other, making her feel more alone and unpopular. These thoughts confirm to Emma that Tom doesn’t like her, that she is unpopular in the office, and that she HAS evidence of this.

Confirmation Bias

However, the reality of this situation is likely to be quite different. There could be several reasons why Tom was quiet; he may have had bad news before coming into the office, missed the earlier train he intended to catch, or had a difficult night’s sleep. Similarly, Emma’s colleagues often chat and interact with each other; this isn’t unusual as they sit next to each other and must interact within their roles.

This example demonstrates confirmation bias, which occurs when you seek information to support your thoughts and disregard any other information that does not fit the story you are telling yourself. Confirmation bias can impact decision-making and your perception of situations and events.

Practical Steps to Overcome Overthinking

Overcoming the relentless noise of overthinking involves a multifaceted approach. As a Pluralistic Counsellor, there is no one-size-fits-all approach; it’s more about trying different techniques until you discover what works best for you.

Below is a range of self-care techniques known to help with overthinking. Trying different techniques can take time, but investing time in yourself is the first positive step.

  • Breathing Exercises:

    Deep breathing exercises are a great way to stop overthinking. You can try many different breathing exercises, including the Square Breathing Technique, which will help slow down your heart rate, make you feel more relaxed, and give you mental clarity.

  • Keeping a Gratitude Journal:

    Every day, spend a few minutes writing down what you are grateful for, or if you do it in the evening, write about what you have been thankful for during the day. It can be something that would typically go unnoticed, such as the beauty of nature around you, the brief interaction you had on your morning commute, or ticking jobs off your ‘to-do’ list.

  • Body Scan Meditation:

    Get comfortable and focus your attention on different parts of your body. Begin with your toes and move upwards, noticing any areas of tension or discomfort. This exercise brings an awareness of the present moment and highlights how overthinking can impact physical health.

  • Mindfulness Meditation Practices:

    Pick up a small object and hold it in your hand.   Set a timer for five minutes and adequately focus on this object. How does it feel? Move your hand over the different textures, take in every detail, how it smells, and look at the colours. If thoughts come into your mind, just let them go and bring yourself back to looking at the object as soon as you notice them.

  • Physical Activity:

    When you exercise, your body releases many hormones that make you feel good, such as endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine. Exercise can be anything from a brisk walk to gentle exercise, team sports, or a gym workout. Choose whatever works best for you.

  • Allocate Time to Reflect:

    It can help to observe a thought mindfully rather than pushing it away. Accept the thought without judgment; write it down or do some problem-solving. A good tip is to allocate a time limit to reflect on thoughts during the day; often, when you reflect on them at a different time, they may feel insignificant, and you can let them go.

  • RTT Hypnosis Audios:

    As a qualified RTT therapist, I have created a stop-overthinking hypnosis audio explicitly designed to help you break free from the cycle of overthinking. My recordings use guided imagery and deep relaxation techniques to access your subconscious mind, allowing you to let go of persistent, negative thoughts and replace them with calm and constructive thoughts.

These techniques will help you stay in the present and offer you peace and tranquillity while your focus is only on what you are doing. The good news is that you will feel empowered by taking control of your mind, knowing you prioritise your mental health and overall well-being.

Close-up of running trainers, illustrating how exercise can alleviate overthinking.

When Overthinking Can Be Helpful

When we hear the word overthinking, it often comes with negative connotations. If you consider yourself overthinking, you might have heard responses like these from friends, family or colleagues.

  • It’s not that complicated. What’s your gut telling you?
  • You are spending far too much time thinking about this.
  • Are you still thinking about this? Why don’t you make a decision?
  • I can hear this situation is stressing you; you are overthinking it.

Overthinking can often come from worrying about making the wrong decision. However, there is usually no definite right or wrong decision. We need to decide based on the information we have available. This is where problem-solving can be a powerful tool, as it can help identify which actionable steps you can take to get the best outcome.

(GuhaRoy, 2024) has written an interesting article about how overthinking can be helpful. It can be the case that overthinking is useful when carrying out academic research, problem-solving or making important life decisions. Set aside time to mindfully spend time with the thoughts that repeatedly come up for you during the day. Allocate time to sit with these thoughts; some may not require any more thought. Or, you may have to do some problem-solving around specific thoughts; if this is the case, allocate time and take a more structured approach to what you feel you need to do with the thought.

To Conclude

You don’t have to live a life filled with constant worry if you are an overthinker. You can use many tips, strategies, and tools to overcome this. Additionally, exploring and getting to the root cause of this constant worrying can be helpful. For example, if you don’t trust your decisions or feel that you aren’t good enough, this could be linked to issues around self-esteem or low confidence. Working on your decision-making skills will increase your self-esteem and confidence as you can trust your own decisions, which will help prevent you from getting on the wheel of overthinking.

These strategies can work great on their own or with the support of a trusted friend, but if you would like some extra guidance and support, professional help may be beneficial. If you would like to discuss further how I can help you with overthinking, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

8 Tips to Stop Being a People-Pleaser

8 Tips to Stop Being A People-Pleaser

Do you often agree with others even when it doesn’t align with your feelings or personal values?  Do you want to share your opinion or say no, but somehow, it never happens? If this sounds familiar, there is a high chance you are a people-pleaser or have people-pleasing tendencies.  The difference is that if you are a people-pleaser, you will consistently please others regardless of the consequences to your well-being. In contrast, it will be more occasional and situational if you have people-pleasing tenancies. 

People-pleasing is linked to the ‘fawn’ response, a concept introduced by Pete Walker. The ‘fawn’ response describes people-pleasing as safety behaviour whereby people prioritise others’ needs to avoid conflict and safeguard their well-being.

People-pleasing often stems from a strong desire for acceptance and keeping harmony. Keeping others happy can create a sense of security, so pleasing others may initially seem effective. However, it comes with a downside. By prioritising the needs of others, you can lose sight of your authentic self. People-pleasers often act out of a deep fear of rejection, conflict, or abandonment, believing they won’t be left behind if they keep others happy.

Breaking free from people-pleasing can be incredibly empowering and comes with many benefits. Here are eight strategies to help you reduce or overcome the habit of people-pleasing so you can prioritise your happiness.

1. Setting Healthy Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries goes beyond simply saying no—it’s about building healthier relationships and prioritising your well-being. Being able to confidently and assertively say “no” is key to this process. By setting personal boundaries, you acknowledge that your needs are just as important as the needs of others.   While setting boundaries may take time, it is vital to personal growth and self-empowerment.

“Spread your wings and find freedom in being true to yourself.”

A free bird flying in a bright blue sky with white clouds, symbolizing freedom and breaking free from people-pleasing.

2. Assertive Communication

Develop assertiveness skills to express your opinions, needs, and preferences confidently and respectfully. Communicate your goals and desires to others. You can address any lingering resentment or conflicts through open and honest conversations, ultimately strengthening your relationships. Becoming more assertive will benefit both your personal and professional life. A great way to start communicating assertively is by practising saying no in low-pressure situations to build confidence and ease in setting clear boundaries.

3. Building Self-Esteem

Developing self-esteem and self-worth independent of others’ approval is crucial for overcoming people-pleasing. By recognising your priorities and strengths, you can empower yourself to focus on your needs and well-being. Embracing your unique values helps you make choices that align with your true self rather than counting on receiving external validation.  Remember to put importance on taking care of your own needs, as you are the best person to take control of your life.

4. Prioritise Self-Compassion

Develop the ability to prioritise yourself by placing your needs and well-being above the urge to focus on other people’s needs. Incorporate self-care into your routine by scheduling enjoyable and relaxing activities. Regularly remind yourself of your worthiness of love and respect; positive affirmations can be constructive when reinforcing this mindset. 

5. Self-Reflection

Reflect on what motivates your drive to attempt to improve the lives of others around you. The first step in implementing change is recognising and managing the factors that prevent you from progressing. Recognise triggers such as situations, emotions, or people that trigger your people-pleasing tendencies. Awareness can help you respond differently.  Journalling for a couple of minutes each day can be a great way to self-reflect.

6. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Challenging thoughts and beliefs that fuel people-pleasing behaviours, such as fear of rejection or perfectionism, are essential. Challenging your thoughts can change your mindset, reduce the urge to seek approval from others, and avoid conflict.

7. Seek Support

Talk to trusted friends or family members, or seek professional support who can encourage, guide, and provide feedback as you work on changing your behaviour. When you introduce boundaries and assertive communication into your life, others close to you may observe the changes.  

The best way to manage this is different for everyone. You may want to share with those closest to you that you are making positive changes, or you can work on this alone without the approval of others. Either way is okay, as the most important thing is that you are making changes and getting the support and input that is helpful for you. 

8. Mindfulness and Emotional Awareness

Regular mindfulness practice is a key to gaining a deeper understanding of your emotions. It empowers you to acknowledge and validate your feelings as genuine and worthy of expression, a crucial step towards emotional well-being.

Journalling increases self-awareness and provides a space to reflect on your thoughts and feelings. By implementing mindfulness and journalling, you can diminish the urge to avoid conflict or seek approval from others, resulting in healthier relationships.

zen stones with sunset calm late representing prioritising yourself rather than people-pleasing

The Connection Between People-Pleasing and Vulnerability

People-pleasers often try to appease others to avoid feeling vulnerable or uncomfortable. Brené Brown emphasises that recognising and embracing vulnerability as a strength can empower you to engage more authentically in relationships, creating deeper emotional connections and self-acceptance.

Why do People Become People-Pleasers?

People-pleasers often share certain traits and psychological tendencies, here are some common reasons individuals become people-pleasers;

  • High Agreeableness: If you are highly agreeable, you’re naturally cooperative and compassionate, prioritising harmony in relationships by prioritising others’ needs rather than taking care of your own needs. 
  • Low Self-Esteem: People with low self-esteem seek external validation to feel valued and worthy of love. 
  • Fear of Rejection or Abandonment: The fear of rejection or abandonment drives you to seek approval and avoid actions that might upset others.
  • Perfectionism: You strive to meet the high standards of others, or often it is the high standards you have set yourself. 
  • Childhood Conditioning: Growing up in environments where pleasing caregivers was crucial for receiving love and attention can lead to a learned behaviour of prioritising others’ needs.
  • Empathy and Sensitivity: Highly empathetic individuals often prioritise others’ needs before their own, frequently at the expense of their well-being.
  • Co-dependency: In a codependent relationship, you might derive your sense of identity and self-worth from caring for and pleasing others.
  • Societal Expectations, which often promote being passive and accommodating as signs of politeness and consideration, can reinforce these behaviours.
  • Evolutionary Factors: The tendency to please others might stem from early human communities where acceptance and approval were crucial for survival and resource sharing.
  • Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): Often associated with ADHD, RSD involves heightened sensitivity to perceived criticism or rejection, leading to overextending yourself to gain approval.

The Consequences of People-Pleasing

While people-pleasing can initially create positive interactions, it often leads to adverse outcomes, such as suppressed emotions, reduced self-worth, feelings of shame, toxic relationships, and stress and burnout. Recognising these consequences is crucial in understanding the need to break the people-pleasing pattern.  

Suppressed Emotions: Prioritising others’ needs can lead to suppressing your emotions to avoid disappointing or upsetting others. Suppressing your feelings can lead to anxiety, sadness and depression, as well as physical problems such as headaches or digestive issues.

Reduced Self-Worth: Over time, you can lose touch with who you are when you listen to other people’s opinions. Decision-making may be increasingly tricky in the long run as you don’t trust your decisions.  

Feelings of Guilt and Shame: Prioritising others can lead to behaviours that contradict your beliefs and values, causing feelings of shame. 

Toxic Relationships: You might find yourself in relationships where others exploit your kindness or passiveness. This can, in some cases, lead to being the victim of gaslighting or abuse. 

Stress and Burnout: Chronic prioritisation of others’ needs can contribute to anxiety and burnout, affecting your mental and physical health.  Often, people-pleasers mask, which can be exhausting.

Are You A People-Pleaser?  Recognising the Signs?

Recognising people-pleasing tendencies is a crucial step toward self-awareness and personal growth. Identifying people-pleasing tendencies is an essential step toward self-awareness. Look out for these patterns:

  • Overextending Yourself: Going to great lengths to meet others’ needs, even to your detriment.
  • Difficulty Saying No: You feel compelled to go above and beyond for others, even when they inconvenience you.
  • Seeking Approval: Craving validation and acceptance from others to feel valued.
  • Avoiding Conflict: Going out of your way to have a quiet life and keep others happy at the cost of your preferences.

Action Plan: Examples of Setting Boundaries and Being Assertive

Applying boundaries and assertiveness can vary across different contexts:

  • Personal Relationships: Communicate your need for personal space or discuss sensitive topics.
  • Work Environments: Assert your limits on workload or address inappropriate behaviour from colleagues.
  • Social Settings: Politely decline invitations or express your preferences without guilt.

 To Conclude

Breaking free from people-pleasing requires courage and self-compassion. It’s about recognising your needs and boundaries while nurturing genuine connections with others. Remember, seeking support and practising self-awareness are essential to this personal growth and empowerment journey. If you have been a people-pleaser for a long time, it can take time to change these habits, and it can mean that you are out of your comfort zone.

However, keep going, always reminding yourself that you are the most important person in your life. Giving up trying to please others is not the same as being selfish; instead, it means putting your health and happiness first. You may be surprised to discover that when you do put your needs first and communicate your preferences to others, you can develop more meaningful conditions. 

If you want to stop people-pleasing but need some support, please book a discovery call.

Understanding and Managing Shame for Personal Growth

Understanding and Managing Shame for Personal Growth

Shame is a complex emotion that can negatively impact your quality of life if not managed effectively. Recognising and understanding shame is the first step toward freeing yourself from the grip of this often painful emotion. When shame takes hold, individuals often feel inadequate or fundamentally flawed. These feelings of shame can stem from various life experiences, including negative beliefs or unrealistic social norms.

For some, chronic shame may be rooted in a deep sense of embarrassment, leading to low self-esteem and a negative self-perception. However, overcoming this powerful emotion through self-compassion and intentional personal growth is possible.

Shame vs. Guilt: Key Differences

Recognising the distinction between guilt and shame is crucial for managing emotional responses effectively:

  • Feelings of shame focus on the self, often leading to low self-esteem and negative thoughts. It’s the belief that “I am bad.”
  • Feelings of guilt, however, focus on actions, leading to the thought, “I did something bad.”

For example, if a student cheats on a test, they may feel guilty by thinking, “I made a poor choice.” On the other hand, shame would cause them to believe, “I am a bad person.” Similarly, if someone is late for a meeting, they may feel embarrassed, but it could develop into shame if they start to believe they are inherently unreliable.

illustration of woman with fingers pointing towards her representing feeling shameful

Shame vs. Embarrassment

While related, shame and embarrassment are distinct emotions. Embarrassment often involves temporary discomfort about a specific situation without long-term effects on one’s self-worth. For instance, spilling a drink at a party might cause embarrassment. However, if it leads to thoughts like “I am clumsy” or “I’m not good enough,” it may trigger feelings of shame.

Situations like being criticised at work, experiencing a breakup, or not meeting societal beauty standards can also lead to negative self-perception and shame. Understanding these differences can help you to navigate your emotional experiences and prevent self-destructive behaviours.

The Evolutionary Roots of Shame

According to research by Sznycer et al. (2016), shame evolved as a defence mechanism to protect individuals from social rejection. In ancient times, being valued by the community was crucial for survival. As a powerful emotion, shame encourages individuals to conform to social norms and maintain positive relationships.

Today, while the environment has changed, the emotional response remains. However, modern pressures—such as social media comparisons—can intensify feelings of inadequacy. This negative self-talk can make it more challenging to navigate negative thoughts and emotions healthily.

When Is Shame Not Helpful?

Shame becomes toxic when it leads to excessive self-criticism, causing toxic shame. This often involves self-destructive behaviours and can result from early life experiences such as trauma, abuse, or emotional neglect. Toxic shame leads to a belief that one is fundamentally flawed, unlovable, or incapable of being a better person.

Managing Toxic Shame

If your feelings of shame become overwhelming or difficult to manage, professional help may be necessary.  Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help challenge negative beliefs and reframe negative self-talk. If self-help techniques or confiding in a trusted friend don’t alleviate the feelings, reaching out to a therapist or joining a safe space like a support group may provide relief.

How Shame Affects the Body and Mind

Shame triggers a series of physiological and psychological responses:

  • Emotional well-being: Feelings of shame can lead to chronic stress, which affects your emotional and mental health. You might experience a feeling of inadequacy, a desire to hide, or even inner critical thoughts that negatively impact your sense of self-worth.
  • Physical symptoms: Shame can activate the body’s stress response, causing physical health issues such as an increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, muscle tension, sweating, and digestive problems.
  • Mental health issues: Prolonged shame weakens the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to illness while also affecting mental health, concentration, and decision-making.

Six Effective Ways to Manage Shame

Overcoming shame involves implementing practical, healthy strategies:

  1. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Utilise CBT techniques to challenge negative self-perception. For example, replace “I’m a complete failure” with “I am on a journey of personal growth.”
  2. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with care and engage in activities that enhance your emotional well-being, like journaling or spending time in nature.
  3. Learn and Grow: Consider mistakes to be an opportunity for growth. View shame as a tool to realign your behaviours with your values, thus becoming a better person.
  4. Mindfulness and Breathing Techniques: Practice mindfulness and use grounding exercises or breathing techniques to manage your emotional responses. These methods help calm the central nervous system and bring balance.
  5. Positive Self-Talk: Focus on affirmations that build your positive self-image. Journaling is an effective way to track your achievements and strengths.
  6. Talk About It: Opening up about your feelings of shame with a trusted friend or in an online support group can reduce isolation and help you gain perspective.

man with arms outstretched representing freedom from feelings of shame

To Conclude

Shame is challenging, but it doesn’t have to control your life. By understanding its roots and practising effective ways to manage it, you can reclaim your sense of self-worth and cultivate a positive self-image. Embrace your personal development journey by building emotional well-being, practising self-compassion, and overcoming shame’s negative grip.

If you’re ready to address toxic shame and achieve personal growth, consider seeking professional support through therapy or coaching. Take the first step toward living with confidence and peace. Book a free discovery call today.

Understanding Anger Management

Why Do I Get So Angry? Understanding Anger Management

Understanding anger management is key to navigating this emotion effectively.  Anger is a universal emotion that we all experience. It’s a natural response to perceived threats or injustices, alerting us to situations that require attention and action. Remember, feeling anger is normal and part of the human experience. You are not alone in this; your feelings of anger are a natural part of being human.

Anger can help us set boundaries, advocate for ourselves, and manage difficult situations. Moreover, anger can motivate positive change, making us more resilient and encouraging us to stand up for our values.  Anger can aid personal growth and social change when properly understood and directed.

In his article “The Value of Anger: 16 Reasons It’s Good to Get Angry” (GoodTherapy, 2017), Moshe Ratson discusses the benefits of experiencing anger. When anger feels difficult to control, it can become a challenge. But it’s a challenge you can overcome. Understanding and managing your anger is not just about regaining control; it’s about empowerment. It’s about recognising the signs of anger and having the tools to manage it effectively. It’s about taking charge of your emotions and your life. Mastering your anger is a significant step towards personal empowerment and control.

Understanding Anger: How to Manage Anger

Anger ranges from mild irritation to full-blown rage and can be a powerful motivator. However, uncontrolled anger can negatively impact our lives. Understanding that anger isn’t the problem is crucial—how we manage and express it is essential. With the correct strategies, anger can force positive change, increasing happiness and well-being.

When anger strikes, our body quickly activates the ‘fight or flight’ response, which occurs when individuals perceive a threat or danger. This innate survival mechanism triggers a rush of physiological changes to prepare the body to confront the threat or flee from it.

When faced with a stressful situation, such as encountering a wild animal or experiencing a crisis, the body’s sympathetic nervous system becomes activated.

The fight-or-flight response prepares us to confront or flee threats or danger. It triggers a burst of hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol, to rush through the body, causing bodily reactions such as an increased heart rate, sweating, and muscle tension.

These physiological changes prepare us to take quick action, which can be helpful in real-life emergencies like preventing an accident or stopping a crime. However, when the threat is only perceived rather than actual, these intense bodily reactions can leave us stuck in a fight-or-flight state, causing potential health issues.

Why Do I Get So Angry?

People express anger differently depending on cultural, social, and individual factors such as learned behaviour or past experiences. Neurodevelopmental conditions such as ADHD and autism, neurological disorders, addiction, and other mental or physical health issues can influence how individuals express anger. Despite this variability, people typically feel and express anger in some common ways.

Understanding your expression of anger is crucial for effective management. Managing anger involves neither suppressing it nor letting it escalate unchecked. Instead, it requires handling it assertively and constructively. Individuals release anger differently based on the situation, which naturally differs from person to person.

How People Express Anger Verbally and Non-Verbally.

Verbal Expressions

  • Shouting or Swearing: Changing tone of voice or language used
  • Sarcasm or Mockery: Using cutting or ironic remarks
  • Blaming or Accusations: Pointing fingers or attributing fault to others
  • Threats: Indicating intention to cause harm or trouble

Non-Verbal Expressions

  • Facial Expressions: Frowning, staring, or clenching the jaw
  • Body Language: Tense shoulders, clenched fists, or aggressive gestures

Behavioural Expressions

  • Physical Aggression: Hitting, pushing, or any form of violence
  • Throwing or Breaking Objects: Destroying or damaging possessions
  • Stomping: Being heavy-footed
  • Withdrawing: Refusing to communicate or engage

Emotional Reactions

  • Crying: Tears can release emotions.
  • Frustration: Showing signs of extreme annoyance or exasperation
  • Irritability: Becoming annoyed, irritated or uneasy by minor interactions or events

Understanding your expression of anger is crucial for effective management. Managing anger involves neither suppressing it nor letting it escalate unchecked. Instead, it requires handling it assertively and constructively.

Learning and applying the proper techniques can be empowering, even when anger feels overwhelming—it’s about regaining control over your emotions and managing your anger effectively.

How can Uncontrolled Anger Impact Physical and Mental Health?

The Impact of Uncontrolled Anger

Uncontrolled anger can significantly impact various aspects of your life:

  • Physical Health: Increases the risk of high blood pressure, heart problems, and a weakened immune system
  • Mental Health: Contributes to depression, anxiety and low self-esteem
  • Relationships: Strains relationships with loved ones, leading to conflicts and misunderstandings
  • Work: Affects job performance and creates a hostile work environment.

Understanding your expression of anger is crucial for effective management. Managing anger involves neither suppressing it nor letting it escalate unchecked. Instead, it requires handling it assertively and constructively.

While intense anger may seem overwhelming, employing appropriate techniques and strategies can empower you to manage anger effectively and regain mastery over your emotions.

Physical Exercise can help you to release anger, and it is good for your overall mental health.

Exploring Different Forms of Anger

  • Passive Anger: Suppressing rage and using subtle behaviours such as giving silent treatment or using sarcasm to express anger.
  • Chronic Anger: Consists of directing anger and resentment consistently towards people or situations.
  • Self-Inflicted Anger: Anger directed towards oneself often involves self-blame, guilt, or self-criticism.
  • Behavioural Anger: Aggressive and explosive behaviour, including yelling, physical harm, or destructive actions.
  • Constructive Anger: Is a positive expression that motivates constructive change, problem-solving, and standing up for one’s beliefs. When managed effectively, anger can be a powerful tool for personal growth and social change. It’s not about suppressing or avoiding anger but about using it to benefit yourself and those around you.

Typical Bodily Responses to Anger

  • Increased heart rate and blood pressure
  • Muscle tension and clenched fists
  • Irritability, restlessness, or a short temper
  • Racing thoughts or difficulty concentrating
  • Sweating and flushed face
  • Elevated levels of stress or anxiety
  • Difficulty sleeping or insomnia

What are some effective strategies for managing anger?

Determining the signs of anger is the first step towards managing it effectively. It’s a journey of self-awareness and control. Here are some self-help strategies to help you manage your anger and find relief.

Managing anger is an integral part of maintaining healthy relationships and overall well-being. Here are some strategies to help you improve your anger management skills:

  • Identify Triggers: Pay attention to situations or events that trigger your anger. Recognising these triggers can help you respond more effectively.
  • Take a Timeout: When anger rises, step away from the situation. Give yourself time to cool down before reacting. Counting to 10 or practising calming breathing exercises can be helpful.
  • Focus on Relaxation: Use relaxation techniques like deep breathing, grounding techniques or imagery to calm your body and mind. Relaxation exercises can prevent anger from escalating.
  • Change Your Thoughts: Cognitive restructuring involves altering negative thought patterns. Challenge your inner dialogue and try reframing thoughts with different outcomes. For instance, instead of thinking, “This is unfair,” consider, “I can handle this calmly”. Another example could be, instead of thinking, “I’m always the one who has to do everything,” consider, “I’m capable of handling my responsibilities.”
  • Problem-Solving: Address underlying issues causing frustration. Sometimes, anger arises from real problems that need solutions. Seek constructive ways to resolve them.
  • Improve Communication: Use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming others. Effective communication reduces misunderstandings and defuses anger.
  • Use Humour: Lightening the mood with humour can release tension. Find a funny perspective on the situation.
  • Create an Anger Management Plan: Prepare in advance by outlining steps to take when upset. Having a plan helps you respond more skillfully.

Remember, managing anger doesn’t mean never getting angry—it’s about handling it constructively. Practice these techniques, and you’ll develop better control over your emotions over time. If persistent anger is affecting your life, consider seeking professional help.

How can a Counsellor or Coach Help?

If self-help strategies aren’t enough, seeking professional help can be incredibly beneficial. Therapy often begins with an initial discovery call, where you can express your concerns and establish personal goals. As sessions progress, you’ll develop effective coping strategies that empower you and demonstrate your ability to manage anger.

Techniques such as person-centred therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), hypnosis, and coaching offer practical approaches to address and control anger. If you’re ready to make a positive change, I’m here to support you on your journey to better anger management

6 Facts About Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT)

6 Facts About Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT)

Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) is a powerful therapeutic method founded by Marisa Peer, a renowned therapist with a 30-year career as a trainer, speaker, and best-selling author. Drawing on her extensive experience, Marisa combined various therapeutic approaches to develop RTT. Marisa Peer became a highly sought-after therapist, working with CEOs, Olympic athletes, Oscar winners, and acclaimed musicians. Due to the incredible success of RTT, Marisa founded The Rapid Transformation School of Training to make RTT accessible to everyone, offering sessions that can be conducted online from anywhere in the world.

In 2021, I became a certified RTT practitioner, and it has been one of the most rewarding decisions of my career. The fast, lasting transformations I’ve witnessed have deepened my belief in the power of RTT.

If you’re looking for a therapy that delivers fast, effective results, explore the transformative power of RTT. This blog provides six key facts about this powerful approach.

1. RTT Merges Therapeutic Techniques for Lasting Change

By drawing from aspects of hypnotherapy, psychotherapy, cognitive behavioural therapy, and neuro-linguistic programming, RTT addresses the root causes of what has been holding you back, creating powerful, permanent change. This unique combination enables deep healing and delivers effective results for a variety of issues.

2. RTT Delivers Rapid Results

One of the standout benefits of Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) is how quickly it produces results. Many clients notice significant changes after a single session, and most experience permanent changes within one to three sessions.

Due to the adaptability of RTT, it can be used to address a wide range of issues, including:

  • Confidence
  • Weight Management
  • Procrastination
  • Phobias
  • Addictions
  • Self Esteem
  • Depression
  • Stress
  • Anxiety
  • IBS
  • Sleep Issues
  • Fertility Problems

3. RTT Uses Hypnosis to Get to the Root Cause of Your Problems

Many of the challenges we face today are rooted in past experiences, whether from major traumatic events or more subtle moments, such as embarrassment or humiliation at school, which may have felt just as impactful at the time. These moments often shape our beliefs and behaviours on a subconscious level.

Through hypnosis, RTT helps you uncover deeply ingrained beliefs and reframe them so they no longer hold you back. RTT incorporates the positive aspects of hypnosis and gets to the source of the issue, which is why RTT effectively produces long-term, transformative results.

swing hanging on a tree in the shade on the beach representing relaxing during hypnosis

4. Hypnosis in RTT: Rewiring the Subconscious Mind

RTT helps create lasting shifts, which I’ve witnessed time and time again. The subconscious mind is incredibly powerful, influencing much of our behaviour and thought patterns without us realising it. Scientific research on neuroplasticity shows that the brain can rewire itself by forming new neural pathways, allowing us to change unhelpful habits and negative beliefs.

During an RTT session, we have direct access to the subconscious mind through the power of hypnosis. Through regression, we identify limiting beliefs. These old, outdated beliefs are replaced with healthier, more empowering beliefs, showing how the brain can adapt and grow. It’s important to recognise that hypnosis is not about being asleep; it’s a ‘sleep’ of the nervous system. During the session, you will be deeply relaxed but remain in complete control.

5. RTT Utilises Regression to Uncover Root Causes

Regression is a powerful technique in RTT. During a session, your therapist will guide you to review past experiences to uncover where unhealthy beliefs originated. In RTT, we refer to these as ‘scenes’; they may involve events you clearly remember or feel like distant memories. However, during the session, you will recall them in more detail, including the emotions you felt at the time. Since the subconscious mind’s role is to protect us, it often shields us from painful feelings and steers us away from what holds us back. Identifying the root issue helps us understand how past experiences are relevant to current problems.

Although this protective mechanism has good intentions, it’s only sometimes helpful. RTT sessions are always safe, and a professional RTT therapist ensures you are reviewing these beliefs, not reliving them.  For some, the thought of hypnosis and regression may seem daunting if it’s something you’ve never experienced. However, RTT is an extremely safe therapy and has received many awards and endorsements.

  1. RTT: A Globally Recognised, Award-Winning Therapy

Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) has gained worldwide recognition as an award-winning therapeutic approach. With over 30 years of proven success, it has earned prestigious accolades, including the Stevie Gold Award, and has been featured in leading publications like Men’s Health Magazine.

The endorsement of respected bodies such as the General Hypnotherapy Register and the National and International Council of Psychotherapists has further solidified RTT’s credibility, making it a trusted choice for those seeking lasting results

My Journey as an RTT Therapist

In 2021, I discovered a podcast episode about RTT and was immediately intrigued by the rapid results clients were experiencing. After diving deeper into my research, I quickly realised that RTT was a therapy I wanted to incorporate into my practice. Despite already being a qualified counsellor and ADHD coach, I found the RTT training to be a thorough and rewarding process involving both extensive learning and practical experience.

Since becoming a certified RTT therapist in 2021, it has become my go-to recommendation for clients who have struggled with the same issues for years, even after trying methods such as CBT or traditional talk therapy. I’ve seen success with a wide range of issues, including social anxiety, weight management, feelings of inadequacy, and phobias such as a fear of flying and fear of being sick.

As a counsellor and ADHD coach, many of my clients begin with counselling or coaching, but as they learn about the transformative power of RTT, more and more clients are now requesting RTT, and it’s becoming increasingly popular in my practice.

A woman drinking healthy tea and taking in a river view represents reflection after an RTT session.

In Conclusion

RTT is an ideal choice for those who want to get to the root cause of what is holding them back. The adaptability of RTT means each session is unique and tailored to the individual’s needs, making it suitable for everyone. While RTT works quickly, it’s important to note that it requires commitment.

The first session will take at least two hours of your time. For positive reinforcement, it’s necessary to listen to a bespoke recording for twenty-one days after the session. If you’re ready to invest in your future, please schedule a discovery call.

Bringing Order to ADHD Chaos Through Therapy

Adult ADHD? Here’s How Therapy Can Help

Living with ADHD can feel like navigating a ship through turbulent waters. The relentless distractions, impulsive thoughts, and organisational struggles often lead to a sense of chaos. Thankfully, therapy plays a crucial role in bringing order to this ADHD chaos. By addressing these challenges head-on, therapy helps individuals transition from turmoil to a state of clarity and control, transforming ADHD chaos into a more organised and manageable experience.

As a counsellor and ADHD coach, I’ve seen firsthand how effective ADHD treatment can transform the ADHD experience. If you’re interested, follow this link to explore my ADHD therapy services for adults.

7 Ways ADHD Therapy Can Transform Chaos into Clarity

1. Understanding ADHD and Embracing Self-Acceptance

One of the most transformative benefits of therapy for ADHD is gaining a deeper understanding of your condition. ADHD isn’t just a collection of traits; it reflects a unique way your brain processes information. Through therapy, you can explore how ADHD affects you personally, leading to greater self-acceptance.

This insight can bring a profound sense of relief, helping you see ADHD as part of who you are rather than a personal failure. By alleviating feelings of frustration and self-blame, therapy paves the way for a more compassionate self-view and improved mental well-being, bringing a sense of peace and reassurance.

2. Developing Effective ADHD Coaching Strategies

Therapists are adept at helping you develop practical strategies to manage ADHD symptoms. These strategies, tailored to your unique needs, can include:

  • Organisational Skills: Learn techniques better to organise your tasks, time, and personal space, reducing your feelings of overwhelm.
  • Attention Management: Use mindfulness and cognitive-behavioural techniques to improve focus and reduce impulsivity.
  • Stress Reduction: Discover stress management techniques, such as relaxation exercises and grounding techniques, and effective coping strategies to address ADHD symptoms.

By customising these strategies to your needs, therapy helps create a personalised roadmap for effectively navigating daily challenges.

3. Enhancing Emotional Regulation with ADHD

A trait of ADHD can be emotional dysregulation, which can be challenging to manage. Therapy provides tools for emotional regulation, helping you recognise and manage your emotions more effectively.

Techniques like cognitive restructuring can shift negative thought patterns, while mindfulness practices keep you grounded during emotional surges. Better emotional regulation leads to more stable relationships and enhances personal well-being.

Woman with a cloud above her head, representing the mental chaos of ADHD. Therapy and ADHD coaching can help manage these overwhelming thoughts.

4. Building Self-Esteem and Confidence

Living with ADHD can sometimes diminish your sense of self-worth, especially if your challenges are misunderstood or stigmatised. Therapy offers a supportive space to celebrate your strengths and achievements, no matter how small.

Therapy boosts self-esteem and confidence by focusing on positive reinforcement and setting achievable goals. It empowers you to tackle new challenges and embrace your abilities. If you are a student looking to boost your self-esteem, this blog may be helpful.

5. Improving Relationships Affected by ADHD

ADHD can impact your relationships with family, friends, and colleagues. Therapy provides strategies to improve communication, understanding, and empathy in these relationships.

By learning how ADHD affects your interactions and developing strategies for better communication, you can foster healthier and more supportive relationships. Strengthening these connections creates a more stable support system essential for managing ADHD effectively.

6. Setting and Achieving Goals with ADHD

Setting and achieving goals is crucial in managing ADHD. Therapy helps you set realistic and attainable goals, breaking them into manageable steps. With guidance from a counsellor or ADHD coach, you can create action plans, track your progress, and adjust as needed.

Whether your goals are related to personal development, career, or daily life, achieving them provides a sense of accomplishment and direction. If you want more information about counselling and ADHD coaching, please check my web pages.

7. Integrating Medication and Therapy for Comprehensive ADHD Treatment

While medication can be a crucial part of ADHD treatment, therapy enhances its effectiveness by addressing the cognitive and emotional aspects of ADHD.

Combining therapy with medication offers a comprehensive approach, tackling both the traits and underlying issues while promoting skill development.

Wrapping It All Up

Therapy provides a comprehensive toolkit for transforming ADHD’s chaos into a space of clarity and control. By fostering understanding, developing coping strategies, enhancing emotional regulation, building self-esteem, improving relationships, setting goals, and integrating with medication, therapy offers a well-rounded approach that helps individuals navigate their ADHD journey with greater confidence and resilience, making them feel secure and well-supported.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed by ADHD, consider reaching out to a therapist who specialises in ADHD. Together, you can embark on a journey from chaos to clarity, discovering new ways to manage symptoms and embrace the unique strengths of ADHD.

Schedule Your Free Discovery Call

The free 20-minute discovery call allows us to connect, understand your unique situation, and determine the most effective approach to supporting your well-being.

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