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Explore articles and insights on navigating life transitions, ADHD, and personal growth

Building Self-Confidence: Break Negative Patterns with Small Shifts

Building Self-Confidence and Breaking Negative Patterns 

Have you ever felt stuck in the same old loops—thinking the same thoughts, reacting in the same ways, and wondering why it’s so hard to move forward? Those are negative patterns at work. That little voice in your head saying, “I’ll never be good enough,” or maybe you downplay the success you have had as “luck” instead of acknowledging your own hard work (hello imposter syndrome!).  Many therapies can help with Imposter Syndrome, especially if it’s a recurring pattern in your life. Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) is one approach that works at a deep subconscious level to break these patterns and build lasting confidence.

These patterns can sneak in slowly, shaping how you see yourself and what you believe is possible. Over time, they chip away at your confidence, keeping you stuck in a cycle of doubt. The thing is, these patterns don’t define you, and they’re not permanent. They can be broken. When you start shifting your mindset—even in small ways—you can build self-confidence that feels real, not forced.

A great way to begin changing these thought loops is through meditation. You can claim a free one below to help you get started!

GRACE: Your Guide to Breaking Patterns

When this happens I like to remind myself of GRACE: Gratitude, Reflection, Alignment, Connection, and Embracing small habits.

Following these steps, using the word GRACE as a reminder for each one, helps you replace those negative loops with something stronger, kinder, and more aligned with the person you’re becoming.

G – Gratitude Shifting Your Focus

Negative patterns tend to zero in on what’s missing or what’s wrong. Gratitude is the antidote. It’s not about pretending everything’s perfect; it’s about noticing the good, even in the messy moments.

One thing I do is keep a gratitude jar. Each day, I write one thing I’m thankful for on a post-it note and drop it in the jar. It could be something as small as a quiet morning with a cup of tea or something big like overcoming a challenge.

When I am feeling low, or have not been talking to myself the way I would a friend, I pull one out, and it’s like a little reminder of how far I’ve come.

If a jar doesn’t feel like your thing, just jotting it down in a notebook works too.

Reflection: Recognising the Patterns

Breaking free from old patterns starts with understanding them. Journaling is a great way to spot what’s holding you back. Take a few minutes to write about a situation that felt tough recently—what were you thinking or feeling at the time?

You might notice a recurring thought, like, “I always mess things up.” That’s the pattern. Once you’ve recognised it, try reframing it. Instead of, “I always mess things up,” you might write, “I’m learning from my experiences, even when things don’t go perfectly.”

Journaling isn’t about being perfect on the page; it’s about giving yourself a space to explore, process, and start to shift the way you think. If you want to explore self-reflection and how it supports personal growth, you might find Achieving Your Goals: The Role of Reflection helpful.

Woman gazing into a mirror on sandy ground, representing self-reflection, mindset shifts, and personal transformation.

Alignment: Stepping Into Your Future Self

Visualisation is one of the most powerful ways to interrupt negative thought patterns and create something new. Close your eyes and imagine yourself at your most confident. Where are you? What can you hear or smell? Maybe it’s the scent of fresh coffee in your dream workspace, or the sounds of nature on a peaceful walk.

Now focus on how it feels to be that person—calm, confident, or energised. Let yourself sit with those feelings. This isn’t about wishful thinking; it’s about connecting with the version of you that already exists deep down. Techniques like Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) can support this process by helping to clear any subconscious blocks that might be holding you back.

The more you practise visualising with sensory details, the more real it starts to feel, and you will find that you start to make choices that align with that version of you.

Connecting your body and mind with Movement

When negative patterns weigh you down, even small movements can help shift your mindset. A short walk, a stretch, or even a couple of minutes dancing around the kitchen can shake off that stuck feeling.

Movement creates momentum—it reminds you of what your body can do and helps you break out of that mental fog.

You don’t need a strict routine or fancy gear—just find what feels good in the moment.

Embracing Small Habits

Big changes start with small, consistent actions. It’s not about overhauling your entire life in one go—it’s about finding one thing you can do differently today.

Maybe you decide to start your morning with a deep breath and a clear intention, like, “Today, I’ll focus on what I can control.” Or you add a few minutes of journaling to your evening routine.

These tiny shifts might not seem like much at first, but over time, they create ripples that can transform how you see yourself.

If you’re ready to shift those old patterns, remember GRACE:

  • Gratitude to notice what’s good.
  • Reflection to understand and reframe negative thoughts.
  • Alignment with your future self through visualisation.
  • Connection with your body and mind through movement.
  • Embracing small habits to create momentum.

Self-confidence isn’t something you wake up with one day—it’s something you build, step by step.

Each time you challenge a negative thought or take a small action, you’re proving to yourself that change is possible. You’ve got this.

Try My Free Meditations for Confidence and Calm!

If you’re ready to break free from old patterns and build lasting confidence, my free meditations might be helpful. They’re designed to help you shift your mindset and reconnect with your inner strength. You can download them here.

Woman sitting cross-legged, wearing headphones, listening to a meditation session.

Navigating Anxiety in Relationships

When Anxiety Makes You Overthink Everything in Your Relationship

For some, anxiety stems from past experiences. If you’ve been hurt before, your mind may be on high alert, looking for signs that it could happen again. For others, anxious thoughts may be tied to self-worth—wondering if you’re lovable, if you’re too much, or if your needs are valid.

It’s important to remind yourself that anxiety doesn’t mean something is wrong with you or your relationship. But if it’s causing distress or making it hard to feel secure, there are ways to ease the constant overthinking.

Breaking the Cycle of Overthinking in Relationships

Notice the Thought Spiral

Anxiety often starts with one small worry and quickly snowballs. A short reply from your partner might trigger thoughts like, Are they annoyed with me? Did I do something wrong? What if they’re losing interest? Before you know it, you’re imagining a worst-case scenario that isn’t based on reality.

Recognising when this happens is the first step. Instead of following the spiral, pause and ask yourself: What do I actually know to be true right now? Separating facts from anxious assumptions can help ground you in the present.

Stop Seeking Reassurance on Repeat

It’s natural to want reassurance when you feel uncertain, but if you find yourself constantly asking for it—needing to hear Are we okay? multiple times a day—it may be a sign that anxiety is in control. The comfort you get from reassurance is usually short-lived, and before long, the doubts creep back in.

Try to soothe yourself instead. Remind yourself of the stability in your relationship, reflect on moments of connection, and practise self-validation rather than needing constant external confirmation.

Calm Your Nervous System First

Overthinking is a symptom of anxiety, not the cause. If your body is in a heightened state—tight chest, racing heart, uneasy stomach—your thoughts will follow suit. Before you try to untangle a worry, focus on calming your nervous system. My blog on grounding techniques provides more ways to calm your nervous system.

Some techniques I recommend include:

  • Square Breathing: Breathe in for four seconds, hold your breath for another four, then exhale gently for four seconds before pausing again for four. Repeating this pattern a few times can help steady your breathing and signal to your nervous system that it’s safe to relax.
  • 5-4-3-2-1 Grounding Technique: When anxiety pulls you into overthinking, try this to which will help bring you back to the present.ake a moment to notice your surroundings. Find five things you can see, four things you can touch, three sounds you can hear, two scents in the air, and one taste in your mouth. It’s a great way to break the cycle of anxious thoughts and reconnect with your surroundings.
  • Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Tense your muscles, starting in your feet, and then relax, moving through muscle groups up to your head to release physical tension.
Close-up of a couple holding hands outdoors, symbolising support and connection in relationships affected by anxiety.

Challenge the Anxious Narrative

Anxiety has a habit of convincing you that your worst fears are facts. But just because you think something, doesn’t mean it’s true. If you catch yourself assuming the worst—They’re being quiet, so they must be upset with me—challenge it.  My blog on overthinking provides more information on how to overcome it.

Ask yourself: Is there another explanation? Maybe they’ve had a long day. Maybe they’re preoccupied with their own thoughts. Not everything is about you, and that’s a good thing.

Build Your Own Sense of Security

If you rely on your partner to manage your anxiety, it can create pressure on the relationship. True security comes from within, not from another person constantly proving their love.

Spend time strengthening your own sense of self. Invest in friendships, hobbies, and routines that make you feel good. The more fulfilled and grounded you feel within yourself, the less you’ll rely on external validation to feel okay.

When to Seek Support

If relationship anxiety is affecting your well-being or making it hard to enjoy your connection, professional support can help.

Therapy can offer tools to break the cycle of anxious thoughts and build a healthier mindset, so you feel more secure in yourself and your relationships.  If you check my home page, you can read about different approaches to therapy that help overcome anxiety.

You don’t have to figure this out alone. If anxiety is affecting your relationship and you’d like support, I’m here to help.

Overcoming Perfectionism – Letting Go and Living Fully

Overcoming Perfectionism – Letting Go and Living Fully

Growing Up with the Pressure to Be Perfect

Some people might wonder—why is overcoming perfectionism important? Isn’t it a good thing to strive for the best?

For those of us in Gen X—and even some older Millennials—we grew up in a world that told us being perfect was the ultimate goal. The perfect score, the flawless A-star report card, excelling at everything we tried—these were the measures of success.

The Exhausting Ideal of ‘Having It All’

And it wasn’t just about achievements. As women, we were told we could have it all—the career, the looks, the partner, the money, the holidays, the beautiful children, and the picture-perfect home.

Even writing it all down feels exhausting, let alone trying to juggle everything and live up to some imagined ideal—no doubt shaped by watching TV shows where someone managed to do it all and make it look effortless.

Why Overcoming Perfectionism Matters

And that’s exactly why we need to break free from the perfectionist cycle. We are exhausted!  Luckily, things are starting to change. Schools and workplaces have begun to realise that putting this kind of pressure on young people isn’t helpful, and they’ve adapted the way they teach, grade, and reward success.

But for those of us who grew up in the 70s, 80s, and 90s, that pressure runs deep. The belief that our worth is tied to our achievements is hard to shake, and we continue striving, pushing, and measuring ourselves against an impossible standard.

What Is Perfectionism, Really?

Perfectionism is often defined as the relentless pursuit of flawlessness, accompanied by excessively high standards and an overly critical self-evaluation. But here’s the truth—perfection, by its very definition, is practically impossible to achieve.

And yet, we chase it. We believe that if we can just do everything right, life will fall into place. But perfectionism doesn’t lead to happiness; it leads to stress, anxiety, and feeling like we’re never quite enough.

It can show up in so many ways—procrastinating because you’re afraid of doing something wrong, avoiding opportunities because you’re scared of failure, or constantly feeling like your efforts aren’t good enough, no matter how much you achieve.  So, how do we begin to break free from perfectionism and embrace a life that feels more balanced and fulfilling?

Dark-haired woman making a stop sign gesture, symbolising the importance of pausing and breaking free from perfectionism.

The PAUSE Method: 5 Steps to Letting Go of Perfectionism

When I talk about overcoming perfectionism, I don’t mean giving up on your goals—goals are crucial—nor should you lower your standards. What I do mean is that we need to create a more balanced and realistic approach to life—one that allows space for mistakes, growth, and self-compassion.

That’s where PAUSE comes in—a simple way to remind yourself to take a step back and approach life with more kindness and flexibility. Setting goals that are adaptable and achievable can help you make progress without feeling like every misstep is a failure. If you’re looking for a better way to set goals that support your success, check out my blog on Ditching Resolutions and Setting Goals for Lasting Success.

P – ‘Permit’ Yourself to Be Imperfect

Perfectionism thrives on the idea that mistakes equal failure. But mistakes are how we grow and learn. Give yourself permission to be imperfect, to try, and to not get everything right the first time.

When you find the inner critic (the voice in your head) start to berate you, instead of listening reframe your thoughts.

Swap phrases like “I should have done better” with “I did my best with what I knew at the time.” By letting go of the idea that everything has to be perfect, you open yourself up to new opportunities and experiences.

A – ‘Accept’ Progress Over Perfection

One of the biggest struggles with perfectionism is feeling like if it’s not perfect, it’s not worth doing. But progress is always better than perfection. Taking small, imperfect steps is far better than staying stuck in fear of not getting it “just right.”

Set small, achievable goals and celebrate your wins—no matter how small they seem. Remind yourself that done is better than perfect, and every step forward is a step in the right direction.

U – ‘Understand’ Your Triggers

Perfectionism is often driven by experiences and expectations—whether from childhood, work environments, or social media comparisons. Understand what those triggers are and reflect. Is it pressure from others? Fear of judgment? A desire for control?

Recognising these triggers can help you take a step back and challenge them, rather than letting them dictate your actions.

S – ‘Show’ Yourself Kindness

We can be so hard on ourselves—constantly pushing, criticising, and comparing. But treating yourself with kindness is one of the most powerful ways to break the perfectionism cycle.

Start by noticing how you talk to yourself. If your inner critic is harsh, ask yourself: “What would I think of a friend who said this to me? And would I say this to a friend?”

If the answer is no, it’s time to change the script. Practising self-compassion means allowing yourself to struggle, to take breaks, and to acknowledge that you’re doing your best

E – ‘Embrace’ Flexibility

Perfectionism is rigid and unforgiving, but life isn’t meant to be lived that way. Learning to embrace flexibility allows you to adapt when things don’t go according to plan—and still feel good about it.

Instead of focusing on strict goals or expectations, try being open to different outcomes. Flexibility gives you the freedom to enjoy the journey rather than feeling tied to a single destination.

How RTT Can Help Break the Cycle

For many of us, perfectionist tendencies run deep—they’re often tied to beliefs we’ve carried since childhood. Breaking free from perfectionism isn’t about lowering your standards but about developing a healthier, more balanced mindset. With the right support, you can shift from constant self-criticism to self-compassion and confidence.

If perfectionism is holding you back, I offer personalised one-to-one support to help you overcome limiting patterns and create lasting change. You can learn more about how I work here.

Moving Forward with PAUSE

Breaking free from perfectionism isn’t about giving up—it’s about living in a way that feels more aligned with who you are, not who you think you should be.

By giving yourself permission to be imperfect, accepting progress, understanding your triggers, showing kindness, and embracing flexibility, you can create a healthier, more fulfilling way of living.

Achieving Your Goals: The Role of Reflection

Achieving Your Goals: The Role of Reflection

As a Life Transitions Coach, I always encourage clients to pause and reflect on their progress. Whether you’re at the start of a new month or simply taking a moment to check in with yourself, reflection can be a powerful tool for staying on track with your goals.

Often, we begin new challenges with enthusiasm and motivation, but as time goes on, the demands of daily life can make it easy to lose focus. Taking a step back allows you to acknowledge how far you’ve come, realign your focus, and set yourself up for the weeks ahead. Celebrating even the smallest achievements can be a great way to boost your confidence and inspire you to keep moving forward.

If your reflection leaves you feeling like there’s more you could have done, let that be a source of motivation rather than frustration. Instead of dwelling on what hasn’t gone to plan, consider what you can adjust going forward. Were there any specific obstacles that stood in your way? Identifying them can help you create a clearer plan and make the next steps more achievable.

Celebrate the Wins—Big and Small

Take a minute to look back at the previous month, and reflect on what you’ve achieved. Did you stick to a new habit, take the first steps toward achieving your goals, or handle a challenging situation better than you might have before? Even small wins deserve recognition, as they are the building blocks of bigger successes.

To celebrate your progress and stay motivated in achieving your goals, try writing down your achievements in a journal, sharing them with a trusted friend, or treating yourself to something meaningful—a quiet moment of self-care, or even a small reward like a favourite book or meal. Acknowledging these moments boosts your self-esteem and reinforces the positive changes you’re making.

Understanding Self-Concept in Reflection

Reflection isn’t just about evaluating actions; it’s also an opportunity to connect with your self-concept, the way you perceive and define yourself.  Self-concept is made up of three components:

  1. Self-Image: How you see yourself, including physical attributes, personality traits, and roles in life.
  2. Self-Esteem: How much you value yourself and your abilities.
  3. Ideal Self: The person you aspire to be.

By reflecting on these aspects of self-concept, you can gain clarity on how your actions and habits align with the person you want to become. For example, does the way you’ve spent January reflect the goals and values of your ideal self? This awareness can help you make intentional changes to strengthen your self-concept and move closer to your aspirations.

What Have You Learned?

Reflection is also a chance to embrace the lessons of the past few weeks. Ask yourself:

  • What worked well for me this month?
  • What challenges did I face, and how did I respond?
  • Is there anything I’d like to approach differently moving forward?

These questions aren’t about criticism—they’re about curiosity. For example, you might realise that setting aside 10 minutes daily for mindfulness helped you feel more focused and calmer. Or perhaps you noticed that skipping your usual planning time on Sunday evenings made your week more chaotic. Understanding the patterns and choices that shaped January, you can step into February with greater clarity and intention.

Reconnect with Achieving Your Goals

The start of the year is often a time for big resolutions and goals. But now is a good time to check in with yourself:

  • Are your goals still aligned with what matters most to you?
  • Do you need to adjust your expectations or timeline?

Sometimes, we set goals that feel inspiring now but don’t reflect the reality of our lives. That’s okay. Giving yourself permission to adjust or refine your goals is a sign of growth, not failure.

A woman at her desk writing down her goals

Preparing for the Months Ahead

As you continue throughout the year, think about how you want to carry the momentum forward. Consider these steps to stay focused:

  1. Set Micro Goals: Break larger goals into smaller, more manageable steps. Progress is easier to achieve and sustain when it feels within reach.
  2. Revisit Your Priorities: Make sure your daily actions align with what’s most important to you.
  3. Celebrate Progress Along the Way: Build in moments to reflect on and reward your efforts—it keeps you motivated and encouraged.

A Fresh Start Every Month

The beauty of a year is that it offers 12 opportunities to reset and refocus. Whether January unfolded precisely as you’d hoped or brought unexpected challenges, each day, week, and month is a chance to start fresh.

Reflection allows you to move forward with purpose, confidence, and a sense of ownership over your journey, building on the progress you’ve already made or embracing the lessons learned.

Plan Your Next Steps Using Visualisation and Affirmations

As you reflect on the past month, take a moment to look ahead. Visualisation is a highly effective tool for finding focus and igniting motivation. Picture where you’d like to be in the next couple of months. What does your life look like? What habits have you embraced? How do you feel about your progress?

Pair this visualisation with affirmations to strengthen your mindset. For instance, you might say to yourself, “I am capable of achieving my goals,” or “I am becoming the best version of myself, step by step.” These positive reinforcements help align you with your intentions and remind you of your ability to create meaningful change.

I love myself as I am quote handwritten in blue and green

Take a Moment to Reflect

Before you dive into the month ahead, take a few minutes to reflect on where you’ve been, what you’ve learned, and how you want to grow. Progress isn’t about perfection; it’s about showing up for yourself, one step at a time.

You’ve already started the journey, wherever you’re heading, and that’s something to celebrate. If you get stuck when working on your personal short-term or long-term goals, please check my page on Life Transitions Therapy.

Wine O’clock to Wellness: How to Stop Drinking Alcohol with RTT

Wine O’clock to Wellness: How to Stop Drinking Alcohol with RTT

Are you ready stop drinking alcohol and step into the life you deserve? For many, drinking starts as a way to unwind, socialise, or manage stress. Over time, it can become a deeply rooted habit, even when you’re ready to stop.

Life has many periods of transition, whether it’s starting a new career, becoming a parent, entering midlife, or adjusting to a new routine. These moments of change often prompt us to reflect on our habits and whether they align with the future we envisage. Reducing or stopping alcohol can be a powerful way to embrace these transitions and step into a healthier, more confident version of yourself.

How Drinking Became Normalised for Women

In recent years, drinking alcohol, especially wine and gin, has been glamorised and almost encouraged as a way for women to wind down. Popular phrases such as “wine o’clock” and “live, laugh. love and drink wine” have become part of everyday language, normalising the habit of drinking in the evening. While these phrases might seem harmless, they can make it easy to brush over the impact alcohol has on our health and well-being.

If you’re considering cutting back or if you want to stop drinking alcohol altogether, there are many pathways to explore, which include self-help techniques and professional help.

In this blog, I’ll explore why we turn to alcohol, the benefits of letting it go, and how Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) can help you create lasting change. If hypnosis isn’t for you, take a look at my services page for alternative approaches.

sign with the handwritten message wine o'clock

What Kind of Drinker Are You?

When it comes to drinking habits, everyone’s relationship with alcohol is different. For some, alcohol is part of their everyday routine, while for others, it might only appear in social settings or at stressful times. Reflecting on your drinking habits can provide clarity and help you take the next steps toward change.

The Motivational Model of Alcohol Use suggests that people drink for various reasons, which generally fall into four categories:

  • Social Drinking: Consuming alcohol to enhance social experiences or fit in with a group.
  • Coping Drinking: Using alcohol to manage stress, anxiety, or emotional pain.
  • Enhancement Drinking: Drinking to heighten positive emotions and increase excitement.
  • Conformity Drinking: Drinking to avoid social rejection or meet the perceived expectations of self or others.

This model highlights that drinking isn’t just about the habit itself—it’s often tied to deeper emotional and psychological needs. Reflecting on these motivations can give you insight into your own relationship with alcohol and help you decide which steps to take to stop drinking alcohol.

Do I Need to Know What Kind of Drinker I Am?

Discovering what type of drinker you are can help you better understand your drinking patterns and triggers. Furthermore, the way you identify your relationship with alcohol may provide insight as to why you drink. However, what matters most is how it impacts your life and whether it aligns with the person you want to be.

When exploring your drinking habits, it can be helpful to consider:

  • How does alcohol affect your health, relationships, and goals?
  • Would reducing or stopping drinking improve your quality of life?

Whether you identify as alcohol-dependent, a social drinker, or simply someone with a habit they’d like to change, the decision to reflect and take steps forward is a powerful one.

Why Do We Begin to Rely on Alcohol?

Alcohol often fills a gap in our emotional or social lives, even when we don’t realise it:

  • A Way to Relax: A glass of wine after work, or once the kids are in bed, becomes a ritual for unwinding.
  • Coping with Stress: A drink can feel like a quick escape from life’s challenges.
  • Easing Boredom: When drinking, the evening hours may seem to pass more quickly, giving a sense of “doing something.”
  • Numbing Emotions: When facing challenges, alcohol can act as a distraction or coping mechanism, keeping complex thoughts or feelings at bay.
  • A Social Habit: Gatherings or nights out often feel incomplete without alcohol, and for those with social anxiety, it might seem like a way to feel more at ease.

During times of transition, such as starting a new job, moving house, or navigating a breakup or empty nest, it’s easy to rely on alcohol as a way to manage stress and uncertainty. However, these patterns often keep us stuck in cycles that don’t align with the changes we want.

How to Stop Drinking Alchohol Safely:  Heavy Drinkers and Medical Advice

If you drink significantly more than the recommended guidelines for alcohol consumption, it’s crucial to approach stopping with care. The recommended limit in the UK is a maximum of 14 units of alcohol per week, spread over three or more days.

For those drinking well above this amount, stopping alcohol suddenly can be dangerous and may lead to withdrawal symptoms, including:

  • Anxiety or restlessness
  • Tremors or sweating
  • Nausea and vomiting
  • Severe symptoms such as seizures, hallucinations, or confusion

Alcohol withdrawal seizures are a serious risk for heavy drinkers who stop suddenly without medical supervision. If you believe you may be at risk, seek medical advice before quitting. Your GP or a specialist service such as Alcoholics Anonymous can provide tailored support and may recommend a medically supervised detox to ensure your safety.

It is important to remember that reaching out for help is a positive step and never something you should be ashamed of. You don’t have to navigate this alone; medical professionals and support services are here to help you take the first step toward a healthier future.

woman looking sad sitting at a table contemplating drinking wine

How Hypnotherapy and RTT Can Help You to Stop Drinking Alcohol

Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) is more than just talking about change—it’s about experiencing it at the deepest level. Using a combination of hypnotherapy, cognitive techniques, and personalised support, RTT works with your subconscious mind to:

  • Uncover the root causes of your reliance on alcohol.
  • Reframe old beliefs into empowering, positive ones.
  • Equip you with lasting tools to thrive without alcohol.

For a long time, hypnotherapy has been recognised as a powerful tool for addressing habits and behaviours, including alcohol consumption. Research supports its effectiveness in helping individuals reframe their relationship with alcohol and achieve lasting change.

Studies have shown that hypnotherapy can be an effective intervention for reducing alcohol consumption. By addressing subconscious beliefs and triggers, hypnosis enables individuals to gain greater control over their drinking habits. These findings align with techniques used in RTT, which combines the principles of hypnotherapy with cognitive and behavioural approaches. By accessing the subconscious mind, RTT helps uncover the deeper reasons behind drinking, reframe those beliefs, and empower you to take steps toward a healthier, alcohol-free life.

The Impact of Alcohol on Your Well-Being

While alcohol may offer temporary relief, its long-term effects can be significant and typical risks and challenges include;

  • Health Risks: Liver damage, heart disease, and increased cancer risks are only a few of the health concerns related to the overuse of alcohol.
  • Mental Health Struggles: Alcohol can worsen anxiety and depression, leaving you feeling stuck in a cycle.
  • Relationship Challenges can erode trust, communication, and connection with loved ones.

Life transitions offer a unique opportunity to step back and evaluate what’s no longer serving you. By reducing or stopping drinking, you can build a foundation of health and clarity that supports your next chapter.

Your Transformation Starts Here

Imagine this:

  • Waking up every morning feeling energised and clear-headed.
  • Letting go of the guilt or regret you’ve been carrying about your drinking habits.
  • Embracing your authentic self, the person you are without alcohol.
  • Facing life transitions with calm confidence, knowing you can handle change without relying on a drink.
  • Enjoying the financial freedom that comes with not spending money on alcohol.
  • Living a life that truly aligns with your goals, values, and dreams.

Reducing or stopping drinking isn’t just about what you leave behind—it’s about everything you gain. Whether you’re cutting down or taking steps towards an alcohol-free life, finding the right approach for you can make all the difference.

Self-Help Techniques for Reducing or Stopping Alcohol

If you’re trying to stop drinking alcohol or cut back, incorporating self-help techniques into your daily routine can make a significant difference. Here are some practical methods to support your efforts:

  1. Identify Your Triggers

Reflect on when and why you feel the urge to drink. Common triggers include stress, boredom, social pressure, or emotional distress. Once you know your triggers, you can prepare alternative coping strategies, such as journalling, walking, or practising deep breathing.

  1. Set Clear Goals

Decide whether you want to cut down or stop drinking completely. Set specific, achievable goals, like limiting yourself to a certain number of drinks per week or avoiding alcohol during weekdays. As you move forward tracking your progress can help you stay accountable and motivated.

  1. Replace the Habit

Find healthier alternatives to fill the time or emotional space that drinking occupies. This might include exercise, meditation, listening to pod-casts, reading, cooking, or taking up a new hobby. Substituting alcohol with non-alcoholic drinks, like sparkling water or herbal teas, can also help ease the transition.

  1. Create a Support System

Share your challenges and intentions with a trusted friend or family member who can support you. You may also find it helpful to join online communities or local support groups where others are on the same journey. Knowing you’re not alone can be incredibly encouraging.

  1. Practice Mindfulness

Mindfulness can help you stay in the present and become aware of your thoughts and emotions. When the urge to drink arises, take a moment to pause, take a deep breath, and ask yourself what you’re feeling. This awareness can help you choose a healthier response.

  1. Celebrate Your Wins

Acknowledge your progress, even if it seems small. Whether declining a drink at a party or going a week without alcohol, celebrating these victories builds confidence and reinforces your commitment to change.

woman's hand round a cup drinking a healthy herbal tea

A Supportive Tool for Change

If you’re looking for a supportive approach to exploring your relationship with alcohol, techniques like Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) can help uncover your triggers behind drinking and empower you to create lasting change. Whether you choose a personalised session or a hypnosis recording, RTT offers tools to support your journey.

Are You Ready to Take the Next Step?

Life transitions are a time for personal growth, and every step you take guides you towards a healthier version of yourself. Whether you’re cutting back, pr stopping drinking alcohol completely, or exploring new coping strategies, your decision to create positive change is a positive first step.

If you’re looking for tailored support, a personalised RTT session can help you uncover and reframe the deeper reasons behind your habits. For a more cost effective and flexible approach, the ‘Stop Drinking Hypnosis’ recording offers an accessible way to start making positive changes at your own pace.

References:

Cooper, M. L. (1994). Motivations for alcohol use among adolescents: Development and validation of a four-factor model. Psychological Assessment, 6(2), 117–128. https://doi.org/10.1037/1040-3590.6.2.117

Alladin, A. (2008). Cognitive Hypnotherapy: An Integrated Approach to the Treatment of Emotional Disorders. Wiley.

Ready to Stop Vaping? Here’s How to Break Free for Good

Ready to Stop Vaping? Here’s How to Break Free for Good

For many women, vaping starts as a way to manage stress, transition from smoking, or simply get through a busy day. It can feel like a harmless habit—one that slots easily into your routine. But over time, what started as an occasional puff can become something harder to let go of.

If you’ve been thinking about quitting but keep putting it off, you’re not alone. Breaking free from nicotine isn’t just about willpower—it’s about understanding the triggers, routines, and beliefs that keep you reaching for your vape. Taking a step back and reflecting on your habits can be a powerful tool in making lasting changes. If you’re ready to take control and set meaningful goals, you might find this helpful: Achieving Your Goals: The Role of Reflection.

Why is Vaping So Hard to Quit?

One of the biggest reasons vaping is so difficult to stop is how easily it fits into daily life. Unlike cigarettes, which come with social and physical barriers, vaping is discreet. You can do it indoors, at work, or on the go without anyone noticing.

Another challenge is nicotine dependence. Whether you switched from smoking or started vaping on its own, nicotine is addictive. The cravings can feel relentless, and even when you want to stop, your brain may tell you otherwise.

There’s also a lot of uncertainty around vaping’s long-term effects. We know the dangers of smoking, but with vaping, research is still emerging. This lack of clarity can make quitting feel less urgent. But just because something isn’t proven to be as harmful as smoking doesn’t mean it’s harmless.

Inspirational quote reading ‘Positive energy knows no boundaries’ in a calming design, reinforcing motivation and change.

The Real Cost of Vaping

When people think about quitting, they often focus on nicotine cravings. But stepping away from vaping is about more than just breaking a physical habit—it’s about taking back control.

  • Your Health – While marketed as a safer option than cigarettes, vaping still affects your lungs, heart, and overall well-being. Many people report shortness of breath, an irritated throat, or increased anxiety.
  • Your Money – Small purchases add up fast. The cost of refills, pods, and devices can be surprising when you add it all up over a year.
  • Your Time & Freedom – How often do you find yourself automatically reaching for your vape without even thinking? Quitting means no more planning your day around cravings.

Breaking the Cycle – What Actually Works?

Quitting vaping isn’t just about avoiding your device—it’s about rewiring the habit. Many people try to quit using sheer willpower, but long-term success often requires a mix of habit change, mindset shifts, and practical tools.

Some of the most effective methods include:

  • Nicotine Replacement Therapy (NRT) – Patches, gum, or lozenges can help ease cravings while you adjust to life without vaping.
  • Behavioural Changes – Identifying when and why you vape can help you replace it with healthier alternatives.
  • Mindset Work – Addressing subconscious beliefs and stress triggers can make quitting feel easier and more natural. Methods like hypnotherapy and cognitive behavioural approaches can help break the mental and emotional connection to vaping.

Your Next Step to Stop Vaping for Good

If you’re ready to quit, the first step is understanding your personal triggers and finding a strategy that works for you. Whether you choose NRT, habit coaching, or therapeutic approaches like hypnosis, the key is having the right support to stay on track.

You don’t have to go it alone. I offer one-to-one sessions designed to help you break free from vaping in a way that fits your lifestyle. If you’re looking for personalised support, you can explore how I work here.

The first step is yours—are you ready to take it?

Ditch Resolutions: Set Goals for Lasting Change

Resolutions vs. Goals: How to Achieve Lasting Success This Year

The start of a new year often brings a whirlwind of emotions. On one hand, it’s a time of fresh beginnings and exciting possibilities. On the other, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed by the weight of expectations, lingering Christmas and New Year chaos, or the pressure to set and achieve ambitious goals. If you’re feeling stuck, scattered, or emotionally drained, know you’re not alone. The key to overcoming these challenges is shifting your approach to resolutions and goal-setting to achieve lasting success.

This blog will walk you through practical strategies to create meaningful, sustainable goals and explore why resolutions often fail. By adopting a more thoughtful and evidence-based approach, you’ll not only overcome overwhelm but also build a foundation for lasting success.

Why New Year’s Resolutions Often Fail and How to Achieve Lasting Success

Many people start the year with a list of resolutions, but studies show that most fade into the background by February. Why does this happen? Resolutions often focus on sweeping changes, such as “I’ll lose weight” or “I’ll save more money,” without a clear plan to achieve them. They’re frequently rooted in external pressures or unrealistic expectations, leading to frustration and burnout. Perhaps you’ve been carrying the same goal yearly but never seem to reach it. If that sounds familiar, it might be time to reassess and approach that goal differently.

Instead of rigid resolutions, consider setting flexible, meaningful goals that allow for growth and adaptation. Goals are less about perfection and more about progress. Focusing on small, manageable steps makes you more likely to stay motivated and achieve lasting success.

Resolutions vs. Goals: What’s the Difference?

Resolutions are often rigid and outcome-focused (“I’ll run a marathon this year”), whereas goals are more flexible and process-oriented (“I’ll work up to running 5km by the spring”). Goals give you space to adjust as life changes and allow for setbacks without feeling like you’ve failed.

This kind of flexibility is especially important during life transitions when unexpected shifts can make rigid goals feel overwhelming or unrealistic. If you’re navigating change—whether in your career, relationships, or personal growth—having the right support can help you set meaningful goals that evolve with you. Learn more about how Life Transitions Coaching can help you create a plan that works for your unique journey.

How to Set Effective Goals to Achieve Lasting Success

Be Specific: Instead of saying, “I want to be healthier,” set a goal like “I’ll go for a 30-minute walk three times a week.”

Make Them Measurable: Track your progress to stay motivated.
Keep Them Realistic: Aim for incremental improvements rather than drastic changes.
Set a Time Frame: Give yourself a target date to work toward.

Effective goal-setting isn’t just about choosing the right targets—it’s about creating a structure that sets you up for success. If you want to dive deeper into how to set goals that work for you, check out my blog on Setting Goals and Achieving them.

The Science of Goal Setting and Behaviour Change

1. Habit Formation: The 21/66-Day Rule

Popular advice often suggests it takes 21 days to form a habit, but research from University College London found that behaviour typically takes around 66 days to become automatic. The key is consistency rather than speed. Small, repeatable actions—like drinking a glass of water first thing in the morning—lay the foundation for achieving lasting success. (See References below for more on habit formation.)

2. The Transtheoretical Model (Stages of Change)

The Transtheoretical Model outlines five stages of behaviour change:

  • Precontemplation: Not yet considering change.
  • Contemplation: Starting to think about change.
  • Preparation: Making plans and setting goals.
  • Action: Actively working toward the change.
  • Maintenance: Sustaining the new behaviour.

Understanding where you are in this process can help you set realistic, achievable goals. If you’re in the contemplation stage, for example, the focus should be on gathering information and building motivation before diving into action. (See References below for more on behaviour change.)

3. Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Motivation

According to Deci and Ryan’s Self-Determination Theory, goals driven by intrinsic motivation (e.g., “I want to feel healthier and have more energy”) are more sustainable than those based on extrinsic motivation (e.g., “I want to lose weight to look good in photos”). When your goals are aligned with your core values and personal aspirations, they become more meaningful and rewarding, increasing the likelihood of long-term success. (See References below for more on motivation and behaviour change.)

4. Implementation Intentions

Research by Dr. Peter Gollwitzer suggests that creating “if-then” plans increases the likelihood of achieving goals. These simple, structured plans help you anticipate challenges and stay on track by providing clear, actionable alternatives.

For example:

  • If I feel like vaping, then I’ll chew nicotine gum instead.
  • If I’m too tired to exercise, then I’ll commit to a 10-minute walk instead of skipping it.

By planning ahead for obstacles, you make it easier to stick to your goals and avoid falling into old habits. (See References below for more on goal-setting strategies.)

Why Resolutions Fail

Common pitfalls include:

  • Setting goals that are vague or unrealistic.
  • Trying to tackle too much at once.
  • Failing to plan for setbacks or challenges.

The solution? Start small, focus on one goal at a time, and create a clear plan for success.

An Example: Sarah’s Journey to Better Health

Sarah, 32, decided to improve her health. She’s been vaping for years, often paired with a glass or two of wine in the evenings. Sarah also struggles with eating processed foods when she is on the go, out of convenience, and as result often feels tired. Sarah’s initial thoughts might be to tackle everything at once, but instead, she decides to focus on one goal at a time.

Joyful woman with yellow cloth in the sunshine signifying achieving lasting success

Step 1: Identifying Priorities and Starting Small

Sarah reflects on which change would have the biggest impact on her overall health and decides to start by addressing her wine consumption. She sets a specific, achievable goal: to completely stop drinking initially, with the possibility of later transitioning to being a social drinker rather than drinking alone. It’s important to approach this safely—if you feel you might be dependent on alcohol, it’s essential to contact a healthcare provider, as stopping drinking abruptly can have health implications. In Sarah’s case, she recognised that her drinking was more of a habit she wanted to break rather than a dependence on alcohol.

By focusing solely on this one habit, Sarah avoids feeling overwhelmed. Each small success such as one night being alcohol free is counted as a big win.  Sarah has noticed triggers such as the evenings feel much longer without drinking so she has written a list of things she can do instead of reaching our for a glass of wine such as reading, going for a walk, catching up on some documentaries she has been wanting to watch or talking on the phone with her friends.

Step 2: Building Momentum with the Domino Effect

After four weeks, Sarah feels proud of her progress. She notices that she’s already starting to feel better physically, which motivates her to address her next goal: to stop vaping. She sets a new goal: “I will cut my vaping by half over the next two weeks by using nicotine gum.”

Surprisingly, Sarah finds it easier to tackle this goal because vaping and wine have been closely linked for her. Due to stopping drinking alcohol, she is less likely to pick up her vape. She has replaced her evening glass of wine with a new collection of herbal teas, which also starts to improve her sleep.

Step 3: Expanding to Healthier Eating

With more energy and better sleep, Sarah now feels ready to address her eating habits. She doesn’t try to overhaul her diet overnight but instead focuses on a single change: “I’ll prepare a healthy dinner three nights a week, starting with simple recipes.”

After a month, cooking becomes a habit. Sarah notices she’s snacking less and feels more in control of her eating. The small changes are adding up, and she’s beginning to see how much better she feels.

Step 4: Continuing to Build Over Time

Sarah’s final focus is improving her sleep. By now, the healthier eating and reduced alcohol are already helping her feel less sluggish, but she set a clear goal to stop scrolling on her phone before bed and commit to a consistent bedtime. With each change driving the next, Sarah finds herself healthier, happier, and more energised than when she started.

Reassess and Adapt as You Go

Life is unpredictable, and your goals should be flexible enough to adapt to changing circumstances. Schedule regular check-ins with yourself to evaluate what’s working and what needs adjustment. Maybe a goal you set in January no longer feels relevant by March, or you’ve made progress faster than expected and are ready to take on a new challenge.

Tip: Reflect on your progress monthly. Celebrate wins, learn from setbacks, and adjust your goals as needed.

Building Rest and Enjoyment into Your Plan

It’s important to remember rest and happiness are essential parts of the process. Achieving your goals shouldn’t feel like a chore. Incorporate activities that bring you happiness and relaxation, whether it’s spending time with loved ones, engaging in a hobby, or simply enjoying a quiet moment with a cup of tea.

Tip: Schedule relaxation time just as you would any other commitment. Rest is productive because it replenishes your energy and focus.

Relaxing table with bouquet poppies, alarm clock and books

Conclusion

This year, to achieve lasting success, give yourself the gift of a more thoughtful, balanced approach to growth. By addressing overwhelm, setting meaningful goals, and taking a holistic view of your well-being, you can create lasting change in your life. Remember, progress is more important than perfection. Start small, reassess often, and celebrate each step forward. A healthier, happier you is within reach—one goal at a time.

References

Deci, E. L., & Ryan, R. M. (1985). Intrinsic motivation and self-determination in human behavior. Springer Science & Business Media

Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple plans. American Psychologist, 54(7), 493-503.

Lally, P., van Jaarsveld, C. H. M., Potts, H. W. W., & Wardle, J. (2009). How are habits formed: Modelling habit formation in the real world. European Journal of Social Psychology, 40(6), 998-1009

Prochaska, J. O., & DiClemente, C. C. (1983). Stages and processes of self-change of smoking: Toward an integrative model of change. Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology, 51(3), 390–395.

6 Tips for Managing Life Transitions (with Confidence)

6 Tips for Managing Life Transitions (with Confidence)

Life transitions can be exciting, full of possibilities, and packed with hope for what’s to come. But they can also feel overwhelming. Balancing the demands of work, family, relationships, and your own well-being during times of change can leave you feeling stretched thin.

When life throws something new your way, it’s natural to find yourself at a crossroads, wondering which path to take.

Research indicates that significant life transitions can influence our personality traits, shaping how we see ourselves and our roles in the world. These shifts might feel unsettling, but they also present an incredible opportunity for growth and self-discovery.

If you’re navigating a life transition, the good news is that you don’t have to do it alone. Therapy can provide the clarity, tools, and support to help you face these moments with confidence and resilience.

The Challenges of Life Transitions

Life transitions take many forms:

  • Starting university or a new career.
  • Adjusting to life with ADHD as an adult.
  • Navigating the changes that midlife brings.

While these shifts can bring exciting opportunities, they often stir up feelings of uncertainty, self-doubt, or even fear. You might wonder whether you’re making the right choices or how to handle the challenges ahead.

By taking small steps forward, you can build the confidence to approach these transitions with clarity and calmness.

  1. Embrace Change with Self-Compassion

It’s normal to feel unsure or anxious when life changes. Instead of criticising yourself for not having everything figured out, try to extend the same kindness you’d offer a friend in your position.

Try this: At the end of each day, write down one kind thing you can say to yourself about how you handled the day’s challenges. For example, “I’m proud of how I stayed calm during that meeting” or “It’s okay that I needed a break today.”

2. Create a Clear Vision of Your New Path

Take a moment to picture where you’d like to be after this transition. What does your ideal life look like? Writing down your goals and breaking them into smaller, more achievable steps can make even the most significant changes feel manageable.

Try this: Write down one goal for the week and list three small actions to help you achieve it. Ensure you take the time to feel a sense of pride when you reach your goal, as this will serve as the driver to move you forward.

3. Stay Present in the Moment

It’s easy to get caught up in ruminating about the past or worry excessively about the future, but staying focused on the present can help reduce overwhelm. Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing or grounding exercises, are powerful tools for staying calm and clear-headed.

Try this: Close your eyes and take five slow breaths, focusing on the sensation of air moving in and out of your body. Notice how your shoulders and chest feel as you exhale tension. Thoughts may come into your mind, but allow them to pass without judgment, and then refocus on your breathing. 

4. Build a Support System

Transitions can feel isolating, but you don’t have to go through them alone. Talking things through with supportive friends, family, or even a therapist can help you process your feelings and feel more connected.

Try this: Reach out to a trusted friend or join an online community that relates to your experience. Sharing your story can make the load feel lighter. You may be surprised as there are often people experiencing similar challenges, and it can be helpful to connect with someone who has lived experience of the changes you are working through.

5. Establish Healthy Routines

During transitions, maintaining structure in your day can create a sense of stability. Simple routines, like regular exercise, journalling, or scheduling quiet time, can help you feel more grounded and in control.

Try this: Create a morning routine with three calming actions, like stretching, sipping a cup of tea, or setting an intention for the day. A healthy routine doesn’t have to involve oodles of self-care techniques; remind yourself that often less is more.

6. Reframe Negative Thoughts

Big changes often come with self-doubt or fear of failure. Learning to challenge and reframe negative thoughts into positive ones can transform your outlook.

Try this: When you catch yourself thinking, “I’ll never manage this,” replace it with, “I’m figuring it out step by step.”

Happy female student standing outside university signifying transitioning into student life

Navigating University and Entering the Workforce: Emma’s Story

Emma, a university student, came to me during her final year. She felt overwhelmed by upcoming deadlines, her dissertation, and the challenge of balancing studies with an active social life. Together, we worked on breaking her tasks into more manageable steps, prioritising self-care, and finding a routine that made her feel organised and more confident.

After graduation, Emma faced new challenges: adjusting to life back home and transitioning into her first ‘real’ job. She worried about leaving her university friends behind and stepping into the unknown world of a 9-to-5 role.

Through therapy, Emma learned strategies for managing her anxieties, preparing for interviews, and creating boundaries between work and personal life. I’m so proud of how she overcame her fears, adapted to her new routine, and built a balanced and fulfilling life.

Emma’s story is a reminder that even the most overwhelming transitions can become stepping stones to growth.

The Benefit of Personalised Support

Life transitions are deeply personal, and the right support can make all the difference. Therapy offers tailored insights, tools, and strategies designed to help you navigate change with clarity and confidence.

My approach is holistic, addressing the mind, body, and emotions to create a sense of balance and resilience. Through mindfulness, practical techniques, and self-compassion, we work together to help you move forward in a way that feels right for you. Learn more about how I can support you on my Life Transitions page.

man standing looking at two roads decided which direction to go representing life transitions

A Holistic Approach to Life Transitions

Navigating life transitions holistically means addressing the mind, body, and spirit together. This interconnected approach acknowledges that emotional health, physical well-being, and mental clarity are important when managing change.

For instance, mindfulness techniques can reduce stress and enhance focus, while lifestyle adjustments such as maintaining a healthy diet and engaging in some physical activities support overall wellness.

Incorporating self-compassion practices nurtures emotional health and creates a grounded pathway, empowering you to move forward with confidence.

Clear Haven Therapy: Therapeutic Services

Navigating change is easier with the right support. Whether you’re looking for counselling, coaching, or RTT I offer approaches tailored to your needs. Learn more about how I can support you here.

Embracing Life Transitions: University, Midlife, and Beyond

Whether you’re moving from university to the working world, navigating midlife changes, or discovering you have ADHD in adulthood, therapy can provide the support you need. For students transitioning into the workplace, therapy creates a supportive space to address lifestyle changes, time management, and clarity in career paths.

Midlife often invites reflection and reassessment of life’s direction, from navigating menopause to exploring new career opportunities. Therapy allows you to reconnect with what truly matters, rediscovering past interests or finding new passions that resonate with your current lifestyle.

Life transitions may bring uncertainty, but they also offer the chance to grow, redefine your path, and create a life that truly aligns with you. With the right support, you can move through change with confidence, knowing that every step forward brings new opportunities.

Further Reading:

Bleidorn, W., Hopwood, C. J., & Lucas, R. E. (2018). Life Events and Personality Trait Change. Journal of Personality, 86(1), 83–96.

How to STOP Overthinking: Tips, Techniques and Strategies

How to STOP Overthinking: Tips, Techniques and Strategies

As a counsellor and coach, I often hear clients asking me how to stop overthinking. Clients describe overthinking as a constant barrage of negative thoughts racing through their minds, the sound of continuous chatter, or playing out past and future scenarios, all with different endings. This blog will provide tips, techniques, and strategies to help you stop overthinking in its tracks, providing you with the calmness your body and mind need.

Constant intrusive thoughts can make people anxious and stressed, impacting how they feel during the day. They can also cause sleepless nights, which can take its toll on a person’s mental health. Overthinking can feel like a relentless cycle of destructive thought patterns and catastrophic predictions that refuse to switch off or quiet down. If you experience this level of overthinking, you know how exhausting it can be.

I often liken overthinking to going on an emotional roller-coaster; you repeatedly experience the emotions attached to events that your mind creates. You have been on this emotional journey but haven’t been anywhere apart from trapped in an endless cycle of anxious thoughts.

Let’s examine the triggers, mental and physical symptoms, and tips and strategies for conquering negative thinking patterns.

What Triggers Overthinking?

Understanding what triggers overthinking can be revealing. This insight can help you achieve a more calming and peaceful mind and lead you to personal growth.

Notice how overthinking tends to start for you. It is triggered by;

  • An event or situation that you find stressful
  • A sudden recollection of past events that has made you feel embarrassed or not good enough?  An assumption based on how you perceive the actions of others
  • The fear of confrontation or upsetting another person

For example, it could be a sideways glance from a friend, the tone of a work email, or an unanswered WhatsApp message. Thoughts can quickly escalate and result in running different conversations through your mind, with different endings; usually, these thoughts have worst-case scenario outcomes.

When you notice the triggers, the next time you end up overthinking, you can remind yourself that it is just a thought, not a fact. You can then decide what you would like to do with the idea. Is there some problem-solving to do? How does the thought make you feel? Can you describe the feeling and name it? Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is a therapy that can help with reframing thoughts. The premise of CBT is that thoughts, feelings, and behaviours are all interlinked.

The Downside of Overthinking

Overthinking, catastrophising, and trapping yourself in negative thought patterns prevent you from living in the present moment. Getting into the vicious cycle of overthinking can impact your daily life. Research demonstrates overthinking can be responsible for issues which include:

  • Mental Health Conditions
  • Isolation
  • Sleep Issues
  • Procrastination
  • Low confidence and low self-esteem
  • Headaches, muscle tension and digestive problems

This physical and mental toll is a stark reminder of the need to address overthinking. However, the million-dollar question is, what is the best way to free yourself from overthinking?

Breaking Free from Overthinking

Breaking free from overthinking isn’t just about pushing away your thoughts. It’s about taking control, changing your relationship with these persistent thoughts, and finding alternative ways to manage them.

An excellent place to start is to recognise how overthinking affects you. Notice the mental and physical symptoms and reflect on how they impact other areas of your life, such as interacting with others, progressing in the workplace, or procrastinating. Then, flip this on its side: If you didn’t overthink, what would life look like then? This part is essential as it serves as the driver for you to beat overthinking.

Reflecting on your thoughts may seem counterproductive, as it involves more thinking! However, stay with me. Overthinking can sometimes be helpful, but you must find better ways to manage your overthinking habits, which we will discuss later in this blog.

Reviewing the past and planning the future can be helpful. However, it is essential to enjoy the here and now rather than getting caught up in a spiral of “what ifs”, “could haves “, and “should haves.”

Overthinking and The Red Car Theory?

The Red Car Theory suggests that when you focus on something, you start noticing it everywhere. For example, if you think about a red car, suddenly, it seems like they’re all over the road. In reality, the number of red cars hasn’t increased—your brain is just more tuned in to them because they’re at the forefront of your mind. Everything else fades into the background as your attention locks onto what you’re looking for.

This theory highlights how selective attention shapes our perception. When you overthink, your mind fixates on certain thoughts, making them feel overwhelming and ever-present. Recognising this can bring relief, helping you step back and see the bigger picture.

Case Study: How the Red Car Theory Fits with Overthinking

Emma’s colleague Tom comes into work one day and is unusually quiet. Emma notices Tom doesn’t smile when he sits down and doesn’t speak for most of the morning.

Emma started thinking about what she could have done or said to upset him. Was it the last email she sent? Did it sound curt rather than friendly? Emma revisited past situations in her mind, such as the time she forgot to hand over an important document and the time she missed a necessary appointment.

Emma concludes that she has made Tom angry, which must be related to her incompetence. She remembers other times when Tom was quiet and believes he doesn’t like working with her.

With these thoughts going through her mind, Emma struggles to focus on her work. She becomes aware of other colleagues around her interacting with each other, making her feel more alone and unpopular. These thoughts confirm to Emma that Tom doesn’t like her, that she is unpopular in the office, and that she HAS evidence of this.

What is Confirmation Bias?

However, the reality of this situation is likely to be quite different. There could be several reasons why Tom was quiet; he may have had bad news before coming into the office, missed the earlier train he intended to catch, or had a difficult night’s sleep. Similarly, Emma’s colleagues often chat and interact with each other; this isn’t unusual as they sit next to each other and must interact within their roles.

This example demonstrates confirmation bias, which occurs when you seek information to support your thoughts and disregard any other information that does not fit the story you are telling yourself. Confirmation bias can impact decision-making and your perception of situations and events.

Practical Steps to Overcome Overthinking

Overcoming the relentless noise of overthinking involves a multifaceted approach. As a Pluralistic Counsellor, there is no one-size-fits-all approach; it’s more about trying different techniques until you discover what works best for you.

Below is a range of self-care techniques known to help with overthinking. Trying different techniques can take time, but investing time in yourself is the first positive step.

  • Breathing Exercises:

    Deep breathing exercises are a great way to stop overthinking. You can try many different breathing exercises, including the Square Breathing Technique, which will help slow down your heart rate, make you feel more relaxed, and give you mental clarity.

  • Keeping a Gratitude Journal:

    Every day, spend a few minutes writing down what you are grateful for, or if you do it in the evening, write about what you have been thankful for during the day. It can be something that would typically go unnoticed, such as the beauty of nature around you, the brief interaction you had on your morning commute, or ticking jobs off your ‘to-do’ list. If you would like more information on the benefits of journalling, you might like my blog.

  • Body Scan Meditation:

    Get comfortable and focus your attention on different parts of your body. Begin with your toes and move upwards, noticing any areas of tension or discomfort. This exercise brings an awareness of the present moment and highlights how overthinking can impact physical health.

  • Mindfulness Meditation Practices:

    Pick up a small object and hold it in your hand.   Set a timer for five minutes and adequately focus on this object. How does it feel? Move your hand over the different textures, take in every detail, how it smells, and look at the colours. If thoughts come into your mind, just let them go and bring yourself back to looking at the object as soon as you notice them.

  • Physical Activity:

    When you exercise, your body releases many hormones that make you feel good, such as endorphins, serotonin, and dopamine. Exercise can be anything from a brisk walk to gentle exercise, team sports, or a gym workout. Choose whatever works best for you.

  • Allocate Time to Reflect:

    It can help to observe a thought mindfully rather than pushing it away. Accept the thought without judgment; write it down or do some problem-solving. A good tip is to allocate a time limit to reflect on thoughts during the day; often, when you reflect on them at a different time, they may feel insignificant, and you can let them go.

  • RTT Hypnosis Audios:

    As a qualified RTT therapist, I have created a stop-overthinking hypnosis audio explicitly designed to help you break free from the cycle of overthinking. My recordings use guided imagery and deep relaxation techniques to access your subconscious mind, allowing you to let go of persistent, negative thoughts and replace them with calm and constructive thoughts.

These techniques will help you stay in the present and offer you peace and tranquillity while your focus is only on what you are doing. The good news is that you will feel empowered by taking control of your mind, knowing you prioritise your mental health and overall well-being.

Close-up of running trainers, illustrating how exercise can alleviate overthinking.

When Overthinking Can Be Helpful

Overthinking often carries negative connotations, and if you identify as an overthinker, you might have heard comments like:

  • ‘It’s not that complicated. What’s your gut telling you?’
  • ‘You’re spending too much time thinking about this.’
  • ‘Are you still dwelling on this? Why not make a decision?’
  • ‘I can see this situation is stressing you; you’re overthinking it.’

Overthinking frequently stems from a fear of making the wrong decision. However, there’s often no definitive right or wrong choice; we must decide based on the information available. This is where problem-solving becomes a powerful tool, helping to identify actionable steps toward the best possible outcome.

In his article, ‘In Defence of (Over) Thinking,’ SuddhaSatwa GuhaRoy (2024) discusses how overthinking can be beneficial, particularly in academic research, problem-solving, or making significant life decisions. He suggests setting aside time to engage with recurring thoughts mindfully. Allocate time to sit with these thoughts; some may not require further consideration, while others might benefit from structured problem-solving. By taking this approach, you can determine the necessary steps to address specific concerns.

To Conclude

You don’t have to live a life filled with constant worry. Overthinking doesn’t define you, and with the right strategies, you can regain clarity and confidence in your decisions. Exploring the root cause of overthinking—whether it’s self-doubt, perfectionism, or low confidence—can help you break free from the cycle. As you strengthen your decision-making skills, you’ll naturally build self-trust, boosting your self-esteem and reducing the urge to overthink.

Many of these strategies can be effective on their own or with the support of a trusted friend. But if you’d like extra guidance, professional support can help you move forward with even greater confidence. Find out more about my services here.

Further Reading:

Nickerson, R. S. (1998). Confirmation Bias: A Ubiquitous Phenomenon in Many Guises. Review of General Psychology, 2(2), 175–220. https://doi.org/10.1037/1089-2680.2.2.175

Rensink, R. A. (2000). The Dynamic Representation of Scenes. Visual Cognition, 7(1-3), 17-42. https://doi.org/10.1080/135062800394667

GuhaRoy, S. (2024). In Defence of (Over)Thinking. Think, 23(67), 21–26. https://doi.org/10.1017/S1477175623000441

8 Self-Esteem Tips for University Students with ADHD

8 Self-Esteem Tips for University Students with ADHD

Self-esteem is a person’s overall sense of value and self-worth, profoundly influencing every aspect of life. For university students with ADHD, improving self-esteem is particularly important. High self-esteem can enhance your academic success and social interactions, optimising your university experience.

Understanding Self-Esteem

High self-esteem impacts academic success, relationships, career choices, personal growth, and happiness. For students with ADHD, developing self-confidence strategies is essential to increasing self-esteem.

If you have high self-esteem, you will recognise your strengths, be comfortable with your flaws, and have the resilience to manage setbacks or criticisms.

Low self-esteem may manifest as a negative view of yourself, uncertainty about your opinions and abilities, challenges in decision-making, and poor response to criticism.

Even if you haven’t been formally diagnosed with ADHD, you may recognise many of its traits in yourself. Not all adults choose to pursue an official ADHD diagnosis, as it’s a personal decision based on individual circumstances and preferences. As a Counsellor and ADHD Coach, I focus on tackling the challenges posed by these traits, aiming to enhance your quality of life and make daily living more manageable.

If you are a university student with ADHD, this blog will help you optimise your self-esteem, enabling you to succeed academically and socially throughout your university years.

Smiling university student with ADHD feeling confident and happy while holding study books, representing self-esteem tips for students with ADHD

Case Study: Work on Self-Esteem with Megan

In a recent coaching session, I worked with Megan, a student who identified “adaptability” as one of her key strengths. Megan shared a story about planning a trip with a friend who cancelled at short notice. Despite feeling disappointed, Megan decided to continue the trip as a sole traveller, which was an amazingly empowering experience.

During coaching, we discussed how this situation highlighted her adaptability and showcased her strengths in decision-making, resilience, and independence—critical factors in increasing self-esteem and boosting confidence.

Recognising these strengths helped Megan, who was uncertain about her academic journey, gain clarity and increase her self-confidence. Consequently, she has made significant progress in her academic success.

This example illustrates how identifying and embracing your strengths can enhance self-esteem and equip you to overcome challenges effectively, contributing to tremendous academic success.

8 Academic Success Tips for Improve Self-Esteem

1. ADHD and Embracing Your Strengths

You can boost your self-esteem by embracing your unique strengths. You will have many strengths, but if you have low self-esteem, you may need to recognise them. Take a moment to appreciate and embrace your strengths, talents and capabilities.

It could be your creative thinking, ability to hyperfocus, lateral solid thinking skills, engaging communication, or natural spontaneity. Embracing these qualities can elevate your self-esteem and empower you to approach life confidently.

To identify your strengths, try jotting them down on paper or use downloadable worksheets. Reflect on moments where you’ve actively used these strengths; visualising specific events can help you recall them in detail.

As you do this, you may uncover additional strengths featured during those times. If you consider thoughtfulness a strength, revisit a memory where you demonstrated thoughtfulness. Reflect on what other strengths you displayed at that moment.

2. Set Goals as a Student with ADHD

Setting goals can give you, as a student with ADHD, a clear sense of direction, making it much easier to navigate your academic and personal journey effectively. Think of goals as your signposts. They aren’t rigid; they can adapt and change as new opportunities come your way. They serve as a solid starting point but leave room for exploring new and exciting pathways.

Avoid placing limitations on your abilities. Whether you want to achieve something academically or personally, please write it down or visualise yourself succeeding. Divide big goals into smaller, achievable tasks to sustain momentum and monitor progress.

Celebrate each task completed with self-praise and acknowledge the sense of empowerment it brings. Use these achievements as the motivation to continue towards your larger goals.

Consider obstacles as part of the process and approach them with self-compassion rather than viewing them as setbacks and failures. Reframe challenges as opportunities for personal growth, reinforcing your resilience and determination.

3. Finding Your Voice: Advocate for Yourself

ADHD can affect your communication skills, especially if you have articulation disorders that affect speech and language. You might find it challenging to organise your thoughts clearly or need help with pronunciation, making it difficult to express yourself effectively.

Sometimes, you might interrupt others or speak impulsively, leading to misunderstandings and frustrating communication.

These challenges can affect your confidence in communicating with others. However, understanding these difficulties and getting the proper support, such as speech therapy or counselling, can help you improve your self-esteem and communication skills.

Remember, your voice matters; your unique perspective and experiences value every conversation and situation. Advocating for yourself is a powerful way to increase self-esteem and boost confidence.

You assert your self-worth by standing up for your needs, preferences, and boundaries. Consistently doing this reinforces the belief that you are capable, deserving, and worthy of respect, ultimately improving your self-esteem.

  • Identify your Communication Barriers:  Recognising these barriers can help you develop strategies to overcome them and enhance your communication skills.
  • Identify your needs:  Understand what accommodations you require, such as a quieter workspace, extended deadlines, or assistive technology.  Knowing your needs well helps you to prepare ahead of time.
  • Schedule a Meeting:  Arrange a meeting with the relevant person (lecturer, course supervisor or student support team)
  • Communicate Clearly: Explain your ADHD and how the challenges can impact your academic success. Use “I” statements to express your needs. For example: “I work best in a quiet environment,” “I need extra time to process information”. Be specific; do your research so you know what help is available.
  • Offer Solutions and Compromise:  Be prepared to suggest solutions and be open to compromise.
  • Build Confidence:  Practice the conversation beforehand to build confidence. You can do this by using a journal, practising with a friend, or rehearsing the conversation using a voice recording app.

4. Building Resilience with ADHD

Resilience refers to your capacity to work through difficulties, adapt to challenging situations, and become stronger through adversity.

As a student with ADHD, building resilience is especially important. It helps you manage challenges like attention difficulties, staying organised, and controlling impulses.

Resilience allows one to see challenges as opportunities for growth and stay motivated even when things get tough. It also helps one handle stress better, keeps one’s mindset positive, and improves problem-solving skills.

Resilience encourages taking care of yourself and prevents you from feeling isolated.

To enhance resilience, aim to maintain a positive outlook, seek solutions to challenges, learn from your experiences, and cultivate a network of supportive friends, family, and mentors. Strengthening these abilities will aid in your academic and personal success.

5.  Emotional Regulation and ADHD

Emotional regulation can significantly help students with ADHD build self-esteem. Managing emotions effectively allows you to respond to challenges calmly and thoughtfully, reducing impulsive reactions that might lead to regret or negative self-talk.

You can better control emotional responses and confidently navigate social interactions by developing skills like mindfulness, diaphragmatic breathing, grounding techniques, and cognitive reframing.

When you handle stressful situations well, you reinforce a positive self-image and demonstrate to yourself that you are capable and resilient.

This self-assurance enhances self-esteem, making facing new challenges and pursuing personal goals easier. Focusing on emotional regulation creates a stable foundation for improved self-worth and overall well-being.

6. Adopt A Healthy Lifestyle

Maintaining a healthy lifestyle is vital for enhancing self-esteem. Good nutrition, regular exercise, and mindfulness practices like meditation can significantly impact your mental and physical well-being.

Planning your days helps you maintain a regular routine. Check out my blog  daily planning tips to assist students with ADHD.

7. Social Engagement

Social interactions are significant for boosting your self-esteem, especially if you have ADHD. Positive interactions validate you, give you feedback, and make you feel like you belong. They counteract any feelings of isolation or doubt you might have.

When you engage with supportive friends and family members, you receive encouragement that strengthens your confidence and self-worth.

By nurturing meaningful relationships and building a support network, you can experience higher self-esteem and overall well-being as a student with ADHD, boosting your overall well-being and academic success.

8. Meet your Role Models

Consider who you admire most, whether a family member, a peer, or someone in the public eye. Their accomplishments and personal journeys can be a great source of inspiration!

Happy university graduate with ADHD holding her certificate after academic success

To Conclude

As a Counsellor and ADHD Coach, I’m here to support you in boosting your self-esteem to improve your academic success and overall university experience. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need additional guidance.

ADHD Coaching Tips for Workplace Success

ADHD Coaching Tips for Workplace Success

As an ADHD coach and counsellor, I’ve worked with many clients who find the workplace overwhelming. Anxiety about going into work, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome are common struggles—whether ADHD is diagnosed or not.

Managing ADHD at work comes with unique challenges, but the right strategies can make a big difference.

In this blog, we’ll explore practical techniques to help you navigate work life with ADHD. Whether you’re struggling with focus, organisation, or workplace anxiety, these tips can help you feel more confident and in control.

When work feels manageable, everything else can start to improve—your confidence, motivation, and even your overall well-being.

ADHD at Work: Understanding the Challenges

If you have ADHD, you’re not alone in finding work challenging. Research shows that adults with ADHD often change jobs more frequently, experience career instability, or go through periods of unemployment.

This can stem from difficulties with time management, organisation, task completion, and maintaining focus. For example, you might struggle to meet deadlines because time gets away from you, or find it hard to keep your workspace organised.

On top of that, impulsivity, emotional ups and downs, and sensitivity to criticism can make things even harder. Even with valuable skills, many people with ADHD struggle to find workplaces that truly support their needs, leading to frustration and career setbacks.

But here’s the good news—these challenges don’t have to define your work life. With the right support and strategies, you can turn them into opportunities for growth and success.

ADHD in Adulthood: Key Insights and Strategies

ADHD was once thought to be a childhood condition, but it’s now widely recognised as a neurodevelopmental disorder that often continues into adulthood—and sometimes isn’t identified until later in life.

For many adults who have struggled with ADHD traits without knowing the reason, receiving a diagnosis can be an emotional yet profoundly validating experience. It brings clarity, helping them understand past challenges in areas like education, work, and relationships.

More importantly, recognising ADHD opens the door to support options like Counselling and ADHD Coaching, which can provide strategies to manage the traits and build a more fulfilling life. If you’re looking for personalised support, learn more about ADHD coaching here.

Three women and one man working together in an office, using laptops and collaborating around a table, representing an ADHD-friendly workplace.

How ADHD Traits Affect the Workplace

Some ADHD traits that might seem like harmless quirks at home can have a big impact in professional settings. Common challenges include:

  • Boredom: Losing interest in tasks or projects quickly, especially repetitive or unengaging work.
  • Distractions: Struggling to stay focused due to internal distractions (like daydreaming) or external ones (like office noise or conversations).
  • Forgetfulness: Finding it hard to remember tasks, deadlines, or responsibilities.
  • Hyperactivity: Feeling restless and struggling to stay still, which can be challenging in meetings or desk-based jobs.
  • Impulsiveness: Making quick decisions or comments without fully considering the consequences.
  • Difficulty with workplace interactions: Being overly blunt, interrupting conversations, or struggling with active listening.
  • Time management issues: Underestimating how long tasks will take or frequently missing deadlines.
  • Procrastination: Delaying tasks until the last minute, even when you know it’ll cause stress.
  • Sensory sensitivities: Being easily overwhelmed by noise, bright lights, or other environmental factors, making it harder to concentrate and stay comfortable.

Overcommitting and People-Pleasing in the Workplace

If you have ADHD, you might find yourself saying “yes” to too many tasks, eager to help or afraid of letting people down. This tendency to people-please can make you a valued team member, but it often comes at a cost—burnout, overwhelm, and reduced productivity.

Learning to set clear boundaries and prioritise tasks is key to managing this habit. By recognising your limits and focusing on what truly matters, you can create a more balanced and sustainable approach to work—without feeling guilty for saying no.  If you’d like to dive deeper into people-pleasing, check out my blog on the topic.

Olivia’s Journey: ADHD Coaching in the Workplace

When Olivia reached out to me, she had just been promoted—a moment that should have felt like a win. Instead, she found herself overwhelmed by her new managerial responsibilities and interactions with senior leadership. Imposter syndrome hit hard, and making decisions—an essential part of her role—felt almost impossible.

We started by exploring how her ADHD traits were affecting her at work, helping her see that these challenges weren’t personal failings but part of how her brain processes information. Even though she had always performed well, the increased structure and demands of her new role made it difficult to focus and stay organised.

Through ADHD coaching, we worked on practical strategies to bring more structure into her day, improve time management, and develop organisational skills that worked for her. As she put these strategies into action, Olivia’s productivity improved, she learned to interpret feedback without self-doubt, and she gained confidence in her abilities. Over time, her self-esteem grew, and her workplace relationships became more positive.

Olivia’s story shows that with the right tools and support, ADHD doesn’t have to hold you back. With a tailored approach, success and growth—both personally and professionally—are absolutely possible.

Successfully Managing ADHD in the Workplace

Effectively managing ADHD at work often requires a mix of personal strategies and external support. One key step is open communication with your employer—discussing your needs can help you explore reasonable adjustments that make a real difference.

Many companies offer support, such as assistive technology, noise-cancelling headphones, or access to quiet workspaces. In the UK, the government-funded Access to Work programme can provide additional help, including specialist equipment, software, and ADHD coaching.

If you’d like to learn more about how Access to Work can support you, I’ve written a page that explains it—feel free to check it out!

Practical Strategies for Managing ADHD in the Workplace

Focusing Tools:

  • Create checklists to keep tasks organised.
  • Minimise distractions by turning off notifications.
  • Schedule specific times for returning calls and emails.
  • Use sticky notes as quick reminders.
  • Allow extra time for task completion to reduce stress.
  • Take regular breaks to recharge and maintain focus.
  • Start your workday earlier to get a head start before distractions set in.

Time-Management Tips:

  • Set alerts for deadlines to stay on track.
  • Use timers to maintain focus and prevent time slipping away.
  • Break tasks down into smaller, manageable steps.
  • Rotate tasks to sustain interest and avoid boredom.
  • Find an accountability partner for support and motivation

Communication Strategies:

  • Practice active listening to stay engaged in conversations.
  • Ask for repetition if you need clarification.
  • Keep conversations concise to stay on topic.
  • Slow down speech to ensure effective participation.
  • Read body language to improve social interactions.

Centering Techniques:

  • Use relaxation techniques like deep breathing or meditation.
  • Identify triggers for impulsivity and develop strategies to manage them.
  • Track effective strategies so you can use them when needed.

Turning ADHD Traits into Workplace Strengths

ADHD isn’t just about challenges—it also brings valuable strengths to the workplace. Many individuals with ADHD are naturally creative thinkers, generating fresh ideas and solutions by looking beyond traditional approaches.

The ability to hyperfocus on engaging tasks allows for deep, high-quality work and innovative insights. In fast-paced environments, their quick thinking, adaptability, and problem-solving skills can be a real asset.

When supported with the right strategies, these strengths help create a dynamic, productive workplace where ADHD traits become advantages rather than obstacles.

Managing ADHD at Work: Next Steps

Many individuals with ADHD face challenges at work, but with the right support and strategies, they can not only manage but thrive in their careers. If you’re struggling, know that you don’t have to figure it out alone—seeking support can make all the difference.

As an ADHD coach and counsellor, I provide tailored strategies to help you work with your ADHD, not against it, creating a more productive and less stressful work life. Support is available, and you deserve to succeed.

References:

APA (7th Edition)

Harrison, L., Wilson, M., Sargent, P. A., Haselgrove, M., & Lawrence, N. S. (2022). Evaluating the effectiveness of exposure therapy for vomiting phobia: A systematic review. BMC Psychiatry, 22, 609. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12888-022-04409-w

Student Success with ADHD: Daily Planning Tips for University Life

Student Success with ADHD: Daily Planning Tips for University Life

Navigating university life is an exciting milestone, but for students with ADHD, it can also be overwhelming. From managing coursework deadlines to balancing social life and self-care, structuring a routine that works for you is key.

A major study by Bristol University found that one in seven students has ADHD or autism—equating to around 14% of all students. The research also highlighted a strong link between ADHD and other neurodevelopmental conditions, such as dyslexia and dyspraxia, as well as mental health challenges like anxiety and depression.

So, how can students with ADHD thrive at university? One of the most effective strategies is creating an ADHD-friendly daily plan to improve focus, reduce overwhelm, and enhance academic success. Whether you’re newly diagnosed or have been navigating ADHD for years, this guide will provide practical strategies to help you stay organised and manage university life with confidence.

Structuring an ADHD-Friendly Schedule

Taking charge of your time management is one of the best ways to create a structured yet flexible daily routine that supports your academic and personal success. A well-planned schedule can help you prioritise tasks, reduce procrastination, and feel in control—all while allowing time for social activities and self-care.

At first, creating a routine might feel overwhelming. However, by developing an effective morning routine, using ADHD-friendly study strategies, and maintaining consistent sleep habits, you can significantly lower stress levels and set yourself up for success.

What is ADHD Paralysis?

ADHD paralysis, or task paralysis, occurs when you feel mentally ‘stuck’ and unable to begin or complete tasks—even when you know they are important. This can stem from overwhelm, perfectionism, or difficulty prioritising tasks.

Breaking free from ADHD paralysis involves:

✔ Breaking tasks into smaller steps

✔ Setting clear, realistic goals

✔ Using visual and digital organisational tools

✔ Incorporating rewards and self-motivation strategies

With the right techniques, you can regain momentum and tackle tasks with greater ease!

8 Daily Planning Tips for Students with ADHD

1. Find the Right Planner for You

Choose a planner that suits your ADHD-friendly workflow—whether that’s a digital calendar, a wall planner, whiteboard, or physical journal. There is no one-size-fits-all, so experiment until you find what works best!

If you struggle with consistency, view it as a work in progress rather than a failure. The key is to make your planner an enjoyable tool that supports your goals rather than feeling like a chore.

2. Schedule a Study Routine

Your study schedule should be anchored by non-negotiable commitments such as lectures and deadlines. Around these, schedule ‘negotiables’ such as study breaks, meals, and exercise to ensure a balanced approach to productivity and well-being.

Be flexible! If a particular study method isn’t working, adjust it until you find a structure that supports both focus and relaxation.

3. Establish a Sleep Routine

A consistent sleep schedule is essential for managing ADHD effectively. Sleep deprivation can make inattention, emotional dysregulation, and forgetfulness worse.

🔹 Try the ‘5-4-3-2-1’ method: When your alarm rings, challenge yourself to get out of bed before finishing your countdown.

🔹 Minimise screen time before bed to improve sleep quality.

🔹 Create a bedtime wind-down routine, such as listening to my free Sleep Meditation here, designed to help you relax and drift into deep, restorative sleep.

4. Organise Your Morning Routine

Your mornings set the tone for the day. Consider preparing your bag, outfit, and meals the night before to reduce stress in the morning.

Visualisation is also a powerful tool—take a few moments before bed to mentally ‘rehearse’ the next day’s plan, reinforcing structure and preparedness.

5. Maximise Your Productivity with Timers

ADHD brains often struggle with time blindness, making it difficult to estimate how long tasks will take.

✔ Use a timer to track how long your morning routine, study sessions, or commutes take.

✔ Keep an analogue clock or wall clock in your workspace instead of relying on your phone to avoid distractions.

✔ Set designated time slots for social media use to prevent unintentional procrastination.

6. Maintain Energy with Regular Meals

Nutrition plays a huge role in concentration and mood regulation. Plan meals ahead of time to avoid impulsive eating and ensure balanced intake of carbs, healthy fats, and proteins for sustained energy.

✔ Avoid sugary snacks that can lead to energy crashes.

✔ Stay hydrated throughout the day!

✔ Prepare healthy grab-and-go snacks such as nuts, yoghurt, or fruit.

7. Schedule Downtime & Self-Care

Your well-being is just as important as your academic success. Prioritise activities that relax and recharge you—whether that’s exercise, meditation, creative hobbies, or time with friends.

⏳ Balance social events with academic priorities by scheduling gatherings on lighter workload days.

💡 If you’re prone to ADHD paralysis, use small ‘reset’ activities—like taking a shower, listening to music, or going for a walk—to break the cycle and regain focus.

A group of happy university students walking together, smiling, and discussing notes, representing social and academic success for students with ADHD.

8. Practise Meditation for Focus & Calm

Meditation is an excellent tool for ADHD students, helping to improve emotional regulation, reduce stress, and enhance focus. Even just five minutes of mindfulness can strengthen concentration and clarity.

New to meditation? Try simple breathing exercises or grounding techniques instead. If you’d like extra support, my Overthinking Hypnosis Recording is designed to help quiet mental chatter and promote focus.

Final Thoughts: Creating a Routine That Works for You

Building an ADHD-friendly university routine isn’t about rigid perfection—it’s about finding what works best for you and allowing flexibility as you grow.

Here’s a quick success checklist: ✔ Flexibility: Adjust your routine as needed.

✔ Consistency: Small daily habits lead to long-term success.

✔ Accountability: Share your schedule with friends or housemates.

✔ Rewards: Celebrate small wins to keep yourself motivated!

If you need extra support in building better structure, time management, and productivity strategies, I offer ADHD coaching and therapy tailored to students. Visit my services page to learn more or book a discovery call today!

References:

FE News. (2023, September 12). One in seven university students report having ADHD or being autistic, new study reveals. FE News. Retrieved from https://www.fenews.co.uk/education/one-in-seven-university-students-report-having-adhd-or-being-autistic-new-study-reveals/

Balancing Acts: ADHD and Menopause

Balancing Acts: ADHD and Menopause

For many women, the onset of perimenopause symptoms and menopause marks a significant life transition.  Menopause is a natural part of ageing, bringing many physical, cognitive and emotional changes.

But what happens when this transitional life stage coincides with ADHD?

For some women, menopause might be the first time they recognise that they have been living their life with ADHD. When these two conditions overlap, they can bring many new challenges, and their symptoms can be confusing and overwhelming and significantly impact a woman’s quality of life.  This blog explores the intersection of ADHD and perimenopause/menopause.  Let’s delve into how ADHD and menopause interact and what you can do to manage them both effectively.

graphic of a woman in a blue top sitting down contemplating the menopause

ADHD in Women

ADHD traits in women usually present with problems around executive functioning and emotional regulation. These traits can be highly challenging; unfortunately, until recent years, the traits may not have been recognised by medical professionals or mistaken for other conditions such as anxiety and depression.

Many women receive an ADHD diagnosis after years of struggling with daily life. A late diagnosis can often come at the time of menopause when hormonal fluctuations can trigger a range of cognitive, behavioural and physical changes that can have a life-altering impact.

Cognitive Shifts During Menopause

Menopause occurs due to hormonal fluctuations, typically between ages 45 and 55. Although, perimenopause can start much earlier. During this time, the body undergoes significant hormonal shifts, particularly in oestrogen levels. These hormonal changes can lead to cognitive symptoms, often referred to as menopausal brain or brain fog. During menopause, you might forget things more often, struggle to concentrate or feel mentally sluggish.  The impact of these hormonal changes can lead to other issues, such as sleep problems, emotional dysregulation, mood changes, fatigue, disorganisation, and executive functioning issues.

Does this sound familiar? These symptoms can mirror ADHD, making it difficult to distinguish between the two. For women with ADHD, the symptoms of menopause can feel like their ADHD traits are suddenly much worse, adding another layer of challenges to daily life.   As well as cognitive changes, women can notice physical changes such as weight gain, and they may experience sudden hot flashes; together, these cognitive and physical symptoms can have an impact on confidence and self-esteem.

Why Symptoms Can Intensify During Perimenopause and Menopause

Why do ADHD and menopause seem to overlap with such intensity? New research on the relationship between ADHD and perimenopause/menopause is still developing, but studies suggest that decreased oestrogen and progesterone levels can heighten the traits of ADHD. ADHD often involves deficiencies in dopamine, a neurotransmitter which is necessary for managing attention and emotional responses. During perimenopause, the decline in oestrogen can disrupt dopamine regulation, leading to symptoms such as forgetfulness, brain fog, and emotional dysregulation.

Dopamine is essential for attention, motivation, and reward processing, and oestrogen levels can influence its production and regulation. Research from 2021 indicates that a decline in oestrogen can intensify ADHD symptoms by affecting dopamine functioning.

The Challenges of Diagnosis and Misdiagnosis

One of the challenges women face during menopause is the potential for misdiagnosis. Cognitive symptoms associated with menopause, such as forgetfulness and brain fog, can overlap with those of ADHD, and both can be mistaken for depression, anxiety, or the natural effects of ageing. This overlap can sometimes lead to being undiagnosed or a misdiagnosis.

Misdiagnosis is more likely if healthcare providers are not aware of a patient’s history. If you suspect that menopause or ADHD might be influencing your symptoms, bring it up with your doctor. Keeping a detailed journal of your symptoms can be helpful as it will ensure you cover all the relevant issues so you can confidently advocate for yourself during your appointment.

Managing ADHD During Menopause

Although the overlap of ADHD and menopause can be challenging, there are strategies and lifestyle changes that can help manage both:

Medical Treatment: Speak with your GP or healthcare provider about your treatment options. ADHD medication can be effective during menopause; both stimulant and non-stimulant medications are suitable. Hormone replacement therapy (HRT) might also be considered to help stabilise oestrogen levels, potentially lessening both menopausal and ADHD symptoms.

Mindfulness and Stress Reduction: Techniques like mindfulness, meditation, and diaphragmatic breathing can help ease many of the symptoms of ADHD and menopause. Meditation helps regulate emotions, manage stress, and quieten a busy mind. Breathing exercises and relaxation techniques can also support better sleep and relieve physical symptoms such as hot flashes, headaches, and muscle tension. If you’re looking for guided support, my meditation and hypnosis recordings can be a helpful tool in managing these challenges.

Counselling and ADHD Coaching: Working with a professional who understands ADHD and menopause can make a real difference. I offer ADHD coaching and counselling to help you develop practical strategies tailored to your needs, whether that’s managing overwhelm, improving focus, or finding ways to navigate emotional shifts. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) techniques can also support you in reframing negative thought patterns and building confidence. If you’re struggling, talking things through in a supportive space can be a powerful step forward.

lady sitting in a chair contemplating the menopause and ADHD

Establish a Routine: Creating a structured daily routine can provide stability and help manage brain fog and disorganisation. Calendars, planners, and to-do lists can help you remember important appointments. Breaking tasks into smaller, more manageable parts can help with focus and prevent procrastination. Check my blog on goal-setting for some more strategies.

Lifestyle Adjustments:  Regular exercise can help regulate mood, increase cognitive functioning, and ease many traits of ADHD. Choose activities you enjoy. If you can get out in the fresh air, a brisk walk is ideal for boosting your overall well-being. Do some brainstorming to find activities you enjoy.  Eating the correct foods and taking supplements can help your overall well-being during menopause. A healthy diet for women experiencing menopause can positively impact many areas, including regulating hormones, bones and heart health, weight management and increased energy levels.

Sleep Hygiene:  Establish a bedtime routine, as a good night’s sleep will enhance cognitive function and emotional well-being. Night sweats often occur during menopause. Keep your bedroom cool by opening a window or using an air conditioning unit or a fan for a good night’s sleep. Similarly, it can be helpful to wear loose-fitting nightwear to stay calm and light, as well as breathable bedding and natural fibres like cotton. Consider specialist bedding such as moisture-wicking sheets or cooling pillows to help regulate body temperature.

Sharing Your Experiences: You’re Not Alone

It’s important to remember that you don’t have to go through this alone. However, if you feel alone or want to speak to others experiencing similar challenges, consider joining an online community or local support group. These groups can be a great form of emotional support, as you can ask questions and share experiences and information, which can positively impact how you feel.

Three smiley mature woman on the ground facing upwards supporting each other

Conclusion: Embrace the Journey

The intersection of ADHD and menopause can pose challenges, but it’s also an opportunity to learn more about yourself and to find new ways to manage and embrace life’s changes. By understanding how these two conditions interact, you can take proactive steps to improve your overall well-being. Don’t be afraid to seek help, share your story, and connect with others on the same journey.

References

Antoniou, E., Rigas, N., Orovou, E., Papatrechas, A., & Sarella, A. (2021). ADHD Symptoms in Females of Childhood, Adolescent, Reproductive and Menopause Period. Materia Socio-Medica, 33(2), 114–118. https://doi.org/10.5455/msm.2021.33.114-118

Access to Work: ADHD Strategy Coaching

Access To Work: ADHD Strategy Coaching

Living with ADHD (attention deficit hyperactivity disorder) can present a unique set of challenges in the workplace. If you are diagnosed with ADHD or identify as having undiagnosed ADHD, you may experience difficulties with executive functioning, emotional regulation and impulse control. These ADHD traits can impact workplace productivity and overall job satisfaction.  However, as an ADHD Coach, I can provide the correct support to help you learn techniques and strategies tailored to your unique needs, enabling you to thrive in the workplace.

What is Access to Work?

Access to Work is a government-funded program in the UK designed to help people with neurodivergent conditions, physical disabilities, or mental health issues overcome work-related barriers. If you have ADHD, Access to Work can provide funding for equipment and services to help you in the workplace, such as individual ADHD Coaching, assistive technology, and workplace adjustments.

How ADHD Coaching Can Help Through Access to Work

Access to Work provides financial support for ADHD coaching services ranging from 6 to 26 weeks. Your individual needs and circumstances determine the financial support needed, which can cover a significant portion of the coaching fees, making it more affordable and accessible.  ou can learn more about Access to Work Coaching on my webpage.

Boosting Workplace Performance Through ADHD Coaching

Personalised Strategy Development

ADHD traits show up differently for everyone; therefore, ADHD coaching looks different for everyone. A professional ADHD coach will have carried out specific training around ADHD’s challenges and can introduce practical strategies to help you succeed in the workplace. ADHD Coaching is typically a goal-oriented process; with your coach, you can plan short-term and long-term goals you would like to focus on.  An ADHD Coach will also help with other areas of your life that you may be struggling with that affect workplace performance.  For example, you may have personal goals such as cooking healthy meals or keeping your home clean and tidy, as these factors can also impact workplace performance.

Enhanced Productivity and Focus:

Enhanced Productivity and Focus: Many individuals with ADHD have problems with executive functioning, which includes difficulties with time management, emotional regulation, task initiation, prioritisation, and planning andorganisation. Part of the ADHD Coaching process is introducing techniques and strategies to help with these challenges. Setting and achieving goals will boost your self-esteem, which can help in all areas of life.  Techniques frequently used by ADHD Coaches include cognitive behavioural therapy, mindfulness practices, and strategies that can help with executive functions, emotional regulation and impulse control.

Building Confidence and Resilience:

ADHD can lead to feelings of frustration, self-doubt, and imposter syndrome, particularly relating to workplace performance. ADHD coaching can help you build confidence and self-esteem by focusing on your strengths and achievements. Developing coping strategies and concentrating on your talents is the best way to improve your work performance and overall self-worth.

Improving Communication Skills:

Communicating effectively in the workplace is essential for workplace success. For individuals with ADHD, communicating with others can, at times, be challenging, particularly in high-stress situations or when faced with complex instructions. ADHD Coaching can help you develop new skills, such as communicating assertively, advocating for yourself, asking for help or clarification, improving your social skills, and managing impulsive tendencies during conversations.

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Ongoing Support and Accountability:

ADHD Coaching is more than developing strategies; it provides ongoing support and accountability. Your coach will work with you to set goals, track your progress, adjust strategies as needed, and celebrate your successes. This regular support can be invaluable in helping you stay on track and continue to grow personally and professionally.

​Assistive Technology and Equipment:

Funding is available for various assistive technologies and equipment to aid concentration, organisation, and productivity. Examples include noise-cancelling headphones to block out distractions, screen readers to assist with reading and comprehension, and mind-mapping software to help with brainstorming and planning.

Travel and Transportation Support:

Access to Work can assist with transportation to and from work, alleviating challenges associated with commuting.

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Mental Health Support:

The Access to Work program offers a range of mental health services to manage stress and anxiety associated with ADHD. These include counselling, therapy, and access to mental health resources and support groups.

Redheaded woman sitting in a workplace holding headphones, representing support and coaching for individuals with ADHD through the Access to Work program

Who Can Apply for Access to Work Funding?

  • UK residents aged 16 and over
  • Engaged in full-time or part-time employment
  • About to start or return to jobs within the next 12 weeks
  • Self-employed

Do I Need a Formal Diagnosis to Apply for Access to Work Support?

You can still be eligible for support without a formal diagnosis. This flexibility ensures that people can access the help they need regardless of their diagnostic status.

This commitment to inclusivity guarantees that everyone, regardless of specific circumstances, is appreciated and integrated into a supportive community.

The program provides funding for ADHD Coaching and any necessary accommodation for you or your employer to ensure you can thrive. Access to Work offers grants of up to £66,000 annually. This financial support covers the costs of assistance tailored to your specific needs.

How to Apply for Access to Work Support

If you are employed, involving your employer and the HR team is beneficial when applying. They can contribute around 20% towards the funding and assist with the application process. Their support and involvement can make your application smoother and more successful.

If self-employed, you can apply directly through the Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) website without employer involvement. The application form is available online.

Applying for Access to Work is straightforward. In the application, you must describe how your condition presents challenges in your role. When completing the application, strive for transparency and thoroughness to ensure you receive the support you need.

How Many ADHD Coaching Sessions Do I Need?

There is no set number of sessions required. However, if you would like to set goals and have the coach’s support while you work through your specific goals, it is recommended that you have sessions regularly, whether weekly or fortnightly. When you notice that the techniques and strategies are helping you in the workplace, you may take longer periods of time between sessions.

Access to Work: Empowering Individuals with ADHD

The Access to Work scheme ensures all individuals thrive despite difficulties. The initiative promotes a diverse and dynamic workforce where everyone can succeed.

As a counsellor and a certified ADHD Coach, I am happy to answer any questions you may have about the application process. If you have any questions or want to book a session, please get in touch with me using the link below.

Rewire Your Mind: How RTT Hypnotherapy Can Help with ADHD

Rewire Your Mind: How RTT Hypnotherapy Can Help with ADHD

Managing ADHD isn’t just about dealing with inattention, impulsivity, or hyperactivity—it’s about navigating the daily challenges that come with it.

Whether it’s struggling with focus, feeling overwhelmed by racing thoughts, or battling low self-esteem, ADHD affects more than just attention. Alongside RTT, I also offer ADHD coaching and therapy to provide tailored support in managing these challenges. If you’re looking for a personalised approach, visit my services page to explore how I can help.

What is RTT Hypnotherapy?

RTT combines elements of hypnosis, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), psychodynamic therapy, and neuro-linguistic programming (NLP). This unique blend allows for fast and lasting results, making it a highly effective approach for issues like executive functioning struggles, emotional regulation, phobias, and even sleep difficulties.

Developed by renowned therapist Marisa Peer, RTT uses hypnosis to bypass the critical, overactive mind and access the subconscious. This is where deep-rooted beliefs and thought patterns exist. By identifying and reshaping these, RTT helps individuals break free from limiting thoughts and develop more supportive, empowering beliefs.

If you’re looking for an alternative way to manage ADHD, whether alongside or instead of medication, RTT can be a game-changer. Below, I’ll explore five ADHD-related struggles that RTT can help with.

5 ADHD Traits RTT Can Help You Manage

1. Calm the Overthinking Mind

One of the biggest challenges for people with ADHD is an overactive mind. Racing thoughts can make it hard to concentrate, make decisions, or even relax. Overthinking can also lead to anxiety and self-doubt, making even simple tasks feel overwhelming.  I have written a blog on overthinking if you want to read more about stopping overthinking.

RTT helps quiet the mental noise. Through deep relaxation and subconscious reprogramming, RTT allows you to break free from repetitive thought loops, fostering a clearer, calmer, and more focused mindset.

If you are struggling with racing thoughts? My Unwind Your Mind – Stop Overthinking Hypnosis recording is designed to help you quiet mental chatter, regain focus, and feel more at ease.

2. Rebuild Self-Esteem

Many adults with ADHD, whether diagnosed or not, have spent years feeling misunderstood. Maybe you’ve been told you’re not trying hard enough, that you should be more organised, or that you need to ‘just focus.’ These experiences can take a toll on your self-worth.

RTT works to uncover and reframe subconscious beliefs that fuel feelings of inadequacy. By replacing these outdated narratives with empowering beliefs, RTT helps you build genuine self-confidence and approach challenges with a more resilient mindset.

3. Improve Sleep Quality

ADHD and sleep problems often go hand in hand. A restless mind can make it difficult to wind down, leading to trouble falling or staying asleep. Poor sleep, in turn, worsens focus, impulse control, and emotional regulation.

RTT helps promote relaxation, ease anxiety, and establish healthy sleep patterns. By rewiring subconscious associations around sleep, it enables you to experience deeper, more restorative rest—helping you feel more energised and clear-headed during the day.

For additional support, you can also download my free Sleep Meditation to help you unwind and drift into deep, restorative rest.

Woman lying in bed with arms up, struggling to sleep, representing insomnia and ADHD-related sleep difficulties.

4. Strengthen Self-Confidence

Confidence struggles are common for people with ADHD, especially after years of being misunderstood or feeling ‘different.’ RTT helps reinforce self-belief by addressing subconscious fears and insecurities, allowing you to step into your potential with confidence and clarity.

5. Overcome Imposter Syndrome

Do you ever feel like you’re not as competent as others think you are? That you’ve somehow ‘tricked’ your way into success? Imposter syndrome is incredibly common in adults with ADHD, holding them back from fully embracing their achievements.

RTT helps shift the subconscious beliefs that fuel these feelings, allowing you to recognise your true abilities and take ownership of your success with pride.

Is There Research to Support Hypnotherapy for ADHD?

While research into hypnotherapy for ADHD is still growing, early studies show promising results. A small-scale study by Maarit Virta at the University of Helsinki found that hypnosis helped with common ADHD challenges, including focus and emotional regulation. Another follow-up study indicated that hypnosis had a greater impact than Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) in certain areas.

These findings suggest that hypnosis—particularly RTT—may offer a valuable, evidence-backed approach to managing ADHD symptoms naturally.

Final Thoughts

If you’re looking for a powerful way to manage ADHD beyond traditional methods, RTT hypnotherapy could be the missing piece. By addressing the subconscious beliefs driving your struggles, RTT helps transform the way you think, feel, and navigate life.

As a specialist in ADHD support, I combine RTT hypnotherapy with ADHD coaching, providing you with the tools and strategies to create meaningful, long-term change. Whether you want to boost focus, improve self-esteem, or finally break free from overthinking, RTT can help you unlock your full potential.

Ready to take the next step? Visit my ADHD Therapy for Adults page or book a discovery call to learn more about how RTT can help you thrive with ADHD.

References:

Virta, M., Voutilainen, S., & Talvitie, M. (2014). Better long-term outcome for hypnotherapy than for CBT in adults with ADHD: Results of a six-month follow-up. ResearchGate. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/264382321_Better_long-term_outcome_for_hypnotherapy_than_for_CBT_in_adults_with_ADHD_Results_of_a_six-month_follow-up

8 Tips to Stop Being a People-Pleaser

8 Tips to Stop Being A People-Pleaser

Do you find yourself agreeing with others, even when it goes against your own values or feelings? Do you want to say no or share your opinion, but somehow, you never do? If this sounds familiar, you may have people-pleasing tendencies or identify as a chronic people-pleaser.

The key difference is frequency and impact. If you occasionally put others first, your people-pleasing may be situational. But if you consistently prioritise others at the expense of your own well-being, people-pleasing may have become a deeply ingrained habit.

People-pleasing is often linked to the ‘fawn’ response, a term introduced by Pete Walker. This response describes people-pleasing as a survival mechanism, where individuals prioritise others’ needs to maintain safety and avoid conflict. While it can create a sense of security, it often leads to self-neglect and emotional exhaustion.

Many people-pleasers develop this habit due to a strong need for acceptance, approval, or harmony. Keeping others happy may feel comforting or necessary, but over time, it can cause you to lose sight of your authentic self. The fear of rejection, conflict, or abandonment can make it difficult to set boundaries, reinforcing the cycle of self-sacrifice.

The good news? You can break free. Letting go of people-pleasing is empowering, and learning to prioritise your needs doesn’t mean letting others down. Here are eight practical strategies to help you overcome people-pleasing so you can live more authentically and confidently.

1. Stop People-Pleasing by Setting Strong and Healthy Boundaries

Establishing clear boundaries goes beyond simply saying no—it’s about building healthier relationships and prioritising your well-being. Being able to confidently and assertively say “no” is key to this process. By setting personal boundaries, you acknowledge that your needs are just as important as the needs of others.   While setting boundaries may take time, it is vital to personal growth and self-empowerment.

“Spread your wings and find freedom in being true to yourself.”

A free bird flying in a bright blue sky with white clouds, symbolizing freedom and breaking free from people-pleasing.

2. How to Use Assertive Communication to Set Boundaries and Gain Confidence

Develop assertiveness skills to express your opinions, needs, and preferences confidently and respectfully. Communicate your goals and desires to others. You can address any lingering resentment or conflicts through open and honest conversations, ultimately strengthening your relationships. Becoming more assertive will benefit both your personal and professional life. A great way to start communicating assertively is by practising saying no in low-pressure situations to build confidence and ease in setting clear boundaries.

3. Boosting Self-Esteem: Overcoming the Need for Approval

Developing self-esteem and self-worth independent of others’ approval is crucial for overcoming people-pleasing. By recognising your priorities and strengths, you can empower yourself to focus on your needs and well-being. Embracing your unique values helps you make choices that align with your true self rather than counting on receiving external validation.  Remember to put importance on taking care of your own needs, as you are the best person to take control of your life.

4. Self-Compassion Over People-Pleasing: How to Be Kinder to Yourself

Develop the ability to prioritise yourself by placing your needs and well-being above the urge to focus on other people’s needs. Incorporate self-care into your routine by scheduling enjoyable and relaxing activities. Regularly remind yourself of your worthiness of love and respect; positive affirmations can be constructive when reinforcing this mindset.

5. Self-Reflection for People-Pleasers: Understanding Your Patterns

Reflect on what motivates your drive to attempt to improve the lives of others around you. The first step in implementing change is recognising and managing the factors that prevent you from progressing. Recognise triggers such as situations, emotions, or people that trigger your people-pleasing tendencies. Awareness can help you respond differently.  Journalling for a couple of minutes each day can be a great way to self-reflect.

6. How to Challenge Negative Thoughts and Build Self-Confidence

Challenging thoughts and beliefs that fuel people-pleasing behaviours, such as fear of rejection or perfectionism, are essential. Challenging your thoughts can change your mindset, reduce the urge to seek approval from others, and avoid conflict.

7. Seek Support

Talk to trusted friends or family members, or seek professional support who can encourage, guide, and provide feedback as you work on changing your behaviour. When you introduce boundaries and assertive communication into your life, others close to you may observe the changes.

The best way to manage this is different for everyone. You may want to share with those closest to you that you are making positive changes, or you can work on this alone without the approval of others. Either way is okay, as the most important thing is that you are making changes and getting the support and input that is helpful for you.  I have information on my website which highlights different types of professional support that can help.

8. Increase Self-Awareness with Mindfulness and Journaling

Regular mindfulness practice is a powerful tool for understanding and processing emotions. It helps you recognise, validate, and express your feelings without self-doubt or fear of judgment—a crucial step toward emotional well-being and self-acceptance.

Journaling is another effective way to increase self-awareness, providing a space to reflect on your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. Writing things down can help you identify patterns in people-pleasing tendencies and explore the underlying fears driving them. By incorporating mindfulness and journaling into your routine, you can reduce the need for external validation, build confidence in your own decisions, and strengthen your relationships.

For more insight into how journaling can support emotional growth, check out my blog on journalling.

zen stones with sunset calm late representing prioritising yourself rather than people-pleasing

The Connection Between People-Pleasing and Vulnerability

People-pleasers often go out of their way to appease others as a way to shield themselves from discomfort or emotional vulnerability. However, true connection comes from authenticity, not avoidance.

Researcher Brené Brown highlights that embracing vulnerability as a strength allows you to engage more openly in relationships, leading to deeper emotional connections and greater self-acceptance. By recognising that vulnerability is not a weakness, but rather a foundation for genuine interactions, you can start breaking free from the cycle of people-pleasing.

Why do People Become People-Pleasers?

People-pleasers often share common traits and psychological tendencies that shape their behaviour. Here are some of the key reasons why individuals develop people-pleasing habits:

  • High Agreeableness – If you are naturally cooperative and compassionate, you may prioritise maintaining harmony in relationships, often putting others’ needs ahead of your own.
  • Low Self-Esteem – Seeking external validation can become a way to feel valued, accepted, and worthy of love.
  • Fear of Rejection or Abandonment – A deep-rooted fear of disapproval or being left out can drive people-pleasing behaviours.
  • Perfectionism – You may strive to meet unrealistic standards, either those set by others or ones you impose on yourself.
  • Childhood Conditioning – Growing up in an environment where pleasing caregivers was essential for receiving love and attention can lead to a pattern of prioritising others over yourself.
  • Empathy and Sensitivity – Highly empathetic individuals often absorb others’ emotions, making them more likely to put others first, even at their own expense.
  • Codependency – In codependent relationships, your sense of identity and self-worth may come from caring for and pleasing others.
  • Societal Expectations – Cultural norms often reinforce that being passive and accommodating is a sign of politeness and consideration, making it difficult to assert boundaries.
  • Evolutionary Factors – Early human communities relied on social approval for survival, which may have shaped the tendency to seek acceptance and avoid conflict.
  • Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) – Often linked to ADHD, RSD involves heightened sensitivity to criticism or rejection, which can lead to overextending yourself to gain approval. Many people with ADHD find that RSD makes it difficult to set boundaries, say no, or handle feedback without feeling deeply impacted. If you’d like to explore more about ADHD and how coaching can support emotional regulation and confidence, check out my ADHD Coaching page.

The Consequences of People-Pleasing

While people-pleasing can initially create positive interactions, it often leads to adverse outcomes, such as suppressed emotions, reduced self-worth, feelings of shame, toxic relationships, and stress and burnout. Recognising these consequences is crucial in understanding the need to break the people-pleasing pattern.

Suppressed Emotions: Prioritising others’ needs can lead to suppressing your emotions to avoid disappointing or upsetting others. Suppressing your feelings can lead to anxiety, sadness and depression, as well as physical problems such as headaches or digestive issues.

Reduced Self-Worth: Over time, you can lose touch with who you are when you listen to other people’s opinions. Decision-making may be increasingly tricky in the long run as you don’t trust your decisions.

Feelings of Guilt and Shame: Prioritising others can lead to behaviours that contradict your beliefs and values, causing feelings of shame. If you would like to know more about shame you might be interested in my blog Understanding and Managing Shame for Personal Growth.

Toxic Relationships: You might find yourself in relationships where others exploit your kinhttps://clearhaventherapy.com/understanding-and-managing-shame-for-personal-growth/dness or passiveness. This can, in some cases, lead to being the victim of gaslighting or abuse.

Stress and Burnout: Chronic prioritisation of others’ needs can contribute to anxiety and burnout, affecting your mental and physical health.  Often, people-pleasers mask, which can be exhausting.

Are You A People-Pleaser?  Recognising the Signs?

Recognising people-pleasing tendencies is a crucial step toward self-awareness and personal growth. Identifying people-pleasing tendencies is an essential step toward self-awareness. Look out for these patterns:

  • Overextending Yourself: Going to great lengths to meet others’ needs, even to your detriment.
  • Difficulty Saying No: You feel compelled to go above and beyond for others, even when they inconvenience you.
  • Seeking Approval: Craving validation and acceptance from others to feel valued.
  • Avoiding Conflict: Going out of your way to have a quiet life and keep others happy at the cost of your preferences.

Action Plan: Examples of Setting Boundaries and Being Assertive

Applying boundaries and assertiveness can vary across different contexts:

  • Personal Relationships: Communicate your need for personal space or discuss sensitive topics.
  • Work Environments: Assert your limits on workload or address inappropriate behaviour from colleagues.
  • Social Settings: Politely decline invitations or express your preferences without guilt.

 To Conclude

Breaking free from people-pleasing requires courage and self-compassion. It’s about recognising your needs and boundaries while nurturing genuine connections with others. Remember, seeking support and practising self-awareness are essential to this personal growth and empowerment journey. If you have been a people-pleaser for a long time, it can take time to change these habits, and it can mean that you are out of your comfort zone.

However, keep going, always reminding yourself that you are the most important person in your life. Giving up trying to please others is not the same as being selfish; instead, it means putting your health and happiness first. You may be surprised to discover that when you do put your needs first and communicate your preferences to others, you can develop more meaningful conditions.

If you want to stop people-pleasing but need some support, please book a discovery call.

Further Reading:

Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Gotham Books.

Walker, P. (2013). Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving. Azure Coyote Publishing.

Men’s Mental Health: Breaking Barriers and Embracing Therapy

Men’s Mental Health: Breaking Barriers and Embracing Therapy

Mental health challenges don’t discriminate—anyone can struggle, regardless of gender. But despite this, many men hesitate to seek therapy, often feeling they need to handle things on their own. The reality is that therapy can be a powerful tool for working through challenges like anxiety, depression, relationship difficulties, and trauma.

Men experience mental health struggles just as much as women, but they often show up differently. For example, depression in men doesn’t always look like sadness—it can come out as frustration, irritability, or even anger. Suppressing emotions over time can lead to stress, anxiety, and physical symptoms like tension headaches, digestive issues, or muscle pain.

Recognising these patterns is the first step toward change. Therapy offers a safe space to process emotions, develop coping strategies, and build resilience. No one has to struggle alone.

Therapy for Men – The Statistics

Many men mask symptoms of depression with an “I just need to get on with it” mindset. This approach often leads to unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as alcohol use, substance abuse, pornography addiction, or gambling. By the time these habits become problematic, mental health may have already deteriorated significantly.

The statistics reveal just how urgent this issue is:

  • In 2021, Scotland recorded 556 deaths by suicide, according to the National Records of Scotland (NRS). This is 73% higher than the 206 deaths by suicide among women. Similar patterns are seen across England and Wales.
  • Men with alcohol dependence are more likely to have a history of conduct disorder or antisocial personality disorder, whereas women with alcohol dependence are more likely to have coexisting mood or anxiety disorders (Dawson et al., 2010).
  • According to the government’s national well-being survey, men report lower life satisfaction than women.
  • Only 36% of NHS counselling referrals are for men, despite the widespread need for support.
  • Nearly three-quarters of missing adults are men.
  • 87% of rough sleepers are men.

These numbers highlight the urgent need for better support, awareness, and accessible mental health resources tailored to men.

Why Do Men Avoid Therapy? Understanding the Barriers

Understanding why many men hesitate to seek therapy is key to breaking the cycle of silence. Here are some common barriers:

  • Societal Expectations: From a young age, men are often told to be “strong, self-reliant, and in control.” These ingrained beliefs can make seeking help feel like a weakness when, in reality, it’s an act of strength.
  • Shame and Guilt: Turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms—like alcohol, gambling, or social isolation—can lead to guilt or self-disgust, making it even harder to reach out. However, therapy offers a judgment-free space to process emotions in a healthier way. If shame is something you struggle with, you may find my blog on understanding and managing shame helpful.
  • Stigma Around Mental Health: The idea that therapy is only for “serious problems” still lingers. But just like physical health, mental health needs regular care and attention. Talking openly about emotions can help normalise therapy as an essential part of self-care.
  • Fear of Vulnerability: Opening up can feel uncomfortable, especially for men who have been conditioned to keep emotions bottled up. Yet vulnerability is not a weakness—it’s a strength. Therapy can help build emotional resilience and strengthen relationships.

If you’re struggling with these barriers, seeking support is the first step. My counselling and coaching services provide a safe space to explore these challenges and develop practical strategies for personal growth.

Case Study: James’ Story

James, a 38-year-old professional, always considered himself independent. From a young age, he was taught that men should be strong, self-reliant, and in control. When he started struggling with anxiety and stress, he ignored the signs, telling himself to “just get on with it.” Instead of addressing his emotions, he turned to late nights, drinking, and overworking as coping mechanisms.

Despite knowing he wasn’t himself, James hesitated to seek help. Here’s why:

  • Societal Expectations: Like many men, James believed that asking for support was a sign of weakness, even though he would never judge a friend for doing the same.
  • Shame and Guilt: His coping mechanisms only made him feel worse, trapping him in a cycle of guilt and self-disgust. He worried that talking about his struggles would make him look “less capable.”
  • Stigma Around Mental Health: He feared others would think he had serious issues if he went to therapy. It felt easier to push through alone—until it became overwhelming.
  • Fear of Vulnerability: James found it difficult to open up, even to those closest to him. The idea of sharing his thoughts with a therapist felt uncomfortable and exposing.

Eventually, James decided to seek help. He found that therapy provided a judgment-free space to process emotions, challenge limiting beliefs, and develop healthier coping strategies. Over time, he realised that vulnerability wasn’t a weakness—it was a strength.

How Men Can Benefit From Therapy

Therapy provides a safe, judgment-free space for men to openly discuss their concerns and express themselves freely—without fear of rejection or pressure to “have it all together.”

Working with a therapist can help men develop healthy coping strategies, such as:

✔ Emotional regulation – learning to manage stress, anger, and anxiety in healthier ways.
✔ Meditation & grounding exercises – techniques to stay present and reduce overwhelm.
✔ Journalling – a practical way to process thoughts and emotions.
✔ Assertive communication & boundaries – building confidence in expressing needs and setting limits.

Some men use therapy to process past experiences that may still be affecting them, while others prefer to focus on practical solutions for the present. There’s no right or wrong approach—what matters is finding what works best for you.

The Broader Impact of Therapy for Men

Seeking therapy isn’t just about personal growth—it also has a wider impact on relationships, work, and society as a whole.

Normalising Therapy for Men

By prioritising your mental health, you send a powerful message to those around you—including friends, family, and colleagues—that seeking support is a positive step, not a weakness. Being open about therapy can help break the stigma and encourage a culture where men feel comfortable discussing emotions without fear of judgment.

Strengthening Relationships

Emotional awareness and regulation play a crucial role in building strong, fulfilling relationships. When men understand their emotions and develop healthy coping strategies, they are more likely to:

✔ Communicate more openly with loved ones.
✔ Strengthen bonds with family and friends.
✔ Develop greater empathy, leading to deeper connections.

Enhancing Job Performance

Workplace stress can feel overwhelming, especially when mental health struggles go unaddressed. Therapy can help by:

✔ Reducing work-related stress and anxiety.
✔ Improving focus, decision-making, and productivity.
✔ Enhancing communication and teamwork skills.

Prioritising mental well-being doesn’t just benefit you—it positively influences your personal and professional life, creating a ripple effect that helps normalise therapy for others.

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When To Reach Out for Therapy

Recognising when you might need support is an important step toward improving your mental well-being. If you’ve experienced any of the following, therapy could help you regain balance and clarity:

  • Feeling more easily irritated than usual.
  • Experiencing bursts of anger or aggression.
  • Feeling sad, down, or emotionally drained.
  • Struggling with overwhelm, stress, or pressure.
  • Unexpected weight changes (gain or loss) without a clear cause.
  • Increasing alcohol or drug use as a coping mechanism.
  • Losing interest in activities you once enjoyed.
  • Struggling to focus at work, school, or home.
  • Having more frequent headaches or feeling unwell with no clear explanation.
  • Experiencing sleep disturbances, such as sleeping too much or too little.
  • Feeling exhausted even after a full night’s sleep.

If any of these sound familiar, you don’t have to navigate them alone. Therapy offers a safe space to explore what’s going on and develop strategies to feel more in control.

To Conclude

Therapy offers men a path to better mental health, stronger relationships, and greater overall well-being. By breaking down barriers and encouraging open conversations, we can create a world where men feel empowered to prioritise their mental health without stigma or hesitation.

As a counsellor and coach specialising in men’s mental health, I provide a safe, supportive space to help you navigate life’s challenges. If you’re ready to take the first step, book a discovery call today. Reaching out isn’t a weakness—it’s a sign of strength, and you deserve the support to feel more confident, in control, and at peace with yourself.

References

Khan, S. S., Secades-Villa, R., Okuda, M., Wang, S., Pérez-Fuentes, G., Kerridge, B. T., & Blanco, C. (2013). Gender differences in lifetime alcohol dependence: Results from the National Epidemiologic Survey on Alcohol and Related Conditions. Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, 37(10), 1696–1705. https://doi.org/10.1111/acer.12159

Understanding and Managing Shame for Personal Growth

Understanding and Managing Shame for Personal Growth

Shame is a complex emotion that can negatively impact your quality of life if not managed effectively. Recognising and understanding shame is the first step toward freeing yourself from the grip of this often painful emotion. When shame takes hold, individuals often feel inadequate or fundamentally flawed. These feelings of shame can stem from various life experiences, including negative beliefs or unrealistic social norms.

For some, chronic shame may be rooted in a deep sense of embarrassment, leading to low self-esteem and a negative self-perception. However, overcoming this powerful emotion through self-compassion and intentional personal growth is possible.

Shame Vs. Guild – The Key Differences

Recognising the distinction between guilt and shame is crucial for managing emotional responses effectively:

  • Feelings of shame focus on the self, often leading to low self-esteem and negative thoughts. It’s the belief that “I am bad.”
  • Feelings of guilt, however, focus on actions, leading to the thought, “I did something bad.”

For example, if a student cheats on a test, they may feel guilty by thinking, “I made a poor choice.” On the other hand, shame would cause them to believe, “I am a bad person.” Similarly, if someone is late for a meeting, they may feel embarrassed, but it could develop into shame if they start to believe they are inherently unreliable.

illustration of woman with fingers pointing towards her representing feeling shameful

Shame Vs. Embarrassment

While related, shame and embarrassment are distinct emotions. Embarrassment often involves temporary discomfort about a specific situation without long-term effects on one’s self-worth. For instance, spilling a drink at a party might cause embarrassment. However, if it leads to thoughts like “I am clumsy” or “I’m not good enough,” it may trigger feelings of shame.

Situations like being criticised at work, experiencing a breakup, or not meeting societal beauty standards can also lead to negative self-perception and shame. Understanding these differences can help you to navigate your emotional experiences and prevent self-destructive behaviours.

The Evolutionary Roots of Shame

According to research by Sznycer et al. (2016), shame evolved as a defence mechanism to protect individuals from social rejection. In ancient times, being valued by the community was crucial for survival. As a powerful emotion, shame encourages individuals to conform to social norms and maintain positive relationships.

Today, while the environment has changed, the emotional response remains. However, modern pressures—such as social media comparisons—can intensify feelings of inadequacy. This negative self-talk can make it more challenging to navigate negative thoughts and emotions healthily.

When Is Shame Not Helpful?

Shame becomes toxic when it leads to excessive self-criticism, causing toxic shame. This often involves self-destructive behaviours and can result from early life experiences such as trauma, abuse, or emotional neglect. Toxic shame leads to a belief that one is fundamentally flawed, unlovable, or incapable of being a better person.

Managing Toxic Shame

If your feelings of shame become overwhelming or difficult to manage, professional help may be necessary.  Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) can help challenge negative beliefs and reframe negative self-talk. If self-help techniques or confiding in a trusted friend don’t alleviate the feelings, reaching out to a therapist or joining a safe space like a support group may provide relief.

How Shame Affects the Body and Mind

Shame triggers a series of physiological and psychological responses:

  • Emotional well-being: Feelings of shame can lead to chronic stress, which affects your emotional and mental health. You might experience a feeling of inadequacy, a desire to hide, or even inner critical thoughts that negatively impact your sense of self-worth.
  • Physical symptoms: Shame can activate the body’s stress response, causing physical health issues such as an increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, muscle tension, sweating, and digestive problems.
  • Mental health issues: Prolonged shame weakens the immune system, making individuals more susceptible to illness while also affecting mental health, concentration, and decision-making.

Six Effective Ways To Manage Shame

Overcoming shame involves implementing practical, healthy strategies:

  1. Challenge Negative Thoughts: Utilise CBT techniques to challenge negative self-perception. For example, replace “I’m a complete failure” with “I am on a journey of personal growth.”
  2. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself with care and engage in activities that enhance your emotional well-being, like journaling or spending time in nature.
  3. Learn and Grow: Consider mistakes to be an opportunity for growth. View shame as a tool to realign your behaviours with your values, thus becoming a better person.
  4. Mindfulness and Breathing Techniques: Practice mindfulness and use grounding exercises or breathing techniques to manage your emotional responses. These methods help calm the central nervous system and bring balance.
  5. Positive Self-Talk: Focus on affirmations that build your positive self-image. Journalling is an effective way to track your achievements and strengths.
  6. Talk About It: Opening up about feelings of shame with a trusted friend, a support group, or a professional can reduce isolation and help you gain perspective. If you’re looking for one-to-one support, my counselling and coaching services offer a safe space to explore and reframe these feelings.

man with arms outstretched representing freedom from feelings of shame

To Conclude

Shame is challenging, but it doesn’t have to control your life. By understanding its roots and practising effective ways to manage it, you can reclaim your sense of self-worth and cultivate a positive self-image. Embrace your personal development journey by building emotional well-being, practising self-compassion, and overcoming shame’s negative grip.

If you’re ready to address toxic shame and achieve personal growth, consider seeking professional support through therapy or coaching. Take the first step toward living with confidence and peace. Book a free discovery call today.

References:

Sznycer, D., Tooby, J., Cosmides, L., Porat, R., Shalvi, S., & Halperin, E. (2016). Shame closely tracks the threat of devaluation by others, even across cultures. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 113(10), 2625–2630. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1514699113

Why Do I Get So Angry? Anger Management Strategies That Work

Why Do I Get So Angry? Understanding and Managing Anger

Anger is a natural and universal emotion, but when it feels overwhelming or uncontrollable, it can take a toll on your well-being and relationships. If you find yourself wondering, “Why do I get so angry?” you’re not alone. Many people struggle with anger, but the good news is that it can be managed effectively.

What is Anger?

Anger is your body’s way of alerting you to a perceived threat, injustice, or frustration. It can be a useful signal that something needs attention, whether it’s a personal boundary being crossed or an ongoing stressor in your life.

When managed well, anger can help you set boundaries, advocate for yourself, and take action in challenging situations. It can even drive positive change, making you more resilient and motivated to stand up for your values. However, when anger spirals out of control, it can negatively impact your relationships, work, and mental health

Why Do I Feel So Angry?

Anger isn’t just about what’s happening in the moment. It can be influenced by a combination of personal experiences, neurological factors, and underlying emotions such as stress, anxiety, or frustration. Factors that may contribute to increased anger include:

  • Past experiences and learned behaviours
  • Neurodevelopmental conditions such as ADHD or autism
  • Chronic stress or unresolved trauma
  • Physical health issues or hormonal imbalances
  • Feeling unheard, disrespected, or powerless

Understanding your personal triggers is key to managing anger more effectively.

How Anger Affects the Body

When anger strikes, your body enters a heightened state of arousal, activating the ‘fight-or-flight’ response. This survival mechanism releases stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol, leading to physical symptoms such as:

  • Increased heart rate and blood pressure
  • Muscle tension and clenched fists
  • Sweating and flushed skin
  • Restlessness or difficulty concentrating
  • Difficulty sleeping

These responses are helpful in real emergencies, but when they occur frequently due to everyday frustrations, they can lead to chronic stress, anxiety, and even long-term health issues.

Physical Exercise can help you to release anger, and it is good for your overall mental health.

How Do People Express Anger?

People express anger in different ways, often without realising it. Recognising your patterns can help you take control before anger escalates. Some common expressions of anger include:

Verbal Expressions

  • Raising your voice, shouting, or swearing
  • Using sarcasm or passive-aggressive comments
  • Blaming others or making accusations
  • Making threats or ultimatums

Non-verbal and Behavioural Expressions

  • Tense body language, clenched fists, or frowning
  • Withdrawing or refusing to communicate
  • Slamming doors, throwing objects, or physical aggression
  • Engaging in self-destructive behaviour, such as over-eating or substance use

The Impact Of Uncontrolled Anger

Unchecked anger can have serious consequences for your well-being and relationships. Over time, it may lead to:

  • Physical health issues such as high blood pressure and a weakened immune system
  • Mental health struggles including anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem
  • Relationship breakdowns due to conflict and poor communication
  • Workplace difficulties affecting job performance and professional reputation

How to Manage Anger Effectively

Learning to manage anger doesn’t mean suppressing it—it’s about expressing it in a way that is healthy and constructive. Here are some strategies that can help:

Identify Your Triggers

Start by recognising what situations or thoughts tend to trigger your anger. Are there recurring patterns? By identifying these triggers, you can begin to address them before they escalate.

Take a Step Back

When anger starts to build, step away from the situation if possible. A short break can help you calm down and respond more rationally.

Use Relaxation Techniques

Deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and visualisation can help reduce the intensity of anger. Before reacting, try taking slow, deep breaths and counting to ten. If you’d like more strategies, my blog on Grounding Techniques offers practical ways to stay calm and in control.

Challenge Negative Thoughts

Cognitive restructuring involves changing the way you interpret situations. Instead of thinking, “This is so unfair,” try shifting your perspective to, “I can handle this calmly and find a solution.”

Practice Effective Communication

Use “I” statements to express your feelings without blaming others. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me!” try, “I feel frustrated when I don’t feel heard.”

Engage in Physical Activity

Exercise is a great way to release built-up tension and lower stress hormones. Activities such as walking, running, or even hitting a punch bag can be effective outlets.

Find Healthy Outlets for Your Emotions

Creative outlets like writing, painting, or playing music can help you express your feelings in a non-destructive way.

Create an Anger Management Plan

Develop a personalised plan with coping strategies you can use when anger arises. Having a clear plan makes it easier to respond calmly in the moment.

When to Seek Professional Support

If anger is affecting your daily life, relationships, or overall well-being, professional support can make a difference. Counselling, coaching, cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), and hypnotherapy can provide tools to help you manage anger more effectively and improve emotional regulation.

As a therapist, I support clients in developing personalised anger management strategies to regain control over their emotions and build healthier relationships. If you’re ready to take the next step, visit my services page to learn more about how I can help.

Final Thoughts

Anger is a natural emotion, but how you handle it shapes your well-being. By understanding your triggers, using effective coping strategies, and seeking support when needed, you can turn anger from a destructive force into a tool for positive change.

If you’d like to explore support options for managing anger, get in touch to book a discovery call. Managing anger is possible, and you don’t have to do it alone.

Hypnotherapy for a Virtual Gastric Band

RTT Hypnotherapy for a Virtual Gastric Band

Have you tried countless diets, only to find yourself trapped in a pattern of crash dieting, where any weight loss you achieve is soon followed by weight gain? You may have seen positive results with some diets, but your old eating habits creep back over time. Most traditional diets focus on restricting certain foods, which can be challenging to maintain over the long term. However, weight problems extend far beyond your food choices; weight issues are deeply ingrained in subconscious beliefs and emotional ties to eating.

Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) and Virtual Gastric Band Hypnotherapy can transform your weight loss journey by addressing the emotional connection to eating. RTT Hypnotherapy offers a sustainable and effective solution to weight management by addressing the psychological factors that influence your food choices.

What is Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT)?

RTT is an innovative therapy designed by renowned therapist Marisa Peer. It combines the most powerful elements of Hypnosis, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and Psychodynamic Therapy. This combination of therapies allows for deep and lasting results by working directly with the subconscious mind, where our habits and beliefs are formed.

As a therapist, I’ve used RTT to help many clients struggling with weight management issues, and the root cause of these issues goes far beyond the types of foods being consumed. 

Underlying beliefs and emotional triggers lead to unhealthy eating patterns, which need to be addressed for lasting change. RTT allows us to dig deep into these subconscious patterns and reframe them to support healthier choices.

What is Virtual Gastric Band Hypnotherapy?

A Virtual Gastric Band is a non-surgical approach to weight management that mimics the effects of a physical gastric band but uses the power of hypnosis instead of invasive surgery. During an RTT session, hypnosis allows you to tap into your subconscious mind to uncover and address the underlying causes of your weight challenges.

Unlike traditional gastric band surgery, the Virtual Gastric Band involves no physical procedures, medical risks, or recovery time. Instead, this process uses the power of suggestion to convince your mind that you’ve undergone a gastric band operation, leading to a natural reduction in appetite. You feel satisfied eating smaller portions, making it easier to lose weight and maintain those results over time—all from the comfort of your own home.

relaxing beach stone podium representing relaxing with RTT hypnotherapy for shedding weight

Why Can We Struggle With Weight Management Issues?

Weight management is not just about overeating; it’s often tied to deep-seated emotional and psychological factors. Many of us develop unhealthy relationships with food as a response to trauma, stress or emotional needs. For example:

  • Emotional Eating: Some people turn to food for comfort when stressed, anxious, or unhappy. This emotional eating can be a coping mechanism developed in childhood or during challenging times.
  • Beliefs About Food: Deep-rooted beliefs, such as “I deserve to treat myself with food” or “I need to finish everything on my plate,” can lead to overeating and unhealthy food choices.
  • Past Trauma: In some cases, unresolved trauma can lead to disordered eating patterns as a form of control or comfort. These are psychological issues that diets alone cannot address.

RTT allows us to reframe these deep-seated beliefs, replacing them with healthier patterns that align with your long-term goals for weight management.  If you are determined to achieve successful weight loss and make positive changes in your life, this non-surgical technique could be the ideal therapy for you.

Why Choose RTT and a Virtual Gastric Band Over Traditional Dieting?

Traditional diets often lead to short-term success, followed by weight regain. This happens because diets only address surface-level behaviour—what you eat—without tackling the psychological reasons behind overeating or unhealthy food choices. RTT, combined with Virtual Gastric Band Hypnosis, focuses on transforming your relationship with food from the inside out. By addressing the emotional and psychological triggers, you can free yourself from yo-yo dieting and achieve lasting results.  

No Deprivation

Many diets work by telling you what you can’t eat, leading to feelings of deprivation that can worsen weight problems. Restricting foods can make sticking to a diet difficult and, eventually, lead to overendugling or giving up entirely, so it’s not a long-term solution. RTT works differently. It helps you enjoy your favourite foods in moderation without feeling deprived. This freedom allows you to experience healthy weight loss, giving you the power to make lasting changes.

Sustainable Change

One key to long-term weight management is learning to trust your body’s natural hunger signals. RTT helps reconnect you with these signals, allowing you to eat intuitively. You’ll learn to recognise when you are hungry and stop eating when satisfied, leading to eating smaller amounts for sustainable weight loss.

Set Your Personal Weight Loss Goals

In the first session of RTT, we’ll discuss your specific weight loss goals so the session can be tailored to suit your needs best. Your motivations may vary—some individuals are focused on losing weight due to medical conditions such as heart disease, diabetes, or digestive issues. Others may seek a healthier lifestyle to have more energy for activities like playing with their children or grandchildren or even taking up a new sport. For some, the goal is to improve their self-image, including wearing the clothes they genuinely want rather than feeling limited by their current size.

The Science Behind Hypnosis and Weight Loss

There’s solid evidence supporting the effectiveness of hypnosis when combined with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) for weight loss. A meta-analysis conducted by Kirsch, Montgomery, and Sapirstein (1993) found that integrating hypnosis with CBT significantly enhanced weight loss results, with improvements of up to 70% over using CBT alone. The study also showed that participants who used hypnosis with CBT were more likely to maintain their weight loss over time.

What Happens During an RTT Session?

You’ll enter a deeply relaxed state through hypnosis during an RTT session. In this state, your subconscious mind becomes more receptive to positive suggestions and imagery. If you are ready to start shedding weight using this non-surgical technique, this is what you can expect.

  • Hypnosis Session: You’ll visualise the installation of a virtual gastric band, simulating the physical effects of a real gastric band without the discomfort of surgery. This process helps you feel full and satisfied with smaller portions of food.
  • Personalised Audio Recording: After the session, you’ll receive a customised hypnosis audio recording to listen to for 21 days. This daily reinforcement is crucial for solidifying the changes made during your session and helping you create new, healthier habits.
  • Ongoing Support: Your therapist will guide you throughout your weight loss journey, ensuring you have the tools and strategies to maintain your progress.

Why RTT Works

RTT works by identifying and reframing the deep-rooted beliefs and emotions that drive unhealthy eating behaviours. By changing these patterns at the subconscious level, you can create lasting change in your relationship with food. Combined with Virtual Gastric Band Therapy, this approach makes weight loss achievable without the risks, recovery time, and discomfort of a physical gastric band.

Beautiful plus size woman supporting health and wellbing

Case Study: Michelle’s Journey to Confidence with Virtual Hypnosis Gastric Band Therapy (RTT)

Michelle, a 53-year-old teacher, initially came to me for counselling.  Michelle struggled when it came to weight management, confidence, and self-image—years of yo-yo dieting and weight fluctuations had taken their toll on her mental health.

Furthermore, Michelle explained that she would start a new diet enthusiastically and see some results, but she only saw short-term results as her old habits would return and her weight would pile back on. She spoke about worrying excessively about the health issues associated with weight problems. Michelle knew she had to make big lifestyle changes if she was ever going to be the fit, healthy person she dreamed of being. 

I could see that Michelle needed more than just a solution to her weight management issues; she needed to rebuild her confidence, regain control of her eating habits, and address the root cause of her struggle with her self-image.  I spoke to Michelle about the hypnotic gastric band, specifically through the practice of RTT, and she was keen to try it. 

Regression Therapy

During regression, Michelle returned to being in the school lunch hall when she was in primary school; she remembers school lunch often being the only hot meal she would eat as her parents struggled financially.  Michelle would eat dinner as quickly as possible, as the children who finished their plates could go up for a second helping.  Michelle spoke of eating exceptionally quickly and finishing her plate in case the food ran out.  This scene demonstrated that Michelle had formed the belief that food could run out, so she had to eat as much as possible when it was available.

The virtual gastric band hypnosis worked by creating a powerful suggestion that Michelle’s stomach was smaller than it was, helping her feel fuller faster and naturally reduce her portions without feeling deprived. However, we also addressed her mindset around food. We removed the belief that food was scarce and that it could run out. Addressing the beliefs around food is not a technique used in surgical gastric band therapy, but it is an essential part of gastric band hypnosis.

Michelle felt a mind-shift change directly after the session, as she was looking at weight loss through a completely different lens. We followed up a few days later, and Michelle had her weight loss goal in place and planned how she would reach it. She was motivated.

3 Months After The Session

Three months after her virtual gastric band hypnosis therapy, Michelle had not only shed weight but also a significant amount of emotional baggage. She was down several clothing sizes, but more importantly, she felt lighter in her mind and spirit. She reconnected with friends and even began to enjoy shopping for clothes again, something that used to fill her with dread.  I was extremely proud of the hard work Michelle put into the RTT process which contributed to her getting these amazing results.

Ready to Transform Your Relationship with Food?

To summarise, the hypnotic gastric band isn’t just about creating a physical sensation of fullness or imagining the physical size of the stomach shrinking; it’s about transforming how you think and interact with food.  Please book a discovery call if you are ready to make a positive change.

Schedule Your Free Discovery Call

Looking for support with anxiety, phobias, or life transitions? I offer counselling, coaching, and RTT to help you move forward with confidence. Book a free 20-minute discovery call via Zoom to explore the best approach for you, wherever you are in the UK.

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