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Explore articles and insights on navigating life transitions, ADHD, and personal growth

6 Tips for Managing Life Transitions (with Confidence)

6 Tips for Managing Life Transitions (with Confidence)

Life transitions can be exciting, full of possibilities, and packed with hope for what’s to come. But they can also feel overwhelming. Balancing the demands of work, family, relationships, and your own well-being during times of change can leave you feeling stretched thin.

When life throws something new your way, it’s natural to find yourself at a crossroads, wondering which path to take.

Research shows that significant life transitions can influence our personality traits, shaping how we see ourselves and our roles in the world. These shifts might feel unsettling, but they also present an incredible opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

If you’re navigating a life transition, the good news is that you don’t have to do it alone. Therapy can provide the clarity, tools, and support to help you face these moments with confidence and resilience.

The Challenges of Life Transitions

Life transitions take many forms:

  • Starting university or a new career.
  • Adjusting to life with ADHD as an adult.
  • Navigating the changes that midlife brings.

While these shifts can bring exciting opportunities, they often stir up feelings of uncertainty, self-doubt, or even fear. You might wonder whether you’re making the right choices or how to handle the challenges ahead.

By taking small steps forward, you can build the confidence to approach these transitions with clarity and calmness.

  1. Embrace Change with Self-Compassion

It’s normal to feel unsure or anxious when life changes. Instead of criticising yourself for not having everything figured out, try to extend the same kindness you’d offer a friend in your position.

Try this: At the end of each day, write down one kind thing you can say to yourself about how you handled the day’s challenges. For example, “I’m proud of how I stayed calm during that meeting” or “It’s okay that I needed a break today.”

2. Create a Clear Vision of Your New Path

Take a moment to picture where you’d like to be after this transition. What does your ideal life look like? Writing down your goals and breaking them into smaller, more achievable steps can make even the most significant changes feel manageable.

Try this: Write down one goal for the week and list three small actions to help you achieve it. Ensure you take the time to feel a sense of pride when you reach your goal, as this will serve as the driver to move you forward.

3. Stay Present in the Moment

It’s easy to get caught up in ruminating about the past or worry excessively about the future, but staying focused on the present can help reduce overwhelm. Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or grounding exercises, are powerful tools for staying calm and clear-headed.

Try this: Close your eyes and take five slow breaths, focusing on the sensation of air moving in and out of your body. Notice how your shoulders and chest feel as you exhale tension. Thoughts may come into your mind, but allow them to pass without judgment, and then refocus on your breathing.  Find breathing exercises that work for stress on the NHS website.

4. Build a Support System

Transitions can feel isolating, but you don’t have to go through them alone. Talking things through with supportive friends, family, or even a therapist can help you process your feelings and feel more connected.

Try this: Reach out to a trusted friend or join an online community that relates to your experience. Sharing your story can make the load feel lighter. You may be surprised as there are often people experiencing similar challenges, and it can be helpful to connect with someone who has lived experience of the changes you are working through.

5. Establish Healthy Routines

During transitions, maintaining structure in your day can create a sense of stability. Simple routines, like regular exercise, journalling, or scheduling quiet time, can help you feel more grounded and in control.

Try this: Create a morning routine with three calming actions, like stretching, sipping a cup of tea, or setting an intention for the day. A healthy routine doesn’t have to involve oodles of self-care techniques; remind yourself that often less is more.

6. Reframe Negative Thoughts

Big changes often come with self-doubt or fear of failure. Learning to challenge and reframe negative thoughts into positive ones can transform your outlook.

Try this: When you catch yourself thinking, “I’ll never manage this,” replace it with, “I’m figuring it out step by step.”

Happy female student standing outside university signifying transitioning into student life

Navigating University and Entering the Workforce: Emma’s Story

Emma, a university student, came to me during her final year. She felt overwhelmed by upcoming deadlines, her dissertation, and the challenge of balancing studies with an active social life. Together, we worked on breaking her tasks into more manageable steps, prioritising self-care, and finding a routine that made her feel organised and more confident.

After graduation, Emma faced new challenges: adjusting to life back home and transitioning into her first ‘real’ job. She worried about leaving her university friends behind and stepping into the unknown world of a 9-to-5 role.

Through therapy, Emma learned strategies for managing her anxieties, preparing for interviews, and creating boundaries between work and personal life. I’m so proud of how she overcame her fears, adapted to her new routine, and built a balanced and fulfilling life.

Emma’s story is a reminder that even the most overwhelming transitions can become stepping stones to growth.

The Benefit of Personalised Support

Life transitions are unique for everyone, so a personalised approach can make a huge difference. Through therapy, you can develop insights, tools, and strategies tailored to your personal needs, helping you navigate change with confidence.

I use a holistic approach to support my clients, addressing the mind, body, and spirit. By incorporating mindfulness, practical tools, and self-compassion, we create a pathway that empowers you to move forward.

man standing looking at two roads decided which direction to go representing life transitions

A Holistic Approach to Life Transitions

Navigating life transitions holistically means addressing the mind, body, and spirit together. This interconnected approach acknowledges that emotional health, physical well-being, and mental clarity are important when managing change.

For instance, mindfulness techniques can reduce stress and enhance focus, while lifestyle adjustments such as maintaining a healthy diet and engaging in some physical activities support overall wellness.

Incorporating self-compassion practices nurtures emotional health and creates a grounded pathway, empowering you to move forward with confidence.

Clear Haven Therapy: Therapeutic Services

Pluralistic Counselling: By drawing on techniques from different therapeutic approaches, we can address your concerns in a way that feels right for you. Whether your are finding a sense of direction, processing past experiences, or managing emotions, counselling can offer insights and strategies for creating a more balanced life.

Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT): This powerful hybrid approach helps identify and reframe deep-rooted limiting beliefs. It’s particularly effective for those struggling with phobias, feelings of not being good enough, or anxiety. By combining techniques such as hypnosis and cognitive behavioural therapy, RTT facilitates transformative change.

Life Coaching: Coaching focuses on personal growth and achieving goals aligned with your values. In times of transition, I help with the structure, motivation, and accountability needed to reach goals, build confidence, and maintain clarity.

ADHD Coaching: ADHD coaching provides practical strategies for managing the unique demands of life transitions. Together, we’ll develop approaches that use your strengths, enabling you to thrive in the areas that matter most.

Embracing Life Transitions: University, Midlife, and Beyond

Whether you’re moving from university to the working world, navigating midlife changes, or discovering you have ADHD in adulthood, therapy can provide the support you need. For students transitioning into the workplace, therapy creates a supportive space to address lifestyle changes, time management, and clarity in career paths.

Midlife often invites reflection and reassessment of life’s direction, from navigating menopause to exploring new career opportunities. Therapy allows you to reconnect with what truly matters, rediscovering past interests or finding new passions that resonate with your current lifestyle.

Book a Discovery Call

If you’re navigating life transitions and feel that additional support could make a difference, please book a discovery call. I’ll be happy to help you on your journey.

Students with ADHD – Daily Planning Tips

Students with ADHD – Daily Planning Tips

Navigating the transition from school to university life can be exciting. However, it can be challenging, especially for students who are neurodivergent. A significant new report undertaken at Bristol University has revealed that one in seven students have ADHD or Autism, which equates to around fourteen per cent of all students.

The report revealed there is a much higher chance of students with autism and ADHD presenting with other neurodevelopmental conditions, such as dyspraxia and dyslexia or mental health conditions, such as anxiety, depression and personality or eating disorders.

This blog will examine how creating an ADHD-friendly schedule can help students with ADHD navigate university life.

ADHD affects executive functions crucial for planning, organising, managing time, making decisions, and regulating emotions.

Whether you are undiagnosed or received a childhood or adulthood diagnosis of ADHD, this blog will offer tips on how to maximise your university experience.

Structuring an ADHD-Friendly Schedule for University Students

By taking the reins and meticulously planning an ADHD-friendly planner, you can harness your time management skills, effectively prioritise tasks, and balance your academic and personal life. This sense of control can empower you, making you feel confident and in charge, and lead to a more fulfilling university experience.

Creating an ADHD-friendly schedule includes developing an effective morning routine and using specific study strategies tailored to the ADHD mind. At first, this might appear difficult or unachievable. However, establishing a routine can provide advantages, such as lowering stress and anxiety, improving academic performance, and maximising your overall university experience.

What is ADHD Paralysis?

ADHD paralysis, also known as ‘task paralysis,’ is a common experience among people with ADHD. It’s like when you know you have to do something important, but you just can’t seem to start or finish it. This can be because you’re not sure where to begin, you’re worried about not doing it perfectly, or you feel overwhelmed by how much there is to do.

As a result, individuals may struggle to initiate or maintain focus on activities, leading to procrastination and heightened stress. Understanding and addressing ADHD paralysis involves breaking tasks into smaller steps, setting clear goals, and employing organisational tools to improve focus and productivity.

8 Daily Planning Tips for Students with ADHD

1. Time Management: Creating an ADHD-Friendly Schedule

Remember to select a planner that matches your unique needs and preferences. Whether it’s an online calendar, a whiteboard, a pinboard, or a blend of paper and pens, the choice is yours. This autonomy can be liberating and contribute to a more personalised and effective study routine.

If you need to use your planner as intended, view it as an opportunity for change. Rather than being hard on yourself, embrace the chance to get creative and enjoy the process! With various planner types available, it may take time to discover the one that suits you best. Consider factors like format (digital or physical), level of detail, and portability. The goal is to find a planner you enjoy using that helps you stay organised.

2. Schedule a Study Routine

Begin by scheduling ‘non-negotiables’ such as lectures, study sessions, and classwork. These are the anchor points of your schedule—tasks that cannot be changed or skipped. They provide structure and focus, laying a foundation for success.

Consider adding ‘negotiables,’ like exercise, relaxation time, or hobbies, around these anchors. This balanced approach ensures you prioritise academic commitments while maintaining a healthy lifestyle, giving you a sense of control.

Adjust your schedule as needed to optimise productivity and well-being.

3. Establish a Sleep Routine

Setting and maintaining a consistent sleep schedule is vital for your overall well-being, especially when dealing with ADHD and its associated conditions, known as comorbidities. Sleep disorders are common among individuals with ADHD and can significantly impact academic success.

One strategy to help you wake up on time is the ‘5-4-3-2-1 method.’ When your alarm goes off, challenge yourself to get out of bed before you finish counting to one. This can help you start your day promptly and avoid the temptation to press the snooze button.

Adjust your sleep habits gradually until you find what works best for you, recognising that this process may take time, especially if you stay up late. Crafting an ADHD-friendly schedule involves balancing academic commitments with social interactions. Nurturing friendships and engaging in social activities while prioritising academic responsibilities is essential.

When planning to attend events, consider your schedule for the following day and make informed decisions about alcohol consumption by eating beforehand, staying hydrated, and alternating between alcoholic and non-alcoholic drinks.

Schedule social gatherings on lighter workload days to enjoy them fully without compromising your sleep or studies.

4. Organise your Morning Routine

Consider your morning routine before lectures—showering and heading straight out, enjoying a leisurely breakfast, meditating, exercising, or any other activity you prefer. Creating a realistic and sustainable schedule is critical.

Organising your belongings the night before can streamline your mornings. Pack everything you’ll need the next day and place it by the front door. Spend just five minutes before bed on this simple task.

Visualisation is a powerful technique for mentally preparing yourself. Take a moment to visualise your plans for the day ahead. Visualisation can prompt you to gather essentials like books, folders, and snacks.

Establishing this basic routine can significantly enhance your overall success as a student. Visualisation involves creating mental images of your goals and the necessary steps. It aids in maintaining focus, recalling essential details, and making informed decisions.

This revision maintains the flow while clarifying the steps and emphasising the importance of visualisation and organisation in student success.

5. Maximising Your Morning Routine

Use a timer to measure task durations accurately. For instance, note that it takes twenty minutes to shower and jot it down. Also, remember to account for commute time from home to class. Record these timings on paper and place them where they are easily visible. Maximising your morning routine is crucial for staying on schedule and arriving punctually.

An analogue or wall clock can help maintain focus. Using a mobile phone may lead to distractions—Minimise interruptions as much as possible in the morning.

Morning procrastination is common, especially for those with ADHD. If you anticipate checking social media or spending extra time on breakfast, allocate specific time slots and set alarms to manage your schedule effectively.

This version maintains the flow while ensuring clarity. It emphasises the importance of time management and minimises distractions in the morning routine.

6. Establish Regular Mealtimes for Energy Maintenance

Maintaining steady energy levels through regular meal and snack times is crucial for sustaining productivity and focus throughout the day. Planning each evening to organise meals and snacks for the following day promotes healthier eating and reduces impulsive decisions. Work towards achieving a balanced diet that incorporates carbohydrates, healthy fats and proteins,

This mix provides sustained energy and helps prevent sudden energy crashes. Keeping well-hydrated is equally essential; drinking adequate water throughout the day supports energy levels and prevents fatigue caused by dehydration.

To maintain stable energy levels, avoid sugary snacks that can lead to rapid changes in blood sugar levels. Instead, opt for snacks like nuts, yoghurt, or fruits, which offer a more consistent energy source. Engage in mindful eating by enjoying each bite, which supports better digestion and aids in regulating your appetite.

Including these dietary practices in your daily routine promotes better energy management, enhancing productivity and overall well-being.

7. Incorporating Downtime: Maximising Student Success

Remember, your well-being is just as important as your academic success. Schedule dedicated time for self-care and social activities in your university routine to maintain a healthy balance between work and relaxation.

Allocating time for self-care not only helps prevent ADHD paralysis but also demonstrates self-appreciation and fulfilment of personal needs. Participate in activities that bring you happiness and relaxation, such as reading, taking walks, or socialising with friends, as an essential aspect of your self-care regimen.

To manage ADHD paralysis effectively, employ strategies like breaking tasks into smaller steps, setting clear priorities, using reminders, and adhering to a daily planner.

If you find yourself slipping into ADHD paralysis, acknowledge it consciously and take a small step to break the cycle. Whether grabbing a healthy drink, listening to music, or changing your environment by taking a shower or stepping outside for fresh air, any action can help you regain focus. Importantly, be kind to yourself and avoid self-criticism; instead, move forward to the next task.

8. Mastering Meditation: Techniques for Enhanced Well-Being

Meditation significantly benefits students with ADHD by enhancing focus, reducing stress, and improving emotional regulation. Regular practice can calm the mind, making it easier to manage inattention and hyperactivity. Starting with just five minutes of meditation is a great way to begin. It may take a couple of months to grasp even a short meditation session fully. Try calming breathing exercises or grounding techniques if meditation doesn’t resonate.

Below is a sample of an ADHD-friendly morning routine, but remember that your personalised routine may differ significantly, and that’s perfectly fine. There’s no one-size-fits-all solution; you can tailor these strategies to your needs and circumstances. Feel confident that you can tailor them to suit you best.

This version maintains the flow while clarifying the benefits of meditation and emphasising personalisation strategies. It encourages flexibility and adaptation to individual preferences and needs, reinforcing the message that there is no universal approach to wellness that fits everyone.

Tips for Student Success

Flexibility: Adjust your routine to find what works best for you.

Consistency:  implementing these productivity tips will assist you in crafting a robust university routine, with time, will evolve into ingrained habits

Accountability: Share your schedule with friends, family, or housemates

Rewards: Celebrate small successes to keep yourself motivated.

Wrapping It All Up

Enhance your productivity, time management, and overall well-being with a structured routine tailored to your needs. The goal is to create a routine that fits with you while remaining flexible as you refine it.

If you need support in developing a consistent and healthy university routine, my coaching practice can help. As a counsellor and ADHD coach, I play a crucial role in student success by offering personalised guidance and accountability. Together, we’ll overcome challenges and achieve your goals.

I empower students with valuable insights and tailored strategies to navigate academic and personal hurdles. My guidance will help you unlock your full potential and thrive in your university journey.

8 Tips to Stop Being a People-Pleaser

8 Tips to Stop Being A People-Pleaser

Do you often agree with others even when it doesn’t align with your feelings or personal values?  Do you want to share your opinion or say no, but somehow, it never happens? If this sounds familiar, there is a high chance you are a people-pleaser or have people-pleasing tendencies.  The difference is that if you are a people-pleaser, you will consistently please others regardless of the consequences to your well-being. In contrast, it will be more occasional and situational if you have people-pleasing tenancies. 

People-pleasing is linked to the ‘fawn’ response, a concept introduced by Pete Walker. The ‘fawn’ response describes people-pleasing as safety behaviour whereby people prioritise others’ needs to avoid conflict and safeguard their well-being.

People-pleasing often stems from a strong desire for acceptance and keeping harmony. Keeping others happy can create a sense of security, so pleasing others may initially seem effective. However, it comes with a downside. By prioritising the needs of others, you can lose sight of your authentic self. People-pleasers often act out of a deep fear of rejection, conflict, or abandonment, believing they won’t be left behind if they keep others happy.

Breaking free from people-pleasing can be incredibly empowering and comes with many benefits. Here are eight strategies to help you reduce or overcome the habit of people-pleasing so you can prioritise your happiness.

1. Setting Healthy Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries goes beyond simply saying no—it’s about building healthier relationships and prioritising your well-being. Being able to confidently and assertively say “no” is key to this process. By setting personal boundaries, you acknowledge that your needs are just as important as the needs of others.   While setting boundaries may take time, it is vital to personal growth and self-empowerment.

“Spread your wings and find freedom in being true to yourself.”

A free bird flying in a bright blue sky with white clouds, symbolizing freedom and breaking free from people-pleasing.

2. Assertive Communication

Develop assertiveness skills to express your opinions, needs, and preferences confidently and respectfully. Communicate your goals and desires to others. You can address any lingering resentment or conflicts through open and honest conversations, ultimately strengthening your relationships. Becoming more assertive will benefit both your personal and professional life. A great way to start communicating assertively is by practising saying no in low-pressure situations to build confidence and ease in setting clear boundaries.

3. Building Self-Esteem

Developing self-esteem and self-worth independent of others’ approval is crucial for overcoming people-pleasing. By recognising your priorities and strengths, you can empower yourself to focus on your needs and well-being. Embracing your unique values helps you make choices that align with your true self rather than counting on receiving external validation.  Remember to put importance on taking care of your own needs, as you are the best person to take control of your life.

4. Prioritise Self-Compassion

Develop the ability to prioritise yourself by placing your needs and well-being above the urge to focus on other people’s needs. Incorporate self-care into your routine by scheduling enjoyable and relaxing activities. Regularly remind yourself of your worthiness of love and respect; positive affirmations can be constructive when reinforcing this mindset. 

5. Self-Reflection

Reflect on what motivates your drive to attempt to improve the lives of others around you. The first step in implementing change is recognising and managing the factors that prevent you from progressing. Recognise triggers such as situations, emotions, or people that trigger your people-pleasing tendencies. Awareness can help you respond differently.  Journalling for a couple of minutes each day can be a great way to self-reflect.

6. Challenge Negative Thoughts

Challenging thoughts and beliefs that fuel people-pleasing behaviours, such as fear of rejection or perfectionism, are essential. Challenging your thoughts can change your mindset, reduce the urge to seek approval from others, and avoid conflict.

7. Seek Support

Talk to trusted friends or family members, or seek professional support who can encourage, guide, and provide feedback as you work on changing your behaviour. When you introduce boundaries and assertive communication into your life, others close to you may observe the changes.  

The best way to manage this is different for everyone. You may want to share with those closest to you that you are making positive changes, or you can work on this alone without the approval of others. Either way is okay, as the most important thing is that you are making changes and getting the support and input that is helpful for you. 

8. Mindfulness and Emotional Awareness

Regular mindfulness practice is a key to gaining a deeper understanding of your emotions. It empowers you to acknowledge and validate your feelings as genuine and worthy of expression, a crucial step towards emotional well-being.

Journalling increases self-awareness and provides a space to reflect on your thoughts and feelings. By implementing mindfulness and journalling, you can diminish the urge to avoid conflict or seek approval from others, resulting in healthier relationships.

zen stones with sunset calm late representing prioritising yourself rather than people-pleasing

The Connection Between People-Pleasing and Vulnerability

People-pleasers often try to appease others to avoid feeling vulnerable or uncomfortable. Brené Brown emphasises that recognising and embracing vulnerability as a strength can empower you to engage more authentically in relationships, creating deeper emotional connections and self-acceptance.

Why do People Become People-Pleasers?

People-pleasers often share certain traits and psychological tendencies, here are some common reasons individuals become people-pleasers;

  • High Agreeableness: If you are highly agreeable, you’re naturally cooperative and compassionate, prioritising harmony in relationships by prioritising others’ needs rather than taking care of your own needs. 
  • Low Self-Esteem: People with low self-esteem seek external validation to feel valued and worthy of love. 
  • Fear of Rejection or Abandonment: The fear of rejection or abandonment drives you to seek approval and avoid actions that might upset others.
  • Perfectionism: You strive to meet the high standards of others, or often it is the high standards you have set yourself. 
  • Childhood Conditioning: Growing up in environments where pleasing caregivers was crucial for receiving love and attention can lead to a learned behaviour of prioritising others’ needs.
  • Empathy and Sensitivity: Highly empathetic individuals often prioritise others’ needs before their own, frequently at the expense of their well-being.
  • Co-dependency: In a codependent relationship, you might derive your sense of identity and self-worth from caring for and pleasing others.
  • Societal Expectations, which often promote being passive and accommodating as signs of politeness and consideration, can reinforce these behaviours.
  • Evolutionary Factors: The tendency to please others might stem from early human communities where acceptance and approval were crucial for survival and resource sharing.
  • Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): Often associated with ADHD, RSD involves heightened sensitivity to perceived criticism or rejection, leading to overextending yourself to gain approval.

The Consequences of People-Pleasing

While people-pleasing can initially create positive interactions, it often leads to adverse outcomes, such as suppressed emotions, reduced self-worth, feelings of shame, toxic relationships, and stress and burnout. Recognising these consequences is crucial in understanding the need to break the people-pleasing pattern.  

Suppressed Emotions: Prioritising others’ needs can lead to suppressing your emotions to avoid disappointing or upsetting others. Suppressing your feelings can lead to anxiety, sadness and depression, as well as physical problems such as headaches or digestive issues.

Reduced Self-Worth: Over time, you can lose touch with who you are when you listen to other people’s opinions. Decision-making may be increasingly tricky in the long run as you don’t trust your decisions.  

Feelings of Guilt and Shame: Prioritising others can lead to behaviours that contradict your beliefs and values, causing feelings of shame. 

Toxic Relationships: You might find yourself in relationships where others exploit your kindness or passiveness. This can, in some cases, lead to being the victim of gaslighting or abuse. 

Stress and Burnout: Chronic prioritisation of others’ needs can contribute to anxiety and burnout, affecting your mental and physical health.  Often, people-pleasers mask, which can be exhausting.

Are You A People-Pleaser?  Recognising the Signs?

Recognising people-pleasing tendencies is a crucial step toward self-awareness and personal growth. Identifying people-pleasing tendencies is an essential step toward self-awareness. Look out for these patterns:

  • Overextending Yourself: Going to great lengths to meet others’ needs, even to your detriment.
  • Difficulty Saying No: You feel compelled to go above and beyond for others, even when they inconvenience you.
  • Seeking Approval: Craving validation and acceptance from others to feel valued.
  • Avoiding Conflict: Going out of your way to have a quiet life and keep others happy at the cost of your preferences.

Action Plan: Examples of Setting Boundaries and Being Assertive

Applying boundaries and assertiveness can vary across different contexts:

  • Personal Relationships: Communicate your need for personal space or discuss sensitive topics.
  • Work Environments: Assert your limits on workload or address inappropriate behaviour from colleagues.
  • Social Settings: Politely decline invitations or express your preferences without guilt.

 To Conclude

Breaking free from people-pleasing requires courage and self-compassion. It’s about recognising your needs and boundaries while nurturing genuine connections with others. Remember, seeking support and practising self-awareness are essential to this personal growth and empowerment journey. If you have been a people-pleaser for a long time, it can take time to change these habits, and it can mean that you are out of your comfort zone.

However, keep going, always reminding yourself that you are the most important person in your life. Giving up trying to please others is not the same as being selfish; instead, it means putting your health and happiness first. You may be surprised to discover that when you do put your needs first and communicate your preferences to others, you can develop more meaningful conditions. 

If you want to stop people-pleasing but need some support, please book a discovery call.

The Importance of Therapy for Men

The Importance of Therapy For Men

Therapy for men is crucial, as mental health challenges can affect anyone, regardless of gender. However, fewer men seek therapy, highlighting the need to explore the reasons and benefits associated with it. Men can face mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, relationship problems, and trauma, similar to women, yet they are less likely to reach out for therapy.

Although men can experience the same issues as women, they often manifest differently. For example, depression in men may appear as anger due to the tendency to suppress emotions. This emotional suppression can lead to verbal outbursts, irritability, or even passive or physical aggression. Suppressing emotions can also contribute to various mental health problems, including anxiety and stress. Additionally, suppressed emotions can result in physical symptoms like headaches, digestive issues, and muscle tension. Explore the research on emotion theory by (Nickerson, 2023) Simply Psychology.

Therapy for Men – The Statistics

Men often mask symptoms of depression by taking an “I just need to get on with it” approach. This approach can lead to unhealthy coping mechanisms like alcohol use, substance abuse, pornography addiction, or gambling. By the time these strategies become problematic, mental health may have significantly deteriorated.

Statistics reveal the need for increased attention to men’s mental health:

  • In 2021, Scotland recorded 556 deaths by suicide, according to the National Records of Scotland (NRS), which is 73% higher than the 206 deaths by suicide among women. The statistics are similar in England and Wales. More information can be found in this article written by the Samaritans.
  • Men with Alcohol Dependence are more likely to have a history of conduct disorder and antisocial personality disorder. At the same time, women with Alcohol Dependence are more likely to have comorbid mood or anxiety disorders (Dawson et al., 2010).
  • According to the government’s national well-being survey, men report lower levels of life satisfaction than women. Only 36% of referrals to NHS counselling are for men, and nearly three-quarters of adults who go missing are men. Additionally, 87% of rough sleepers are men. An article in the Mental Health Foundation provides more information about these stats.

These statistics emphasise the need to shift societal perceptions of men seeking therapy.

Therapy for Men: Understanding the Barriers

  • Societal Gender Norms: Society often expects men to be “strong, self-reliant, and powerful.” These societal norms can make seeking support challenging, leading men to mask or suppress symptoms.
  • Shame: Men who resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms may feel guilt or self-disgust, making it difficult to seek help. However, reaching out is a sign of strength and resilience. My blog is available here if you would like to read more about shame.
  • Stigma: The stigma around mental health issues remains a significant barrier. Normalising conversations about mental health can change this. Just as you would work on physical health, mental health is equally important.
  • Fear of Vulnerability: Opening up in therapy can be daunting. Yet, vulnerability is a strength that can deepen relationships and foster personal growth.

Case Study: David presented with anger issues and sleep problems

David, a 35-year-old client, came to counselling and coaching for issues with anger and poor sleep. During sessions, he revealed he drank alcohol every night to cope with workplace stress. This nightly drinking contributed to his sleep disturbances and aggravated his anger issues.

Through our work together, we focused on reducing his alcohol consumption, improving sleep hygiene, developing anger management techniques, as well as putting boundaries at work regarding the number of hours he worked. David gradually noticed better sleep and improved anger control, highlighting the interconnectedness of his issues and the importance of addressing them through therapy.

The Advantages of Therapy for Men

Therapy offers men a safe space to openly discuss their concerns and express themselves freely without fear of rejection.  In therapy, men can learn healthy coping strategies such as emotional regulation, meditation, grounding exercises, journalling, assertive communication, and implementing boundaries.

A therapist allows men the space to manage past issues that may impact their lives today.  Alternatively, some men prefer to focus on what is happening for them in the here and now rather than revisit past experiences.

What you would like to gain from therapy is something you can discuss during a discovery call. You want to ensure that a therapist works in a way that you will find most helpful.

Helpful Strategies to Manage Your Mental Health

Normalising Therapy for Men

  • By going to therapy, you convey to others, including your friends and family, that taking care of your mental health is a positive step.
  • Being open and honest about seeking help could inspire others to adopt your outlook and encourage the growth of a society where discussing emotions can be done more freely.

Strengthening Relationships

  • Effectively managing emotions can help build healthy and fulfilling relationships.
  • People tend to have closer relationships with their loved ones, members of their families, and close friends when they are aware of their own emotions and can empathise with others.

Improves Job Performance

  • The workplace is known to be a place that can be challenging when one is already struggling with one’s mental health. Therapy can help reduce work-related stress and anxiety, improve job performance, and enhance communication and teamwork skills.

When To Seek Therapy

If you have any of the following symptoms, it may be a good idea to consider therapy:

  • I’ve been more easily irritated than usual.
  • Experienced bursts of anger or aggression.
  • Felt sad or down.
  • Felt overwhelmed or under much pressure.
  • Unexpectedly gained or lost weight.
  • Started drinking or using drugs more frequently than before.
  • I have been relying on alcohol or drugs to cope with a challenging situation.
  • Lost interest in activities you used to enjoy.
  • I struggled to concentrate at work, school, or home.
  • I had more headaches or days of feeling generally unwell.
  • Sleeping too much or too little.
  • Felt tired even after a whole night’s sleep.

Finding a Therapist

The therapist’s gender is not crucial, but finding one with whom you feel safe and comfortable is essential. It’s critical to find a therapist who is empathetic and experienced in addressing male-related concerns.

Wrapping It All Up

Therapy for men represents a path toward improved mental health and overall well-being. By addressing barriers and promoting open dialogue, we aim to create a supportive space where men can prioritise their mental health.

I support you as a counsellor and coach specialising in men’s mental health. If you’re ready to take the first step, contact me to book a discovery call today. Reaching out for support is a sign of strength, and you deserve to prioritise your mental health.

Understanding and Managing Shame for Personal Growth

Understanding and Managing Shame for Personal Growth

Shame is a complex emotion that can negatively impact your quality of life if not managed effectively. Recognising and understanding shame is the first step toward freeing yourself from the grip of this often painful emotion. When shame takes hold, individuals often feel inadequate or fundamentally flawed. These feelings of shame can stem from various life experiences, including negative beliefs or unrealistic social norms.

For some, chronic shame may be rooted in a deep sense of embarrassment, leading to low self-esteem and a negative self-perception. However, overcoming this powerful emotion through self-compassion and intentional personal growth is possible.

Shame vs. Guilt: Key Differences

Recognising the distinction between guilt and shame is crucial for managing emotional responses effectively:

  • Feelings of shame focus on the self, often leading to low self-esteem and negative thoughts. It’s the belief that “I am bad.”
  • Feelings of guilt, however, focus on actions, leading to the thought, “I did something bad.”

For example, if a student cheats on a test, they may feel guilty by thinking, “I made a poor choice.” On the other hand, shame would cause them to believe, “I am a bad person.” Similarly, if someone is late for a meeting, they may feel embarrassed, but it could develop into shame if they start to believe they are inherently unreliable.

illustration of woman with fingers pointing towards her representing feeling shameful

Shame vs. Embarrassment

While related, shame and embarrassment are distinct emotions. Embarrassment often involves temporary discomfort about a specific situation without long-term effects on one’s self-worth. For instance, spilling a drink at a party might cause embarrassment. However, if it leads to thoughts like “I am clumsy” or “I’m not good enough,” it may trigger feelings of shame.

Situations like being criticised at work, experiencing a breakup, or not meeting societal beauty standards can also lead to negative self-perception and shame. Understanding these differences can help you to navigate your emotional experiences and prevent self-destructive behaviours.

The Evolutionary Roots of Shame

According to research by Sznycer et al. (2016), shame evolved as a defence mechanism to protect individuals from social rejection. In ancient times, being valued by the community was crucial for survival. As a powerful emotion, shame encourages individuals to conform to social norms and maintain positive relationships.

Today, while the environment has changed, the emotional response remains. However, modern pressures—such as social media comparisons—can intensify feelings of inadequacy. This negative self-talk can make it more challenging to navigate negative thoughts and emotions healthily.

When Is Shame Not Helpful?

Shame becomes toxic when it leads to excessive self-criticism, causing toxic shame. This often involves self-destructive behaviours and can result from early life experiences such as trauma, abuse, or emotional neglect. Toxic shame leads to a belief that one is fundamentally flawed, unlovable, or incapable of being a better person.

Managing Toxic Shame

If your feelings of shame become overwhelming or difficult to manage, professional help may be necessary.  Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help challenge negative beliefs and reframe negative self-talk. If self-help techniques or confiding in a trusted friend don’t alleviate the feelings, reaching out to a therapist or joining a safe space like a support group may provide relief.

How Shame Affects the Body and Mind

Shame triggers a series of physiological and psychological responses:

  • Emotional well-being: Feelings of shame can lead to chronic stress, which affects your emotional and mental health. You might experience a feeling of inadequacy, a desire to hide, or even inner critical thoughts that negatively impact your sense of self-worth.
  • Physical symptoms: Shame can activate the body’s stress response, causing physical health issues such as an increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, muscle tension, sweating, and digestive problems.
  • Mental health issues: Prolonged shame weakens the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to illness while also affecting mental health, concentration, and decision-making.

Six Effective Ways to Manage Shame

Overcoming shame involves implementing practical, healthy strategies:

  1. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Utilise CBT techniques to challenge negative self-perception. For example, replace “I’m a complete failure” with “I am on a journey of personal growth.”
  2. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with care and engage in activities that enhance your emotional well-being, like journaling or spending time in nature.
  3. Learn and Grow: Consider mistakes to be an opportunity for growth. View shame as a tool to realign your behaviours with your values, thus becoming a better person.
  4. Mindfulness and Breathing Techniques: Practice mindfulness and use grounding exercises or breathing techniques to manage your emotional responses. These methods help calm the central nervous system and bring balance.
  5. Positive Self-Talk: Focus on affirmations that build your positive self-image. Journaling is an effective way to track your achievements and strengths.
  6. Talk About It: Opening up about your feelings of shame with a trusted friend or in an online support group can reduce isolation and help you gain perspective.

man with arms outstretched representing freedom from feelings of shame

To Conclude

Shame is challenging, but it doesn’t have to control your life. By understanding its roots and practising effective ways to manage it, you can reclaim your sense of self-worth and cultivate a positive self-image. Embrace your personal development journey by building emotional well-being, practising self-compassion, and overcoming shame’s negative grip.

If you’re ready to address toxic shame and achieve personal growth, consider seeking professional support through therapy or coaching. Take the first step toward living with confidence and peace. Book a free discovery call today.

Understanding Anger Management

Why Do I Get So Angry? Understanding Anger Management

Understanding anger management is key to navigating this emotion effectively.  Anger is a universal emotion that we all experience. It’s a natural response to perceived threats or injustices, alerting us to situations that require attention and action. Remember, feeling anger is normal and part of the human experience. You are not alone in this; your feelings of anger are a natural part of being human.

Anger can help us set boundaries, advocate for ourselves, and manage difficult situations. Moreover, anger can motivate positive change, making us more resilient and encouraging us to stand up for our values.  Anger can aid personal growth and social change when properly understood and directed.

In his article “The Value of Anger: 16 Reasons It’s Good to Get Angry” (GoodTherapy, 2017), Moshe Ratson discusses the benefits of experiencing anger. When anger feels difficult to control, it can become a challenge. But it’s a challenge you can overcome. Understanding and managing your anger is not just about regaining control; it’s about empowerment. It’s about recognising the signs of anger and having the tools to manage it effectively. It’s about taking charge of your emotions and your life. Mastering your anger is a significant step towards personal empowerment and control.

Understanding Anger: How to Manage Anger

Anger ranges from mild irritation to full-blown rage and can be a powerful motivator. However, uncontrolled anger can negatively impact our lives. Understanding that anger isn’t the problem is crucial—how we manage and express it is essential. With the correct strategies, anger can force positive change, increasing happiness and well-being.

When anger strikes, our body quickly activates the ‘fight or flight’ response, which occurs when individuals perceive a threat or danger. This innate survival mechanism triggers a rush of physiological changes to prepare the body to confront the threat or flee from it.

When faced with a stressful situation, such as encountering a wild animal or experiencing a crisis, the body’s sympathetic nervous system becomes activated.

The fight-or-flight response prepares us to confront or flee threats or danger. It triggers a burst of hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol, to rush through the body, causing bodily reactions such as an increased heart rate, sweating, and muscle tension.

These physiological changes prepare us to take quick action, which can be helpful in real-life emergencies like preventing an accident or stopping a crime. However, when the threat is only perceived rather than actual, these intense bodily reactions can leave us stuck in a fight-or-flight state, causing potential health issues.

Why Do I Get So Angry?

People express anger differently depending on cultural, social, and individual factors such as learned behaviour or past experiences. Neurodevelopmental conditions such as ADHD and autism, neurological disorders, addiction, and other mental or physical health issues can influence how individuals express anger. Despite this variability, people typically feel and express anger in some common ways.

Understanding your expression of anger is crucial for effective management. Managing anger involves neither suppressing it nor letting it escalate unchecked. Instead, it requires handling it assertively and constructively. Individuals release anger differently based on the situation, which naturally differs from person to person.

How People Express Anger Verbally and Non-Verbally.

Verbal Expressions

  • Shouting or Swearing: Changing tone of voice or language used
  • Sarcasm or Mockery: Using cutting or ironic remarks
  • Blaming or Accusations: Pointing fingers or attributing fault to others
  • Threats: Indicating intention to cause harm or trouble

Non-Verbal Expressions

  • Facial Expressions: Frowning, staring, or clenching the jaw
  • Body Language: Tense shoulders, clenched fists, or aggressive gestures

Behavioural Expressions

  • Physical Aggression: Hitting, pushing, or any form of violence
  • Throwing or Breaking Objects: Destroying or damaging possessions
  • Stomping: Being heavy-footed
  • Withdrawing: Refusing to communicate or engage

Emotional Reactions

  • Crying: Tears can release emotions.
  • Frustration: Showing signs of extreme annoyance or exasperation
  • Irritability: Becoming annoyed, irritated or uneasy by minor interactions or events

Understanding your expression of anger is crucial for effective management. Managing anger involves neither suppressing it nor letting it escalate unchecked. Instead, it requires handling it assertively and constructively.

Learning and applying the proper techniques can be empowering, even when anger feels overwhelming—it’s about regaining control over your emotions and managing your anger effectively.

How can Uncontrolled Anger Impact Physical and Mental Health?

The Impact of Uncontrolled Anger

Uncontrolled anger can significantly impact various aspects of your life:

  • Physical Health: Increases the risk of high blood pressure, heart problems, and a weakened immune system
  • Mental Health: Contributes to depression, anxiety and low self-esteem
  • Relationships: Strains relationships with loved ones, leading to conflicts and misunderstandings
  • Work: Affects job performance and creates a hostile work environment.

Understanding your expression of anger is crucial for effective management. Managing anger involves neither suppressing it nor letting it escalate unchecked. Instead, it requires handling it assertively and constructively.

While intense anger may seem overwhelming, employing appropriate techniques and strategies can empower you to manage anger effectively and regain mastery over your emotions.

Physical Exercise can help you to release anger, and it is good for your overall mental health.

Exploring Different Forms of Anger

  • Passive Anger: Suppressing rage and using subtle behaviours such as giving silent treatment or using sarcasm to express anger.
  • Chronic Anger: Consists of directing anger and resentment consistently towards people or situations.
  • Self-Inflicted Anger: Anger directed towards oneself often involves self-blame, guilt, or self-criticism.
  • Behavioural Anger: Aggressive and explosive behaviour, including yelling, physical harm, or destructive actions.
  • Constructive Anger: Is a positive expression that motivates constructive change, problem-solving, and standing up for one’s beliefs. When managed effectively, anger can be a powerful tool for personal growth and social change. It’s not about suppressing or avoiding anger but about using it to benefit yourself and those around you.

Typical Bodily Responses to Anger

  • Increased heart rate and blood pressure
  • Muscle tension and clenched fists
  • Irritability, restlessness, or a short temper
  • Racing thoughts or difficulty concentrating
  • Sweating and flushed face
  • Elevated levels of stress or anxiety
  • Difficulty sleeping or insomnia

What are some effective strategies for managing anger?

Determining the signs of anger is the first step towards managing it effectively. It’s a journey of self-awareness and control. Here are some self-help strategies to help you manage your anger and find relief.

Managing anger is an integral part of maintaining healthy relationships and overall well-being. Here are some strategies to help you improve your anger management skills:

  • Identify Triggers: Pay attention to situations or events that trigger your anger. Recognising these triggers can help you respond more effectively.
  • Take a Timeout: When anger rises, step away from the situation. Give yourself time to cool down before reacting. Counting to 10 or practising calming breathing exercises can be helpful.
  • Focus on Relaxation: Use relaxation techniques like deep breathing, grounding techniques or imagery to calm your body and mind. Relaxation exercises can prevent anger from escalating.
  • Change Your Thoughts: Cognitive restructuring involves altering negative thought patterns. Challenge your inner dialogue and try reframing thoughts with different outcomes. For instance, instead of thinking, “This is unfair,” consider, “I can handle this calmly”. Another example could be, instead of thinking, “I’m always the one who has to do everything,” consider, “I’m capable of handling my responsibilities.”
  • Problem-Solving: Address underlying issues causing frustration. Sometimes, anger arises from real problems that need solutions. Seek constructive ways to resolve them.
  • Improve Communication: Use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming others. Effective communication reduces misunderstandings and defuses anger.
  • Use Humour: Lightening the mood with humour can release tension. Find a funny perspective on the situation.
  • Create an Anger Management Plan: Prepare in advance by outlining steps to take when upset. Having a plan helps you respond more skillfully.

Remember, managing anger doesn’t mean never getting angry—it’s about handling it constructively. Practice these techniques, and you’ll develop better control over your emotions over time. If persistent anger is affecting your life, consider seeking professional help.

How can a Counsellor or Coach Help?

If self-help strategies aren’t enough, seeking professional help can be incredibly beneficial. Therapy often begins with an initial discovery call, where you can express your concerns and establish personal goals. As sessions progress, you’ll develop effective coping strategies that empower you and demonstrate your ability to manage anger.

Techniques such as person-centred therapy, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), hypnosis, and coaching offer practical approaches to address and control anger. If you’re ready to make a positive change, I’m here to support you on your journey to better anger management

Top 5 Tips for Setting Goals and Achieving Them

Top 5 Tips for Setting Goals and Achieving Them

Much evidence supports that setting clear goals makes reaching them much more achievable. Bailey (2019) highlights in his article the importance of clear goals as he explores the necessity of action planning. In his article “Goal Setting and Action Planning for Health Behavior Change,” Bailey emphasises the importance of a structured approach to goal setting, specifically when achieving health-related outcomes. According to Bailey, action planning provides a clear path to success and ensures our efforts are focused and effective.

Setting goals is not just about achieving them; it’s about taking control of our lives and doing meaningful things for ourselves. It is easy to get distracted by life’s demands, and we must take time out. So, goal setting is not only for workplace or academic success; those personal goals are just as important. The sense of achievement we feel when reaching a goal has excellent mental health benefits, including boosting confidence and self-esteem. 

You are never too young or old to start the goal-setting process. Research by the National Foundation for Educational Research highlights that goal-setting frameworks, such as SMART goals, significantly enhance students’ motivation and academic performance (Lord, Atkinson, & Mitchell, 2008). Therefore, if you are attending college or university, it can be the perfect time to start goal-setting. 

1. Setting the Foundation: Writing and Defining Your Goals

Writing down your long-term goals is the first step towards turning aspirations into reality. Reflect on what is truly important to you and where you envisage yourself in the future. It could be in one month or year—whatever works for you. Gaining a clear vision of your goal is an important part of the goal-setting process.

If you only have vague goals, a good strategy is to get creative, design a vision board, and find photos and quotes that grab your attention.  Visualising a specific goal can bring it to life and give you a clear vision of where you want to be in the future. Also, getting creative is fun and has many mental health benefits.

Remember, a goal doesn’t have to be something extreme, such as running a marathon or skydiving (although it can be if that’s what you want!). Your personal goals can be anything that’s important to you, whether health or professional, or you want to focus on personal development goals. 

Setting one goal can positively impact other areas of your life.  For instance, a personal development goal could be to boost your confidence and self-esteem. Increasing your confidence and self-esteem can open doors to new experiences, and you will learn to trust your decisions more. Personal development goals can be the best way to set the foundations for practical goal setting. 

2. Milestone Setting: Tracking Achievements

Once you have your big goal, the next step is to break it down into smaller goals and then break these smaller goals down into more manageable tasks.  A big goal can feel overwhelming if you imagine yourself standing at the bottom of a vast mountain; the top can seem so far off, and reaching the top can feel unachievable. However, climbing that mountain can feel doable when you break it down into manageable tasks.

A good idea is to set aside time to note down everything you need to do to complete a task. Putting pen to paper can give you a clearer understanding of what you must do to achieve that task and increase your chances of success.  It can often be the smaller tasks that are the most important steps, so getting these onto paper can be highly beneficial. 

Keeping a to-do list can be an excellent way to keep you on track; you can then update it daily, marking off your achievements.  Your achievements are your driver to move forward, so it’s so important to celebrate them. When completing tasks, it can be helpful to identify any barriers you may come across and then do some problem-solving to decide how to overcome them. Balancing this with self-care is essential, as working towards your goals can be hard work. Reminding yourself of ‘why’ you want to reach your goal is another factor that will help drive you towards the finishing line.

man jumping through gap in cliffs signifying reaching your goals

3. Make Goal-Setting Achievable

I advocate for thinking big and not letting anything stand in your way, but it is also essential to set realistic goals. It’s about getting the balance right, as there are some things you need to consider when setting goals. For example, suppose the big goal is to climb Kilimanjaro. In that case, there is a lot to consider, such as physical fitness, mental well-being, the possibility of altitude sickness, booking vaccines, and available finances.  

The next step towards positive goal setting is devising an action plan. To do this, write down the different factors you need to consider. Then, note the actionable steps it will take to complete each factor. You could work on them individually, or you might work on some simultaneously.

Pushing yourself out of your comfort zone when setting goals is positive, as ambitious goals are great for personal growth. However, you also want to avoid getting overwhelmed. So, think big, but also consider your capabilities and the available resources before setting goals, tasks, and time scales.

4. Set Timeframes: Assign Deadlines to Create a Sense of Urgency

Time scales and deadlines are essential to goal setting as they keep you on track, make you accountable, and can prevent procrastination and perfectionism.  You can gauge your progress by setting target dates for each task, including the small goals. There can be room for movement with this; it can be challenging to know how long a particular task will take, as it can depend on your current situation, such as external factors.

However, having an estimated timescale can keep you motivated as you know that each minute you work on the task brings you closer to reaching the end goal. For greater goal-setting success, you must clearly understand what you must do to achieve the big goal. You can then break this down into daily tasks.

man with arms outstretched enjoying freedom representing reaching goals

5. Seek Accountability and Be Resourceful

Keeping yourself accountable is another crucial part of goal setting. It can be easy to get off track, as other exciting things might appear while you work on a task. If this happens, note down whatever distracted you and spend time on it when you have a planned timeout. Some great online accountability trackers can help with motivation and organisation and keep you accountable.

Sharing your goal with a family member or trusted friend can help keep you accountable. However, it can be a great source of inspiration if you prefer not to share your goal-setting journey with others. Try writing about it in your journal or checking if there are local groups or an online community of people who have a similar goal.

Checking your progress regularly is a great way to ensure you’re on the right track. It’s important to remember to celebrate your achievements, even if you feel they’re small steps. After all, small steps can lead to big changes. Having a list of tasks can feel daunting, so take time to look back at what you have achieved with pride.  

SMART Goals

SMART goals are a structured approach to goal setting often used by professional coaches. It is also a technique you can implement if you are self-coaching.  The SMART Goal acronym is Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time-bound.  Let’s break down SMART Goals and what they mean.

  • Specific: Set the goal that you want to accomplish
  • Measurable: Plan how you are going to track your success
  • Achievable: Check your goal is realistic
  • Relevant: Ensure there are beneficial outcomes
  • Time-bound: Create a deadline and prioritise tasks

Following the SMART goal criteria will ensure you clearly understand your goals and confirm they are within reach. 

note book with handwritten smart goals open on a table with glasses and sticky notes.

Empowering Yourself Through Self-Coaching

If you are self-coaching rather than working with a professional coach, a great tip is to follow the SMART goals model to keep on track. Reaching your goals can be a transformative journey that can foster growth and resilience.   

When you achieve your goals, you prove to yourself that anything is possible when you fully invest in the process. Reaching your goals highlights the power we hold within ourselves.

What to Take into Consideration When Self-Coaching:

Understanding Motivation: Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation: Consider what motivates you to achieve your goal. Is it fuelled by intrinsic satisfaction or extrinsic motivation? Subsequently, is it internal satisfaction or external rewards? Discovering the source of your motivations can help you tailor strategies to reach your goal.

Overcoming Obstacles: Handling Setbacks and Failures: Resilience is essential to goal setting, as reaching our goals can be challenging. There can be setbacks or times when you feel you have failed. Having a plan of strategies you can use in these cases can help you keep moving forward.

The Importance of Mindest: The Role of Growth Mindset in Goal Setting: It is vital to develop a growth mindset; if you feel you can never succeed in your goals, you have a much lesser chance of achieving them.  It would help if you learned to believe in yourself and your abilities.  Working on your self-esteem can help with this.

The Role of Reflection: Reviewing and Revising Goals: Goals can change, which is okay; it is recommended to review your goals periodically to ensure they are still relevant. Circumstances such as discovering new interests or significant life changes can impact the larger goals. Therefore, goals may need to be tweaked now and then. Remember to check in with yourself and track your process to ensure you are going in the correct direction.

The Power of Visualisation and Affirmations: A clear image of your goal can reinforce it and motivate you to progress. Visualising your goal can also bring it to life and make it feel real, pushing you forward on your goal-setting journey.

The Impact of Environment: Creating a Goal-Conducive Space: Your social environment is an integral part of goal setting. Finding a clear area to work in when planning or working through your goals can help you stay focused. Similarly, it can be helpful to surround yourself with others who support your dreams. If you don’t have friends or family who can help you reach out, see if there are local or online communities of people with a shared interest.

Health and Wellbeing: The Foundation for Goal Achievement: There is a real connection between physical health, mental well-being, and the ability to achieve goals. Taking care of yourself can vastly improve your chances of reaching your goal. Staying healthy involves a healthy diet, regular exercise, good nutrition, and enough sleep.

Leveraging Technology: Tools and Apps for Goal Tracking: A journal can be a great way to plan and track your progress.  However, many apps can help with this if you prefer to use digital technology.  Check-out goal tracking apps that can help you with accountability and motivation.

Goal Setting for Different Life Stages: Our goals may change as we go through life. For example, a goal you had when you were a student may differ from one you had when you were a parent. Sometimes, it is necessary to reassess your goal and decide how reaching it would fit your current life situation.

The Role of Emotional Intelligence in Goal Setting: Being aware of your emotions and how to manage them can play an essential role in goal setting. Stress, navigating relationships, and maintaining motivation can all show up when working towards a goal. The correct tools to manage these emotions healthily will help you move forward.

Case Study: From Self-Coaching to Professional Guidance

Adam, a 35-year-old IT support specialist, contacted me for life coaching as he struggled to reach his goal through self-coaching. Adam’s goal was to find satisfaction and happiness in his daily life. Adam believed he might need to change his career to achieve this, but he was feeling some resistance and couldn’t decide if this was the correct step. 

We explored Adam’s core values, long-term aspirations, and what motivated him. Adam found that creativity, adventure, and friendships were high on his list of values, but these values weren’t showing up much in his life. Subsequently, Adam recognised that his professional life was not causing him to feel dissatisfied, as he spoke positively about his role as an IT specialist. However, he recognised that work had become his sole purpose and identity. 

When Adam recognised that his time outside of work was equally important as his time at work, his overall goal changed. With this updated goal in mind, Adam structured a plan and considered any potential barriers. Adam described himself as an introvert, which he felt held him back socially. We discussed Adam’s introverted traits and how he could embrace them by focusing on his strengths and introducing self-care into his life. We also worked on his limiting beliefs around being an introvert.

Counselling and Coaching Approach

We examined Adam’s needs and preferences through a counselling and coaching approach. Adam came up with ideas that aligned with his values: creativity, adventure, and friendships. Adam tried out many new ventures before finding a hobby he is now passionate about; this has increased his social circle, and he feels he has a sense of purpose inside and outside the workplace. 

Adam’s situation demonstrates that the first step is to identify the goal entirely. Adam continued to successfully use his self-coaching skills to achieve his ultimate goal while engaged in coaching sessions. During a recent session with Adam, he expressed how these changes had added value to his life, and he now feels he has the happiness and sense of satisfaction that he was searching for when he began self-coaching. Adam felt self-coaching and professional coaching were the best route for him, and overall, he feels a great sense of accomplishment for the hard work he has put into getting to where he is today. 

To Conclude

Applying the above tips empowers you to take charge of your goal-setting journey as your coach or mentor.   Self-coaching can be highly beneficial. However, it’s also okay to reach out to a trusted friend or for professional help if you feel you would like that extra bit of support.

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