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Could Your Mindset Be the Missing Piece to Achieving Your Goals?

Could Your Mindset Be the Missing Piece to Achieving Your Goals?

The start of a new year always feels full of potential, doesn’t it? We set goals with excitement, ready to make changes that matter. But as the weeks go by, it’s easy to feel stuck or lose motivation. It’s not about willpower—it’s about mindset. Whether you’re striving for career growth, managing family life, or focusing on yourself, the way you think shapes everything you achieve.

Our mindset is influenced by beliefs we’ve carried since childhood. From a young age, our subconscious absorbs messages and experiences that shape how we view ourselves and the world. For example, if you grew up hearing, “You’re not good at sports,” that belief may linger, making you hesitant to try new physical activities as an adult. The incredible thing is that your brain will believe what you repeatedly tell it.

The good news? Mindset isn’t fixed. By aligning your thoughts, emotions, and actions, you can unlock the confidence, motivation, and clarity you need to achieve your goals.

Woman in a cosy sweater standing by the sea with arms crossed, gazing into the distance, reflecting on possibilities and personal growth.

What Is Mindset and Why Does It Matter?

Mindset is the set of beliefs and attitudes you hold about yourself and your abilities. These beliefs shape every decision you make and every action you take.

Psychologist Carol Dweck introduced the concepts of a fixed mindset and a growth mindset:

  • Fixed Mindset: Believing abilities are static, which can lead to avoiding challenges and fearing failure.
  • Growth Mindset: Believing abilities can grow with effort, encouraging resilience and learning from setbacks.

For example, imagine starting a new fitness routine. A fixed mindset might say, “I’ll never get fit,” while a growth mindset reframes this as, “I can improve my fitness with consistent effort.”

Your mindset doesn’t just affect your decisions—it also influences the energy you put out into the world.

What Is Vibrational Energy?

All energy vibrates, including your thoughts and feelings. When we project those vibrations into the world, they influence what we attract back. This is often referred to as vibrational energy.

Have you ever met someone who gave off a bad vibe? Maybe they didn’t say much, but their negative energy was palpable. On the other hand, someone confident and positive can light up a room.

Vibrational energy plays a key role in manifestation. Aligning your thoughts, emotions, and actions to your goals, creates a kind of momentum that attracts opportunities and opens doors.

Think about how you feel when you walk into a meeting prepared and confident—people notice that energy, and it helps you connect and leave a positive impression. On the flip side, if you walk in feeling unsure or doubting yourself, it can be harder to engage and get the results you want. The energy you bring into a situation often shapes what you get out of it.

Manifestation: Aligning Your Mindset and Energy

Manifestation is about bringing your goals and dreams to life by aligning your thoughts, feelings, and actions with what you want to achieve. Manifestation is not about “thinking positive” and then sitting back and hoping for the best—it’s about believing in yourself, having a clear vision, and taking steady steps toward making it happen.

For instance, when you truly believe, “I’m capable of success,” you start to make decisions and notice opportunities that align with that belief. After a while, this starts to build momentum, making it easier to move toward your goals.

But we’ve all had moments when self-doubt or fear creeps in, haven’t we? Those thoughts can feel like roadblocks, slowing you down or holding you back. Think of it like tuning a radio—when your energy is focused on gratitude and positivity, you’re more likely to connect with experiences and people that help you succeed.

Manifestation isn’t just about thinking positive; it’s about directing your energy and actions in a way that turns your intentions into reality.

Shifting Your Mindset: Practical Steps

Shifting your mindset doesn’t happen overnight.  The mind responds to repetition, and small consistent steps that build up over time.

These small shifts can make a big difference. Here are some ideas to help you get started:

Awareness

  • Start by noticing the stories you tell yourself. Are they helping you move forward, or are they holding you back? For example, if you often think, “I’m not good enough,” that’s a belief worth challenging.  Journalling regularly can help you spot patterns that need a fresh perspective.

Gratitude Practice

  • Take a moment each day to focus on three things that you are grateful for. It could be something small, like the taste of your morning coffee, a kind word from a colleague, or ticking off a task from your to-do list. Gratitude helps shift your energy from “I don’t have enough” to “There’s so much to appreciate.”

Affirmations

  • Replace those limiting beliefs with more empowering ones by changing the statements or stories you tell yourself.  For  example, when you catch yourself saying, “I’ll never figure this out,” try telling yourself, “I’m learning and improving every day.”  Over time, these small changes in language can help reshape the way you see yourself.

Visualisation

  • Take a few minutes each day to imagine yourself achieving your goals. Picture the details—what it looks like, how you’ll feel, and the pride that comes with it. Let that vision keep you motivated and guide the steps you take.
A mobile phone playing the 'Visualising Success' hypnosis recording, accompanied by a pair of headphones.
free Visualising Success meditation recording

Inspired Action

  • Big goals can feel overwhelming, so break them into smaller, doable steps. For example, if you’re working toward a promotion, focus on things like updating your CV, completing a course, or seeking feedback from a mentor. Don’t forget to celebrate each milestone—every small win counts.

Meditation and Mindfulness

  • Sometimes, all you need is a few quiet moments to reconnect with yourself. Meditation or mindfulness exercises can help you clear your mind and tune into what really matters. Even five minutes can make a difference.

How RTT Supports Mindset and Manifestation

Sometimes, our subconscious beliefs can hold us back without us even realising it. Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) is a powerful tool for uncovering and rewriting those limiting beliefs.

For example, one client I worked with struggled with procrastination. Through RTT, we discovered their hesitation came from a belief rooted in childhood—that success would create conflict with their sibling. By reframing that belief, they felt motivated and free to pursue their goals.

RTT helps you:

  • Release Limiting Beliefs: Let go of thoughts like “Success isn’t for me.”
  • Reinforce Empowering Beliefs: Build confidence and clarity to take action.
  • Elevate Your Energy: Replace negativity with empowering beliefs that attract opportunities.

Your Mindset Shapes Your Success

Your mindset and energy are the foundation of everything you achieve. They shape how you approach challenges, adapt to setbacks, and stay motivated.

Take a moment to reflect: What’s one belief you’re ready to let go of, and what’s one new belief you want to embrace?

If you’re ready to dive deeper, explore RTT recordings or book a discovery call. Together, we can shape the mindset and energy to help you reach your goals.

Building Self-Confidence: Break Negative Patterns with Small Shifts

Building Self-Confidence and Breaking Negative Patterns 

Have you ever felt stuck in the same old loops—thinking the same thoughts, reacting in the same ways, and wondering why it’s so hard to move forward? Those are negative patterns at work. That little voice in your head saying, “I’ll never be good enough,” or maybe you downplay the success you have had as “luck” instead of acknowledging your own hard work (hello imposter syndrome!).  Many therapies can help with Imposter Syndrome, especially if it’s a recurring pattern in your life. Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) is one approach that works at a deep subconscious level to break these patterns and build lasting confidence.

These patterns can sneak in slowly, shaping how you see yourself and what you believe is possible. Over time, they chip away at your confidence, keeping you stuck in a cycle of doubt. The thing is, these patterns don’t define you, and they’re not permanent. They can be broken. When you start shifting your mindset—even in small ways—you can build self-confidence that feels real, not forced.

A great way to begin changing these thought loops is through meditation. You can claim a free one below to help you get started!

GRACE: Your Guide to Breaking Patterns

When this happens I like to remind myself of GRACE: Gratitude, Reflection, Alignment, Connection, and Embracing small habits.

Following these steps, using the word GRACE as a reminder for each one, helps you replace those negative loops with something stronger, kinder, and more aligned with the person you’re becoming.

G – Gratitude Shifting Your Focus

Negative patterns tend to zero in on what’s missing or what’s wrong. Gratitude is the antidote. It’s not about pretending everything’s perfect; it’s about noticing the good, even in the messy moments.

One thing I do is keep a gratitude jar. Each day, I write one thing I’m thankful for on a post-it note and drop it in the jar. It could be something as small as a quiet morning with a cup of tea or something big like overcoming a challenge.

When I am feeling low, or have not been talking to myself the way I would a friend, I pull one out, and it’s like a little reminder of how far I’ve come.

If a jar doesn’t feel like your thing, just jotting it down in a notebook works too.

Reflection: Recognising the Patterns

Breaking free from old patterns starts with understanding them. Journaling is a great way to spot what’s holding you back. Take a few minutes to write about a situation that felt tough recently—what were you thinking or feeling at the time?

You might notice a recurring thought, like, “I always mess things up.” That’s the pattern. Once you’ve recognised it, try reframing it. Instead of, “I always mess things up,” you might write, “I’m learning from my experiences, even when things don’t go perfectly.”

Journaling isn’t about being perfect on the page; it’s about giving yourself a space to explore, process, and start to shift the way you think. If you want to explore self-reflection and how it supports personal growth, you might find Achieving Your Goals: The Role of Reflection helpful.

Woman gazing into a mirror on sandy ground, representing self-reflection, mindset shifts, and personal transformation.

Alignment: Stepping Into Your Future Self

Visualisation is one of the most powerful ways to interrupt negative thought patterns and create something new. Close your eyes and imagine yourself at your most confident. Where are you? What can you hear or smell? Maybe it’s the scent of fresh coffee in your dream workspace, or the sounds of nature on a peaceful walk.

Now focus on how it feels to be that person—calm, confident, or energised. Let yourself sit with those feelings. This isn’t about wishful thinking; it’s about connecting with the version of you that already exists deep down. Techniques like Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) can support this process by helping to clear any subconscious blocks that might be holding you back.

The more you practise visualising with sensory details, the more real it starts to feel, and you will find that you start to make choices that align with that version of you.

Connecting your body and mind with Movement

When negative patterns weigh you down, even small movements can help shift your mindset. A short walk, a stretch, or even a couple of minutes dancing around the kitchen can shake off that stuck feeling.

Movement creates momentum—it reminds you of what your body can do and helps you break out of that mental fog.

You don’t need a strict routine or fancy gear—just find what feels good in the moment.

Embracing Small Habits

Big changes start with small, consistent actions. It’s not about overhauling your entire life in one go—it’s about finding one thing you can do differently today.

Maybe you decide to start your morning with a deep breath and a clear intention, like, “Today, I’ll focus on what I can control.” Or you add a few minutes of journaling to your evening routine.

These tiny shifts might not seem like much at first, but over time, they create ripples that can transform how you see yourself.

If you’re ready to shift those old patterns, remember GRACE:

  • Gratitude to notice what’s good.
  • Reflection to understand and reframe negative thoughts.
  • Alignment with your future self through visualisation.
  • Connection with your body and mind through movement.
  • Embracing small habits to create momentum.

Self-confidence isn’t something you wake up with one day—it’s something you build, step by step.

Each time you challenge a negative thought or take a small action, you’re proving to yourself that change is possible. You’ve got this.

Try My Free Meditations for Confidence and Calm!

If you’re ready to break free from old patterns and build lasting confidence, my free meditations might be helpful. They’re designed to help you shift your mindset and reconnect with your inner strength. You can download them here.

Woman sitting cross-legged, wearing headphones, listening to a meditation session.

Ditch Resolutions: Set Meaningful Goals for Lasting Change

Resolutions vs. Goals: How to Achieve Lasting Success This Year

The start of a new year often brings a whirlwind of emotions. On one hand, it’s a time of fresh beginnings and exciting possibilities. On the other, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the weight of expectations, lingering Christmas and New Year chaos, or the pressure to set and achieve ambitious goals. If you’re feeling stuck, scattered, or emotionally drained, know you’re not alone. The key to overcoming these challenges is shifting your approach to resolutions and goal-setting to achieve lasting success.

This blog will walk you through practical strategies to create meaningful, sustainable goals and explore why resolutions often fail. By adopting a more thoughtful and evidence-based approach, you’ll not only overcome overwhelm but also build a foundation for lasting success.

Why New Year’s Resolutions Often Fail and How to Achieve Lasting Success

Many people start the year with a list of resolutions, but studies show that most fade into the background by February. Why does this happen? Resolutions often focus on sweeping changes, such as “I’ll lose weight” or “I’ll save more money,” without a clear plan to achieve them. They’re frequently rooted in external pressures or unrealistic expectations, leading to frustration and burnout. Perhaps you’ve been carrying the same goal yearly but never seem to reach it. If that sounds familiar, it might be time to reassess and approach that goal differently.

Instead of rigid resolutions, consider setting flexible, meaningful goals that allow for growth and adaptation. Goals are less about perfection and more about progress. Focusing on small, manageable steps makes you more likely to stay motivated and achieve lasting success.

Resolutions vs. Goals: What’s the Difference?

Resolutions are often rigid and outcome-focused (“I’ll run a marathon this year”), whereas goals are more flexible and process-oriented (“I’ll work up to running 5km by the spring”). Goals give you space to adjust as life changes and allow for setbacks without feeling like you’ve failed.

This kind of flexibility is especially important during life transitions when unexpected shifts can make rigid goals feel overwhelming or unrealistic. If you’re navigating change—whether in your career, relationships, or personal growth—having the right support can help you set meaningful goals that evolve with you. Learn more about how Life Transitions Coaching can help you create a plan that works for your unique journey.

How to Set Effective Goals to Achieve Lasting Success

Be Specific: Instead of saying, “I want to be healthier,” set a goal like “I’ll go for a 30-minute walk three times a week.”

Make Them Measurable: Track your progress to stay motivated.
Keep Them Realistic: Aim for incremental improvements rather than drastic changes.
Set a Time Frame: Give yourself a target date to work toward.

Effective goal-setting isn’t just about choosing the right targets—it’s about creating a structure that sets you up for success. If you want to dive deeper into how to set goals that work for you, check out my blog on Setting Goals and Achieving them.

The Science of Goal Setting and Behaviour Change

1. Habit Formation: The 21/66-Day Rule

Popular advice often suggests it takes 21 days to form a habit, but research from University College London found that behaviour typically takes around 66 days to become automatic. The key is consistency rather than speed. Small, repeatable actions—like drinking a glass of water first thing in the morning—lay the foundation for achieving lasting success. (See References below for more on habit formation.)

2. The Transtheoretical Model (Stages of Change)

The Transtheoretical Model outlines five stages of behaviour change:

  • Precontemplation: Not yet considering change.
  • Contemplation: Starting to think about change.
  • Preparation: Making plans and setting goals.
  • Action: Actively working toward the change.
  • Maintenance: Sustaining the new behaviour.

Understanding where you are in this process can help you set realistic, achievable goals. If you’re in the contemplation stage, for example, the focus should be on gathering information and building motivation before diving into action. (See References below for more on behaviour change.)

3. Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation

According to Deci and Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory, goals driven by intrinsic motivation (e.g., “I want to feel healthier and have more energy”) are more sustainable than those based on extrinsic motivation (e.g., “I want to lose weight to look good in photos”). When your goals are aligned with your core values and personal aspirations, they become more meaningful and rewarding, increasing the likelihood of long-term success. (See References below for more on motivation and behaviour change.)

4. Implementation Intentions

Research by Dr. Peter Gollwitzer suggests that creating “if-then” plans increases the likelihood of achieving goals. These simple, structured plans help you anticipate challenges and stay on track by providing clear, actionable alternatives.

For example:

  • If I feel like vaping, then I’ll chew nicotine gum instead.
  • If I’m too tired to exercise, then I’ll commit to a 10-minute walk instead of skipping it.

By planning ahead for obstacles, you make it easier to stick to your goals and avoid falling into old habits. (See References below for more on goal-setting strategies.)

Why Resolutions Fail

Common pitfalls include:

  • Setting goals that are vague or unrealistic.
  • Trying to tackle too much at once.
  • Failing to plan for setbacks or challenges.

The solution? Start small, focus on one goal at a time, and create a clear plan for success.

An Example: Sarah’s Journey to Better Health

Sarah, 32, decided to improve her health. She’s been vaping for years, often paired with a glass or two of wine in the evenings. Sarah also struggles with eating processed foods when she is on the go, out of convenience, and as result often feels tired. Sarah’s initial thoughts might be to tackle everything at once, but instead, she decides to focus on one goal at a time.

Joyful woman with yellow cloth in the sunshine signifying achieving lasting success

Step 1: Identifying Priorities and Starting Small

Sarah reflects on which change would have the biggest impact on her overall health and decides to start by addressing her wine consumption. She sets a specific, achievable goal: to completely stop drinking initially, with the possibility of later transitioning to being a social drinker rather than drinking alone. It’s important to approach this safely—if you feel you might be dependent on alcohol, it’s essential to contact a healthcare provider, as stopping drinking abruptly can have health implications. In Sarah’s case, she recognised that her drinking was more of a habit she wanted to break rather than a dependence on alcohol.

By focusing solely on this one habit, Sarah avoids feeling overwhelmed. Each small success such as one night being alcohol free is counted as a big win.  Sarah has noticed triggers such as the evenings feel much longer without drinking so she has written a list of things she can do instead of reaching our for a glass of wine such as reading, going for a walk, catching up on some documentaries she has been wanting to watch or talking on the phone with her friends.

Step 2: Building Momentum with the Domino Effect

After four weeks, Sarah feels proud of her progress. She notices that she’s already starting to feel better physically, which motivates her to address her next goal: to stop vaping. She sets a new goal: “I will cut my vaping by half over the next two weeks by using nicotine gum.”

Surprisingly, Sarah finds it easier to tackle this goal because vaping and wine have been closely linked for her. Due to stopping drinking alcohol, she is less likely to pick up her vape. She has replaced her evening glass of wine with a new collection of herbal teas, which also starts to improve her sleep.

Step 3: Expanding to Healthier Eating

With more energy and better sleep, Sarah now feels ready to address her eating habits. She doesn’t try to overhaul her diet overnight but instead focuses on a single change: “I’ll prepare a healthy dinner three nights a week, starting with simple recipes.”

After a month, cooking becomes a habit. Sarah notices she’s snacking less and feels more in control of her eating. The small changes are adding up, and she’s beginning to see how much better she feels.

Step 4: Continuing to Build Over Time

Sarah’s final focus is improving her sleep. By now, the healthier eating and reduced alcohol are already helping her feel less sluggish, but she set a clear goal to stop scrolling on her phone before bed and commit to a consistent bedtime. With each change driving the next, Sarah finds herself healthier, happier, and more energised than when she started.

Reassess and Adapt as You Go

Life is unpredictable, and your goals should be flexible enough to adapt to changing circumstances. Schedule regular check-ins with yourself to evaluate what’s working and what needs adjustment. Maybe a goal you set in January no longer feels relevant by March, or you’ve made progress faster than expected and are ready to take on a new challenge.

Tip: Reflect on your progress monthly. Celebrate wins, learn from setbacks, and adjust your goals as needed.

Building Rest and Enjoyment into Your Plan

It’s important to remember rest and happiness are essential parts of the process. Achieving your goals shouldn’t feel like a chore. Incorporate activities that bring you happiness and relaxation, whether it’s spending time with loved ones, engaging in a hobby, or simply enjoying a quiet moment with a cup of tea.

Tip: Schedule relaxation time just as you would any other commitment. Rest is productive because it replenishes your energy and focus.

Relaxing table with bouquet poppies, alarm clock and books

Conclusion

This year, to achieve lasting success, give yourself the gift of a more thoughtful, balanced approach to growth. By addressing overwhelm, setting meaningful goals, and taking a holistic view of your well-being, you can create lasting change in your life. Remember, progress is more important than perfection. Start small, reassess often, and celebrate each step forward. A healthier, happier you is within reach—one goal at a time.

References

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self-determination in human behavior. Springer Science & Business Media

Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple plans. American Psychologist, 54(7), 493-503.

Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2009). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998-1009

Prochaska, J. O., & DiClemente, C. C. (1983). Stages and processes of self-change of smoking: Toward an integrative model of change. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 51(3), 390–395.

How to STOP Overthinking: Tips, Techniques and Strategies

How to STOP Overthinking: Tips, Techniques and Strategies

As a counsellor and coach, I often hear clients asking me how to stop overthinking. Clients describe overthinking as a constant barrage of negative thoughts racing through their minds, the sound of continuous chatter, or playing out past and future scenarios, all with different endings. This blog will provide tips, techniques, and strategies to help you stop overthinking in its tracks, providing you with the calmness your body and mind need.

Constant intrusive thoughts can make people anxious and stressed, impacting how they feel during the day. They can also cause sleepless nights, which can take its toll on a person’s mental health. Overthinking can feel like a relentless cycle of destructive thought patterns and catastrophic predictions that refuse to switch off or quiet down. If you experience this level of overthinking, you know how exhausting it can be.

I often liken overthinking to going on an emotional roller-coaster; you repeatedly experience the emotions attached to events that your mind creates. You have been on this emotional journey but haven’t been anywhere apart from trapped in an endless cycle of anxious thoughts.

Let’s examine the triggers, mental and physical symptoms, and tips and strategies for conquering negative thinking patterns.

What Triggers Overthinking?

Understanding what triggers overthinking can be revealing. This insight can help you achieve a more calming and peaceful mind and lead you to personal growth.

Notice how overthinking tends to start for you. It is triggered by;

  • An event or situation that you find stressful
  • A sudden recollection of past events that has made you feel embarrassed or not good enough?  An assumption based on how you perceive the actions of others
  • The fear of confrontation or upsetting another person

For example, it could be a sideways glance from a friend, the tone of a work email, or an unanswered WhatsApp message. Thoughts can quickly escalate and result in running different conversations through your mind, with different endings; usually, these thoughts have worst-case scenario outcomes.

When you notice the triggers, the next time you end up overthinking, you can remind yourself that it is just a thought, not a fact. You can then decide what you would like to do with the idea. Is there some problem-solving to do? How does the thought make you feel? Can you describe the feeling and name it? Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a therapy that can help with reframing thoughts. The premise of CBT is that thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are all interlinked.

The Downside of Overthinking

Overthinking, catastrophising, and trapping yourself in negative thought patterns prevent you from living in the present moment. Getting into the vicious cycle of overthinking can impact your daily life. Research demonstrates overthinking can be responsible for issues which include:

  • Mental Health Conditions
  • Isolation
  • Sleep Issues
  • Procrastination
  • Low confidence and low self-esteem
  • Headaches, muscle tension and digestive problems

This physical and mental toll is a stark reminder of the need to address overthinking. However, the million-dollar question is, what is the best way to free yourself from overthinking?

Breaking Free from Overthinking

Breaking free from overthinking isn’t just about pushing away your thoughts. It’s about taking control, changing your relationship with these persistent thoughts, and finding alternative ways to manage them.

An excellent place to start is to recognise how overthinking affects you. Notice the mental and physical symptoms and reflect on how they impact other areas of your life, such as interacting with others, progressing in the workplace, or procrastinating. Then, flip this on its side: If you didn’t overthink, what would life look like then? This part is essential as it serves as the driver for you to beat overthinking.

Reflecting on your thoughts may seem counterproductive, as it involves more thinking! However, stay with me. Overthinking can sometimes be helpful, but you must find better ways to manage your overthinking habits, which we will discuss later in this blog.

Reviewing the past and planning the future can be helpful. However, it is essential to enjoy the here and now rather than getting caught up in a spiral of “what ifs”, “could haves “, and “should haves.”

Overthinking and The Red Car Theory?

The Red Car Theory suggests that when you focus on something, you start noticing it everywhere. For example, if you think about a red car, suddenly, it seems like they’re all over the road. In reality, the number of red cars hasn’t increased—your brain is just more tuned in to them because they’re at the forefront of your mind. Everything else fades into the background as your attention locks onto what you’re looking for.

This theory highlights how selective attention shapes our perception. When you overthink, your mind fixates on certain thoughts, making them feel overwhelming and ever-present. Recognising this can bring relief, helping you step back and see the bigger picture.

Case Study: How the Red Car Theory Fits with Overthinking

Emma’s colleague Tom comes into work one day and is unusually quiet. Emma notices Tom doesn’t smile when he sits down and doesn’t speak for most of the morning.

Emma started thinking about what she could have done or said to upset him. Was it the last email she sent? Did it sound curt rather than friendly? Emma revisited past situations in her mind, such as the time she forgot to hand over an important document and the time she missed a necessary appointment.

Emma concludes that she has made Tom angry, which must be related to her incompetence. She remembers other times when Tom was quiet and believes he doesn’t like working with her.

With these thoughts going through her mind, Emma struggles to focus on her work. She becomes aware of other colleagues around her interacting with each other, making her feel more alone and unpopular. These thoughts confirm to Emma that Tom doesn’t like her, that she is unpopular in the office, and that she HAS evidence of this.

What is Confirmation Bias?

However, the reality of this situation is likely to be quite different. There could be several reasons why Tom was quiet; he may have had bad news before coming into the office, missed the earlier train he intended to catch, or had a difficult night’s sleep. Similarly, Emma’s colleagues often chat and interact with each other; this isn’t unusual as they sit next to each other and must interact within their roles.

This example demonstrates confirmation bias, which occurs when you seek information to support your thoughts and disregard any other information that does not fit the story you are telling yourself. Confirmation bias can impact decision-making and your perception of situations and events.

Practical Steps to Overcome Overthinking

Overcoming the relentless noise of overthinking involves a multifaceted approach. As a Pluralistic Counsellor, there is no one-size-fits-all approach; it’s more about trying different techniques until you discover what works best for you.

Below is a range of self-care techniques known to help with overthinking. Trying different techniques can take time, but investing time in yourself is the first positive step.

  • Breathing Exercises:

    Deep breathing exercises are a great way to stop overthinking. You can try many different breathing exercises, including the Square Breathing Technique, which will help slow down your heart rate, make you feel more relaxed, and give you mental clarity.

  • Keeping a Gratitude Journal:

    Every day, spend a few minutes writing down what you are grateful for, or if you do it in the evening, write about what you have been thankful for during the day. It can be something that would typically go unnoticed, such as the beauty of nature around you, the brief interaction you had on your morning commute, or ticking jobs off your ‘to-do’ list. If you would like more information on the benefits of journalling, you might like my blog.

  • Body Scan Meditation:

    Get comfortable and focus your attention on different parts of your body. Begin with your toes and move upwards, noticing any areas of tension or discomfort. This exercise brings an awareness of the present moment and highlights how overthinking can impact physical health.

  • Mindfulness Meditation Practices:

    Pick up a small object and hold it in your hand.   Set a timer for five minutes and adequately focus on this object. How does it feel? Move your hand over the different textures, take in every detail, how it smells, and look at the colours. If thoughts come into your mind, just let them go and bring yourself back to looking at the object as soon as you notice them.

  • Physical Activity:

    When you exercise, your body releases many hormones that make you feel good, such as endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine. Exercise can be anything from a brisk walk to gentle exercise, team sports, or a gym workout. Choose whatever works best for you.

  • Allocate Time to Reflect:

    It can help to observe a thought mindfully rather than pushing it away. Accept the thought without judgment; write it down or do some problem-solving. A good tip is to allocate a time limit to reflect on thoughts during the day; often, when you reflect on them at a different time, they may feel insignificant, and you can let them go.

  • RTT Hypnosis Audios:

    As a qualified RTT therapist, I have created a stop-overthinking hypnosis audio explicitly designed to help you break free from the cycle of overthinking. My recordings use guided imagery and deep relaxation techniques to access your subconscious mind, allowing you to let go of persistent, negative thoughts and replace them with calm and constructive thoughts.

These techniques will help you stay in the present and offer you peace and tranquillity while your focus is only on what you are doing. The good news is that you will feel empowered by taking control of your mind, knowing you prioritise your mental health and overall well-being.

Close-up of running trainers, illustrating how exercise can alleviate overthinking.

When Overthinking Can Be Helpful

Overthinking often carries negative connotations, and if you identify as an overthinker, you might have heard comments like:

  • ‘It’s not that complicated. What’s your gut telling you?’
  • ‘You’re spending too much time thinking about this.’
  • ‘Are you still dwelling on this? Why not make a decision?’
  • ‘I can see this situation is stressing you; you’re overthinking it.’

Overthinking frequently stems from a fear of making the wrong decision. However, there’s often no definitive right or wrong choice; we must decide based on the information available. This is where problem-solving becomes a powerful tool, helping to identify actionable steps toward the best possible outcome.

In his article, ‘In Defence of (Over) Thinking,’ SuddhaSatwa GuhaRoy (2024) discusses how overthinking can be beneficial, particularly in academic research, problem-solving, or making significant life decisions. He suggests setting aside time to engage with recurring thoughts mindfully. Allocate time to sit with these thoughts; some may not require further consideration, while others might benefit from structured problem-solving. By taking this approach, you can determine the necessary steps to address specific concerns.

To Conclude

You don’t have to live a life filled with constant worry. Overthinking doesn’t define you, and with the right strategies, you can regain clarity and confidence in your decisions. Exploring the root cause of overthinking—whether it’s self-doubt, perfectionism, or low confidence—can help you break free from the cycle. As you strengthen your decision-making skills, you’ll naturally build self-trust, boosting your self-esteem and reducing the urge to overthink.

Many of these strategies can be effective on their own or with the support of a trusted friend. But if you’d like extra guidance, professional support can help you move forward with even greater confidence. Find out more about my services here.

Further Reading:

Nickerson, R. S. (1998). Confirmation Bias: A Ubiquitous Phenomenon in Many Guises. Review of General Psychology, 2(2), 175–220. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.2.2.175

Rensink, R. A. (2000). The Dynamic Representation of Scenes. Visual Cognition, 7(1-3), 17-42. https://doi.org/10.1080/135062800394667

GuhaRoy, S. (2024). In Defence of (Over)Thinking. Think, 23(67), 21–26. https://doi.org/10.1017/S1477175623000441

Balancing Acts: ADHD and Menopause

Balancing Acts: ADHD and Menopause

For many women, the onset of perimenopause symptoms and menopause marks a significant life transition.  Menopause is a natural part of ageing, bringing many physical, cognitive and emotional changes.

But what happens when this transitional life stage coincides with ADHD?

For some women, menopause might be the first time they recognise that they have been living their life with ADHD. When these two conditions overlap, they can bring many new challenges, and their symptoms can be confusing and overwhelming and significantly impact a woman’s quality of life.  This blog explores the intersection of ADHD and perimenopause/menopause.  Let’s delve into how ADHD and menopause interact and what you can do to manage them both effectively.

graphic of a woman in a blue top sitting down contemplating the menopause

ADHD in Women

ADHD traits in women usually present with problems around executive functioning and emotional regulation. These traits can be highly challenging; unfortunately, until recent years, the traits may not have been recognised by medical professionals or mistaken for other conditions such as anxiety and depression.

Many women receive an ADHD diagnosis after years of struggling with daily life. A late diagnosis can often come at the time of menopause when hormonal fluctuations can trigger a range of cognitive, behavioural and physical changes that can have a life-altering impact.

Cognitive Shifts During Menopause

Menopause occurs due to hormonal fluctuations, typically between ages 45 and 55. Although, perimenopause can start much earlier. During this time, the body undergoes significant hormonal shifts, particularly in oestrogen levels. These hormonal changes can lead to cognitive symptoms, often referred to as menopausal brain or brain fog. During menopause, you might forget things more often, struggle to concentrate or feel mentally sluggish.  The impact of these hormonal changes can lead to other issues, such as sleep problems, emotional dysregulation, mood changes, fatigue, disorganisation, and executive functioning issues.

Does this sound familiar? These symptoms can mirror ADHD, making it difficult to distinguish between the two. For women with ADHD, the symptoms of menopause can feel like their ADHD traits are suddenly much worse, adding another layer of challenges to daily life.   As well as cognitive changes, women can notice physical changes such as weight gain, and they may experience sudden hot flashes; together, these cognitive and physical symptoms can have an impact on confidence and self-esteem.

Why Symptoms Can Intensify During Perimenopause and Menopause

Why do ADHD and menopause seem to overlap with such intensity? New research on the relationship between ADHD and perimenopause/menopause is still developing, but studies suggest that decreased oestrogen and progesterone levels can heighten the traits of ADHD. ADHD often involves deficiencies in dopamine, a neurotransmitter which is necessary for managing attention and emotional responses. During perimenopause, the decline in oestrogen can disrupt dopamine regulation, leading to symptoms such as forgetfulness, brain fog, and emotional dysregulation.

Dopamine is essential for attention, motivation, and reward processing, and oestrogen levels can influence its production and regulation. Research from 2021 indicates that a decline in oestrogen can intensify ADHD symptoms by affecting dopamine functioning.

The Challenges of Diagnosis and Misdiagnosis

One of the challenges women face during menopause is the potential for misdiagnosis. Cognitive symptoms associated with menopause, such as forgetfulness and brain fog, can overlap with those of ADHD, and both can be mistaken for depression, anxiety, or the natural effects of ageing. This overlap can sometimes lead to being undiagnosed or a misdiagnosis.

Misdiagnosis is more likely if healthcare providers are not aware of a patient’s history. If you suspect that menopause or ADHD might be influencing your symptoms, bring it up with your doctor. Keeping a detailed journal of your symptoms can be helpful as it will ensure you cover all the relevant issues so you can confidently advocate for yourself during your appointment.

Managing ADHD During Menopause

Although the overlap of ADHD and menopause can be challenging, there are strategies and lifestyle changes that can help manage both:

Medical Treatment: Speak with your GP or healthcare provider about your treatment options. ADHD medication can be effective during menopause; both stimulant and non-stimulant medications are suitable. Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) might also be considered to help stabilise oestrogen levels, potentially lessening both menopausal and ADHD symptoms.

Mindfulness and Stress Reduction: Techniques like mindfulness, meditation, and diaphragmatic breathing can help ease many of the symptoms of ADHD and menopause. Meditation helps regulate emotions, manage stress, and quieten a busy mind. Breathing exercises and relaxation techniques can also support better sleep and relieve physical symptoms such as hot flashes, headaches, and muscle tension. If you’re looking for guided support, my meditation and hypnosis recordings can be a helpful tool in managing these challenges.

Counselling and ADHD Coaching: Working with a professional who understands ADHD and menopause can make a real difference. I offer ADHD coaching and counselling to help you develop practical strategies tailored to your needs, whether that’s managing overwhelm, improving focus, or finding ways to navigate emotional shifts. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) techniques can also support you in reframing negative thought patterns and building confidence. If you’re struggling, talking things through in a supportive space can be a powerful step forward.

lady sitting in a chair contemplating the menopause and ADHD

Establish a Routine: Creating a structured daily routine can provide stability and help manage brain fog and disorganisation. Calendars, planners, and to-do lists can help you remember important appointments. Breaking tasks into smaller, more manageable parts can help with focus and prevent procrastination. Check my blog on goal-setting for some more strategies.

Lifestyle Adjustments:  Regular exercise can help regulate mood, increase cognitive functioning, and ease many traits of ADHD. Choose activities you enjoy. If you can get out in the fresh air, a brisk walk is ideal for boosting your overall well-being. Do some brainstorming to find activities you enjoy.  Eating the correct foods and taking supplements can help your overall well-being during menopause. A healthy diet for women experiencing menopause can positively impact many areas, including regulating hormones, bones and heart health, weight management and increased energy levels.

Sleep Hygiene:  Establish a bedtime routine, as a good night’s sleep will enhance cognitive function and emotional well-being. Night sweats often occur during menopause. Keep your bedroom cool by opening a window or using an air conditioning unit or a fan for a good night’s sleep. Similarly, it can be helpful to wear loose-fitting nightwear to stay calm and light, as well as breathable bedding and natural fibres like cotton. Consider specialist bedding such as moisture-wicking sheets or cooling pillows to help regulate body temperature.

Sharing Your Experiences: You’re Not Alone

It’s important to remember that you don’t have to go through this alone. However, if you feel alone or want to speak to others experiencing similar challenges, consider joining an online community or local support group. These groups can be a great form of emotional support, as you can ask questions and share experiences and information, which can positively impact how you feel.

Three smiley mature woman on the ground facing upwards supporting each other

Conclusion: Embrace the Journey

The intersection of ADHD and menopause can pose challenges, but it’s also an opportunity to learn more about yourself and to find new ways to manage and embrace life’s changes. By understanding how these two conditions interact, you can take proactive steps to improve your overall well-being. Don’t be afraid to seek help, share your story, and connect with others on the same journey.

References

Antoniou, E., Rigas, N., Orovou, E., Papatrechas, A., & Sarella, A. (2021). ADHD Symptoms in Females of Childhood, Adolescent, Reproductive and Menopause Period. Materia Socio-Medica, 33(2), 114–118. https://doi.org/10.5455/msm.2021.33.114-118

8 Tips to Stop Being a People-Pleaser

8 Tips to Stop Being A People-Pleaser

Do you find yourself agreeing with others, even when it goes against your own values or feelings? Do you want to say no or share your opinion, but somehow, you never do? If this sounds familiar, you may have people-pleasing tendencies or identify as a chronic people-pleaser.

The key difference is frequency and impact. If you occasionally put others first, your people-pleasing may be situational. But if you consistently prioritise others at the expense of your own well-being, people-pleasing may have become a deeply ingrained habit.

People-pleasing is often linked to the ‘fawn’ response, a term introduced by Pete Walker. This response describes people-pleasing as a survival mechanism, where individuals prioritise others’ needs to maintain safety and avoid conflict. While it can create a sense of security, it often leads to self-neglect and emotional exhaustion.

Many people-pleasers develop this habit due to a strong need for acceptance, approval, or harmony. Keeping others happy may feel comforting or necessary, but over time, it can cause you to lose sight of your authentic self. The fear of rejection, conflict, or abandonment can make it difficult to set boundaries, reinforcing the cycle of self-sacrifice.

The good news? You can break free. Letting go of people-pleasing is empowering, and learning to prioritise your needs doesn’t mean letting others down. Here are eight practical strategies to help you overcome people-pleasing so you can live more authentically and confidently.

1. Stop People-Pleasing by Setting Strong and Healthy Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries goes beyond simply saying no—it’s about building healthier relationships and prioritising your well-being. Being able to confidently and assertively say “no” is key to this process. By setting personal boundaries, you acknowledge that your needs are just as important as the needs of others.   While setting boundaries may take time, it is vital to personal growth and self-empowerment.

“Spread your wings and find freedom in being true to yourself.”

A free bird flying in a bright blue sky with white clouds, symbolizing freedom and breaking free from people-pleasing.

2. How to Use Assertive Communication to Set Boundaries and Gain Confidence

Develop assertiveness skills to express your opinions, needs, and preferences confidently and respectfully. Communicate your goals and desires to others. You can address any lingering resentment or conflicts through open and honest conversations, ultimately strengthening your relationships. Becoming more assertive will benefit both your personal and professional life. A great way to start communicating assertively is by practising saying no in low-pressure situations to build confidence and ease in setting clear boundaries.

3. Boosting Self-Esteem: Overcoming the Need for Approval

Developing self-esteem and self-worth independent of others’ approval is crucial for overcoming people-pleasing. By recognising your priorities and strengths, you can empower yourself to focus on your needs and well-being. Embracing your unique values helps you make choices that align with your true self rather than counting on receiving external validation.  Remember to put importance on taking care of your own needs, as you are the best person to take control of your life.

4. Self-Compassion Over People-Pleasing: How to Be Kinder to Yourself

Develop the ability to prioritise yourself by placing your needs and well-being above the urge to focus on other people’s needs. Incorporate self-care into your routine by scheduling enjoyable and relaxing activities. Regularly remind yourself of your worthiness of love and respect; positive affirmations can be constructive when reinforcing this mindset.

5. Self-Reflection for People-Pleasers: Understanding Your Patterns

Reflect on what motivates your drive to attempt to improve the lives of others around you. The first step in implementing change is recognising and managing the factors that prevent you from progressing. Recognise triggers such as situations, emotions, or people that trigger your people-pleasing tendencies. Awareness can help you respond differently.  Journalling for a couple of minutes each day can be a great way to self-reflect.

6. How to Challenge Negative Thoughts and Build Self-Confidence

Challenging thoughts and beliefs that fuel people-pleasing behaviours, such as fear of rejection or perfectionism, are essential. Challenging your thoughts can change your mindset, reduce the urge to seek approval from others, and avoid conflict.

7. Seek Support

Talk to trusted friends or family members, or seek professional support who can encourage, guide, and provide feedback as you work on changing your behaviour. When you introduce boundaries and assertive communication into your life, others close to you may observe the changes.

The best way to manage this is different for everyone. You may want to share with those closest to you that you are making positive changes, or you can work on this alone without the approval of others. Either way is okay, as the most important thing is that you are making changes and getting the support and input that is helpful for you.  I have information on my website which highlights different types of professional support that can help.

8. Increase Self-Awareness with Mindfulness and Journaling

Regular mindfulness practice is a powerful tool for understanding and processing emotions. It helps you recognise, validate, and express your feelings without self-doubt or fear of judgment—a crucial step toward emotional well-being and self-acceptance.

Journaling is another effective way to increase self-awareness, providing a space to reflect on your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. Writing things down can help you identify patterns in people-pleasing tendencies and explore the underlying fears driving them. By incorporating mindfulness and journaling into your routine, you can reduce the need for external validation, build confidence in your own decisions, and strengthen your relationships.

For more insight into how journaling can support emotional growth, check out my blog on journalling.

zen stones with sunset calm late representing prioritising yourself rather than people-pleasing

The Connection Between People-Pleasing and Vulnerability

People-pleasers often go out of their way to appease others as a way to shield themselves from discomfort or emotional vulnerability. However, true connection comes from authenticity, not avoidance.

Researcher Brené Brown highlights that embracing vulnerability as a strength allows you to engage more openly in relationships, leading to deeper emotional connections and greater self-acceptance. By recognising that vulnerability is not a weakness, but rather a foundation for genuine interactions, you can start breaking free from the cycle of people-pleasing.

Why do People Become People-Pleasers?

People-pleasers often share common traits and psychological tendencies that shape their behaviour. Here are some of the key reasons why individuals develop people-pleasing habits:

  • High Agreeableness – If you are naturally cooperative and compassionate, you may prioritise maintaining harmony in relationships, often putting others’ needs ahead of your own.
  • Low Self-Esteem – Seeking external validation can become a way to feel valued, accepted, and worthy of love.
  • Fear of Rejection or Abandonment – A deep-rooted fear of disapproval or being left out can drive people-pleasing behaviours.
  • Perfectionism – You may strive to meet unrealistic standards, either those set by others or ones you impose on yourself.
  • Childhood Conditioning – Growing up in an environment where pleasing caregivers was essential for receiving love and attention can lead to a pattern of prioritising others over yourself.
  • Empathy and Sensitivity – Highly empathetic individuals often absorb others’ emotions, making them more likely to put others first, even at their own expense.
  • Codependency – In codependent relationships, your sense of identity and self-worth may come from caring for and pleasing others.
  • Societal Expectations – Cultural norms often reinforce that being passive and accommodating is a sign of politeness and consideration, making it difficult to assert boundaries.
  • Evolutionary Factors – Early human communities relied on social approval for survival, which may have shaped the tendency to seek acceptance and avoid conflict.
  • Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) – Often linked to ADHD, RSD involves heightened sensitivity to criticism or rejection, which can lead to overextending yourself to gain approval. Many people with ADHD find that RSD makes it difficult to set boundaries, say no, or handle feedback without feeling deeply impacted. If you’d like to explore more about ADHD and how coaching can support emotional regulation and confidence, check out my ADHD Coaching page.

The Consequences of People-Pleasing

While people-pleasing can initially create positive interactions, it often leads to adverse outcomes, such as suppressed emotions, reduced self-worth, feelings of shame, toxic relationships, and stress and burnout. Recognising these consequences is crucial in understanding the need to break the people-pleasing pattern.

Suppressed Emotions: Prioritising others’ needs can lead to suppressing your emotions to avoid disappointing or upsetting others. Suppressing your feelings can lead to anxiety, sadness and depression, as well as physical problems such as headaches or digestive issues.

Reduced Self-Worth: Over time, you can lose touch with who you are when you listen to other people’s opinions. Decision-making may be increasingly tricky in the long run as you don’t trust your decisions.

Feelings of Guilt and Shame: Prioritising others can lead to behaviours that contradict your beliefs and values, causing feelings of shame. If you would like to know more about shame you might be interested in my blog Understanding and Managing Shame for Personal Growth.

Toxic Relationships: You might find yourself in relationships where others exploit your kinhttps://clearhaventherapy.com/understanding-and-managing-shame-for-personal-growth/dness or passiveness. This can, in some cases, lead to being the victim of gaslighting or abuse.

Stress and Burnout: Chronic prioritisation of others’ needs can contribute to anxiety and burnout, affecting your mental and physical health.  Often, people-pleasers mask, which can be exhausting.

Are You A People-Pleaser?  Recognising the Signs?

Recognising people-pleasing tendencies is a crucial step toward self-awareness and personal growth. Identifying people-pleasing tendencies is an essential step toward self-awareness. Look out for these patterns:

  • Overextending Yourself: Going to great lengths to meet others’ needs, even to your detriment.
  • Difficulty Saying No: You feel compelled to go above and beyond for others, even when they inconvenience you.
  • Seeking Approval: Craving validation and acceptance from others to feel valued.
  • Avoiding Conflict: Going out of your way to have a quiet life and keep others happy at the cost of your preferences.

Action Plan: Examples of Setting Boundaries and Being Assertive

Applying boundaries and assertiveness can vary across different contexts:

  • Personal Relationships: Communicate your need for personal space or discuss sensitive topics.
  • Work Environments: Assert your limits on workload or address inappropriate behaviour from colleagues.
  • Social Settings: Politely decline invitations or express your preferences without guilt.

 To Conclude

Breaking free from people-pleasing requires courage and self-compassion. It’s about recognising your needs and boundaries while nurturing genuine connections with others. Remember, seeking support and practising self-awareness are essential to this personal growth and empowerment journey. If you have been a people-pleaser for a long time, it can take time to change these habits, and it can mean that you are out of your comfort zone.

However, keep going, always reminding yourself that you are the most important person in your life. Giving up trying to please others is not the same as being selfish; instead, it means putting your health and happiness first. You may be surprised to discover that when you do put your needs first and communicate your preferences to others, you can develop more meaningful conditions.

If you want to stop people-pleasing but need some support, please book a discovery call.

Further Reading:

Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham Books.

Walker, P. (2013). Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Azure Coyote Publishing.

Men’s Mental Health: Breaking Barriers and Embracing Therapy

Men’s Mental Health: Breaking Barriers and Embracing Therapy

Mental health challenges don’t discriminate—anyone can struggle, regardless of gender. But despite this, many men hesitate to seek therapy, often feeling they need to handle things on their own. The reality is that therapy can be a powerful tool for working through challenges like anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, and trauma.

Men experience mental health struggles just as much as women, but they often show up differently. For example, depression in men doesn’t always look like sadness—it can come out as frustration, irritability, or even anger. Suppressing emotions over time can lead to stress, anxiety, and physical symptoms like tension headaches, digestive issues, or muscle pain.

Recognising these patterns is the first step toward change. Therapy offers a safe space to process emotions, develop coping strategies, and build resilience. No one has to struggle alone.

Therapy for Men – The Statistics

Many men mask symptoms of depression with an “I just need to get on with it” mindset. This approach often leads to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as alcohol use, substance abuse, pornography addiction, or gambling. By the time these habits become problematic, mental health may have already deteriorated significantly.

The statistics reveal just how urgent this issue is:

  • In 2021, Scotland recorded 556 deaths by suicide, according to the National Records of Scotland (NRS). This is 73% higher than the 206 deaths by suicide among women. Similar patterns are seen across England and Wales.
  • Men with alcohol dependence are more likely to have a history of conduct disorder or antisocial personality disorder, whereas women with alcohol dependence are more likely to have coexisting mood or anxiety disorders (Dawson et al., 2010).
  • According to the government’s national well-being survey, men report lower life satisfaction than women.
  • Only 36% of NHS counselling referrals are for men, despite the widespread need for support.
  • Nearly three-quarters of missing adults are men.
  • 87% of rough sleepers are men.

These numbers highlight the urgent need for better support, awareness, and accessible mental health resources tailored to men.

Why Do Men Avoid Therapy? Understanding the Barriers

Understanding why many men hesitate to seek therapy is key to breaking the cycle of silence. Here are some common barriers:

  • Societal Expectations: From a young age, men are often told to be “strong, self-reliant, and in control.” These ingrained beliefs can make seeking help feel like a weakness when, in reality, it’s an act of strength.
  • Shame and Guilt: Turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms—like alcohol, gambling, or social isolation—can lead to guilt or self-disgust, making it even harder to reach out. However, therapy offers a judgment-free space to process emotions in a healthier way. If shame is something you struggle with, you may find my blog on understanding and managing shame helpful.
  • Stigma Around Mental Health: The idea that therapy is only for “serious problems” still lingers. But just like physical health, mental health needs regular care and attention. Talking openly about emotions can help normalise therapy as an essential part of self-care.
  • Fear of Vulnerability: Opening up can feel uncomfortable, especially for men who have been conditioned to keep emotions bottled up. Yet vulnerability is not a weakness—it’s a strength. Therapy can help build emotional resilience and strengthen relationships.

If you’re struggling with these barriers, seeking support is the first step. My counselling and coaching services provide a safe space to explore these challenges and develop practical strategies for personal growth.

Case Study: James’ Story

James, a 38-year-old professional, always considered himself independent. From a young age, he was taught that men should be strong, self-reliant, and in control. When he started struggling with anxiety and stress, he ignored the signs, telling himself to “just get on with it.” Instead of addressing his emotions, he turned to late nights, drinking, and overworking as coping mechanisms.

Despite knowing he wasn’t himself, James hesitated to seek help. Here’s why:

  • Societal Expectations: Like many men, James believed that asking for support was a sign of weakness, even though he would never judge a friend for doing the same.
  • Shame and Guilt: His coping mechanisms only made him feel worse, trapping him in a cycle of guilt and self-disgust. He worried that talking about his struggles would make him look “less capable.”
  • Stigma Around Mental Health: He feared others would think he had serious issues if he went to therapy. It felt easier to push through alone—until it became overwhelming.
  • Fear of Vulnerability: James found it difficult to open up, even to those closest to him. The idea of sharing his thoughts with a therapist felt uncomfortable and exposing.

Eventually, James decided to seek help. He found that therapy provided a judgment-free space to process emotions, challenge limiting beliefs, and develop healthier coping strategies. Over time, he realised that vulnerability wasn’t a weakness—it was a strength.

How Men Can Benefit From Therapy

Therapy provides a safe, judgment-free space for men to openly discuss their concerns and express themselves freely—without fear of rejection or pressure to “have it all together.”

Working with a therapist can help men develop healthy coping strategies, such as:

✔ Emotional regulation – learning to manage stress, anger, and anxiety in healthier ways.
✔ Meditation & grounding exercises – techniques to stay present and reduce overwhelm.
✔ Journalling – a practical way to process thoughts and emotions.
✔ Assertive communication & boundaries – building confidence in expressing needs and setting limits.

Some men use therapy to process past experiences that may still be affecting them, while others prefer to focus on practical solutions for the present. There’s no right or wrong approach—what matters is finding what works best for you.

The Broader Impact of Therapy for Men

Seeking therapy isn’t just about personal growth—it also has a wider impact on relationships, work, and society as a whole.

Normalising Therapy for Men

By prioritising your mental health, you send a powerful message to those around you—including friends, family, and colleagues—that seeking support is a positive step, not a weakness. Being open about therapy can help break the stigma and encourage a culture where men feel comfortable discussing emotions without fear of judgment.

Strengthening Relationships

Emotional awareness and regulation play a crucial role in building strong, fulfilling relationships. When men understand their emotions and develop healthy coping strategies, they are more likely to:

✔ Communicate more openly with loved ones.
✔ Strengthen bonds with family and friends.
✔ Develop greater empathy, leading to deeper connections.

Enhancing Job Performance

Workplace stress can feel overwhelming, especially when mental health struggles go unaddressed. Therapy can help by:

✔ Reducing work-related stress and anxiety.
✔ Improving focus, decision-making, and productivity.
✔ Enhancing communication and teamwork skills.

Prioritising mental well-being doesn’t just benefit you—it positively influences your personal and professional life, creating a ripple effect that helps normalise therapy for others.

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When To Reach Out for Therapy

Recognising when you might need support is an important step toward improving your mental well-being. If you’ve experienced any of the following, therapy could help you regain balance and clarity:

  • Feeling more easily irritated than usual.
  • Experiencing bursts of anger or aggression.
  • Feeling sad, down, or emotionally drained.
  • Struggling with overwhelm, stress, or pressure.
  • Unexpected weight changes (gain or loss) without a clear cause.
  • Increasing alcohol or drug use as a coping mechanism.
  • Losing interest in activities you once enjoyed.
  • Struggling to focus at work, school, or home.
  • Having more frequent headaches or feeling unwell with no clear explanation.
  • Experiencing sleep disturbances, such as sleeping too much or too little.
  • Feeling exhausted even after a full night’s sleep.

If any of these sound familiar, you don’t have to navigate them alone. Therapy offers a safe space to explore what’s going on and develop strategies to feel more in control.

To Conclude

Therapy offers men a path to better mental health, stronger relationships, and greater overall well-being. By breaking down barriers and encouraging open conversations, we can create a world where men feel empowered to prioritise their mental health without stigma or hesitation.

As a counsellor and coach specialising in men’s mental health, I provide a safe, supportive space to help you navigate life’s challenges. If you’re ready to take the first step, book a discovery call today. Reaching out isn’t a weakness—it’s a sign of strength, and you deserve the support to feel more confident, in control, and at peace with yourself.

References

Khan, S. S., Secades-Villa, R., Okuda, M., Wang, S., Pérez-Fuentes, G., Kerridge, B. T., & Blanco, C. (2013). Gender differences in lifetime alcohol dependence: Results from the National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions. Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, 37(10), 1696–1705. https://doi.org/10.1111/acer.12159

Hypnotherapy for a Virtual Gastric Band

RTT Hypnotherapy for a Virtual Gastric Band

Have you tried countless diets, only to find yourself trapped in a pattern of crash dieting, where any weight loss you achieve is soon followed by weight gain? You may have seen positive results with some diets, but your old eating habits creep back over time. Most traditional diets focus on restricting certain foods, which can be challenging to maintain over the long term. However, weight problems extend far beyond your food choices; weight issues are deeply ingrained in subconscious beliefs and emotional ties to eating.

Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) and Virtual Gastric Band Hypnotherapy can transform your weight loss journey by addressing the emotional connection to eating. RTT Hypnotherapy offers a sustainable and effective solution to weight management by addressing the psychological factors that influence your food choices.

What is Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT)?

RTT is an innovative therapy designed by renowned therapist Marisa Peer. It combines the most powerful elements of Hypnosis, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and Psychodynamic Therapy. This combination of therapies allows for deep and lasting results by working directly with the subconscious mind, where our habits and beliefs are formed.

As a therapist, I’ve used RTT to help many clients struggling with weight management issues, and the root cause of these issues goes far beyond the types of foods being consumed. 

Underlying beliefs and emotional triggers lead to unhealthy eating patterns, which need to be addressed for lasting change. RTT allows us to dig deep into these subconscious patterns and reframe them to support healthier choices.

What is Virtual Gastric Band Hypnotherapy?

A Virtual Gastric Band is a non-surgical approach to weight management that mimics the effects of a physical gastric band but uses the power of hypnosis instead of invasive surgery. During an RTT session, hypnosis allows you to tap into your subconscious mind to uncover and address the underlying causes of your weight challenges.

Unlike traditional gastric band surgery, the Virtual Gastric Band involves no physical procedures, medical risks, or recovery time. Instead, this process uses the power of suggestion to convince your mind that you’ve undergone a gastric band operation, leading to a natural reduction in appetite. You feel satisfied eating smaller portions, making it easier to lose weight and maintain those results over time—all from the comfort of your own home.

relaxing beach stone podium representing relaxing with RTT hypnotherapy for shedding weight

Why Can We Struggle With Weight Management Issues?

Weight management is not just about overeating; it’s often tied to deep-seated emotional and psychological factors. Many of us develop unhealthy relationships with food as a response to trauma, stress or emotional needs. For example:

  • Emotional Eating: Some people turn to food for comfort when stressed, anxious, or unhappy. This emotional eating can be a coping mechanism developed in childhood or during challenging times.
  • Beliefs About Food: Deep-rooted beliefs, such as “I deserve to treat myself with food” or “I need to finish everything on my plate,” can lead to overeating and unhealthy food choices.
  • Past Trauma: In some cases, unresolved trauma can lead to disordered eating patterns as a form of control or comfort. These are psychological issues that diets alone cannot address.

RTT allows us to reframe these deep-seated beliefs, replacing them with healthier patterns that align with your long-term goals for weight management.  If you are determined to achieve successful weight loss and make positive changes in your life, this non-surgical technique could be the ideal therapy for you.

Why Choose RTT and a Virtual Gastric Band Over Traditional Dieting?

Traditional diets often lead to short-term success, followed by weight regain. This happens because diets only address surface-level behaviour—what you eat—without tackling the psychological reasons behind overeating or unhealthy food choices. RTT, combined with Virtual Gastric Band Hypnosis, focuses on transforming your relationship with food from the inside out. By addressing the emotional and psychological triggers, you can free yourself from yo-yo dieting and achieve lasting results.  

No Deprivation

Many diets work by telling you what you can’t eat, leading to feelings of deprivation that can worsen weight problems. Restricting foods can make sticking to a diet difficult and, eventually, lead to overendugling or giving up entirely, so it’s not a long-term solution. RTT works differently. It helps you enjoy your favourite foods in moderation without feeling deprived. This freedom allows you to experience healthy weight loss, giving you the power to make lasting changes.

Sustainable Change

One key to long-term weight management is learning to trust your body’s natural hunger signals. RTT helps reconnect you with these signals, allowing you to eat intuitively. You’ll learn to recognise when you are hungry and stop eating when satisfied, leading to eating smaller amounts for sustainable weight loss.

Set Your Personal Weight Loss Goals

In the first session of RTT, we’ll discuss your specific weight loss goals so the session can be tailored to suit your needs best. Your motivations may vary—some individuals are focused on losing weight due to medical conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, or digestive issues. Others may seek a healthier lifestyle to have more energy for activities like playing with their children or grandchildren or even taking up a new sport. For some, the goal is to improve their self-image, including wearing the clothes they genuinely want rather than feeling limited by their current size.

The Science Behind Hypnosis and Weight Loss

There’s solid evidence supporting the effectiveness of hypnosis when combined with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) for weight loss. A meta-analysis conducted by Kirsch, Montgomery, and Sapirstein (1993) found that integrating hypnosis with CBT significantly enhanced weight loss results, with improvements of up to 70% over using CBT alone. The study also showed that participants who used hypnosis with CBT were more likely to maintain their weight loss over time.

What Happens During an RTT Session?

You’ll enter a deeply relaxed state through hypnosis during an RTT session. In this state, your subconscious mind becomes more receptive to positive suggestions and imagery. If you are ready to start shedding weight using this non-surgical technique, this is what you can expect.

  • Hypnosis Session: You’ll visualise the installation of a virtual gastric band, simulating the physical effects of a real gastric band without the discomfort of surgery. This process helps you feel full and satisfied with smaller portions of food.
  • Personalised Audio Recording: After the session, you’ll receive a customised hypnosis audio recording to listen to for 21 days. This daily reinforcement is crucial for solidifying the changes made during your session and helping you create new, healthier habits.
  • Ongoing Support: Your therapist will guide you throughout your weight loss journey, ensuring you have the tools and strategies to maintain your progress.

Why RTT Works

RTT works by identifying and reframing the deep-rooted beliefs and emotions that drive unhealthy eating behaviours. By changing these patterns at the subconscious level, you can create lasting change in your relationship with food. Combined with Virtual Gastric Band Therapy, this approach makes weight loss achievable without the risks, recovery time, and discomfort of a physical gastric band.

Beautiful plus size woman supporting health and wellbing

Case Study: Michelle’s Journey to Confidence with Virtual Hypnosis Gastric Band Therapy (RTT)

Michelle, a 53-year-old teacher, initially came to me for counselling.  Michelle struggled when it came to weight management, confidence, and self-image—years of yo-yo dieting and weight fluctuations had taken their toll on her mental health.

Furthermore, Michelle explained that she would start a new diet enthusiastically and see some results, but she only saw short-term results as her old habits would return and her weight would pile back on. She spoke about worrying excessively about the health issues associated with weight problems. Michelle knew she had to make big lifestyle changes if she was ever going to be the fit, healthy person she dreamed of being. 

I could see that Michelle needed more than just a solution to her weight management issues; she needed to rebuild her confidence, regain control of her eating habits, and address the root cause of her struggle with her self-image.  I spoke to Michelle about the hypnotic gastric band, specifically through the practice of RTT, and she was keen to try it. 

Regression Therapy

During regression, Michelle returned to being in the school lunch hall when she was in primary school; she remembers school lunch often being the only hot meal she would eat as her parents struggled financially.  Michelle would eat dinner as quickly as possible, as the children who finished their plates could go up for a second helping.  Michelle spoke of eating exceptionally quickly and finishing her plate in case the food ran out.  This scene demonstrated that Michelle had formed the belief that food could run out, so she had to eat as much as possible when it was available.

The virtual gastric band hypnosis worked by creating a powerful suggestion that Michelle’s stomach was smaller than it was, helping her feel fuller faster and naturally reduce her portions without feeling deprived. However, we also addressed her mindset around food. We removed the belief that food was scarce and that it could run out. Addressing the beliefs around food is not a technique used in surgical gastric band therapy, but it is an essential part of gastric band hypnosis.

Michelle felt a mind-shift change directly after the session, as she was looking at weight loss through a completely different lens. We followed up a few days later, and Michelle had her weight loss goal in place and planned how she would reach it. She was motivated.

3 Months After The Session

Three months after her virtual gastric band hypnosis therapy, Michelle had not only shed weight but also a significant amount of emotional baggage. She was down several clothing sizes, but more importantly, she felt lighter in her mind and spirit. She reconnected with friends and even began to enjoy shopping for clothes again, something that used to fill her with dread.  I was extremely proud of the hard work Michelle put into the RTT process which contributed to her getting these amazing results.

Ready to Transform Your Relationship with Food?

To summarise, the hypnotic gastric band isn’t just about creating a physical sensation of fullness or imagining the physical size of the stomach shrinking; it’s about transforming how you think and interact with food.  Please book a discovery call if you are ready to make a positive change.

RTT for Anxiety, Fears & Low Self-Esteem – A Breakthrough Approach

How RTT Helps You Overcome Anxiety, Phobias & Self-Doubt – 6 Powerful Insights

If you’ve struggled with anxiety, fear, or self-doubt and haven’t found lasting relief, you might be wondering if there’s a more effective way to create real change. Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) is designed to help people overcome deep-rooted issues quickly by rewiring the subconscious mind and breaking unhelpful thought patterns.

Many people turn to RTT after trying traditional talk therapy, CBT, or self-help methods that haven’t delivered the results they were hoping for. Whether you feel stuck in cycles of overthinking, avoid situations due to fear, or struggle with low confidence, RTT provides a fast and lasting transformation by addressing the root cause of these challenges.  Please check my RTT page if you would like to know more about RTT and the process.

Here’s how RTT can help with some of the most common issues that hold people back:

1. Overcoming Anxiety & Breaking Free from Overthinking

Anxiety can feel overwhelming, affecting everything from your confidence at work to your ability to relax in social situations. Many people find themselves trapped in overthinking, replaying conversations, or worrying about the future.

RTT helps by identifying the subconscious beliefs that fuel anxious thoughts and replacing them with more positive, empowering patterns. Through hypnosis, we access the root of your anxiety—whether it stems from childhood experiences, a specific event, or long-standing self-doubt. By rewiring these thought patterns, RTT helps you feel calmer, more in control, and free from the weight of constant worry.

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2. Conquering Phobias & Fears

Fear can be debilitating, stopping you from enjoying life to the fullest. Whether it’s a fear of flying, public speaking, driving, or social situations, phobias can limit opportunities and create unnecessary stress.

RTT works by uncovering the origin of your fear—often a past experience that your mind has attached a strong emotional reaction to. By revisiting and reframing that experience in a safe, controlled way, RTT helps release the fear and replace it with a sense of confidence and ease. Many clients experience a dramatic reduction in their phobia after just one session.

3. Rebuilding Confidence & Self-Worth

If you’ve ever felt like you’re not good enough, doubted your abilities, or struggled with self-criticism, you’re not alone. Low self-esteem can affect relationships, career progression, and general happiness.

RTT helps you uncover where these limiting beliefs started—often in childhood or past experiences—and rewrite them at a subconscious level. Many clients describe RTT as feeling like a ‘mental reset,’ allowing them to step into a version of themselves that is more confident, capable, and self-assured.

A relaxed woman with dark hair wearing headphones, lying on a white sofa with her eyes closed, holding a smartphone. She appears calm and at ease during an RTT hypnotherapy session.

4. Breaking Free from Addictions & Unhealthy Habits

RTT is highly effective for breaking free from unwanted habits such as smoking, vaping, emotional eating, or excessive drinking. Many habits stem from emotional triggers—such as using food or alcohol as a coping mechanism for stress or using nicotine as a way to manage anxiety.

Rather than relying on willpower alone, RTT works by addressing the subconscious reasons behind the habit and rewiring them at their source. Clients often find that cravings significantly reduce or disappear completely after a session.

5. Letting Go of Procrastination & Self-Sabotage

Many people know what they need to do to achieve their goals, yet they find themselves procrastinating, avoiding tasks, or engaging in self-sabotaging behaviours. This is often due to deep-seated beliefs about success, fear of failure, or perfectionism.

RTT helps you break free from these patterns by identifying and reprogramming subconscious beliefs that cause self-sabotage. Clients often experience increased motivation, clarity, and the confidence to take action after just one session.

6. Improving Sleep & Reducing Stress

If you struggle with poor sleep or find it difficult to switch off at night, RTT can help by addressing the subconscious stressors that keep your mind overactive. Whether it’s work stress, personal worries, or general anxiety, RTT enables you to relax more deeply, making it easier to fall asleep and stay asleep.

Through hypnosis, we introduce positive affirmations that promote relaxation, allowing you to develop a healthier relationship with rest. Many clients report feeling more refreshed and energised after just one RTT session focused on sleep

Is RTT Right for You?

If you’ve been struggling with anxiety, fear, or self-doubt and feel ready for a lasting transformation, RTT could be the solution you’ve been looking for. Unlike traditional talk therapy, RTT works quickly—many people notice significant changes after just one to three sessions.

I offer RTT sessions online, making it accessible no matter where you are in the UK. If you’d like to find out whether RTT is the right approach for you, book a free discovery call today.

Alternatively, if you’d like to experience the benefits of hypnosis, take a look at my collection of self-hypnosis recordings, designed to help with anxiety, confidence, and breaking free from unwanted habits.

Final Thoughts

RTT is a powerful tool for transformation, helping you overcome fears, break negative patterns, and step into a more confident version of yourself. If you’ve tried other methods without success, RTT could provide the breakthrough you need.

If you’d like to explore how RTT can support you, visit my services page to learn more, or contact me and take the first step toward lasting change.”

Frequently Asked Questions

What is RTT, and how does it work?

RTT (Rapid Transformational Therapy) is a powerful therapy combining hypnosis, NLP, cognitive behavioural techniques, and regression. It helps uncover and rewire negative subconscious beliefs, creating lasting change in anxiety, fears, and self-esteem.

How many RTT sessions do I need?

Many clients notice significant improvements after just one session, while others may benefit from up to three, depending on their specific challenges.

Is RTT safe?

Yes, RTT is a safe and guided process. You remain in control throughout the session, and it does not involve reliving trauma—only reviewing and reframing past experiences.

Can RTT help with long-term anxiety and fears?

Absolutely. RTT is highly effective for deep-rooted issues, addressing the subconscious causes of anxiety, phobias, and fears. It replaces limiting beliefs with positive, empowering ones.

How can I book an RTT session?

You can book a free discovery call to discuss your needs and see if RTT is right for you. Sessions are held online, making them accessible anywhere in the UK.

How Therapy Can Help You Manage ADHD & Find Clarity

Adult ADHD: How Therapy Can Help You Find Clarity

Living with ADHD can feel like constantly juggling too many things at once—thoughts racing, unfinished tasks, and a sense of chaos that never quite settles. The distractions, impulsivity, and struggles with organisation can be overwhelming, making even simple daily routines feel like a challenge. But ADHD isn’t just about difficulties—it’s a different way of thinking, and with the right support, it can be harnessed to work for you rather than against you.

As a counsellor and ADHD coach, I’ve worked with many adults navigating the ups and downs of ADHD. I understand how exhausting it can be when your mind feels like it never switches off. Therapy doesn’t aim to ‘fix’ you—because you’re not broken—but it does provide tools, understanding, and strategies that can transform the chaos into clarity, helping you feel more in control of your life.

How ADHD Therapy Can Support You

1. Understanding ADHD and Embracing Self-Acceptance

One of the most powerful aspects of therapy is gaining a deeper understanding of how ADHD affects you. ADHD isn’t just about being forgetful or distracted—it’s about how your brain processes information. Recognising that your brain works differently, not incorrectly, can be a huge relief.

Through therapy, you can start to make sense of your unique strengths and challenges. You’ll learn that ADHD isn’t a personal failure but simply a different way of thinking. This shift in perspective can help release frustration and self-blame, paving the way for greater self-compassion and confidence.

2. Creating Personalised ADHD Strategies

ADHD coaching and therapy aren’t one-size-fits-all. Personalised strategies make such a difference in what works for someone else might not work for you. In therapy, we work together to develop techniques that suit your specific needs, such as:

  • Organisation & Time Management: Structuring your day in a way that works for your brain, using visual reminders, timers, and systems that reduce overwhelm.
  • Improving Focus & Attention: Mindfulness and cognitive techniques to help reduce distractions and increase sustained attention.
  • Managing Stress & Overwhelm: Practical coping strategies, relaxation exercises, and grounding techniques to help you stay calm and focused.

Having the right strategies in place can transform how you approach daily life, making things feel more manageable and less like a constant uphill struggle.

3. Managing Emotional Ups and Downs

ADHD isn’t just about focus—it also affects emotions. Many adults with ADHD experience intense emotions that feel impossible to control. Small frustrations can feel like major setbacks and moments of joy can be overwhelming, too.

Therapy provides tools to manage emotional highs and lows, helping you develop self-awareness and emotional regulation. Techniques like cognitive restructuring can help shift negative thought patterns, while mindfulness exercises can keep you grounded when emotions start to take over. Learning to manage your emotions can lead to stronger relationships, better decision-making, and an overall sense of calm.

Woman with a cloud above her head, representing the mental chaos of ADHD. Therapy and ADHD coaching can help manage these overwhelming thoughts.

4. Boosting Self-Esteem & Confidence

If you’ve been told throughout your life that you’re ‘too disorganised’ or ‘not trying hard enough,’ it’s no surprise if your confidence has taken a hit. Many adults with ADHD struggle with self-doubt, feeling like they’re always one step behind.

Therapy can help rebuild your self-esteem by focusing on your strengths rather than your challenges. You’ll start recognising the achievements you’ve overlooked, no matter how small. By setting achievable goals and celebrating progress, therapy helps you see that you’re capable of success, just like anyone else.

Breaking free from negative patterns plays a key role in building confidence. If self-doubt and old thought patterns are holding you back, you might find this blog on Building Self-Confidence and Breaking Negative Patterns helpful. It explores shifting your mindset and developing a stronger sense of self-worth.

5. Strengthening Relationships

ADHD can sometimes impact relationships, whether it’s forgetting important dates, struggling with communication, or feeling misunderstood. Therapy can help you navigate these challenges by improving communication skills and providing strategies to build stronger, healthier connections with loved ones, friends, and colleagues.

Understanding how ADHD affects your interactions can help you explain your needs more effectively and develop strategies for better communication. Stronger relationships create a stable support system, which is invaluable when managing ADHD.

6. Setting and Achieving Goals

Goal-setting can be tricky when you have ADHD. Big goals feel overwhelming, and smaller tasks often get lost in the chaos. Therapy helps break down your goals into manageable steps, create realistic action plans, and track progress without the pressure of perfection.

Whether you want to improve your work performance, stay on top of daily tasks, or focus on personal development, therapy provides the structure and accountability to keep you moving forward.

7. Medication & Therapy: A Holistic Approach

For some adults with ADHD, medication can be helpful, but it’s not the only approach. Therapy provides practical skills and emotional support, helping you develop strategies tailored to your needs—whether or not you choose to use medication.

By focusing on self-awareness, coping techniques, and structured support, therapy empowers you to manage ADHD in a way that works for you.

Finding Clarity & Confidence with ADHD Therapy

ADHD doesn’t have to mean chaos. With the right support, strategies, and understanding, you can feel more in control of your life. Therapy provides the tools to help you navigate ADHD with confidence, whether that’s through developing better-coping strategies, improving emotional regulation, or simply learning to accept yourself fully.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and unsure where to start, therapy could be the first step toward clarity. If you’d like to explore ADHD coaching or counselling, I’d love to help. Take a look at my ADHD support services, and let’s start your journey toward a more balanced, confident life.

Grounding Techniques for Anxiety: How to Feel Calm & Present

Grounding Techniques for Anxiety

In today’s fast-paced world, we often urge ourselves to keep pushing forward during tough times. However, this can lead to stress and feelings of overwhelm, which may contribute to anxiety disorders. Grounding techniques offer a powerful method for managing these emotions by helping you reconnect with the present moment and your surroundings.

This blog examines effective ways to incorporate grounding exercises into your daily routine to alleviate stress and anxiety.

Understanding Grounding Techniques for Anxiety

Grounding techniques help you reconnect with your body, thoughts, and the environment around you, offering relief from panic attacks, anxious thoughts, and strong emotions.

Grounding techniques, inspired by practices like “earthing,” such as walking barefoot on natural surfaces, are designed to alleviate anxiety symptoms by soothing the nervous system. These exercises can significantly improve mental well-being and help you regain control over overwhelming feelings.

wpman walking bare foot on a muddy path in a forest representing grounding techniques

Top 7 Grounding Techniques to Try Today

1. 5-4-3-2-1 Technique

The 5-4-3-2-1 technique is a simple but effective way to bring you back to the present moment through sensory awareness. This technique is highly recommended if you are experiencing panic attacks or dealing with anxiety disorders.

Five Things You See: Name five things in your surroundings.

Four Things You Can Touch: Focus your attention on four objects you can physically touch.

Three Things You Hear: Identify three distinct sounds.

Two Things You Can Smell: Recognise two different scents.

One Thing You Like About Yourself: Reflect on one positive trait.

cozy composition with mug, candles and a blanket representing grounding exercises

2. Self-Sooth Box

Create a personalised box filled with comforting and calming items:

  • Affirmations or Quotes: Include positive affirmations or motivational quotes.
  • Photos or Mementoes: Add photos or items that remind you of positive memories.
  • Textured Items: Use soft or comforting textures like fur, leather, or stress-relief toys.
  • Aromatherapy Scents: Include essential oils or scented items that you find relaxing.
  • Snacks: Add something sweet to taste or your favourite snack.
  • Music: Include a playlist of feel-good music.
  • Activities: Add colouring books, puzzles, or mind games.

Customising your box with items that help you feel more at ease empowers you to create a self-soothe box that resonates with you, providing control over your anxiety management and a sense of empowerment.

3. Grab and Describe an Object

When you feel overwhelmed, grabbing and describing an object in detail can help anchor you to the present moment.  This technique redirects negative thoughts and promotes feelings of calm by engaging your mind with your immediate surroundings.

  • Focus on the shape, texture, and colour.
  • Consider the object’s purpose and any personal connection you have with it.

4. Play a Memory Game

Distract your mind from anxious thoughts by playing a memory game. Focusing on memories creates mental distance from negative feelings and helps your brain relax.  Recall things like:

  • Favourite Places: Think of cities or landmarks you’ve visited.
  • Categories: Challenge yourself to list items in specific categories like animals, colours, or foods.

5. Mantras and Positive Affirmations

Using mantras or positive affirmations can shift your mindset and combat anxious thoughts.

  • Create “I am” Statements: Develop affirmations like “I am calm” or “I am in control.”
  • Repeat: Use these statements during stressful moments to reinforce a sense of peace and empowerment.

6. The Water Technique

Visualise yourself as a calm body of water to promote tranquillity and mental clarity.  This exercise helps you stay centred and balanced, making it easier to handle daily challenges with a calm mindset.

  • Breathing Focus: Use deep, deliberate breaths to mimic the flow and serenity of water.
  • Stress Dissipation: Imagine tension and stress dissolving into the water, creating ripples that gradually fade.
  • Emotional Anchoring: Embrace the sense of fluidity and stability that water represents, enhancing your ability to remain grounded.

7. Deep Breathing: Diaphragmatic Breathing

Breathing exercises are crucial for activating the body’s relaxation response. Deep breaths help reduce stress and anxiety by calming the nervous system and improving focus. Try the following methods:

  • Square Breathing: Inhale for four seconds, hold for four, exhale for four, and pause for four seconds.
  • 4-7-8 Breathing:  Inhale for four seconds, hold for seven seconds and exhale for eight seconds.

woman walking in the forest breathing in fresh air representing grounding exercises

Tips for Effective Breathing Exercises

  • Focus: Concentrate on the rhythm of your breath.
  • Posture: Keep a relaxed but upright posture.
  • Environment: Practice in a safe space.
  • Consistency: Make breathing exercises a regular part of your daily routine to help effectively manage anxiety symptoms.

Tips for Consistency

Incorporate these grounding techniques into your daily routine or use them during high-stress moments. Consider setting reminders or establishing a grounding ritual to make these practices a regular part of your life.

Addressing Challenges

If you find it hard to focus on grounding exercises like the 5-4-3-2-1 technique, start with fewer sensory items or practice in a quiet space. Adjust these exercises to suit your needs and create a safe space for practising.

To Conclude

Grounding techniques provide effective strategies for reconnecting with the present moment and achieving a sense of calm when managing stress and anxiety. Different approaches work for different people, so feel free to experiment with these methods to find what works best for you. Creating a diverse toolbox of grounding techniques can greatly enhance your ability to manage anxiety over time.

If you would like personalised guidance on managing anxiety and stress through counselling, grounding exercises and mindfulness practices, you can book a discovery call.

Reference for Further Reading:

Smith, J. (2020). The Role of Breathing in Stress Reduction. Journal of Mental Wellbeing, 15(3), 45-60.

Schedule Your Free Discovery Call

Looking for support with anxiety, phobias, or life transitions? I offer counselling, coaching, and RTT to help you move forward with confidence. Book a free 20-minute discovery call via Zoom to explore the best approach for you, wherever you are in the UK.

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